The Clippie Girls (19 page)

‘Mind you do.’ Rose got up. ‘I’m going to bed. I’m on early shift in the morning. Night, all.’

It had to be done, Peggy thought, as she got into bed herself. As well as worrying about Bob, Peggy was also tired from tossing and turning the previous night and the long walk she’d had that day. She fell into an exhausted sleep.

‘I’m just off,’ Mrs Deeton called out merrily as Peggy sat down opposite Bob in their living room.

‘Sit here, next to me,’ Bob patted the chair, but Peggy shook her head. ‘Bob, there’s something I have to say to you.’

‘And I’ve something I want to say to you, but go ahead – you first.’

Peggy took a deep breath. She’d rehearsed this moment the whole day and yet now she was sitting opposite him, the words fled from her mind and she opened and closed her mouth like a goldfish.

‘Come on, Peg, you can tell me. What’s up? Because I can see there’s something.’

‘Bob, we’ve been friends for a long time now.’

‘I hope we’re more than friends, dear.’ He was making this even more difficult than it already was.

‘But we’ve been sort of thrown together – working together – seeing each other every day. I’m sure Mr Bower puts us on the same shift deliberately.’

Bob grinned. ‘Of course he does.’

Peggy pulled in another deep breath. ‘Oh dear, this is so difficult. Bob, I’m very fond of you, but I’m not in love with you. I – I thought it only fair to tell you.’

Bob’s smile faded and the hurt in his eyes was almost more than she could bear, but she had gone thus far and there was no turning back. Whatever else she was – and her sister had plenty of names for her now – Peggy was not deceitful. Even if she never saw hide nor hair of Terry Price again, she knew now what real love was and it wasn’t what she felt for Bob.

‘Is there someone else?’ he asked bluntly. ‘ ’Cos if it’s someone from work I’ll knock their bleeding heads off.’

Peggy was startled. She’d never heard Bob use bad language or even raise his voice. She shook her head. ‘No – it’s no one from work.’

‘So – there is someone then.’ He was red in the face with anger now and Peggy felt a twinge of fear, wishing suddenly that she wasn’t alone in the house with him. Then she shook herself. This was Bob – good old dependable Bob, her work mate and colleague.

‘Sort of,’ she murmured at last.

‘Who? Tell me who it is?’

Peggy lifted her chin. ‘No, I won’t. It doesn’t matter. I’ll probably never see him again anyway.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘What I say. He’s in the army and—’

‘Oh, I know who it is. It’s that blasted soldier, who made himself so helpful the day of the bombing. I see why now. Knew him before that, did you?’

Peggy shook her head, but could not deny that Bob had correctly guessed the identity of the man he now viewed as his rival.

‘He’s been round your house, hasn’t he? Rose told me when I was in hospital that he’d come to enquire how we both were. I never thought . . .’ He ran his hand across his eyes. ‘Oh, Peggy, don’t you know how much I love you? I was going to ask you to marry me, if we could get engaged, and now . . .’

‘Bob, I’m sorry, but I can’t be anything less than honest with you.’ She stood up. ‘I’d better go. I’ll see Mr Bower in the morning and ask him to put us on different shifts when you come back.’

‘You needn’t bother,’ he muttered, viciously. ‘I probably won’t come back.’

‘What – what d’you mean? Of course you’ll come back to work once you’re fit enough.’

Slowly he raised his face to look her in the eyes now. ‘I might volunteer instead.’

‘Oh no!’ she breathed. ‘You can’t do that.’

‘There’s nothing left for me here. Not now. I might as well become cannon fodder.’

Anger surged through her. ‘That’s a terrible thing to say – to do. Think of your mother, if no one else.’

Bob dropped his head. ‘She’ll understand – when I tell her what you’ve done.’

‘I see,’ she said, sitting down again. ‘So the blame’s going to be laid at my door, is it?’

‘Well, it
is
your fault. If you’re throwing me over for some soldier.’ He looked up sharply. ‘That’s it, isn’t it? It’s because I’m not in uniform. Going to start handing out white feathers, are you, like they did in the last war?’

‘Bob, don’t be silly. I don’t want you to go at all. I don’t want . . .’

‘Oh yes, it’s all about what you want, isn’t it, with never a thought about anyone else? You’ve been spoilt – all of you have in that house. A house of women, that’s what it is, with no man to show you what’s what.’

She leaned towards him. ‘So you want me to say that I’ll stay with you, that I’ll marry you, even though I know now that I don’t love you as two people getting married should love each other. Is that what you want?’ She was blazing herself now. Peggy was so like her mother. They were both placid and easy-going – to a point. But when that point was reached then they would stand their ground.

He stared at her for a long moment and then dropped his gaze. This wasn’t the Bob she knew. Had she discovered a side to his personality that she’d never seen before or was it just because he was so dreadfully hurt that he was saying things he didn’t really mean?

But a wise saying of her grandmother’s came to her suddenly. ‘You can never unsay things. Even if you say things in temper and try to make out you didn’t mean what you said, there’s always a ring of truth.’

Peggy bit her lip. Even though he was smarting, she knew that he had meant what he said. And so did she. She was certain now that what she’d felt for Bob wasn’t true love. A deep friendship, yes. She would always care about him, but, as she’d tried to explain to him, that wasn’t love. And now, as he revealed a nastier side to his nature, she was even surer. At his next words, she began to despise him.

‘Peggy – darling – you don’t mean it. You can’t.’ He reached out and grasped her hands, holding them tightly, clinging to her. ‘I’m sorry – I didn’t mean what I said . . .’

She pulled her hands free. ‘Yes, you did, Bob. Don’t make it worse than it already is. I am truly sorry I’ve hurt you. I never wanted to do that and, yes, if I hadn’t met Terry, then maybe we would have drifted into marriage, but isn’t it better that we find out now?’

Bob shook his head. ‘No, it isn’t, because I still love you like I always have done.’

Exasperated now, Peggy shook her head, ‘Then if you’d be happy for us to marry knowing that I don’t love you in the same way, you’re a fool.’ She stood up again. ‘I’m going.’

As she opened the door and fled from the room and the house, his final words, shouted after her, were ringing in her ears. ‘I mean it – I’ll join up, and when I get killed it’ll be your fault.’

‘I can see by the look on your face you’ve told him.’ Rose set the tray of mugs of hot milk on the table with a crash.

‘Mind what you’re doing, Rose,’ Grace snapped. ‘You’re spilling it. We can’t afford to waste a drop.’

‘Sorry, Gran.’

Grace’s glance turned to Peggy’s tear-streaked face. ‘Well, it’s done now.’ Her tone gave no hint as to whether she approved or not.

Mary smiled comfortingly and touched her daughter’s hand. ‘If you really don’t love him,’ she said softly, ‘then you’ve done the right thing.’ She said no more, but privately she was thinking: if only I’d had the same bravery years ago. But then, she reminded herself, I wouldn’t have my wonderful daughters, and I wouldn’t be without any of them. She glanced round fondly, though her gentle smile faded as she saw the looks on each of their faces. Peggy was still tearful, her hands actually trembling. Rose’s face was puce with anger and Myrtle was watching them all with a smirk. Of the three of them, it was Myrtle’s expression which disturbed Mary the most. Time would heal the hurt and anger the other two were feeling, but Mary was sorry to see that her youngest daughter appeared to be revelling in the family quarrel. Mary sighed. ‘Rose, you must see that Peggy can’t go on seeing Bob, building up his hopes of – of something more.’

‘No, I don’t see. All I know is that she’s hurt a lovely man just because she imagines she’s fallen for some – some wide boy she’ll probably never see again.’

‘Terry’s not a wide boy,’ Peggy retorted hotly. ‘He’s a soldier doing his bit for his country.’

‘And Bob’s not, I suppose.’

‘I didn’t mean it that way. You know I didn’t.’ There was a pause before Peggy blurted out, ‘Bob said some dreadful things – hurtful things.’

‘I don’t blame him. I would’ve too.’

‘What did he say?’ Mary prompted gently, but Peggy shook her head.

‘You can tell us.’

‘He – he said he’d been going to ask me to marry him.’

Rose spluttered, indignant on Bob’s behalf. ‘And you call that “dreadful”?’

‘No – no, of course not, but then – after I’d told him – he said he was going to volunteer – become cannon fodder and – and that if he gets killed, it’ll be my fault.’

There was silence in the room whilst they all stared at her. Even Myrtle’s enjoyment of the situation faded as she gazed at Peggy in disbelief.

‘That was cruel,’ Mary said. ‘You were only trying to be honest with him.’

‘No, it wasn’t,’ Rose burst out. ‘It’s how he feels. It’s how
I
would feel if the person I loved had just jilted me so heartlessly.’

Now Peggy raised her head defiantly and repeated the words she’d said to Bob. ‘So you’d have me go ahead and marry him without loving him, would you?’

Rose glared at her, opened her mouth to speak, but the words wouldn’t come. At last she said huskily, ‘No, no, I wouldn’t. But what I can’t understand is why you’ve led him on all this time. Everybody views you as a couple. You work with him, you go out with him.’

‘I haven’t led him on,’ Peggy said, her voice rising heatedly. ‘I’m very fond of him and we had a good laugh together. I didn’t know it wasn’t love – not until—’

‘Not until you met that bloody Terry Price.’

‘Wash your mouth out, Rose,’ Grace snapped. ‘I won’t have that sort of language in my house.’ Once more, even in the midst of a heated quarrel, Grace reminded them of their place.

‘Oh, what’s the use?’ Rose marched out of the room, slamming the door behind her and leaving her drink untouched.

‘“The lady doth protest too much, methinks”,’ Myrtle murmured as she picked up her mug.

‘I agree with you, Myrtle,’ Grace said, picking up Rose’s mug as well as her own. ‘And “Waste not, want not”.’

‘Sit down, love, and have your milk,’ Mary said to Peggy. ‘You’ve done the right thing. You couldn’t do any other and the worst’s over now.’

Twenty-Four

But Mary was wrong, for more recriminations were to come. Rose ignored Peggy totally, refusing to speak to her or even to acknowledge her presence in the household. And to make matters worse, the following evening Hester Deeton knocked on their door. The little woman was tentative and nervous, but she had overcome her natural reticence to speak up for her son.

‘Come in, Hester.’ As Hester stepped across the threshold, Mary closed the door and drew the blackout curtain back into place. She switched on the hall light and was shocked to see the other woman’s drawn face and anxious eyes.

‘Is – is Peggy at home?’ It was difficult to guess whether Hester hoped the girl was there or that she wasn’t.

‘Yes, she’s upstairs. Come on through to the living room and I’ll call her down. I’m sorry we don’t use the front room.’ Mary smiled wryly. ‘We can’t justify heating two rooms except on special occasions.’

‘I hope you don’t mind me coming round, but – I expect you know what’s happened – Bob’s in such a state. He’s threatening to enlist. Oh, Mary – I couldn’t bear it if he went and – and—’ The poor woman couldn’t even bring herself to finish her sentence, but Mary understood her meaning.

‘Come along in. I’ll make us some tea.’

‘I don’t want to take your precious rations.’

‘Don’t worry about that.’ Mary opened the door into the living room, where Grace was sitting in her usual chair by the fire. She looked up as Mary ushered Hester into the room, not at all surprised to see who their visitor was. Grace sighed inwardly, but fixed a smile on her face and gestured towards the chair opposite. ‘It’ll be Peggy you’ve come to see, I take it.’

Hester nodded, perching nervously on the edge of the chair. ‘I can’t understand why she’s thrown him over. He’s a good lad – a steady lad.’

Grace narrowed her eyes as she took in the other woman’s distressed expression. Mistress in her house and strict in her dealings with her daughter and granddaughters, Grace was never one to shy away from criticizing them. But when reproach came from outside the family, Grace closed ranks and defended her own with surprising vigour.

‘Hester, I’ve known you since you were a child, so I’m going to speak plainly to you. Peggy has been honest with your Bob. She’s been his friend for some time as we all know, but she’s realized she’s not in love with him. Not in the way she ought to be to marry him.’ She put her head on one side, holding the other woman’s gaze as she asked bluntly, ‘You’d rather she was honest with him, wouldn’t you?’

Agitatedly, Hester fingered the handbag on her lap. ‘Yes – no – oh, I don’t know. It’s just that he’s so hurt, Mrs Booth, and threatening – ’ she plunged her hand into her copious handbag and fished out a handkerchief, dabbing her eyes that had begun to flood with tears – ‘to join up. He’s saying he doesn’t care if he lives or dies.’

‘Then he’s being very weak-willed and cruel towards you as well as to Peggy. That’s emotional blackmail.’

Hester gasped. ‘How can you say such a thing? My Bob hasn’t got a cruel bone in his body.’

‘Neither has Peggy. She’s being honest, that’s all.’

‘Now, Mother.’ Mary, who’d hurried through to the kitchen after seeing Hester settled near the fire, came back with a tray of teacups and saucers. She turned towards Hester. ‘We do understand it must have been a dreadful shock for Bob and for you too, but—’

‘He was going to ask her to marry him. He’d planned to take her into town and buy a ring as soon as he’s strong enough. But he says she’s met someone else.’ Hester looked from one to the other. ‘Is it true?’

Mary and Grace exchanged a glance. ‘We really couldn’t tell you that,’ Grace said swiftly as she saw Mary open her mouth to reply. ‘Peggy’s a grown woman.’