The Chronicles of Barsetshire (62 page)

“But your gaze,” said she, “is one of wonder, not of admiration. You wonder at my audacity in asking you such questions about yourself.”

“Well, I do rather,” said he.

“Nevertheless, I expect an answer, Mr. Arabin. Why were women made beautiful if men are not to regard them?”

“But men do regard them,” he replied.

“And why not you?”

“You are begging the question, Madame Neroni.”

“I am sure I shall beg nothing, Mr. Arabin, which you will not grant, and I do beg for an answer. Do you not as a rule think women below your notice as companions? Let us see. There is the Widow Bold looking round at you from her chair this minute. What would you say to her as a companion for life?”

Mr. Arabin, rising from his position, leaned over the sofa and looked through the drawing-room door to the place where Eleanor was seated between Bertie Stanhope and Mr. Slope. She at once caught his glance and averted her own. She was not pleasantly placed in her present position. Mr. Slope was doing his best to attract her attention, and she was striving to prevent his doing so by talking to Mr. Stanhope, while her mind was intently fixed on Mr. Arabin and Madame Neroni. Bertie Stanhope endeavoured to take advantage of her favours, but he was thinking more of the manner in which he would by and by throw himself at her feet than of amusing her at the present moment.

“There,” said the signora. “She was stretching her beautiful neck to look at you, and now you have disturbed her. Well, I declare I believe I am wrong about you; I believe that you do think Mrs. Bold a charming woman. Your looks seem to say so, and by her looks I should say that she is jealous of me. Come, Mr. Arabin, confide in me, and if it is so, I’ll do all in my power to make up the match.”

It is needless to say that the signora was not very sincere in her offer. She was never sincere on such subjects. She never expected others to be so, nor did she expect others to think her so. Such matters were her playthings, her billiard-table, her hounds and hunters, her waltzes and polkas, her picnics and summer-day excursions. She had little else to amuse her, and therefore played at love-making in all its forms. She was now playing at it with Mr. Arabin, and did not at all expect the earnestness and truth of his answer.

“All in your power would be nothing,” said he, “for Mrs. Bold is, I imagine, already engaged to another.”

“Then you own the impeachment yourself.”

“You cross-question me rather unfairly,” he replied, “and I do not know why I answer you at all. Mrs. Bold is a very beautiful woman, and as intelligent as beautiful. It is impossible to know her without admiring her.”

“So you think the widow a very beautiful woman?”

“Indeed I do.”

“And one that would grace the parsonage of St. Ewold’s.”

“One that would well grace any man’s house.”

“And you really have the effrontery to tell me this,” said she; “to tell me, who, as you very well know, set up to be a beauty myself, and who am at this very moment taking such an interest in your affairs, you really have the effrontery to tell me that Mrs. Bold is the most beautiful woman you know.”

“I did not say so,” said Mr. Arabin; “you are more beautiful—”

“Ah, come now, that is something like. I thought you could not be so unfeeling.”

“You are more beautiful, perhaps more clever.”

“Thank you, thank you, Mr. Arabin. I knew that you and I should be friends.”

“But—”

“Not a word further. I will not hear a word further. If you talk till midnight you cannot improve what you have said.”

“But Madame Neroni, Mrs. Bold—”

“I will not hear a word about Mrs. Bold. Dread thoughts of strychnine did pass across my brain, but she is welcome to the second place.”

“Her place—”

“I won’t hear anything about her or her place. I am satisfied, and that is enough. But Mr. Arabin, I am dying with hunger; beautiful and clever as I am, you know I cannot go to my food, and yet you do not bring it to me.”

This at any rate was so true as to make it necessary that Mr. Arabin should act upon it, and he accordingly went into the dining-room and supplied the signora’s wants.

“And yourself?” said she.

“Oh,” said he, “I am not hungry. I never eat at this hour.”

“Come, come, Mr. Arabin, don’t let love interfere with your appetite. It never does with mine. Give me half a glass more champagne and then go to the table. Mrs. Bold will do me an injury if you stay talking to me any longer.”

Mr. Arabin did as he was bid. He took her plate and glass from her and, going into the dining-room, helped himself to a sandwich from the crowded table and began munching it in a corner.

As he was doing so Miss Thorne, who had hardly sat down for a moment, came into the room and, seeing him standing, was greatly distressed.

“Oh, my dear Mr. Arabin,” said she, “have you never sat down yet? I am so distressed. You of all men, too.”

Mr. Arabin assured her that he had only just come into the room.

“That is the very reason why you should lose no more time. Come, I’ll make room for you. Thank’ee, my dear,” she said, seeing that Mrs. Bold was making an attempt to move from her chair, “but I would not for worlds see you stir, for all the ladies would think it necessary to follow. But, perhaps, if Mr. Stanhope has done—just for a minute, Mr. Stanhope—till I can get another chair.”

And so Bertie had to rise to make way for his rival. This he did, as he did everything, with an air of good-humoured pleasantry which made it impossible for Mr. Arabin to refuse the proffered seat.

“His bishopric let another take,” said Bertie, the quotation being certainly not very appropriate either for the occasion or the person spoken to. “I have eaten and am satisfied; Mr. Arabin, pray take my chair. I wish for your sake that it really was a bishop’s seat.”

Mr. Arabin did sit down, and as he did so Mrs. Bold got up as though to follow her neighbour.

“Pray, pray don’t move,” said Miss Thorne, almost forcing Eleanor back into her chair. “Mr. Stanhope is not going to leave us. He will stand behind you like a true knight as he is. And now I think of it, Mr. Arabin, let me introduce you to Mr. Slope. Mr. Slope, Mr. Arabin.” And the two gentlemen bowed stiffly to each other across the lady whom they both intended to marry, while the other gentleman who also intended to marry her stood behind, watching them.

The two had never met each other before, and the present was certainly not a good opportunity for much cordial conversation, even if cordial conversation between them had been possible. As it was, the whole four who formed the party seemed as though their tongues were tied. Mr. Slope, who was wide awake to what he hoped was his coming opportunity, was not much concerned in the interest of the moment. His wish was to see Eleanor move, that he might pursue her. Bertie was not exactly in the same frame of mind; the evil day was near enough; there was no reason why he should precipitate it. He had made up his mind to marry Eleanor Bold if he could, and was resolved to-day to take the first preliminary step towards doing so. But there was time enough before him. He was not going to make an offer of marriage over the table-cloth. Having thus good-naturedly made way for Mr. Arabin, he was willing also to let him talk to the future Mrs. Stanhope as long as they remained in their present position.

Mr. Arabin, having bowed to Mr. Slope, began eating his food without saying a word further. He was full of thought, and though he ate he did so unconsciously.

But poor Eleanor was the most to be pitied. The only friend on whom she thought she could rely was Bertie Stanhope, and he, it seemed, was determined to desert her. Mr. Arabin did not attempt to address her. She said a few words in reply to some remarks from Mr. Slope and then, feeling the situation too much for her, started from her chair in spite of Miss Thorne and hurried from the room. Mr. Slope followed her, and young Stanhope lost the occasion.

Madeline Neroni, when she was left alone, could not help pondering much on the singular interview she had had with this singular man. Not a word that she had spoken to him had been intended by her to be received as true, and yet he had answered her in the very spirit of truth. He had done so, and she had been aware that he had so done. She had wormed from him his secret, and he, debarred as it would seem from man’s usual privilege of lying, had innocently laid bare his whole soul to her. He loved Eleanor Bold, but Eleanor was not in his eye so beautiful as herself. He would fain have Eleanor for his wife, but yet he had acknowledged that she was the less gifted of the two. The man had literally been unable to falsify his thoughts when questioned, and had been compelled to be true
malgré lui
, even when truth must have been so disagreeable to him.

This teacher of men, this Oxford pundit, this double-distilled quintessence of university perfection, this writer of religious treatises, this speaker of ecclesiastical speeches, had been like a little child in her hands; she had turned him inside out and read his very heart as she might have done that of a young girl. She could not but despise him for his facile openness, and yet she liked him for it, too. It was a novelty to her, a new trait in a man’s character. She felt also that she could never so completely make a fool of him as she did of the Slopes and Thornes. She felt that she never could induce Mr. Arabin to make protestations to her that were not true, or to listen to nonsense that was mere nonsense.

It was quite clear that Mr. Arabin was heartily in love with Mrs. Bold; and the signora, with very unwonted good nature, began to turn it over in her mind whether she could not do him a good turn. Of course Bertie was to have the first chance. It was an understood family arrangement that her brother was, if possible, to marry the Widow Bold. Madeline knew too well his necessities and what was due to her sister to interfere with so excellent a plan, as long as it might be feasible. But she had strong suspicion that it was not feasible. She did not think it likely that Mrs. Bold would accept a man in her brother’s position, and she had frequently said so to Charlotte. She was inclined to believe that Mr. Slope had more chance of success, and with her it would be a labour of love to rob Mr. Slope of his wife.

And so the signora resolved, should Bertie fail, to do a good-natured act for once in her life and give up Mr. Arabin to the woman whom he loved.

CHAPTER 5

The Lookalofts and the Greenacres

On the whole, Miss Thorne’s provision for the amusement and feeding of the outer classes in the exoteric paddock was not unsuccessful.

Two little drawbacks to the general happiness did take place, but they were of a temporary nature, and apparent rather than real. The first was the downfall of young Harry Greenacre, and the other the uprise of Mrs. Lookaloft and her family.

As to the quintain, it became more popular among the boys on foot than it would ever have been among the men on horseback, even had young Greenacre been more successful. It was twirled round and round till it was nearly twirled out of the ground, and the bag of flour was used with great gusto in powdering the backs and heads of all who could be coaxed within its vicinity.

Of course it was reported all through the assemblage that Harry was dead, and there was a pathetic scene between him and his mother when it was found that he had escaped scatheless from the fall. A good deal of beer was drunk on the occasion, and the quintain was “dratted” and “bothered,” and very generally anathematized by all the mothers who had young sons likely to be placed in similar jeopardy. But the affair of Mrs. Lookaloft was of a more serious nature.

“I do tell ‘ee plainly—face to face—she be there in madam’s drawing-room; herself and Gussy, and them two walloping gals, dressed up to their very eyeses.” This was said by a very positive, very indignant, and very fat farmer’s wife, who was sitting on the end of a bench leaning on the handle of a huge, cotton umbrella.

“But you didn’t zee her, Dame Guffern?” said Mrs. Greenacre, whom this information, joined to the recent peril undergone by her son, almost overpowered. Mr. Greenacre held just as much land as Mr. Lookaloft, paid his rent quite as punctually, and his opinion in the vestry-room was reckoned to be every whit as good. Mrs. Lookaloft’s rise in the world had been wormwood to Mrs. Greenacre. She had no taste herself for the sort of finery which had converted Barleystubb farm into Rosebank and which had occasionally graced Mr. Lookaloft’s letters with the dignity of esquirehood. She had no wish to convert her own homestead into Violet Villa, or to see her goodman go about with a new-fangled handle to his name. But it was a mortal injury to her that Mrs. Lookaloft should be successful in her hunt after such honours. She had abused and ridiculed Mrs. Lookaloft to the extent of her little power. She had pushed against her going out of church, and had excused herself with all the easiness of equality. “Ah, dame, I axes pardon, but you be grown so mortal stout these times.” She had inquired with apparent cordiality of Mr. Lookaloft after “the woman that owned him,” and had, as she thought, been on the whole able to hold her own pretty well against her aspiring neighbour. Now, however, she found herself distinctly put into a separate and inferior class. Mrs. Lookaloft was asked into the Ullathorne drawing-room merely because she called her house Rosebank and had talked over her husband into buying pianos and silk dresses instead of putting his money by to stock farms for his sons.

Mrs. Greenacre, much as she reverenced Miss Thorne, and highly as she respected her husband’s landlord, could not but look on this as an act of injustice done to her and hers. Hitherto the Lookalofts had never been recognized as being of a different class from the Greenacres. Their pretensions were all self-pretensions, their finery was all paid for by themselves and not granted to them by others. The local sovereigns of the vicinity, the district fountains of honour, had hitherto conferred on them the stamp of no rank. Hitherto their crinoline petticoats, late hours, and mincing gait had been a fair subject of Mrs. Greenacre’s raillery, and this raillery had been a safety-valve for her envy. Now, however, and from henceforward, the case would be very different. Now the Lookalofts would boast that their aspirations had been sanctioned by the gentry of the country; now they would declare with some show of truth that their claims to peculiar consideration had been recognized. They had sat as equal guests in the presence of bishops and baronets; they had been curtseyed to by Miss Thorne on her own drawing-room carpet; they were about to sit down to table in company with a live countess! Bab Lookaloft, as she had always been called by the young Greenacres in the days of their juvenile equality, might possibly sit next to the Honourable George, and that wretched Gussy might be permitted to hand a custard to the Lady Margaretta De Courcy.

The fruition of those honours, or such of them as fell to the lot of the envied family, was not such as should have caused much envy. The attention paid to the Lookalofts by the De Courcys was very limited, and the amount of entertainment which they received from the bishop’s society was hardly in itself a recompense for the dull monotony of their day. But of what they endured Mrs. Greenacre took no account; she thought only of what she considered they must enjoy, and of the dreadfully exalted tone of living which would be manifested by the Rosebank family, as the consequence of their present distinction.

“But did ‘ee zee ‘em there, dame, did ‘ee zee ‘em there with your own eyes?” asked poor Mrs. Greenacre, still hoping that there might be some ground for doubt.

“And how could I do that, unless so be I was there myself?” asked Mrs. Guffern. “I didn’t zet eyes on none of them this blessed morning, but I zee’d them as did. You know our John; well, he will be for keeping company with Betsey Rusk, madam’s own maid, you know. And Betsey isn’t none of your common kitchen wenches. So Betsey, she come out to our John, you know, and she’s always vastly polite to me, is Betsey Rusk, I must say. So before she took so much as one turn with John she told me every ha’porth that was going on up in the house.”

“Did she now?” said Mrs. Greenacre.

“Indeed she did,” said Mrs. Guffern.

“And she told you them people was up there in the drawing-room?”

“She told me she zee’d ‘em come in—that they was dressed finer by half nor any of the family, with all their neckses and buzoms stark naked as a born babby.”

“The minxes!” exclaimed Mrs. Greenacre, who felt herself more put about by this than any other mark of aristocratic distinction which her enemies had assumed.

“Yes, indeed,” continued Mrs. Guffern, “as naked as you please, while all the quality was dressed just as you and I be, Mrs. Greenacre.”

“Drat their impudence,” said Mrs. Greenacre, from whose well-covered bosom all milk of human kindness was receding, as far as the family of the Lookalofts were concerned.

“So says I,” said Mrs. Guffern; “and so says my goodman, Thomas Guffern, when he hear’d it. ‘Molly,’ says he to me, ‘if ever you takes to going about o’ mornings with yourself all naked in them ways, I begs you won’t come back no more to the old house.’ So says I, ‘Thomas, no more I wull.’ ‘But,’ says he, ‘drat it, how the deuce does she manage with her rheumatiz, and she not a rag on her;’” and Mrs. Guffern laughed loudly as she thought of Mrs. Lookaloft’s probable sufferings from rheumatic attacks.

“But to liken herself that way to folk that ha’ blood in their veins,” said Mrs. Greenacre.

“Well, but that warn’t all neither that Betsey told. There they all swelled into madam’s drawing-room, like so many turkey cocks, as much as to say, ‘and who dare say no to us?’ and Gregory was thinking of telling of ‘em to come down here, only his heart failed him ‘cause of the grand way they was dressed. So in they went, but madam looked at them as glum as death.”

“Well, now,” said Mrs. Greenacre, greatly relieved, “so they wasn’t axed different from us at all then?”

“Betsey says that Gregory says that madam wasn’t a bit too well pleased to see them where they was, and that to his believing they was expected to come here just like the rest of us.”

There was great consolation in this. Not that Mrs. Greenacre was altogether satisfied. She felt that justice to herself demanded that Mrs. Lookaloft should not only not be encouraged, but that she should also be absolutely punished. What had been done at that scriptural banquet, of which Mrs. Greenacre so often read the account to her family? Why had not Miss Thorne boldly gone to the intruder and said, “Friend, thou hast come up hither to high places not fitted to thee. Go down lower, and thou wilt find thy mates.” Let the Lookalofts be treated at the present moment with ever so cold a shoulder, they would still be enabled to boast hereafter of their position, their aspirations, and their honour.

“Well, with all her grandeur, I do wonder that she be so mean,” continued Mrs. Greenacre, unable to dismiss the subject. “Did you hear, goodman?” she went on, about to repeat the whole story to her husband who then came up. “There’s Dame Lookaloft and Bab and Gussy and the lot of ‘em all sitting as grand as fivepence in madam’s drawing-room, and they not axed no more nor you nor me. Did you ever hear tell the like o’ that?”

“Well, and what for shouldn’t they?” said Farmer Greenacre.

“Likening theyselves to the quality, as though they was estated folk, or the like o’ that!” said Mrs. Guffern.

“Well, if they likes it, and madam likes it, they’s welcome for me,” said the farmer. “Now I likes this place better, ‘cause I be more at home-like, and don’t have to pay for them fine clothes for the missus. Everyone to his taste, Mrs. Guffern, and if neighbour Lookaloft thinks that he has the best of it, he’s welcome.”

Mrs. Greenacre sat down by her husband’s side to begin the heavy work of the banquet, and she did so in some measure with restored tranquillity, but nevertheless she shook her head at her gossip to show that in this instance she did not quite approve of her husband’s doctrine.

“And I’ll tell ‘ee what, dames,” continued he; “if so be that we cannot enjoy the dinner that madam gives us because Mother Lookaloft is sitting up there on a grand sofa, I think we ought all to go home. If we greet at that, what’ll we do when true sorrow comes across us? How would you be now, Dame, if the boy there had broke his neck when he got the tumble?”

Mrs. Greenacre was humbled and said nothing further on the matter. But let prudent men such as Mr. Greenacre preach as they will, the family of the Lookalofts certainly does occasion a good deal of heart-burning in the world at large.

It was pleasant to see Mr. Plomacy as, leaning on his stout stick, he went about among the rural guests, acting as a sort of head constable as well as master of the revels. “Now, young’un, if you can’t manage to get along without that screeching, you’d better go to the other side of the twelve-acre field and take your dinner with you. Come, girls, what do you stand there for, twirling of your thumbs? Come out, and let the lads see you; you’ve no need to be so ashamed of your faces. Hollo there, who are you? How did you make your way in here?”

This last disagreeable question was put to a young man of about twenty-four who did not, in Mr. Plomacy’s eye, bear sufficient vestiges of a rural education and residence.

“If you please, your Worship, Master Barrell the coachman let me in at the church wicket, ‘cause I do be working mostly al’ays for the family.”

“Then Master Barrell the coachman may let you out again,” said Mr. Plomacy, not even conciliated by the magisterial dignity which had been conceded to him. “What’s your name? And what trade are you? And who do you work for?”

“I’m Stubbs, your worship, Bob Stubbs; and—and—and—”

“And what’s your trade, Stubbs?”

“Plaisterer, please your worship.”

“I’ll plaister you, and Barrell too; you’ll just walk out of this ‘ere field as quick as you walked in. We don’t want no plaisterers; when we do, we’ll send for ‘em. Come my buck, walk.”

Stubbs the plasterer was much downcast at this dreadful edict. He was a sprightly fellow, and had contrived since his ingress into the Ullathorne elysium to attract to himself a forest nymph, to whom he was whispering a plasterer’s usual soft nothings, when he was encountered by the great Mr. Plomacy. It was dreadful to be thus dissevered from his dryad and sent howling back to a Barchester pandemonium just as the nectar and ambrosia were about to descend on the fields of asphodel. He began to try what prayers would do, but city prayers were vain against the great rural potentate. Not only did Mr. Plomacy order his exit but, raising his stick to show the way which led to the gate that had been left in the custody of that false Cerberus Barrell, proceeded himself to see the edict of banishment carried out.

The goddess Mercy, however, the sweetest goddess that ever sat upon a cloud, and the dearest to poor, frail, erring man, appeared on the field in the person of Mr. Greenacre. Never was interceding goddess more welcome.

“Come, man,” said Mr. Greenacre, “never stick at trifles such a day as this. I know the lad well. Let him bide at my axing. Madam won’t miss what he can eat and drink, I know.”

Now Mr. Plomacy and Mr. Greenacre were sworn friends. Mr. Plomacy had at his own disposal as comfortable a room as there was in Ullathorne House, but he was a bachelor, and alone there, and, moreover, smoking in the house was not allowed even to Mr. Plomacy. His moments of truest happiness were spent in a huge armchair in the warmest corner of Mrs. Greenacre’s beautifully clean front kitchen. ‘Twas there that the inner man dissolved itself and poured itself out in streams of pleasant chat; ‘twas there that he was respected and yet at his ease; ‘twas there, and perhaps there only, that he could unburden himself from the ceremonies of life without offending the dignity of those above him, or incurring the familiarity of those below. ‘Twas there that his long pipe was always to be found on the accustomed chimney-board, not only permitted but encouraged.

Such being the state of the case, it was not to be supposed that Mr. Plomacy could refuse such a favour to Mr. Greenacre; but nevertheless he did not grant it without some further show of austere authority.

“Eat and drink, Mr. Greenacre! No. It’s not what he eats and drinks, but the example such a chap shows, coming in where he’s not invited—a chap of his age, too. He too that never did a day’s work about Ullathorne since he was born. Plaisterer! I’ll plaister him!”

“He worked long enough for me, then, Mr. Plomacy. And a good hand he is at setting tiles as any in Barchester,” said the other, not sticking quite to veracity, as indeed mercy never should. “Come, come, let him alone to-day and quarrel with him to-morrow. You wouldn’t shame him before his lass there?”