The Complete Groupie Trilogy (17 page)

Until then I just busied myself on the Internet, and worked in our garden, and found other ways to pass the time.

On that particular Friday, it was listening to local radio. They offered the chance to go see a rock festival, which I knew Ben had no particular interest in but I figured free was free. If I could get out of the house without dipping into our savings, then he could hardly complain.

Besides which, he had to work that Saturday anyway.

So imagine my surprise when I realized I was the 99
th
caller and won a special ticket to see the concert and meet one of the bands after the show.

I went alone because I hadn’t made a lot of friends living my rather solitary lifestyle. I knew some people on the Internet thanks to social networking sites, but finding anyone I could trust close to home was a little more complicated.

I’d never really had much luck with friends, who would always dump me if I had a bad episode or wanted to get to know them more than they thought I should.

Apparently I didn’t know “normal limits” – or so my psychiatrist suggested after some disastrous social attempts when we first came to Vegas.

It seemed like the more people knew me the less they wanted to.

So I learned to like my own company, which was just fine most of the time.

I had no problem going to the show on my own. I didn’t talk much to the people on either side of me, which seemed okay by them too. And the minute a band named Dreaming in Blue took the stage none of us even cared we were in a crowded audience.

Dreaming in Blue is a rock band that plays music a little harder than I would normally like, but the minute the lead singer took the stage I was enraptured. He was one of the most beautiful men I’d ever laid eyes on, and the minute our eyes met while he was singing I felt this connection just sizzle to life.

It was like I waited my whole life for that moment.

He came into the audience at the end to sing a song called, “Wanting Her,” which is now playing on a non-stop loop in my car thanks to the brand new Dreaming in Blue CD I bought after the show. It was a special pre-release copy I was able to get signed, wh
ich makes it even more special.

“
To Talia
,” he wrote, “
Make It Happen
.”

He sang to all the girls in the front row, and that included me. He took my hand into his, looked deep into my eyes and sang, “
How much I want this to be real
,” I felt how sincere he was right to the tremble in his fingers.

I thought maybe I was imagining things until I went to the meet and greet after the show. I was the first one in line and Giovanni practically jumped over the table to give me a hug, and pose for a picture.

I can still remember what it felt like to be in his arms, the feeling of the warmth of his body next to mine. His muscles were hard, his hair was soft, and I could feel his breath in my hair when he leaned down for not just one hug but two, before going on to the next girl in line.

Now I can’t stop thinking about him. I went home and searched the Internet for everything I could find about Giovanni Carnevale. The more I know, the more I want to know. We have so many things in common, and I realized that maybe winning
that ticket was serendipitous.

Perhaps the real reason I can’t have a baby is because this is not the life meant for me.

Maybe what is really real is what Giovanni sings about.

Suddenly, without any question, I know that I have to find out for myself.

I checked his calendar and I know where the next show is going to be. The tour starts in January in Seattle. I don’t know how I’m going to convince Ben to let me go, but I know I’m going to be there.

And we’ll see what happens next.

~Andy~

The Lourdes debacle ended with a fizzle instead of a bang. She moved out of Vanni’s apartment and back to South America by August, after she had finished filming her scenes for the action movie. I concocted a wonderful piece about how she had to return home to tend to a sick relative. In reality she went to have the baby in secret out of the media spotlight, an endeavor heavily funded by Jasper. He had paid a hefty price for his indiscretion, including a renegotiated contract with Athena. Even without knowing about the baby, she only agreed to stay with his label provided he allowed her to spend the year headlining her own Vegas show far away from her philandering husband. She insisted upon (and got) more control over her content and a much larger piece of the financial pie.

I heard through the grapevine (i.e. Jacob) that no doubt she’d still bail once Lourdes came back with her “adopted” baby, and rumor had it that Graham was secretly courting Athena in more ways than one. The Vegas show was just an excuse to get out from under Jasper’s rather controlling thumb so she could explore other options, whatever that meant. Jasper had enough material recorded to keep her name on top of the charts during her absence, and the fact she was now more accessible to the fans with a weekly live show was only going to help her career and his record sales.

The only difference was he no longer had two women on the line to play mattress ping pong, which I kind of thought he deserved. There would no doubt be someone to fill the void, and hopefully he could manage it without playing cosmic chess with the lives of his talent.

Either way I was relieved to have all that behind us. I had already gone to New York for “business” twice, and stayed with Vanni even though I kept up appearances by booking a hotel room anyway.

It seemed silly but with my noble escape clause for Lourdes it wouldn’t look right to have him get involved with anyone publicly so fast, so I was content to take it slow and under the radar.

Iris didn’t even know, though Alana figured it out after seeing Vanni and I together during rehearsals. It was an odd dynamic watching her be free and open with Iain while I had to play it cool, but ultimately I was willing to do anything to have those stolen moments where he was all mine.

We frequented our little pizza joint, slept until noon and made love like we were the first two people to discover it. He wrote me songs while we lay naked in bed, and then we’d go back in the real world like nothing but really good friends.

By then he was being recognized wherever he went, thanks in part to an Internet video site that made his official video and some of the concert footage available for a worldwide audience. A million hits later and he was being offered gigs at colleges, which were the people they wanted to target in the music
market.

His gig in Austin was the first on the road since Vegas, and would kick start his college tour. The band agreed that he could handle the press on these pre-performance tours alone, and they would only fly in one night for a concert. This meant Vanni and I could actually have time to ourselves, and there was no way I was going to miss it. I surprised Iris by offering to go, knowing that her schedule was booked solid and she couldn’t coordinate the meet and greets and media exposure like she wanted to. Since Vegas had worked out pretty well, she knew she
could trust me. It was getting Jasper to green light the financial aspect that required some finagling. He was still bitter about Vanni’s decision, though he had no idea that anything had happened between Vanni and I because of it.

He also wasn’t thrilled when Athena negotiated on Vanni’s behalf for a new contract, and it turned out that was more beneficial than we first thought. We learned a bit too late that those first drafts of entertainment contracts aren’t necessarily stacked in the signee’s favor, especially when said signees are new to the business and unaware how to protect their own self-interests long term. Thanks to Graham we learned the importance of hiring and trusting a lawyer to provide revisions on the artist’s behalf.

But in the end Jasper relented and actually gave me my asking price, probably to thank me in his own way how I handled the press for Lourdes’s disappearance.

I wasn’t out to torpedo anyone, and I guess that earned me at least a little respect.

Either way, even if I had to show up as a fan I would have. Trying to do anything in New York and stay undercover was a challenge. I looked forward to having him at least somewhat to myself. And from all the texts and emails he sent to me prior to the gig I was fairly certain he felt the same way.

As usual I got to the hotel before he did. I preferred it that way so that I could get everything set up in the hotel room, both for me and for Vanni. Again I had to keep up certain appearances by maintaining my own room, but we had already planned for me to stay with him in his.

We had such a busy day I couldn’t do much more than simply unpack and shower before he got there, but the minute he came into the room I was in his arms. He playfully suggested a quickie but our day was too jam-packed, so we had to painfully pry ourselves apart and douse ourselves with cold water to once again emerge into the world.

We had two interviews, one with the rock station and one with local TV, then he had a student meet and greet, with a fan meet and greet scheduled at a local bar on Sixth Street. I don’t even think we got a chance to eat in the middle of the crunch, but were content to grab some fast food and just take it back to the hotel and make an early night of it.

The fast food got cold as we tumbled onto the bed, tearing off clothing in between kisses. It was like we could never quite quench the hunger for each other, probably because we couldn’t see each other on a regular basis. Phone sex would do in a pinch, but there was nothing like being in the arms of your man, feeling his strong body meshed with your own.

Sometimes I wouldn’t even let him go right away. I loved how he felt in me and around me and over me. I was sated and happy as he brought me my cold hamburger and soggy fries. “If I lived with you I’d be thin,” I declared about halfway through. “A rigorous workout session and then I’m no longer hungry.” I dro
pped the rest of it in the bag.

“Then that’s reason enough never to live together,” he said as he ticked my rounded belly. “I like you squishy. Like my little Andy Bear.”

I laughed and squealed as I tried to get away from his fingers. “You’re awful.”

“But you love me,” he grinned. I smiled back but didn’t say anything. We hadn’t yet uttered the “L” word, and I had a sneaking suspicion if we did it would bring our little house
of cards down in a second flat.

I just cuddled against him, toying with the hair on his chest. “It would be nice, though,” I said. “If we could be like this all the time.”

He propped up on one elbow and gazed down at me. “Is that what you want?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t give it much thought beyond the moment.”

“That’s all anyone can really offer, you know,” he said as he twirled my hair around one finger.

I n
odded. I knew.

“Andy…” he started but I was quick to shush him and I tried to turn away. He was going to remind me that his life was still chaotic and complicated and we needed to take it slow. I had promised him that I could accept this and this alone and it would be stupid of me to dream about anything more.

I knew from the moment we first made love it didn’t mean a happily ever after. Maybe there was no such thing.

Vanni, however, wouldn’t let me up. He pulled me back down and kissed me deep and slow. His hand cupped my bare breast, and my leg swung over his hip. We spent long, sumptuous moments touching and kissing without words, and this time when we came together the slow build exploded all around us like fireworks.

For all we didn’t have, we still had a lot.

For the rest of the trip he treated me like a queen. We never brought up the future, and he was very skilled at making me feel like the present was all that mattered. We worked hard during the day, where we both played our parts and hid away what was real behind the closed door of our hotel room.

It only started bothering me when the fans were younger, college-aged and far more forward than I could have ever been. The public Vanni was a ladies’ man, whose self-assured swagger onstage had earned him a legion of faithful fans. They expected him to be sexy and raw and accessible, because in their minds he belonged to them.