The Coil (37 page)
“Oh, Sarah’s got enough on her plate.” He grinned. “Seeing as she’s newly married and eight months pregnant.”
“Shit!” He laughed.
“Yep.”
He bit his lip. “That’s great about Jamie and your mom, Simon.”
Simon nodded. “We’re all doing pretty well.” His eyes widened with curiosity, and he moved a fraction closer. “How’s art school going? Shouldn’t you be nearly… you know, finished?”
Mattie, of all things, felt himself begin to flush again. “Yeah, nearly. It’s been….” He shook his head, at a loss for words. “It’s been
incredible
. I have this part-time job working in a gallery; the guy who owns it even sells a few of my pieces every now and then.”
“Wh
—
that’s
great
, Mattie!”
Mattie smiled, enjoying how pleased and impressed Simon appeared. “Yeah, I love it here.”
“Is it, uh, a job that could lead to something more permanent, do you think?” Simon asked carefully.
“I think so, yeah. My three years at school are nearly up, so….” He honest to God had not meant to utter such a loaded sentence.
Simon looked at him, his mouth opening and then closing before he glanced away. Mattie laughed quietly.
“You’re either all wordy, or you can’t speak at all.” He spoke softly.
Simon let out a breath and nodded, smiling wryly.
Mattie could see a million questions circling in Simon’s annoyingly big brain, all fighting to make their way out. It reassured him. It showed him that the man he knew he was without a doubt still in love with was as terrified and nervous as he was. Simon had been the one to take them this far, to make him leave and go find himself in a city of skyscrapers. Mattie could do the rest. But first….
“Simon?” he began softly, forcing the other man to look him in the eye. “I need to thank you.”
Simon shook his head, almost sadly. “Mattie, you did all this yourself.”
He too shook his head no. “That isn’t true. You knew I was too afraid to do any of this alone. You knew I couldn’t leave you and Jamie. So thank you.” He swallowed hard. “Thank you for making me go. Thank you for
letting
me go, just for a little while.”
Simon looked him in the eye, as if trying to read him. “F-for a little while?” he echoed with an unmistakable lilt of hope.
Mattie took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Simon, these past three years have been
painful
, without you. But they have also been the making of me. I… I
like
who I am now.” He gave a tremulous smile, shrugging helplessly. “I feel good about who I am, I like the work I do… but it’s not complete.” He shook his head. “It’s not right because you and Jamie aren’t here.”
“Are—” Simon wet his lips. “Are you saying… what are you saying?” He laughed nervously.
“I’m saying that if you’re still in this, like I am, then after I’ve finished up at school, I’ll be coming home to you. If I’m welcome, that is.”
“You’d give up your job?”
“I’ve had my time, Simon, and I can paint anywhere.” He swallowed. “I miss my family.”
Simon clenched his jaw, his eyes taking on a sheen. He sniffed and then shook his head with a quiet laugh. “Mattie, I won’t lie and say that New York was the only place I could have had a book signing. I came here for one main reason, and that’s you. I couldn’t wait any longer, and I needed to see if we could still be…
us
, I suppose.”
Mattie nodded, his heart in his throat but unwilling to interrupt.
“But, following that, and I suppose dependent on whether we were still an ‘us’, I came here for one other reason. I came to shop.”
Mattie stared at him. Blinked. “Shop,” he repeated. “Um. Okay.”
Simon laughed. “Mattie, shop for
schools
, and by extension, an apartment too.”
Mattie felt a smile shakily begin to spread over his mouth. “A-an apartment?” he stuttered, his voice thick and his breaths coming in halted little gasps.
Simon swallowed and finally reached out to gently cup the side of Mattie’s neck, his thumb brushing along his jawline. “There’s a school here for autistic children. The New York Center for Autism Charter School. It’s one of the leading and most progressive schools for high-functioning kids with autism in the
country
.”
“But I thought… J-Jamie’s used to San Diego.”
“Yes, he is. But he’s not five anymore, Mattie. He’s doing well, and I think he’s ready for something new. He’s been seeing a behavioral therapist for two years, and he is just….” Simon shook his head, overcome with pride. “He still has his challenges, believe me, but he is the bravest kid you’ll ever meet. He’s ready, Mattie. We both are.”
“You would… you would actually move here, the two of you, to be with
me
?” He’d had himself ready to up and change his entire world; now Simon was throwing him through a loop.
Simon pressed his lips in a tight line to smother a smile. “You know how we cut all ties, with the exception of those damn postcards?”
“Yeah?”
“No contact, just space for you to explore college and all that?”
“Yes?”
“Yeah, I totally cheated.”
Mattie barked out a strangled laugh. “What?”
“Ty’s pretty much become my link to you over the past few years. Or rather, I’ve become the bane of his existence.” He shrugged, grinning and unconcerned. “Every time I ask, you’re doing great, apparently. Now I come here and see that, yeah, you are. So I came up with this alternative, because I’m not taking you away from this if you’re happy, and I’m sure as hell not staying away any longer.”
“You…? H-he never said a word!”
Simon nodded. “Because I told him not to.”
Mattie laughed, wiping his hands over his face. “Okay.” He held out his hands and then rested them on Simon’s chest. “Okay, let me just get this clear. We can do this? You came here… not to end it, but to… to….”
“Make a beginning?” Simon frowned, clearly amused, and then chuckled quietly. “Mattie, how long have you been in this store trying to ante up and come over here?”
Mattie cringed. “A few hours, why?”
Simon let out a breathless laugh, closing his eyes for a second. “And you’ve been clutching a copy of this, right?” he asked, holding up a copy of his book.
“Uh, yeah?”
“Okay, assuming the cover of the book isn’t evidence enough that I love you beyond all measure, did you at all during this time crack open the cover?”
Mattie frowned and snatched the book out of a laughing Simon’s hands. He went straight for the dedication….
My undying love to Carol-Ann. Thank you for Jamie.
To Jamie, you are the source of my continuous pride and joy.
And to Mattie, the man I will love for the rest of my days.
“Aw, fuck,” Mattie whispered, something inside of him slotting into place as a tear dared to escape. “Simon,” he whispered, closing the cover and then closing his eyes as Simon gently wiped the pad of his thumb at the dampness clinging to his eyelashes.
“So this is you telling me that—that you’re in? We’re doing this? For keeps this time, no holding back?” Mattie asked, breath hitching.
Simon’s hand at the nape of his neck gently pulled him close until their brows touched softly. A kiss ghosted over his lips before Simon replied.
“This is me, telling you that you are
still
the guy I tell my secrets to.” Simon swallowed. “You always will be.”
Mattie let out a harsh breath before gripping the front of Simon’s shirt, and pulled him into a kiss that was as urgent as it was shattering.
Like the first time round, he didn’t know how long it would take them to find their groove around each other, but what he did know was that it was going to work. Simon had let him go so that Mattie could change and become the person he was meant to be, and then he’d come back for him. If there was a greater evidence of devotion, he didn’t know what it was. People who loved you, people who chose you, who made you their family and made you
belong
, they’re the ones you have to hold onto with everything you have.
Mattie was holding on, and he’d keep holding on.
With everything he had.
About the Author
L.A. G
ILBERT
currently lives in a small British town where not much of anything ever really occurs. Jumping from job to job, she has no real qualifications in anything and is blithely proud of it. Between spectacularly failing driving test after test, she generally spends her free time reading about beautiful gay men, if not attempting to write about them. She is perhaps not the most outgoing of people, but is certainly one of the most cheerful.
Her aspirations are to eventually leave England and see a real, live whale (London’s zoo is poorly lacking in that respect) and to perhaps one day hold in her hands a published copy of her own work.
One down.
Twitter: @L_A_Gilbert
E-mail: [email protected]
Livejournal: http://l-a-gilbert.livejournal.com/profile
Website: http://lagilbert.WebStarts.com
Also from
L.A. G
ILBERT
http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com
Also from
L.A. G
ILBERT
http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com
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