The Collected Poetry of Nikki Giovanni (11 page)

the heat

you left with me

last night

still smolders

the wind catches

your scent

and refreshes

my senses

i am a leaf

falling from your tree

upon which i was

impaled

rain is

god's sperm falling

in the receptive

woman how else

to spend

a rainy day

other than with you

seeking sun and stars

and heavenly bodies

how else to spend

a rainy day

other than with you

it's a drag

sitting around waiting

for death

gotta do something before

i die

it's so lonely dying

all alone

gotta do something

before i die

gotta gotta get a gun

walking talking thinking gun

before i die

they're so lonely

funeral dirges

hip black angry funeral

dirges

gotta gotta get a gun

it's so lonely

when you die

gotta gotta get a gun to kill

death

i always liked house cleaning

even as a child

i dug straightening

the cabinets

putting new paper on

the shelves

washing the refrigerator

inside out

and unfortunately this habit has

carried over and i find

i must remove you

from my life

cause nobody deals with Aretha—a mother with four

children—having to hit the road

they always say “after she comes

home” but nobody ever says what it's like

to get on a plane for a three week tour

the elation of the first couple of audiences the good

feeling of exchange the running on the high

you get from singing good

and loud and long telling the world

what's on your mind

then comes the eighth show on the sixth day the beginning

to smell like the plane or bus the if-you-forget-your-tooth brush

in-one-spot-you-can't-brush-until-the-second-show the strangers

pulling at you cause they love you but you having no love to give back

and singing the same songs night after night day after day

and if you read the gossip columns the rumors that your husband

is only after your fame

the wondering if your children will be glad to see you and maybe

the not caring if they are the scheming to get out

of just one show and go just one place where some doe-doe dupaduke

won't say “just sing one song, please”

nobody mentions how it feels to become a freak

because you have talent and how

no one gives a damn how you feel

but only cares that aretha franklin is here like maybe that'll stop:

chickens from frying

eggs from being laid

crackers from hating

and if you say you're lonely or scared or tired how they always

just say “oh come off it” or “did you see

how they loved you did you see huh did you?”

which most likely has nothing to do with you anyway

and i'm not saying aretha shouldn't have talent and i'm certainly

not saying she should quit

singing but as much as i love her i'd vote “yes” to her

doing four concerts a year and staying home or doing whatever

she wants and making records cause it's a shame

the way we are killing her

we eat up artists like there's going to be a famine at the end

of those three minutes when there are in fact an abundance

of talents just waiting let's put some

of the giants away for a while and deal with them like they have

a life to lead

Aretha doesn't have to relive billie holiday's life doesn't have

to relive dinah washington's death but who will

stop the pattern

she's more important than her music—if they must be

separated—

and they should be separated when she has to pass out

before

anyone recognizes she needs

a rest and i say i need

aretha's music

she is undoubtedly the one person who put everyone on

notice

she revived johnny ace and remembered lil green aretha sings “i say a little prayer” and dionne doesn't

want to hear it anymore

aretha sings “money won't change you”

but james can't sing “respect” the advent

of Aretha pulled ray charles from marlboro country

and back into

the blues made nancy wilson

try one more time forced

dionne to make a choice (she opted for the movies)

and diana ross had to get an afro wig pushed every

Black singer into Blackness and negro entertainers

into negroness you couldn't jive

when she said “you make me/feel” the blazers

had to reply “gotta let a man be/a man”

aretha said “when my soul was in the lost and found/you came along to claim it” and joplin said “maybe”

there has been no musician whom her very presence hasn't

affected when humphrey wanted her to campaign she said

“woeman's only hueman”

and he pressured james brown

they removed otis cause the combination was too strong

the impressions had to say “lord have mercy/we're moving on up”

the Black songs started coming from the singers on stage and the dancers

in the streets

aretha was the riot was the leader if she had said “come

let's do it” it would have been done temptations say why don't we think about it

think about it

think about it

i used to dream militant

dreams of taking

over america to show

these white folks how it should be

done

i used to dream radical dreams

of blowing everyone away with my perceptive powers

of correct analysis

i even used to think i'd be the one

to stop the riot and negotiate the peace

then i awoke and dug

that if i dreamed natural

dreams of being a natural

woman doing what a woman

does when she's natural

i would have a revolution

walking down park

amsterdam

or columbus do you ever stop

to think what it looked like

before it was an avenue

did you ever stop to think

what you walked

before you rode

subways to the stock

exchange (we can't be on

the stock exchange

we are the stock

exchanged)

did you ever maybe wonder

what grass was like before

they rolled it

into a ball and called

it central park

where syphilitic dogs

and their two-legged tubercular

masters fertilize

the corners and side-walks

ever want to know what would happen

if your life could be fertilized

by a love thought

from a loved one

who loves you

ever look south

on a clear day and not see

time's squares but see

tall Birch trees with sycamores

touching hands

and see gazelles running playfully

after the lions

ever hear the antelope bark

from the third floor apartment

ever, did you ever, sit down

and wonder about what freedom's freedom

would bring

it's so easy to be free

you start by loving yourself

then those who look like you

all else will come

naturally

ever wonder why

so much asphalt was laid

in so little space

probably so we would forget

the Iroquois, Algonquin

and Mohicans who could caress

the earth

ever think what Harlem would be

like if our herbs and roots and elephant ears

grew sending

a cacophony of sound to us

the parrot parroting black is beautiful black is beautiful

owls sending out whooooo's making love…

and me and you just sitting in the sun trying

to find a way to get a banana tree from one of the monkeys

koala bears in the trees laughing at our listlessness

ever think it's possible

for us to be

happy

ever been kidnapped

by a poet

if i were a poet

i'd kidnap you

put you in my phrases and meter

you to jones beach

or maybe coney island

or maybe just to my house

lyric you in lilacs

dash you in the rain

blend into the beach

to complement my see

play the lyre for you

ode you with my love song

anything to win you

wrap you in the red Black green

show you off to mama

yeah if i were a poet i'd kid

nap you

take a note and spin it around spin it around don't

prick your finger

take a note and spin it around

on the Black loom on the Black loom

careful baby

don't prick your finger

take the air and weave the sky

around the Black loom around the Black loom

make the sky sing a Black song sing a blue song

sing my song make the sky sing a Black song

from the Black loom from the Black loom

careful baby

don't prick your finger

take the genie and put her in a jar

put her in a jar

wrap the sky around her

take the genie and put her in a jar

wrap the sky around her

listen to her sing

sing a Black song our Black song

from the Black loom

singing to me

from the Black loom

careful baby

don't prick your finger

all i gotta do

is sit and wait

sit and wait

and it's gonna find

me

all i gotta do

is sit and wait

if i can learn

how

what i need to do

is sit and wait

cause i'm a woman

sit and wait

what i gotta do

is sit and wait

cause i'm a woman

it'll find me

you get yours

and i'll get mine

if i learn

to sit and wait

you got yours

i want mine

and i'm gonna get it

cause i gotta get it

cause i need to get it

if i learn how

thought about calling

for it on the phone

asked for a delivery

but they didn't have it

thought about going

to the store to get it

walked to the corner

but they didn't have it

called your name

in my sleep

sitting and waiting

thought you would awake me

called your name

lying in my bed

but you didn't have it

offered to go get it

but you didn't have it

so i'm sitting

all i know

is sitting and waiting

waiting and sitting

cause i'm a woman

all i know

is sitting and waiting

cause i gotta wait

wait for it to find

me

when all the cards are in

when all the chips are counted

the smiles smiled

the pictures taken

i wonder

if they'll say

you played a fair

game

of game?

it's wednesday night baby

and i'm all alone

wednesday night baby

and i'm all alone

sitting with myself

waiting for the telephone

wanted you baby

but you said you had to go

wanted you yeah

but you said you had to go

called your best friend

but he can't come 'cross no more

did you ever go to bed

at the end of a busy day

look over and see the smooth

where your hump usta lay

feminine odor and no reason why

i said feminine odor and no reason why

asked the lord to help me

he shook his head “not i”

but i'm a modern woman baby

ain't gonna let this get me down

i'm a modern woman

ain't gonna let this get me down

gonna take my master charge

and get everything in town