The Cinderella Reflex (33 page)

He laughed. “I run a café!”

Helene poured out her tea and helped herself to a cupcake. She may as well start eating for two now, she decided, biting into the pink-and-white icing. She wasn’t going to have to worry about her figure for a while. Maybe never. Maybe she’d just grow fat and stay that way – it would be one less thing to worry about.

“So. You wanted to pick my brain,” Matt reminded her.

“Yes, I did,” Helene sighed. “It’s hard to know where to begin, actually.”

“Pick a place – any place,” Matt suggested. He folded his arms and waited.

And so she did. And once she’d started talking, she found she couldn’t stop. The whole story came bubbling out, about how for so many years she had deluded herself into believing that Richard was going to leave his wife for her; how some outsider had swiped
It’s My Show
from under her nose; how Jack McCabe had taken over Atlantic 1FM; and how Richard hadn’t bothered to tell her that Jack was actually his
brother-in-law
. How for a while she had been terrified about how she was going to cope with a baby on her own. The only bit she left out was Richard’s suggestion that she have a termination because, almost as soon as he had the words out, Helene had pushed them to the back of her mind and refused to think about them again.

“Paulina’s advice is that I concentrate on making Chris Conroy – he’s the one who won the contest – into a star.” Helene finished the last crumbs of her cake.

“And what do you think?” Matt enquired.

Helene rummaged in her bag and pulled out the travel ticket and Richard’s cheque and handed them to Matt.

His eyes widened. “Generous guy!”

“Rich guy. Rich, guilty guy. It was his birthday present to me. His brilliant idea was that I could go travelling – alone – until he’d got his settlement out of Atlantic 1FM. But of course I went and got pregnant and ruined his big plan. Anyone would think I had done it on my own.”

“So what are you going to do?” Matt asked.

“At the time I dismissed the idea of travelling out of hand because of the baby. But then I got to thinking – well, you must meet lots of people who travel with babies, right?”

“All the time,” Matt confirmed. “You just need to take your circumstances into account when you’re deciding where to go.”

“I have a sister in New Zealand. She settled there with her family years ago. I’ve never been.”

“Well, you’ll
love
New Zealand!” Enthusiasm made him sound like a small boy. “And you won’t have any problem at all travelling there with a baby. When do you want to go?”

“I’m not sure. I don’t know if I should wait and have the baby first – I don’t know what to do about anything really.”

“Sure, there’s no rush. I can give you all the advice you need over the next couple of weeks. Are you going to stay on at work in the meantime?”

“Don’t know about that either,” Helene mumbled. “My future isn’t there any more. But I’m dreading drafting my resignation letter at the same time.” She shivered just thinking about it.

Matt looked at her speculatively. “I could do with a hand in the café. On a strictly casual basis. It might be something you’d consider.”

“Like . . . wait tables?” Helene couldn’t hide her astonishment.

Matt laughed at her expression. “It’s not like being down the mines! It can be quite pleasant waiting on people. You get to meet the most interesting characters.” His eyes met hers. “Like you, for instance.”

Helene blushed. Was Matt hitting on her? Even after she’d just told him she was pregnant? But before she could think of a reply, he was back talking about work again.

“I was thinking more about someone to work on strategies to get more out of the café. That’s your forte, isn’t it – new ideas?”

“Broadcasting is all about new ideas,” she conceded. “Or old ideas presented in a new way.” In fact, she could think of lots of ways to improve the Travel Café now, right off the top of her head. Matt could run a competition for the most interesting itinerary, and right away you’d get lots of fascinating stories about people’s journeys and why they were doing them. Rachel Joy from
Killty Times
would snap it up. With the right sort of publicity, she could really put the Travel Café on the map.

“It’s just an idea. Think about it,” Matt said easily.

“I will … and thanks.” Helene stuffed the cheque back in her bag thoughtfully. Matt made her feel as if her life might not be in so much of a cul-de-sac after all. “I’d better be getting back.”

“Keep in touch now.” Matt stood up and reached to help her off the sofa. She felt the heat of his hand on her arm and there it was, a sharp flash of attraction, unmistakeable.

But of course it was her treacherous hormones, making mischief again. Tricking her into finding any man attractive, a biological urge to find someone to share the rearing of her offspring with.

But then Matt wasn’t pregnant and he seemed to be feeling it too. When she stood up he kept his hand on her arm and looked as if he’d like to kiss her.

It made Helene feel confused and defensive. “You did hear me when I told you I was pregnant, didn’t you?”

“I did.” He drew back. “And I probably have no business asking you this – but are you still in love with your baby’s father?”

Helene looked away. Was she? She didn’t think so. But how could she trust her feelings when she was having such alarming mood swings? She nodded at the photo of Rosanne. “That night at the party. You told me it would get better. Did it for you?”

“Eventually it did. At the time, you can’t see how it will. You can’t imagine meeting someone you’re interested in ever again. But then – you do.”

He looked at her meaningfully. He meant her. Helene was surprised at how pleased she felt about that.

“Don’t you love her any more?”

He looked at the photo. “I think I’ll always love her. But in a different away. I moved on some time ago. Long enough now to know the good stuff doesn’t come around so often that you can afford to dismiss it just because the timing isn’t perfect.”

He reached out and took one of her hands in his. She left it there, enjoying the feel of his skin on hers. Maybe he was right. Maybe love could feel like this – strong and supportive and
easy
. A million miles from the complexities of her affair with Richard.

“We could take it slowly,” he pushed a little.

She smiled. “Slow enough to let me have a baby?”

He shrugged. “To have a baby, go to New Zealand for a bit. I’m not in any rush.”

She laughed out loud at that. She couldn’t imagine Matt Carver being in a rush about anything. She looked at him speculatively. “So how about I take you up on your job offer and we’ll see what happens?”

“Really?”

He looked so delighted with himself that Helene felt tears pricking at the back of her eyes. So this is what it felt like to be with someone who really wanted to be with you.

As Helene drove home, after promising she’d phone within a couple of days, she knew she’d a made a true friend in Matt Carver. One who would stick around, regardless of how tough the terrain got. Someone who would still be her friend even if he didn’t get what he wanted and their tentative romance didn’t flourish into something deeper. She thought of Rosanne, his ex-girlfriend, and wondered what sort of fool she must have been to let him go.

By the time she pulled up outside her apartment block she felt more at peace with herself than she’d been in a long time. Tonight, she decided, she would finally draft her letter of resignation.

She was turning her key in the lock when someone pushed out of the shadows and put his hand on her shoulder. She swung around to face the intruder, her pulse racing.

“My key wouldn’t work!” Richard shot her an accusing look.

“You’ve just put the heart crossways in me!” Helene snapped, on edge again. “And your key doesn’t work because I changed the locks.” She opened the door and turned back to face him, intending to keep him at the door, but he was too quick for her. He stepped in after her, standing so close to her in the tiny hallway that for a moment she found herself transported back to a time when she and Richard had been lovers and the best of friends.

Or so she’d thought. She turned away from him and went into the kitchen.

“These are for you.” He handed a bouquet of flowers to her. “I’m sorry,” he added.

“Why? Because I changed the locks?” She took the flowers and dumped them on the table.

“You need to put them in water, to keep them fresh,” he advised.

Helene laughed mirthlessly. “So now you’re concerned about the well-being of a bunch of flowers but you haven’t asked about your unborn baby?”

“Don’t be like that.” He shifted uneasily from one foot to the other.

Helene snatched up an empty vase and half-filled it. She shoved the flowers, cellophane wrapping and all, into it and turned back to Richard, flattening the small of her back against the wall to create a distance between them.

“Ollie is sacked, apparently,” she said.

“I heard. But in fairness, he had it coming.” Richard looked at her gravely. “What about you?”

“I am about to write my resignation letter.”

He frowned. “I thought you’d want to keep your job at all costs now. With the er … pregnancy.”

“Well, I don’t.” Helene thought she saw a look of relief pass over his features.

“But are you sure you’re doing the right thing? In resigning?”

“No, I’m not sure. But my job at Atlantic would take way too much energy when I’m a single mother,” she said pointedly.

“You’d get maternity leave,” he reminded her.

“Yes, I would. If I spend the next six months of my life faking an interest in the fame and fortunes of Chris Conroy. And trying to forget that Jack McCabe knows I was the third person in his sister’s marriage. I don’t have the stomach for it frankly. I couldn’t care less what happens at Atlantic now.” She reached out and began to absentmindedly shred one of the flowers in the bouquet, peeling away the delicate pink rose petals one by one. “Richard, why are you here?”

“I wanted to explain things to you. I’d bought the plane ticket for you before I knew you were pregnant. And I know I shouldn’t have left it there, the night of your birthday. Not once I knew about the baby. But I was shell-shocked. I didn’t know what I was doing.”

Helene stayed silent, for once resisting the urge to tell him not to worry, that everything would be all right.

“Of course you must have been pretty shocked too,” he continued after a while. “What with the pregnancy and the pressures at work …”

“And getting dumped by you.” She raised her eyes to his.

Richard looked away. “Yes. And that. And not winning the contest. I’m sorry about that. I know how much you wanted it.”

“There’re lot of things I wanted that I didn’t get,” Helene said flatly. “But now that I am going to be a single mother, I need a job that’s a little less challenging than trying to tune in to the psyche of the nation, or whatever rubbish Paulina had on the press release.”

“What sort of a job?” he asked.

“Working in a coffee shop, apparently.” She smiled at the thought of it.

“A coffee shop? Are you mad?” He was looking at her with astonishment. “You’re an executive editor! Look, you know I’ll support you and the baby financially. In fact, that’s why I’m here. I’ve got my financial settlement from the station! It all went through a lot earlier than I expected. ”

“Well, that’s great for you. And of course you can support the baby,” she agreed readily. God knows the child would need all the help it could get, with only her as a parent. “But you don’t owe me anything. I knew the score when we got involved.”

“I’ve told you,” Richard said peevishly, “I wasn’t thinking straight when you told me you were pregnant. There was the stress of the takeover and Louisa being extra-needy and –”

“It’s in the past, Richard,” she interrupted him.

“But how can it be in the past when you’re expecting my baby?”

“Oh, it’s
your baby
now. The baby you wanted terminated?” There, she’d finally said the words. Her stomach churned at the sound of them.

“Don’t,” he begged. “I’ve had time to think things over. And, well – I still want us to be together.”

“You do?” Treacherous hope flared in Helene. She looked at him seriously. “Have you brought your suitcase?”

“
No.
I mean, obviously, I can’t leave Louisa at this precise moment because … well, I’m sure you don’t care why at this stage. But by the time the baby is born …”

“You’ll get around to it then,” she finished his sentence for him. “Or maybe it will be by the time the first birthday rolls around? Or the first day at school, perhaps? Or maybe university?”

“You don’t seem like yourself, Helene,” he said huffily.

“Things have changed, Richard,” she said wearily. “I’ve changed. Going back to the way we were, with you pitching up whenever you feel like it is not enough any more. Not when I have a baby to consider. And to be honest, it never was enough. You already have a family, Richard – something I should have considered much, much earlier.”

“But having me around part-time has to be better than nothing, surely? It won’t be easy on your own,” he warned.

She looked at him. He hadn’t been there for her when she was in trouble, and something had changed in her then, something fundamental. No matter what he said now, she knew she would never trust him again.

“I think the term ‘too little, too late’ may have been invented for situations like this,” she said sadly.

“But how will you cope?” he demanded. “It’s not as if you have family close by to help. Please, Helene. Think about it.”

“I have thought about it. As soon as the baby is born, I’m going abroad – to New Zealand. To my sister.” There. Another decision made. She’d have the baby here, at home. And then, as soon as it was old enough, she’d set off on her travels.

“New Zealand?” He couldn’t disguise his shock. “But it’s so far away!”

She shrugged. “I need to find out what I want to do with the rest of my life, and I think it would be easier for me to do that if I wasn’t around here. Around you. The further away the better really.”