The Collector's Edition Volume 1 (6 page)

‘Does your new career make up for the child we could have had, Jayne?’ Dan asked, insidiously striking the raw feelings that had erupted through her last night. ‘The baby we could have shared?’

‘It’s not a career,’ she protested.

‘You don’t see yourself working your way up some business ladder, stamping your own individuality on the work you do, wielding power over others?’

She flinched at the taunting barbs. ‘I never said I wanted that, Dan,’ she answered with quiet dignity. ‘I never did.’

‘Then what’s the plan, Jayne? How do you intend to establish your own identity?’

‘By staying still. And putting down roots.’

He grimaced and swept her with a derisive look. ‘Your credibility is in dire need of propping up. What the hell are you doing in China with Monty Castle if your heart’s desire is to stay still and put down roots?’

‘I needed to find my feet before choosing the best place for me to stay. And buying a home is expensive. Monty promised me a substantial bonus at the completion of this contract if I accompanied him to China.’

His eyes narrowed. ‘No me, no bonus. It must have been quite a dilemma for you.’

Enough was enough. He wasn’t listening to her. He just wanted to hurt. ‘I don’t have to account to you for what I do or don’t do, Dan, except in so far as the job is concerned.’

She walked back to the bed and deposited Baby on her pillow. ‘I’m sorry I intruded on your private life,’ she added, quickly pulling away from the child and straightening up to meet Dan’s gaze with steady, relentless determination. ‘Believe me. It won’t happen again.’

She was almost back at the door when he softly asked, ‘Why haven’t you put a divorce in process, Jayne?’

Because she hadn’t wanted to think about it…about him…about the end of what had once been beautiful. She had needed more distance between them, not in place but in time before confronting the contact that would have to be made. That contact was here and now. She should take decisive action here and now. Instead she turned and challenged him.

‘Why haven’t you, Dan?’

A primitive flare of possession blazed into his eyes. ‘You’re my wife. Till death do us part.’

A man of his word, of his vows.

It shamed her.

It goaded her into bitter rebellion.

‘So what’s your plan, Dan? To railroad me into sharing your life again on your terms? Am I to
grovel for your forgiveness first? Admit that I was wrong to give up on our marriage? Beg you to take me back?’

His jaw tightened.

Jayne knew she’d hit a nerve. She plowed on, laying her position on the line for him. ‘If that’s what you want, forget it. The wife you had
is
dead. I’ll never be that woman again. Not for you. Not for anyone.’

She was shaking as she closed the door behind her. She heard Baby crowing, ‘Da-da, Da-da…’ She shut her eyes tight to stem a rush of tears. She couldn’t let Dan get to her like this. Control…control was the key.

She’d let him do all the running in there, answering questions as though she was in the dock and he had the right to play the part of grand inquisitor, probing and punishing in his judgements. He wasn’t God Almighty. He had flaws, too. And he could do with a strong dash of humbling.

Jayne steeled herself to set the record straight and opened the door again. Dan was propped on his side, gazing down at the child who clearly adored him. Which reminded Jayne of another issue she felt very strongly about.

He glanced up with a brooding look at Jayne and she burst into speech, giving him no chance to start on her again. ‘For your information, I wasn’t indulging myself in getting Baby up. Chunz, the Chinese woman who cooks and cleans
for us, is out in the kitchen making a special breakfast for her. She would have loved to have a little girl of her own and she’s so happy at the prospect of looking after Baby while we’re here, I didn’t see any harm in giving her the pleasure of doing what she wanted.’

Jayne paused for a quick breath before firing another salvo in her own defence. ‘I know this doesn’t fit your picture of me. I’m supposed to be too self-absorbed to care about the feelings of others or know anything about them. However, if you’d like to bring Baby out to the kitchen, you can find out for yourself that what I’m telling you is true.’

‘I’ll take your word for it,’ he said flatly, waving her forward. ‘I’m sure Baby will enjoy being fussed over and fed something different. Go ahead and carry her out to Chunz. I’ll get dressed and join you in the kitchen for breakfast.’

‘Right!’ Jayne strode over to Baby’s side of the bed again and swung the child onto her hip. ‘Another thing!’ she hurled at Dan.

His mouth quirked. ‘I’m glad you’ve decided communication is better than running away.’

‘Communication takes a listener as well as a talker. I don’t particularly care to bash my head against a brick wall,’ she retorted loftily. ‘But for the sake of Nina’s daughter, I will. And I’ll go on bashing it until you have the decency to rethink what you’ve done.’

One eyebrow arched a mocking query. ‘What have I done that’s so reprehensible?’

‘Nina would never have called her daughter Baby. Never!’ Jayne declared vehemently. ‘You choose a proper name for her, Dan Drayton. A name that she’ll be happy with in the years to come. You owe
it
to Nina. You owe it to Mike. It’s their child and and what you’ve done is turn her into a no-name person.’

The eyebrow descended into a frown.

‘Think about it!’ Jayne commanded. ‘I want to hear your first suggestion at breakfast.’

Having thrown down her gauntlet, she marched out of the bedroom, satisfied she had done justice to herself and to Baby. Having lacked any solid sense of identity herself, no way was she going to allow Dan to burden Nina’s daughter with a similar handicap. Nor was she going to let him undermine what she had achieved for herself and what she was going to achieve for herself!

He was right about one thing.

He was not going to find it comfortable living with Dragon Lady!

D
AN
reviewed his position as he dressed. It wasn’t totally bad. He was established in the same domicile as Jayne and continual propinquity could break down a lot of barriers, given time and patience. He also had answers to work on, such as they were.

At least he didn’t have to take complete stabs in the dark any more. Jayne didn’t want any other man…yet. The idea of sharing
his
life on
his
terms—whatever her perception of that was—aroused intensely negative feelings. Wanting a house of her own suggested a frustrated nesting instinct.

He had the outline of a picture that he could fill in as they spent more time together. For two years he had been rendered powerless to do anything about their marriage. It might not be possible to resurrect what they’d once had together, but he wasn’t going to tamely accept the status quo.

The woman he had married was not dead. She was more vitally alive than he had ever seen her; challengingly alive, excitingly alive. She threw off sparks that set his body abuzz with wanting her again.

She shouldn’t still have the power to do that to him, but she did. There was no denying it. She stirred him as no other woman had before, during or after their marriage. It had only taken one look at her last night for all the old feelings to rush through him again. More sharply from having gone two years without her. Every bit as sharply as when he had first seen her under a full moon in Fiji six years ago.

Having donned his heavy-duty drill clothes, he sat on the bed to pull on his socks and boots. His mind drifted back over the past six years. When had it started going wrong for her? Why?

She had been a travel agent when they’d met, as alone as he was, no ties to anyone or anything. She’d been delighted with the idea of travelling the world with him. Their honeymoon on the Northern Lights cruise from Finland had been deliriously happy, and afterward, in France, she had loved exploring Paris with him.

He sifted through the countries they had been in, trying to find signposts to her discontent. Germany…Greece…Hungary…no problems there. Iceland…such a fascinating land of natural violent wonders; volcanoes, hot springs, geysers, glaciers. Jayne had thought it chillingly barren. She’d been rather quiet, glad to leave. India…

Dan came to a mental halt.

Jayne had been disturbed by India. The poverty. Children begging in the street. The children had definitely distressed her, especially
the homeless. That was when the long silences had started, the depression that somehow evolved into desperation during their stay in Iran.

Iran was hard on women. He acknowledged that. Although he didn’t understand why Jayne had taken it quite so hard. She’d had Nina for company while he and Mike were working. It wasn’t as though she was alone with customs that she hated. Nor was he insensitive to her feelings about it. He had crossed Iraq off his itinerary, although it wasn’t as oppressive for women as Iran.

He had been quite sure Jayne would love Ireland, yet when he had told her his plan, she had stared right through him as though she hadn’t heard a word, as though he wasn’t even there. Then had come the bombshell that she wanted out of their marriage, and it didn’t matter what he said, what he offered, it was as though she had lowered an impenetrable wall between them, shutting herself off from him.

He’d had no choice but to let her go.

Nina had said Jayne needed space in which to work out what she wanted from life. He had mentally given her three months. She’d wanted to go home to Australia. He’d seen her onto a flight to Sydney…then nothing. She might as well have disappeared off the face of the earth. The letters he’d written were returned to sender, uncollected, unanswered.

He remembered sitting with Nina through the long, painful hours before she died. ‘Jayne loves you, Dan,’ she had whispered close to the end. Then, with tears glistening in her eyes, ‘It’s so hard to give up someone you love. I’m glad I’m going to Mike, but it hurts to leave our baby.’

‘She’ll be safe with me, I promise, Nina,’ he had assured her.

‘It must have hurt Jayne terribly to leave you. I hope you find each other again, Dan. Do you think she’ll mind about you having my baby?’

‘No. She won’t mind, Nina.’

He would have said anything to comfort her. At the time he had bitterly dismissed Nina’s thoughts about Jayne. They made no sense to him. Nor did they now. People didn’t leave those they loved unless they were forced to by circumstances beyond their control. That wasn’t the case with Jayne.

Or was it?

His terms
…

Had he assumed a control over her life that she had found intolerable?

He shook his head. She had said last night she hadn’t thought him a tyrannical husband.

He needed more evidence of how Jayne saw things. At least he had made one right assumption. She didn’t mind about him having Nina’s baby. Not that she had any reason to since she didn’t plan on resuming their marriage. Which made it rather odd that she was ready to
fight tooth and nail to ensure he do what she considered right for the child.

He pushed himself to move, tidying the bedroom before going to the bathroom. He idly considered various names for Baby while he washed and shaved. It didn’t hurt him to concede to Jayne on this point. Approval was a warm feeling. The more warm feelings he could generate between them, the closer he’d get to whatever had driven Jayne away from him.

She had Baby seated on her lap when he entered the kitchen. The mother and child picture they made knifed his heart. Why couldn’t she have…? But he had to push his anger aside, deal with the present.

‘How about Muriel?’ It was his mother’s name.

Jayne flashed him a wary look. ‘I don’t think it fits.’ She nodded to a small, round Chinese woman who was bringing a steaming dish to the table. ‘This is Mrs. Huang Chunz. Mr. Drayton, Chunz.’

‘You have a beautiful baby, Mr. Drayton,’ Chunz almost sang, her face wreathed in a huge smile.

‘Thank you. And thank you for looking after us.’

‘Breakfast is ready. Please sit down. I will hold the baby.’ She took her from Jayne and cuddled her lovingly. ‘I am happy to mind her while you work,’ she offered, her eyes shiny with eager appeal.

‘I thought it best we visit Monty at the hospital first thing this morning,’ Jayne put in quickly, her eyes still wary as she added, ‘If that’s all right with you.’

‘Fine.’ He sat at the table opposite her and smiled at the motherly Chinese woman. ‘I’m afraid Baby isn’t used to being parted from me. Perhaps when she gets to know you better, she’ll be happy to stay with you, Chunz.’

Her eyes dulled with disappointment. ‘Any time, Mr. Drayton.’

‘Chunz is very reliable,’ Jayne assured him.

‘I’m sure she is,’ he agreed, gesturing for Jayne to serve herself first. ‘So am I. Responsible, too. Nina called me a rock.’

‘More like a rolling stone,’ Jayne tripped out, then compressed her lips as though annoyed at herself for making the comment.

Dan reflected on it as they ate breakfast, which consisted of the inevitable rice with little cup-shaped meat dumplings wrapped in a thin, dough skin.

Jayne was intent on buying a house, staying in one place, but a house was an empty shell without the right people in it. A house didn’t necessarily make a home. As for putting down roots, what value did that have? So that someone a few generations on could trace a family tree? What was a life worth unless one could pack into it every experience possible?

Was this talk of a home and putting down roots camouflage for motives Jayne didn’t want to disclose? Sops to put him off? Dan was not about to be put off. If it was the last thing he did he would blow up that damned wall she’d erected between them and find out what was behind it.

‘Wanda,’ he said, pleased with the inspiration. ‘I’ll call Baby, Wanda.’

Jayne glared at him, her blue eyes intensely vivid with violent rejection. ‘No, you won’t. It might fit you but you can’t pin that label on a child who knows nothing else.’

The vehement passion in her voice gave him further food for thought. Had Jayne’s desire to settle in one place become an obsession that overrode everything else?

‘Theresa,’ he offered for approval. ‘You admired Mother Theresa and the work she was doing in India.’

Jayne visibly shuddered. ‘No.’ She flicked a look at Baby. ‘It’s not appropriate.’

Dan ran through several other names. Jayne vetoed every one of them, saying they didn’t fit. What the criteria for ‘fitting’ was, Dan had no idea. By the time they set off for the hospital, Baby was still Baby.

Jayne drove the truck that had been put at Monty’s disposal. There was no nervous deferring of the task to him, although the hordes of cyclists that thronged the streets of Xi’an made negotiating a truck through and around them a
tricky business. Jayne handled it without any evident qualms.

Dan mentally catalogued the differences he had noticed in her. She was more self-assured, very much her own person and not the least bit backward or awkward in dealing with people. He had seen her handle Lin Zhiyong and Omar El Talik with finesse last night and Huang Chunz with kindly interest this morning.

She had stood up to everything he had thrown at her, too. Her strength of mind and asser-tiveness had surprised him. It also forced him to re-appraise his role in their marriage. Had he been too dominant, too protective, stunting her self-growth? She was certainly a woman to be reckoned with now. There seemed nothing about her that he could take for granted.

‘How about Hebe?’ he tossed at her. ‘Good classical name, Hebe.’ He jiggled the possum bag he carried Baby in to draw her attention. ‘Hebe is not so different to what you’re used to, is it, sweetheart? Do you like Hebe?’

She blew him a raspberry.

Jayne laughed. Her eyes actually twinkled at him. ‘I think that puts paid to Hebe.’

Dan was sharply reminded of days of love and laughter. He wanted them back. He wanted…He expelled a long breath. Jayne wasn’t about to fall in with what he wanted this time around. He forced himself to relax.

‘All right. I give up. You name her,’ he invited.

Jayne darted an uncertain glance at him.

‘I mean it,’ he assured her. ‘I readily confess I’m a man. I’ll go with your feminine leanings and intuition. Besides, if Baby ends up hating her new name, the blame is all yours, Jayne.’

Still she hesitated. ‘Have you legally adopted her, Dan?’

‘Yes.’

‘What’s on her papers?’

‘Baby Lassiter Drayton.’

She frowned. ‘I guess that can be construed as not having been christened before then. Has she been baptised?’

‘No.’

‘Then you can put her proper names on her baptismal certificate. That will make up for any feeling of having the matter neglected before.’

Neglected
? Dan thought that was a harsh reflection on his inclination to simply use Baby. Or was it a reflection of Jayne’s feelings? He recollected her saying that her childhood wasn’t worth remembering and always refused to be drawn on it. He filed that away under
questions to be answered.

‘Names?’ he queried, noting her use of the plural.

‘Yes. She should have two.’

‘Have you decided?’

‘Anya Micaela. Anya was Nina’s real name. Micaela so she knows she’s very much part of her father, as well. It will give her a sense
of…well, family heritage. I think that’s important.’

‘Why?’

She threw him a startled look. ‘I think most people want to belong to someone.’

‘Why shouldn’t she feel she belongs to me?’

A flush stained her pale cheeks. ‘I only meant that adopted children want a connection to their natural parents. That’s not belittling your role in her life, Dan.’

Jayne had more than belittled his role in her own life, he thought sourly. He wondered how she would react to regular incursions from him in her precious new life.

‘So now we’ve got to get Baby baptised,’ he said agreeably. ‘After we’ve finished this project, I’ll come back to Australia with you and have it done there. I think you should be godmother, Jayne. Nina would have liked that. Anya Micaela will, too. Gives her another person to belong to.’

He watched Jayne’s fingers tighten around the driving wheel. The atmosphere in the cabin of the truck thickened with tension. He could feel her brain racing through the permutations, how much of a tie it would be to him, how many contacts it might entail in the future, the responsibilities she would be taking on as godmother.

Dan patiently waited for her reply, not pressing, not elaborating on the theme, allowing Jayne’s caring for Nina’s daughter do all the work
for him. They passed through two sets of traffic lights before she came to a decision.

‘I agree,’ she said slowly. ‘If anything happens to you, Anya will have me to come to. She can count on me always being there for her when and if she needs me.’

All Anya. No expectation that he might come along with her. He wondered why. ‘That’s a big commitment, Jayne,’ he observed.

She grimaced. ‘I know what it’s like to be cut adrift. I wouldn’t want Anya Micaela to ever think she had no one to go to.’

‘You cut yourself adrift, Jayne,’ he said harshly, unable to repress the swift rise of anger stirred by her words.

She bit her lips as hot colour burned into her cheeks again. Her chest rose and fell as she struggled to regain composure. ‘I was referring to…to something else, Dan.’

‘Fine! Then let me understand,’ he urged tersely. ‘Unlock the closets and roll out the skeletons. They might shed some light on why you saw fit to cut me adrift.’

Her eyes flashed blue fire at him. ‘You’ve never been anything but adrift. You always will be adrift. That’s your nature.’

‘Is that so?’

‘Yes. And I don’t anticipate that anything will ever change you,’ she added flatly, the fire dying as quickly as it had blazed.

The revealing little flare-up gave Dan a very clear picture. Jayne didn’t believe he would stick around if he brought Baby—Anya Micaela—to visit her godmother. She felt confident there would be no more than the most fleeting connection with him. If that. It was firmly fixed in her mind that he was an inveterate wanderer, a rolling stone, incapable of tolerating a settled existence.