The Comfort of Lies (36 page)

“You have to stop this craziness,” Sissy said.

Caroline tensed, wondering what fresh hell Peter’s sister would inject in the conversation.

“Exactly,” said Mrs. Fitzgerald. “It’s all craziness.”

“No, Ma,” Sissy said. “You’re exactly wrong. You’re the one who’s wrong. Money isn’t everything in the world, you know.”

“I never said it was.” Mrs. Fitzgerald fussed with straightening napkins on the buffet.

“You kind of did, Reenie,” Peter’s father said.

“I only want the best for my children,” she said. “More than I had for myself—that’s what I want for you.”

“And we appreciate that, Ma.” Peter put an arm around Caroline. “But Caroline and I, we also want to give Savannah the best. Ma, you did a great job. I want to do as well. I never want Savannah to starve for anything, including our company. One of us has to work a little less, and I chose to be the one.”

Peter’s mother put her hands to her face, covering her mouth for a moment. She blinked her eyes. “Fine, fine. You’ll do what you want anyway.”

Peter’s father patted the empty seat to his right. “Let’s give it a rest, okay? Everyone at the table is healthy, no one is starving, and everyone has a job. So, there’s nothing to be upset about, right? We’ll get enough trouble when we’re not looking.”

Mrs. Fitzgerald threw her arms in the air. “I give up. Let’s eat.” She sat to the right of her husband and picked up her fork, waving it at Caroline before digging it into her dessert. “You better discover a cure for eye cancer for this sacrifice from Peter.”

“Absolutely, Mom,” Caroline agreed. “I’m on it.”

Caroline smiled at her mother-in-law. She took a large bite of pie, enjoying the sweet and creamy mix in her mouth. She turned to Savannah and hugged her close, closing her eyes and breathing in her smell of baby shampoo mixed with Caroline’s vanilla-tinged powder. Her girl was beginning to raid Caroline’s things.

Savannah’s first five years weren’t splendid. Caroline knew that. And she knew she held much of the blame—not all, but much. Now it was on her to figure out how to change things.

CHAPTER 34

Tia

Sister Patrice’s patience awed Tia.

Scorching August heat—barely overcome by the church’s ancient air conditioner—addled clients pulling at her arm each time she passed, bathrooms needing cleaning ten times in a day, none of it rattled her. Sister managed to find the good in everyone—even Ed Parker, who attempted to pick up the skirt of every woman who passed. “At least he still has a spark,” Sister Patrice would say repeatedly, usually after putting a plate of cookies in front of him to keep his hands busy. Ed refused to wear his teeth, so eating took him a good, long time.

The goodness of her new boss soothed Tia through the days of knowing that she was at the wrong job. In her month working at Merciful Sisters, Tia had learned this about herself: working with the elderly suffering from early dementia was a job for the serene or the jolly. Tia fit neither category.

At Merciful Sisters, Tia was available every moment. The staff had fifteen minutes to set up before the clients arrived and fifteen minutes to clean after they left. The other seven and a half hours were devoted to entertaining the elderly men and women for whom this church basement was everything.

Merciful Sisters was a good place. Compared to some senior facilities, it was paradise on earth. Sister Harmony’s biscuits were so delicious that Tia swore she was developing the first potbelly of her life.

Father Gerard came in from the rectory with a different leather-bound classic each week. They’d sit in a joyful circle of ideas—that’s what he called the reading hour—and listen as he read in his rough brogue. This week it was
Ivanhoe.

They had painting class, and they adopted soldiers, and sang, and took trips to shows. Last week Tia had a shaky elderly woman on each side, holding tight as she led them down the aisle of the Colonial Theatre to see a revival of
Guys and Dolls.

Tia hated it all. The day-in, day-out cheerful care wasn’t in her. She knew this was a wonderful place, but she could barely make it through her days, and she was frightened of her future. Perhaps she needed to buck up and accept that this was her life.

“Here you go.” Sister Harmony handed her a platter of meringues. “A special treat. Pass them out, dear.”

Tia took the plate. That morning, Sister Harmony had explained how she’d been waiting for a dry day to make these meringues—angel kisses, she called them. Apparently, humidity made angel kisses weep.

Her clients made Tia weep these days. She wanted to enjoy spending time with them; she hated having to put on a face. They deserved more than cookies, and Tia realized she wanted to find ways to work on that. Maybe going back to school. Maybe teaching.

She gave Ed plenty of distance as she held out the plate to him. “Only two, Ed,” she warned. “These are for everyone.”

“Make sure he doesn’t cheat,” Alice Gomez said. “He thinks everything’s for him. I don’t know why Sister rewards him for being bad.”

Tia patted Alice’s arm as she held the platter far from Ed. “Tell you what: I’ll take you for a treat tomorrow. Just me and you.” She bent down to whisper in Alice’s ear. “We’ll get ice cream.”

Alice beamed, her dentures hanging a bit low. Tia needed to take Alice to the ladies’ room.

If Tia had felt tired at the JP Senior Advocate Center, here she’d begun dying of sadness. She wondered if God was making her do penance for her life, for giving away Savannah, for sleeping with and then pining for Nathan. For how she’d failed the Grahams. The idea of fighting God terrified her.

“Brain games in fifteen minutes, folks!” Sister Patrice called. She held up a large box printed with bright blue outlines of lively seniors shouting.

“Ooh, look!” Alice Gomez grinned. “Tia, your boyfriend is here,” she said in singsong fashion.

Bobby beamed as he bounded down the stairs. They loved him.

“Mrs. Gomez.” Bobby gave the frail old woman a squeeze around the shoulders. “You look lovely as always.”

“You’re early, Bobby,” Tia said. “It’s only three thirty.”

He gave Mrs. Gomez a final pat and turned to Tia. “Good news. Guess what finally happened to yours truly today?”

The entire room hushed, waiting to hear Bobby’s news. Even Sister Patrice looked up from the eternal paperwork that, in her words, damned the good sister to hell on earth.

Tia’s stomach clutched. She had a bad feeling that she knew exactly what the good news would be.

“I sold it! I did it, Tia!” Bobby did a little victory dance, shaking his shoulders back and forth. He smothered Tia in a bear hug. “Easy street, baby. That’s where we’re headed,” he whispered. “Easy street.”

 • • • 

“You won the boss lottery, baby,” Bobby said.

He put his hand on the small of her back and led her toward the bridge in the Public Garden. Everything about this oasis of well-tended trees, shrubs, and flowers whispered romance, a Renoir come alive.

“It’s not like she gave me the key to the city; she let me out an hour early.”

“But still, she’s always good to you.”

“Aren’t I good to her?” Tia asked.

“Why are you biting my head off, baby?”

Oh, that was surely the question. With anyone else, Tia would be nodding her head off as she agreed how wonderful Sister Patrice had been since she took the job. Tia stopped at the foot of the bridge.

“Please don’t call me baby, okay?” Tia asked. “I told you it drives me nuts.”

Bobby’s face went blank, and Tia hated herself.

“Because that’s what I remember my father calling my mother. It’s painful.”

The lie brought life back to Bobby. He stood straighter and gave her a brotherly peck on her cheek. “Sorry, baby. Oops. Last time. Scout’s honor.” He held three fingers in the air.

She nodded and gave a weak smile. They reached the middle of the bridge and stopped, looking out at the calm lagoon. The Swan Boats, Boston’s famed paddleboats, lazed over the water.

“This is exquisite,” Tia said. She swept her hand in a circle, taking in the lush greenery, the happy families waiting on line, the flowers everywhere.

“
You’re
exquisite.”

Bobby loved her too much. She feared that the moment she melted back, he’d harden. That she’d been his unattainable dream. Worship never lasted.

“Look,” Tia changed the subject. “The swans.”

“You know what their names are?” Bobby answered his own question before Tia could speak. “Romeo and Juliet.”

She pressed her lips together. She’d read that the famed Public Garden’s swans were, in fact, both female, despite their Shakespearean heritage.

“Things can really move for us now.” Bobby tipped up her face and kissed her. “This deal will change everything.”

“To you, Bobby.” Tia tipped an imaginary hat. “Condo king! And in this market!”

“I know, I know.” He beamed. “I can’t believe I finally got all the financing.”

Tia tried to imagine his Realtor persona; did he keep his “Aw
shucks,” or was there a shark inside Bobby, one that took giant bites before a client even noticed? Or did his patience make the deals happen?

“This deal has teetered on the brink for ages, but I believed in it . . . honey,” he said.

“I know.” Tia gripped the iron railing.

“You know what this means, don’t you?”

“That you’ll be a big shot with a pocket full of money?”

Bobby grinned. He was a good guy. A real guy.

“That too,” he said. “But that’s not what I meant. It’s going to take plenty of dough to fight for custody.”

He patted his chest as though a million-dollar check nestled in his pocket; as though the money were already in the bank. “And now we have it.”

Tia imagined the condo where they’d live in the new development. Bobby would pick out the best one. They’d wake each morning to the ocean view spread out just for them. In the summer, she and Savannah would only have to cross the street to go swimming.

It was such a beautiful dream. She’d thought about it every time Bobby brought it up, which he did repeatedly, even as she tried to back away. Nuts. It would be purely insane. Still. She’d pictured holding Savannah’s warm hand as they shopped for school clothes. The vision of Savannah swinging between her and Bobby, holding both their hands, was the sweetest thing she could imagine. As was taking her girl to meet Bobby’s parents. They lived in the same house on K Street where he’d grown up. They’d probably saved all his toys.

She and Bobby could have a sister for Savannah. Two sisters. A dozen. Tia still felt the loneliness of being an only child. If not for Robin, would she have a soul to turn to?

If only she could make it all up, have a do-over. She’d never have given her away.

She still hadn’t told Bobby about the day she and Nathan went to see Savannah. He still didn’t have a clue that Nathan had come back in her life, however tangentially.

Instead of living clean, she was building a new set of secrets.

“Not that I’m saying we have to go to court right away.” He studied her. “But the sooner the better, right? Look: it’s about having options—that’s the important thing in life. Knowing you can. Whatever you think is right, that’s what we’ll do. But she’s not getting any younger. The sooner it happens, the easier it will be on her.”

“I’m not ready to jump in yet,” she said. “But the fact that you care . . . that’s worth as much as anything I’ve ever gotten.”

Tia looked to her left and saw children climbing on the bronze duck statues honoring the beloved Boston’s children’s book
Make Way for Ducklings.
Mothers and fathers looked on with adoration.

“Tia?” She looked back. Bobby held out a closed fist. “Can this be worth something to you also?” He opened his hand to reveal a black velvet box, using his thumb to flip it open, as though he’d practiced for this moment. “From this day forward, I want our decisions to be made together.”

A large diamond framed with a square of tiny sparkling ones, so bright it caught even the soft light of the cloudy day, shone at Tia. She longed to wear it. Women with diamonds on their finger showed the world they belonged. How much someone loved them.

Bobby took her hand. He slipped the ring on her finger. It fit. Cool metal kissed her flesh. She looked down at her left hand. She spread her fingers, trying to see the dazzling ring and not her bitten fingernails.

“What do you say? Will you marry me?” Bobby asked. “Be my family? Let me be yours? Bring your baby home?”

His head tipped to the side in anticipation, and he bit his lip as he waited for her answer. After a moment, he answered for her. “Don’t say a thing. Just wear it for a couple of days—a week.” He grinned. “Maybe a month. Try it on. It might feel better than you think.”

She felt the weight of the ring, probably worth more than everything she owned all added up together. A haze of sun caught the diamond and refracted it into a rainbow.

Tia moved her hand to the right to catch more of the sun. Her
mother would have loved this ring. She’d have loved knowing Tia had Savannah back. And she’d have loved Bobby.

 • • • 

Once Bobby fell asleep, she slipped into the living room. What if she had Savannah here right now? What if she did what Bobby wanted? What about when he wasn’t with them? Would she be a prisoner of the house?

How old did they have to be before you could leave them alone for a few minutes? How long before you stopped needing babysitters? She’d probably have to stop working, right? Although she’d need a job to prove her worthiness to the court.

But how about after? Would Bobby expect her to quit? Tia remembered sitting in a dark living room after school watching television. When Robin came into her life, she at least had someone with whom she could share the shows, but it was still lonely in the house. Just the two of them.

Not that they’d be only two, right? She’d have Bobby.

 • • • 

“You’re going to marry him? Move back to Southie? Are you nuts?”

“Why can’t you just be happy for me, Robin?”

“Oh, okay. Here I am being happy!”