The Color of Distance (64 page)

“I’m going up for a breath of fresh air,” she said. “You take over for a while.”

Juna emerged from the tree with a sigh of relief. The humid air was cool and restless as the afternoon storm approached. She climbed into the middle of the tree’s canopy and settled herself in a comfortable crotch. Closing her eyes, she breathed in the sweet, green-scented air of the forest, letting the gentle swaying of the tree soothe her.

The branch she was on vibrated with the motion of an approaching climber. It was Anitonen. Juna shifted to make room on the branch for her. They stared at each other; then Anitonen held out her arms for a link. Juna hesitated, then clasped the enkar’s arms.

She could feel Anitonen sorting through the emotions roiling inside her, easing her anger, soothing the pain of her loss. As her pain eased, Juna found herself remembering the ecstasy and release she had felt with Bruce in the baths.

Anitonen broke the link. Her skin flamed briefly golden, reflecting Juna’s sexual arousal. Embarrassed and ashamed, Juna looked away, giving Anitonen time to get herself under control.

“Thank you,” she said when Anitonen’s skin had returned to a neutral shade of green.

“Better?” Anitonen asked.

Juna nodded.

“You mated with Bruce last night.”

Juna glanced away, embarrassment heating her cheeks.

Anitonen touched her arm. “Sex takes the place of allu-a for your people, doesn’t it?”

Juna shrugged. Sex did many of the same things as linking, but you were always alone inside your own head, no matter how intimate and close you were with your partner. She wished that she hadn’t left her computer with Patricia, but then there really was no way to make Anitonen understand. It was too much a part of being human.

“We should go now,” Anitonen said. “The others are waiting for you.”

Juna followed the enkar down the branch. She moved cautiously, aware that her hands and feet were no longer fully adapted for climbing. The Survey team was assembled in Lalito’s room.

“I’m sorry,” Juna said. “I just needed some fresh air. Where were we?”

They returned to the landing beach a couple of hours before sunset. The A-C specs settled in the shadow of one of the cliffs and sorted through their samples while they waited for the boat to pick them up. Juna walked down the beach, hand in hand with Moki, glad to be done with the day’s work. Patricia fell into step beside them.

“Juna, what happened back there in the village? Why did you take off so suddenly? It was more than needing air, wasn’t it?”

Juna looked back up the cliff at the jungle. “I was watching the others taking samples and measuring things, and it bothered me. There they were, in the middle of this amazing village, and they were busy measuring doorways and collecting trash. It just seemed"—she paused, searching for the right words—"so trivial, so foolish. They were so busy studying bits and pieces of the Tendu, when the whole was sitting right there in front of them.” She shook her head. “It’s a Tendu thing, I guess—the Tendu study the whole system and how it works before they start looking at the bits and pieces that make it up. We humans do the opposite. We take a thing apart and study the pieces, then try to put it together again. I don’t think that works when you’re studying people.”

“It’s more than that,” Patricia said. “What else is bothering you?”

“It’s hard, not being able to talk directly to the Tendu,” Juna said. “It makes me feel like I’m stuck behind a thick piece of plexi. It’s especially hard with Moki. He needs me so much.”

Patricia laid a hand on her arm. “You’ve been through a lot. Why don’t you take some time off?”

“You need me.”

“You’ll be going home in a couple of months,” Patricia told her. “We’re going to have to learn to get along without you. Take some leave. Go up to the mother ship, see some tapes, relax. Take Bruce with you. You deserve it, and in my opinion, you need it.”

Juna glanced down at Moki and sighed. It was a tempting thought. She had been working nonstop since the Survey had returned. Besides, she
would
be going home soon. It would be a good idea to let the Survey find out what they still needed to know from her.

“I’ll talk to the captain about it.”

“Good.”

Juna stepped through the shuttle airlock onto the mother ship. An honor guard in dress uniform whistled her aboard. She smiled and blinked back tears. Bruce squeezed her hand. It was good to be back in space. Commander Sussman greeted them warmly and escorted them to a large double cabin.

“With everyone down on the planet, there’s plenty of room,” the commander said. “And I’ve told the crew to respect your privacy, so they won’t be pestering you with questions. You’re on leave, and from what the captain told me, you’ve earned it.”

“Thank you very much, Commander. You’ve gone to a lot of trouble for us.”

Commander Sussman shrugged. “There’s not much to do up here except keep the ship ticking over until the supply ship comes through the gate. We’re not expecting them for another month and a half.”

“When will they be returning to Earth?” Juna asked, hope warring with sadness.

“Two or three weeks after that, maybe longer, depending on the situation downside,” the commander told her. “You could be home in five months’ time.”

“It’ll be good to see my family again,” Juna said.

“I’m sure it will. Enjoy your leave, Dr. Saari, Technician Bowles.”

“Well, I guess I will be going home after all,” Juna said when Commander Sussman closed the door. She swallowed back sudden tears.

“What’s the matter?” Bruce asked, putting his arms around her. She rested her forehead on his chest, taking comfort from his nearness. He cupped the back of her head in his hand.

“I don’t know,” she said. “I didn’t expect it to be so soon. The standard Research posting is about ten months on-planet and you’ve only been here for three.”

“Juna, this is an important posting. They’ll be sending home the setup crew and whatever technicians they can spare, and bringing in more scientists.”

“And you?” Juna asked. “What will you be doing?”

“I’ll be going home on the supply ship with you. The scientists are going to have to run their own boats.”

“It’ll be good to have company on the run home. But—” She looked away, unable to speak through a surge of emotion.

“It’s Moki, isn’t it?”

Juna nodded, and Bruce gathered her close.

“Juna,” he said, lifting her chin gently. “You came up here to forget about all of that for a week. You can worry about it when we go back.”

“It’s hard,” Juna told him.

“Well, I’ll do my best to distract you,” he said as he moved to kiss her.

Despite her reservations, Juna enjoyed her holiday. They made love, wallowed in the ship’s huge
osento,
talked for hours, and explored some virtual-reality worlds together. She visited the commissary, and had the computer spin her some new clothes, then had her newly regrown hair dyed into the pattern of her Tendu name sign. She felt years younger by the end of her leave.

Juna and Bruce were just packing to return when the phone rang.

“Dr. Saari, we found a Tendu on board the shuttle craft, and we need your help. It’s in the infirmary.”

“I’ll be right there,” she said. “It’s Moki,” she told Bruce. “Somehow he got on board the shuttle. He’s in the infirmary.”

“Let’s go, then,” Bruce said.

“I’m Dr. Saari, where is the Tendu?” Juna said, when they arrived at the infirmary.

“Right this way. It was unconscious when the crewmen found it in the cargo area. They brought it here just a few minutes ago.”

Juna followed the doctor into the hospital ward. Moki was strapped to a gurney.

“It’s Moki,” she told the doctor. “He’s my adopted son.” Moki’s eyes slit open, at the sound of her voice. Muddy shades of relief and happiness drifted over his skin, but he was too weak to form words. She touched his forehead. It felt cold and his skin was as dry as parchment.

“Call down to the research base, have someone get Anitonen or Uka-tonen, and bring them up here. Tell them it’s an emergency. He’s suffering from hypothermia and dehydration. He needs a hot bath and warm electrolyte solution to drink. Now!”

Juna held him close, warming him with her body heat. “Oh Moki, what have you done?”

A nurse came in. “The bath will be ready in a few more minutes. Here are some hot, moist towels to wrap him in meanwhile.”

Juna nodded her thanks. They swathed him in towels, and wheeled him to the bathtub. When the water was ready, they immersed him.

Juna stripped down and climbed into the tub with Moki, cradling him in the hot water. He began to stir again. His eyes opened. He looked at her, and flushed a clear, brilliant turquoise. “On sky ship?” he asked, forming his words with difficulty.

Juna stroked his forehead. “Yes,” she said. “You’re on the sky ship.”

“Cold,” he said. “Hungry.” Feebly he held his arms out for a link.

Juna shook her head. “No Moki, I can’t,” she told him, holding up her spurless wrist. Without her aim, she couldn’t heal him. Linking would only drain what little strength he still possessed.

“Here, drink this,” Juna said, lifting a beaker of warm electrolyte solution to his lips. Moki took a cautious sip, and then began drinking eagerly.

“Good,” he said when he was done. He closed his eyes, and drifted in her arms, sleeping in the hot water. After half an hour, the nurses helped her lift him from the tub onto the gurney. Juna roused him, and got him to drink almost a liter of warm electrolyte solution. They settled him in a nest of moist towels warmed by a heating pad. Juna sank into a hard plastic hospital chair to watch over him while he slept.

“Dr. Saari? Dr. Saari?”

Juna stirred groggily, and then awoke. Dr. Wu was standing beside her. Ukatonen hovered just behind Wu’s shoulder, his skin ochre with concern.

“Moki! How is he?” Juna asked.

“He’s sleeping,” Dr. Wu told her. “I’ve brought Ukatonen to make sure that he’s all right. I thought you’d like to be awake while he linked with him. Also, I brought you a translator so you can talk to the Tendu.”

“Thank you,” Juna said. “I’m glad you came.”

Ukatonen touched her on the shoulder. “Our bami is still stubborn,” he said in skin speech.

Juna smiled. “He certainly is,” she replied through the translator.

“Do you want to link with us?”

Juna nodded, and reached into the warm nest of blankets for Moki’s hand. Ukatonen did the same. They grasped hands and linked.

Moki’s presence reached for her, enfolding her with a vast sense of relief. Distantly, Juna was aware of Ukatonen moving through Moki, making minor repairs, but she was too caught up with Moki to notice the details. It was wonderful to feel his presence again. Seeing him so weak and helpless had made her realize how much she missed him, and how very happy she was that he was still alive. She felt him responding to her relief, her happiness at seeing him. They spiraled upward into harmony. After so much grief and guilt, it felt like the sun coming out from the clouds.

Juna clung to the link as long as she could. When the link broke, she sat for a moment, her eyes shut, not wanting to lose the completeness she had felt. Moki filled a hollow place in her heart that belonged to no one else. How could she leave him?

She opened her eyes to the outside world.

“He’ll be fine,” Ukatonen assured her. “He needs a good meal and a day’s rest, and then we can take him back down.”

Moki clutched her arm. “No,” he said in Standard skin speech, “I want to go with you!”

“Moki, I’m afraid that’s not possible,” Juna told him, her eyes filling with tears. “You have to stay here with Ukatonen.”

Wu touched her on the arm. “Clearly Moki wants to stay with you.”

Juna nodded, her eyes brimming with tears. “And I want to stay with him, but it’s impossible.” She looked down at Moki. “I’ve been hoping that somehow he would accept Ukatonen as his sitik, but now—” She shook her head. “He’ll die without me, and if he dies, then Ukatonen will commit suicide.”

“We can’t let that happen,” Wu said. “I don’t want to think about how that would affect our relationship with the Tendu.”

“I can’t stay here,” Juna told him. “I need to go home. There’s my family. I miss them, and my father needs me.”

“You’ve given more than enough, to both the Survey and the Tendu,” Wu agreed.

Ukatonen touched her shoulder. “What are you saying?” he asked.

Juna translated the conversation.

“Take Moki with you,” Ukatonen suggested. “For that matter, I’d like to go as well. After all, I am also Moki’s sitik. He shouldn’t be completely separated from other Tendu.”

“Please!” Moki begged, going bright pink with excitement.

Juna shook her head. “It’s too cold and dry,” she said. “And it’s against Contact Protocols.”

“There’s nothing in the treaty against it,” Ukatonen argued, “and if we can change you to fit into our world, why can’t we change ourselves to fit into yours? It’s risky, but we’re both willing to do what we can to adapt.”

Moki sat up, ears wide. “Let me go with you!” he pleaded.

Juna looked from Moki to Ukatonen and back again. “It will be hard. You have no idea how hard it will be. My world is so different, so complex,” she said. “You’ll be too cold, too dry, and everything will seem crazy and confusing. The whole world will feel out of harmony. Some people will be afraid of you, others hostile. You’ll have trouble communicating with the ones who are friendly.”

“You managed to adapt to us,” Moki pointed out.

“I nearly died several times,” Juna told him. “I was very unhappy, and I caused a lot of disharmony.”

“You’re my sitik,” Moki said. “I belong wherever you are.”