The City and the House (22 page)

Anne Marie came back at six as usual. I told her that Chantal had come and left again with Maggie. Anne Marie sat down in the hall, still in her coat; she took her cap off and patted her bun. She tried to keep her smile in place. She told me she didn't feel well and asked me to give her the tablets she takes when she feels dizzy. She said she wanted to lie down. I went upstairs with her and wanted to help her undress but she said she would do it by herself.

Chantal phoned the next day from New York. I answered the phone. She said they had arrived all right. An easy journey. I asked her if she wanted me to call her mother but she said no, it wasn't necessary, she had to leave for work. The child was staying with her friend, she would find a nursery for her later.

You see I have stopped being a baby-sitter. Chantal has given me the sack. I still sleep in what you call the lumber-room, though in fact it's an excellent room, even if there are piles of suitcases in it. I don't want to sleep in the room with the bear-cubs. It reminds me of both the child and of Chantal together.

Anne Marie and I are alone now, face to face, at meal times. These meal times are terrible. We each go about our own business for the rest of the time. Though last night she called me, I heard her from the ground floor and went up. She was ill. She wanted her tablets. She didn't have the strength to get up. I stayed with her for about an hour, until she slept. I held her hand and caressed her fingers. In the morning I made an appointment for her with a doctor. She will go next week.

I don't know what else to tell you today. I received the letter in which you told me about Piero. I can't offer you comfort because, as you put it, there is nothing anyone can say.

Giuseppe

Rome, 20th December

Dear Giuseppe,

As I told you on the phone, Alberico is buying back your house from the Lanzaras. This seems an excellent idea, just that he's done everything in such a hurry, and if he had waited he might have got them to bring the price down. He said, and he kept on saying, that he thought it was too expensive. And then one morning he decided to buy it. Besides he doesn't have any money problems. And bricks and mortar don't let you down. There was a difficulty because Lanzara thought it improper to sell a house to an ex-patient of his. But then he thought about it and said that it didn't seem to him to be that serious an impropriety.

Yesterday Alberico and the Lanzaras went to a solicitor to draw up the agreement. The Lanzaras are leaving next month. They are moving to England. They have already started dismantling the bookcases.

As you can imagine, the idea of having Alberico on the floor above is one I like very much. I just hope that they don't make too much noise, because as you know Alberico is never alone. And now that Salvatore has come back to live with him again. Alberico didn't want him to because, Egisto told me, he thinks he is mixed up in some very shady business. What happened in piazza Tuscolo certainly makes you suspect it. It's never been clear why they attacked him, but it was probably something to do with a shady business deal. Alberico says he is not a weak person, he says he has a strong character, nevertheless he is weak in some things and he has been weak over Salvatore. He didn't want to, but he has welcomed him back. Salvatore was in a mental hospital for a while, then they discharged him and he went back to his mother's house in Frosinone, but he didn't want to stay in Frosinone and he found a job in Rome as a driver with a pharmaceutical firm. But he didn't have anywhere to sleep. He asked if he could have a bed at Alberico's place in piazza San Cosimato, at least for a few days, and then perhaps he'd come to some other arrangement. And so he came back and installed himself and his odds and ends in his old room. It doesn't matter, if they make a noise upstairs I shall put oropax in my ears. I've never used it but everyone says it's a great blessing.

Lucrezia has finally found a house too, and is in the process of buying it. It is a reasonably nice place, it's big, and Lucrezia is very pleased with it. The money she has isn't enough but Piero has told her she can borrow from a bank. The house is in via delle Medaglie d'Oro, not very far from here. Lucrezia found it by reading the advertisements in
II Messaggero
. Alberico was at her house and they went to see it straightaway. Alberico and Lucrezia are now firm friends, they are always together. I imagine that this will please you. Two people you are fond of have met and become friends. Lucrezia hasn't called me to see the house, I haven't seen it yet. There was a time when Lucrezia was always ‘phoning me and getting in touch with me, she used to say I was a comfort to her and reminded her of her mother a little. And then at a certain moment she stopped getting in touch, I don't know why. Clearly she has learnt to be an orphan.

Alberico's film
Deviance
has been very successful in France. He has another one nearly ready. He hasn't told me what it's called.

Ignazio Fegiz and Ippo, that friend of his, quarrelled and they were more or less about to separate, no one saw them for a while, and she wanted to sell her apartment and go and live in Fregene. It has a beautiful terrace and I was half thinking of buying it myself as an investment. He had fallen in love with a very beautiful eighteen-year-old girl. He wanted to marry her. But instead he stayed with Ippo. They are inseparable again. The Cat and the Fox. Now they've left for Vienna together. They will stay there for a fortnight seeing the galleries and museums. Egisto told me, he always knows everyone's business. It seems that she isn't going to sell her apartment any more.

Lucrezia is going to Paris with Serena, Vito and Cecilia, for the New Year. The other children are going to Perugia. But really they aren't children any more.

Give me news of Anne Marie's health. You seemed a little worried about her on the phone.

With love from

Roberta

Rome, 22nd December

I went to Monte Fermo with Alberico, Vito, Cecilia and Joli. I asked Alberico to come along with us. I couldn't have gone alone with Cecilia and Vito, it would have upset me. But I became very upset anyway when we came back.

We didn't go in my Volkswagen, we went in Alberico's car. He has a new car, a pale blue Prisma. It's being run in. He enjoys running it in.

It was a beautiful sunny day. We got out for a moment at Monte Fermo to have a coffee. They recognized me and made a fuss of me. There was the man who used to sell mushrooms, and the old woman with her basket of eggs. Monte Fermo is just the same, nothing has changed.

Then we went to
Le MargherIte
. To what was
Le Margherite
. Now they've made a hotel out of it. It's called the Hotel Panorama.

It is impossible to recognize our house in the Hotel Panorama. It was yellow and old with stone balconies. The Hotel Panorama looks new. It is half cherry-pink and half sky-blue. There are geraniums on the balconies. The balconies are long and narrow, with an iron railing. The old porch has gone. They have put white metal tables out at the front, and deckchairs and swings, under a fringed canvas awning. At the back where the little hazel tree used to be there is a swimming pool with clear, clean water in it, with more deckchairs around the edge. Inside you can see floors with white and brown patterns on them, corridors and rooms. There was a chamber-maid with a bucket and a floor cloth. There didn't seem to be a single guest. We left.

We bought bread and ham in Monte Fermo. They told us that the Hotel Panorama was doing badly and is on the point of bankruptcy. It's open the whole year, but lord knows who for. They might make it into a college for land-surveying. No one knows yet.

We stopped in Pianura too. Where the Women's Centre used to be there is an electrical repair shop for cars.

I am buying a house. I don't enjoy living in Rome but then I don't know where I'd enjoy living. The flat I might buy is in viale Medaglie d'Oro. I hate that area, but the flat isn't too bad. It's on the top floor, and has a balcony. I'm getting a loan from a bank.

Piero phones me every morning from Perugia nowadays. He used to be against long-distance telephone calls but now he keeps me on the ‘phone for ages. I want to talk to him about houses, money, and the loan, but he does nothing but talk about himself and about this girl Diana, what she said to him and what she didn't say to him. He's just the same when he comes to Rome. He says he comes for the children's sake, but then instead of being with the children he talks to me. He hasn't anyone else to talk to, only me. I listen to him, what else can I do? He seems to me to be floundering about in very deep water.

Alberico is buying what used to be your flat. Seen from the outside the house is still the same, and the street is still the same too. Though the Mariuccia Restaurant isn't there any more, nor the Cafe Esperia. Where the Cafe Esperia used to be there's a shop called
La Casa del Tortellino
. There isn't anything where the Mariuccia Restaurant used to be. There's a grating. Behind the grating there are some sacks of cement. People'say there's going to be a laundry there.

Alberico often eats at our house. Perhaps because of this I've started to quite enjoy cooking again. Because he eats here so often. I think about which dishes to prepare and talk it over with Zezé. I don't cook meat loaf, because my meat loaves fall apart, and it's always a mistake when a meat loaf falls apart, even if it's good.

I'm leaving in a few days, I'm going to Paris with Serena for a fortnight. Serena has borrowed a little flat. I shall leave the children in Rome with Zezé who has agreed to stay and sleep here.

I've never been to Paris in my life and Serena says this is ridiculous. I've never been on any long journeys. And I've never really been on holiday. There was almost always cooking to do and beds to make, even on holiday. But I don't want to complain. I know I'm better off than most.

Roberta said your wife is ill. Write and tell me what's the matter with her. Send me your news. I hope that you have stopped thinking about Chantal.

I wish you a happy Christmas

Lucrezia

Rome, 27th December

My dear father,

I was very pleased to get your ‘phone call on Christmas Day. Thank you. You must have heard a great deal of noise. There were a lot of us. The lady who comes in the mornings had cooked us a roast turkey. She won't come for a while now because Lucrezia is going away and leaving her children in Rome; she will go to Lucrezia's house for the whole day. Salvatore and I washed up the plates from the Christmas lunch. There were piles of them.

Yes, I am buying your famous house in via Nazario Sauro. Famous because after you sold it you started to regret having done so, and to complain to me and to other people about how you had been a real imbecile to sell it. Well, now it's yours again. Or rather it's mine, but if you come back to Italy and you want to live there you can. I would gladly let you have it.

Meanwhile I shall move in very shortly, as soon as the Lanzaras leave. If you come to Rome soon, as you say you will, you could be my guest in via Nazario Sauro. We could live together for a short time, not for too long because you wouldn't enjoy it and neither would I. I said you could be my guest, but as you are my father you wouldn't be a guest. I remember that you always used to say you didn't like being a guest, and you liked having guests even less. I don't remember many of the things you used to say, just a few. To tell you the honest truth I can only remember you very slightly and very vaguely.

I know that your wife isn't well. I'm sorry. I know that the little girl isn't with you any more. Her mother came and collected her. Lucrezia told me. I'm sorry about that too. Though it is right that the child should be with her mother, as she has a mother.

With love and best wishes from

Alberico

Princeton, 7th January

My dearest son,

Anne Marie is very ill. They have discovered that she has leukemia very seriously, and there's no hope. The doctors have told me that she will not live long. Every day I go with her to a clinic where they give her blood transfusions. We go and come back in a taxi because as you know I can't drive, and Anne Marie no longer has the strength to drive. She has no strength whatsoever. It is very tiring for her to get out of bed and to move about. In the space of a few days she has got much worse, a few weeks ago she didn't feel well but she still drove her car and went to the Institute. Now I can never leave her. When I go to give my lessons I call our neighbour Mrs Mortimer over.

Chantal, Anne Marie's daughter, is in New York and doesn't come very often. She can't because she would lose her job. She is a waitress in a restaurant. And she has the child too. Since she has known that her mother is ill she has come three times. She didn't bring the child with her. She says that the child is doing very well, that she is thriving much better than when she was with us. This hurt me, but Chantal is someone who can sometimes say cruel things without realizing it. She also told me that the child never mentions me. She stayed for a short time then left quickly. Apart from me and Mrs Mortimer, Anne Marie doesn't have anyone.

I think that Anne Marie has realized she is dying. I think she thinks about it all the time, but she never says what she is thinking. She is a woman who never says what she is thinking. I've become aware that in the two years we have been married, I have never once felt that she was telling me what she really thought.

Thank you for your letter, and thank you for buying back my famous house. I can't help but think you are buying it back because it was mine. I haven't had another house after that one. The house where I live now is profoundly alien to me, and it always has been. Perhaps because I've never thought of living in America for good.