The Click Trilogy (19 page)

From: [email protected] – September 12, 2011 – 8:54 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Continued Discussion

Okay, so to continue our discussion from last night, which was a great time by the way, I just don’t get it.  It’s a complete mystery to me.  Probably the biggest mystery beyond how the Egyptian’s built the Pyramids.  How you could have/need/want so many pairs of shoes?  Please, I beg of you, please explain!!!!

From: Renee Greene – September 12, 2011 – 9:42 AM

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: Continued Discussion

It’s just a girl thing.  I think part of it has to do with women having low self-esteem.  We may not like the way our clothes fit and always be thinking we could lose some weight here or there, but our shoes ALWAYS fit.

I think the biggest mystery of our time is a bit more modern… and musical.  Bear with me on this.  Meatloaf sings, “I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that.”  And, Hall & Oats sing “I can’t go for that.  No can do.”  What is
that
which these man cannot do?  Tell me, please, oh wise one.

From: [email protected] – September 12, 2011 – 8:01 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Continued Discussion

I’m stumped.  I’ve been racking my brains all day – in between work, of course – to come up with something clever to say back.  But, I’m truly stumped.  Let’s just say there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you.

From: Renee Greene – September 13, 2011 – 8:22 AM

To: [email protected]

Subject: Re: Continued Discussion

From: Shelley Manning – September 13, 2011 – 10:28 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: I’M ENGAGED…

…in a lot of work projects right now and don’t think I can make it to lunch at Mel’s.  The evil corporate trolls are on a rampage.   Rain check?

From: Renee Greene – September 13, 2011 – 10:29 AM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: I’M ENGAGED…

OMG!  When I saw the subject of your email, I just about fell out of my chair.  Don’t scare me like that.  Yes, rain check.

From: Shelley Manning – September 14, 2011 – 11:07 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: I’M PREGNANT…

…with ideas for making it look like I’m busy at work, when in fact, I’m attending to personal matters.

From: Renee Greene – September 14, 2011 – 11:09 AM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: I’M PREGNANT…

OMG AGAIN!  You have to stop that.  I get a pop up in the middle of my computer screen showing me the sender and subject of emails as they arrive.  Behave!

From: Shelley Manning – September 15, 2011 – 8:21 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: I’M MARRIED…

…to my job right now.  We are so darn busy and the corporate trolls are cracking down.

From: Shelley Manning – September 15, 2011 – 9:32 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: I’M MARRIED…

Stop it.  STOP IT.  STOP IT!

From: Renee Greene – September 17, 2011 – 2:58 PM

To: Shelley Manning, Mark Finlay, Ashley Price

Subject: Disney Horror Show

Ugh!  I have the WORST cold.  I’m Sneezy, Sleepy and Grumpy all rolled into one.  Rain check on Flint’s for me.  Have fun!

From: Mark Finlay – September 17, 2011 – 3:15 PM

To: Shelley Manning, Renee Greene, Ashley Price

Subject: Re: Disney Horror Show

Feel better!

From: Ashley Price – September 17, 2011 – 4:00 PM

To: Shelley Manning, Mark Finlay, Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Disney Horror Show

Let me know if you need anything and get better soon.

From: Shelley Manning – September 17, 2011 – 4:05 PM

To: Renee Greene, Mark Finlay, Ashley Price

Subject: Re: Disney Horror Show

I like it better when you’re Happy and Bashful – you know, your normal self.  Feel better!

From: Renee Greene – September 18, 2011 – 1:30 PM

To: Shelley Manning, Mark Finlay, Ashley Price

Subject: Cloud Nine!!!!!

Dank you berry much.  Translation:  Thank you very much.  That’s what I said to my wonderful “boyfriend” (yes, you read correctly – boyfriend!!!) who just dropped off matzo ball soup from Marty’s upon hearing that I have the WORST cold in the history of colds.

He knocked on the door and said he didn’t want to disturb me but thought I could use some Jewish penicillin.  When I said “Dank you berry much” he responded, “Well of course.  That’s what boyfriends do when their girlfriends are sick.”  I almost melted.  Really, I sneezed.  But, I almost melted.  Despite the non-stop snot drip, pounding headache, mild fever and hacking cough, I’ve never felt better.  Hurrah!

From: Shelley Manning – September 18, 2011 – 1:38 PM

To: Ashley Price, Mark Finlay, Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Cloud Nine!!!!!

You so deserve that, sweetie.  Not the cold.  But, the thoughtful boyfriend.  Yeah!

From: Mark Finlay – September 18, 2011 – 2:02 PM

To: Shelley Manning, Ashley Price, Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Cloud Nine!!!!!

AW!  That is so sweet.  Enjoy all of the happiness and attention.

From: Ashley Price – September 18, 2011 – 4:45 PM

To: Shelley Manning, Mark Finlay, Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Cloud Nine!!!!!

That’s the sign of a great boyfriend.  Not that I would know.  Evan has been a complete loser lately.  I’m thinking it’s over for good this time.  But, I’m happy for you.  Just don’t get your hopes up too high.  He might turn out to be a real jerk in the end.

From: Shelley Manning – September 18, 2011 – 4:48 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Fwd: Re: Cloud Nine!!!!!

UGH!  How do you put up with her?  You listen to me. Keep those hopes up as high as you want.  He sounds like a keeper.

From: Renee Greene – September 18, 2011 – 8:02 PM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Cloud Nine!!!!!

Dank you berry much!

From: Renee Greene – September 18, 2011 – 8:05 PM

To: [email protected]

Subject: Jewish Penicillin Indeed!

Thank you!  Thank you!  I can’t believe you ventured over here – without a hazmat suit on – just to bring me soup.  You are such a sweetheart!

From: [email protected] – September 18, 2011 – 9:12 PM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Jewish Penicillin Indeed!

Of course.  You feel better soon!  I just arrived in San Francisco.  I’ll call you in the morning to check in on you.

From: [email protected]/CrimsonGuy30 – September 21, 2011 – 11:04 AM

To: [email protected]/PRGal1981

Subject: New Lady?

Hello!  My name is Dylan and I’m new to Los Angeles and Choose Jews.  I just moved here from Boston where I was getting my PhD in English Literature at Harvard.  I just started a faculty position at Loyola.  I figured with a new job and new city, there might be a new lady out there for me.  I thought your profile smacked of someone truly genuine.  I would love to get to know you better.  Hoping to hear back from you.

From: [email protected]/ PRGal1981 – September 21, 2011 – 11:20 AM

To: [email protected]/CrimsonGuy30

Subject: Re: New Lady?

Thanks for your note Dylan.  Wow!  Harvard.  Impressive.  You sound like a very interesting (and smart) man.  And the fact that you read is a huge plus.  Hard to believe there are people in this day and age that don’t read for pleasure.

But, I’ve recently met someone through the site and am hoping to see where that leads.  I should have removed my profile, but just have forgotten to do so.  Hope you do find that “new lady” you are looking for.  Good luck.

From: Renee Greene – September 21, 2011 – 11:22 AM

To: [email protected]

Subject: Profile on Hold

I was writing to request that you please hide my profile from viewing until further notice.  My ID# is 49628; Screen Name: PRGal1981.

From: [email protected] – September 21, 2011 – 11:24 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Profile on Hold

Profile has been hidden until further request.

From: Shelley Manning – September 22, 2011 – 7:53 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: LMAO…Great Story You’ll LOVE

Okay, so I’m in SF at an industry conference this week doing some scouting and recruiting – for the company of course.  I would never, EVER take this meeting of highly intelligent, successful and wealthy financial specimens as an opportunity to benefit personally.  ;)

So, I meet this competing recruiter named Todd.  We slip out of the conference and he slips into me.  Then, right after he comes, he starts crying.  LMAO!  From now on, he will be referred to as The Toddler.  Speaking of which, bumped into the Cuddler.  Thought you would want to know, seeing as you are such a fan.  Apparently, he’s met a wonderful girl and is really happy.

From: Renee Greene – September 22, 2011 – 9:07 AM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Re: LMAO…Great Story You’ll LOVE

The Toddler and the Cuddler in the same room.  I thought you dealt with titans of the financial world, not wimpy little girly men.  And, the Cuddler is seeing someone.  I wonder who is the woman in THAT relationship?!?

From: Shelley Manning – September 22, 2011 – 9:10 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: LMAO…Great Story You’ll LOVE

So glad I told you, sweetie.  I knew you would love this story.  And, I certainly love seeing the she-devil in you come out.

From: Renee Greene – September 23, 2011 – 10:24 AM

To: Shelley Manning

Subject: Pure Exhaustion!

I’m spent.  Emotionally spent.  (Please, focus here.)  Ethan slept over last night.  (Again, focus!) and when I woke up, he was gone.  No trace of him.  Of course, I’m thinking this is a Matt situation all over again.  Love ‘em and leave ‘em but this time without the sex.

So as I’m roaming around my apartment with tears streaming down my face, because apparently just the sight of me sleeping (fully clothed, mind you) with traces of drool seeping from my mouth is enough to send this guy running.  All of the sudden, my buzzer starts buzzing.  It’s Ethan.  He’s downstairs.  He slipped out to get a coffee because he knew I wouldn’t have any at my apartment.  And he brought me a vanilla blended and a chocolate croissant from Coffee Shack.  He realized as he was halfway back that he didn’t take my key to let himself back in.  He kept apologizing for screwing up what he was hoping would be a very romantic gesture.  UGH!  The roller coaster that is dating!

From: Shelley Manning – September 24, 2011 – 8:22 AM

To: Renee Greene

Subject: Re: Pure Exhaustion!

I was on a dating roller coaster myself.  But, this was one of those incredibly fun rides with a guy named Franklin.  He will now, from this point forward, be referred to as the Cyclone.  Topsy, turvy fun!

From: Renee Greene – September 26, 2011 – 10:55 AM

To: [email protected]

Subject: Happy “Month-Aversary”

Hi there.  About to get on a call with a client and the Wall Street Journal.  And I’m so nervous.  Crazy, huh?  I won’t even be saying a word – just sitting on the phone while the client talks and taking notes.  Nonetheless, I’m a bundle of nerves.

Another thing I forgot to put in my Choose Jews profile.  I’m slightly – only slightly, neurotic.  I know.  False advertising.  We in PR just like to call it message control.

Anyway, wanted to say happy Month-Aversary and let you know how lucky I feel that I met you one month ago today.  Hope you are having a great day and I’ll call you tonight.