The Complete Alice in Wonderland (56 page)

You see there were five large white roses on the tree—such a job to get them all painted red!
 
But they’ve got three and a half done, now, and if only they wouldn’t stop to talk—work away, little men, do work away!
 
Or the Queen will be coming before it’s done!
 
And if she finds any white roses on the tree, do you know what will happen?
 
It will be “Off with their heads!”
 
Oh, work away, my little men!
 
Hurry, hurry!

Chapter XII.

The Lobster-Quadrille

DID you ever play at Croquet?
 
There are large wooden balls, painted with different colours, that you have to roll about; and arches of wire, that you have to send them through; and great wooden mallets, with long handles, to knock the balls about with.

Now look at the picture, and you’ll see that Alice has just been playing a Game of Croquet.

“But she couldn’t play, with that great red what’s-its-name in her arms!
 
Why, how could she hold the mallet?”

Why, my dear Child, that great red what’s-its-name (its real name is “a Flamingo”) is the mallet!
 
In this Croquet-Game, the balls were live Hedge-hogs—you know a hedge-hog can roll itself up into a ball?—and the mallets were live Flamingos!

So Alice is just resting from the Game, for a minute, to have a chat with that dear old thing, the Duchess: and of course she keeps her mallet under her arm, so as not to lose it.

“But I don’t think she was a dear old thing, one bit!
 
To call her Baby a Pig, and to want to chop off Alice’s head!”

Oh, that was only a joke, about chopping off Alice’s head: and as to the Baby—why, it was a Pig, you know!
 
And just look at her smile!
 
Why, it’s wider than all Alice’s head: and yet you can only see half of it!

Well, they’d only had a very little chat, when the Queen came and took Alice away, to see the Gryphon and the Mock Turtle.

You don’t know what a Gryphon is?
 
Well!
 
Do you know anything?
 
That’s the question. However, look at the picture. That creature with a red head, and red claws, and green scales, is the Gryphon. Now you know.

And the other’s the Mock Turtle. It’s got a calf’s-head, because calf’s-head is used to make Mock Turtle Soup. Now you know.

“But what are they doing, going round and round Alice like that?”

Why, I thought of course you’d know that!
 
They’re dancing a Lobster-Quadrille.

And next time you meet a Gryphon and a Mock Turtle, I daresay they’ll dance it for you, if you ask them prettily. Only don’t let them come quite close, or they’ll be treading on your toes, as they did on poor Alice’s.

Chapter XIII.

Who Stole the Tarts?

DID you ever hear how the Queen of Hearts made some tarts?
 
And can you tell me what became of them?

Why, of course I can!
 
Doesn’t the song tell all about it?

The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts:

All on a summer day:

The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts,

And took them quite away!

Well, yes, the Song says so. But it would never do to punish the poor Knave, just because there was a Song about him. They had to take him prisoner, and put chains on his wrists, and bring him before the King of Hearts, so that there might be a regular trial.

Now, if you look at the big picture, at the beginning of this book, you’ll see what a grand thing a trial is, when the Judge is a King!

The King is very grand, isn’t he?
 
But he doesn’t look very happy. I think that big crown, on the top of his wig, must be very heavy and uncomfortable. But he had to wear them both, you see, so that people might know he was a Judge and a King.

And doesn’t the Queen look cross?
 
She can see the dish of tarts on the table, that she had taken such trouble to make. And she can see the bad Knave (do you see the chains hanging from his wrists?) that stole them away from her: so I don’t think it’s any wonder if she does feel a little cross.

The White Rabbit is standing near the King, reading out the Song, to tell everybody what a bad Knave he is: and the Jury (you can just see two of them, up in the Jury-box, the Frog and the Duck) have to settle whether he’s “guilty” or “not guilty.”

Now I’ll tell you about the accident that happened to Alice.

You see, she was sitting close by the Jury-box: and she was called as a witness. You know what a “witness” is?
 
A “witness” is a person who has seen the prisoner do whatever he’s accused of, or at any rate knows something that’s important in the trial.

But Alice hadn’t seen the Queen make the tarts: and she hadn’t seen the Knave take the tarts: and, in fact, she didn’t know anything about it: so why in the world they wanted her to be a witness, I’m sure I ca’n’t tell you!

Anyhow, they did want her. And the White Rabbit blew his big trumpet, and shouted out “Alice!”
 
And so Alice jumped up in a great hurry. And then—

And then what do you think happened?
 
Why, her skirt caught against the Jury-box, and tipped it over, and all the poor little Jurors came tumbling out of it!

Let’s try if we can make out all the twelve. You know there ought to be twelve to make up a Jury. I can see the Frog, and the Dormouse, and the Rat and the Ferret, and the Hedgehog, and the Lizard, and the Bantam-Cock, and the Mole, and the Duck, and the Squirrel, and a screaming bird, with a long beak, just behind the Mole.

But that only makes eleven: we must find one more creature.

Oh, do you see a little white head, coming out behind the Mole, and just under the Duck’s beak?
 
That makes up the twelve.

Mr. Tenniel says the screaming bird is a Storkling (of course you know what that is?) and the little white head is a Mouseling. Isn’t it a little darling?

Alice picked them all up again, very carefully, and I hope they weren’t much hurt!

Chapter XIV.

The Shower of Cards

OH dear, oh dear!
 
What is it all about?
 
And what’s happening to Alice?

Well, I’ll tell you all about it, as well I can. The way the trial ended was this. The King wanted the Jury to settle whether the Knave of Hearts was guilty or not guilty—that means that they were to settle whether he had stolen the Tarts, or if somebody else had taken them. But the wicked Queen wanted to have his punishment settled, first of all. That wasn’t at all fair, was it?
 
Because, you know, supposing he never took the Tarts, then of course he oughtn’t to be punished. Would you like to be punished for something you hadn’t done?

So Alice said “Stuff and nonsense!”

So the Queen said “Off with her head!” (Just what she always said, when she was angry.)

So Alice said “Who cares for you?
 
You’re nothing but a pack of cards!”

So they were all very angry, and flew up into the air, and came tumbling down again, all over Alice, just like a shower of rain.

And I think you’ll never guess what happened next. The next thing was, Alice woke up out of her curious dream. And she found that the cards were only some leaves off the tree, that the wind had blown down upon her face.

Wouldn’t it be a nice thing to have a curious dream, just like Alice?

The best plan is this. First lie down under a tree, and wait till a White Rabbit runs by, with a watch in his hand: then shut your eyes, and pretend to be dear little Alice.

Good-bye, Alice dear, good-bye!

THE END.

By Kent David Kelly

Secrets in the Illustrations

THE ILLUSTRATIONS that appear in the published edition of
The Nursery “Alice”
are, as a collective representation of Wonderland, incomplete. Those few illustrations which
do
appear in the book are largely identical to the earlier versions, except for coloration (which cannot be reproduced on the Kindle). As such, they are not repeated here. However, the few differences and added details which are interesting and new are elaborated upon here for the curious reader.

A Change of Allegiance:
One of the soldiers, who originally had a tabard with Club symbols down the front, now has red Hearts as his insignia instead.

The Drunken Knave:
The Knave of Hearts has a red nose, which makes it clear (in Tenniel’s drawing style) that he is a lush as well as a rogue!

A Well-Dressed Man-Rabbit:
The White Rabbit carries a gold watch and a blue umbrella. His yellow shirt (surmounted by a blue necktie) is covered by a brown-checked waistcoat, with a red kerchief stuffed into the pocket. Interestingly, his paws are flesh-colored, and are very clearly intended to be hands instead of paws.

Alice Keeps Up With Fashion:
Alice has a blue hair bow (kept in place by a hairband) and a blue dress bow, which do not appear in the original illustrations. These changes reflect advancements in style from the 1860s to 1890. Her stockings are blue, and her pinafore is white with blue edging. The classic dress, which is traditionally colored baby blue in later iterations, is actually a golden yellow-orange.

Dodo’s Evolution:
Much like the White Rabbit, the Dodo is meticulously rendered in appropriate colors, but his hands are flesh-colored. He clearly incorporates some elements of Lewis Carroll himself!

An Oriental Caterpillar:
Reflecting the nature and source of opium, the Caterpillar is revealed to have gold-cloth sleeves over his forearms. The rest of his body is a thoroughly unclothed and dreamy shade of blue.

The Colors of a Cat:
The Cheshire-Cat is revealed to be a tabby, with brown fur, a whitish face, tan underbelly, and twinkling green eyes.

Fury of the Queen:
When the Queen of Hearts yells at Alice, her entire face turns a deep shade of scarlet.

Strange Fur Indeed!:
Regardless of the Gryphon’s leonine origins, his head, claws and paws are orange, and his entire body is covered in emerald green plumage, or scales.

Explanatory Notes on the Text

SOME OF Carroll’s new text in this version of the story is fascinating, in that it offers us a few more of Wonderland’s secrets. But many of the entries are (from our modern perspective) curiously morbid. This is not a failing on Carroll’s part, for a Victorian childhood was a far more dangerous one than what is enjoyed by many children today; but these instances do reflect on the purely Victorian nature of
The Nursery “Alice.”

Spoiling the Story:
Carroll tells us right away, for the benefit of a literal child, that Alice’s adventures were entirely a dream! This takes away all of the drama, excitement and ambiguity of Wonderland, but makes the tale perhaps “safe” and not one to inspire fear.

Teasing About Decapitation:
Carroll tells our little nursery friends all about decapitation, but he is nice enough to let us know that beheadings never really happen in Wonderland. They are simply
threatened
, is all.

The Doddering Rabbit:
Although we may have guessed this in prior versions of the tale, Carroll makes it clear to us that the Rabbit is getting old, perhaps even senile. His mistaking Alice for Mary Ann is a result of his failing vision.

Mary Ann, Thief Catcher:
We are told that the reason for Alice’s alarm in White Rabbit’s House is not only that Mary Ann might see her, but that the vigilant housemaid will regard Alice as a robber and either cry out or take action against her.

Runaway Puppy:
Carroll explains to us that if you are going to be run over by an enormous puppy, it’s quite like being run over by four horses pulling a carriage. Such a charming image for the children, to be sure!