The Complete Mapp & Lucia (22 page)

By six o’clock on Tuesday evening therefore all the telephone bells of Riseholme were merrily ringing again. Mrs Quantock stipulated that Lucia’s party should end at 10.45 precisely, if it didn’t end before, and that everyone should then be free to flock across to her house. She proposed a romp that should even outshine Olga’s, and was deep in the study of a manual of “Round Games,” which included “Hunt the Slipper.”…

Georgie and Peppino took turns at the telephone, ringing up all Mrs Quantock’s guests, and informing them of the double pleasure which awaited them on Saturday. Since Georgie had let out the secret of the impromptu tableaux to Mrs Quantock there was no reason why the rest of Riseholme should not learn of this firsthand from The Hurst, instead of second-hand (with promises not to repeat it) from Mrs Quantock. It appeared that she had a better nature than Lucia credited her with, but to expect her not to tell everybody about the tableaux would be putting virtue to an unfair test.

“So that’s all settled,” said Georgie, as he returned with the last acceptance, “and how fortunately it has happened after all. But what a day it has been. Nothing but telephoning from morning till night. If we go on like this the company will pay a dividend this year, and return us some of our own pennies.”

Lucia had got a quantity of pearl beads and was stringing them for the tableau of Mary Queen of Scots.

“Now that everyone knows,” she said, “we might allow ourselves a little more elaboration in our preparations. There is an Elizabethan axe at the Ambermere Arms which I might borrow for Peppino. Then about the Brunnhilde tableau. It is dawn, is it not? We might have the stage quite dark when the curtain goes up, and turn up a lamp very slowly behind the scene, so that it shines on my face. A lamp being turned up very slowly is wonderfully effective. It produces a perfect illusion. Could you manage that with one hand and play the music of the awakening with the other, Georgino?”

“I’m quite sure I couldn’t,” said he.

“Well then Peppino must do it before he comes on. We will have movement in this tableau; I think that will be quite a new idea. Peppino shall come in—just two steps—when he has turned the lamp up, and he will take off my shield and armour–-“

“But the music will never last out,” cried Georgie. “I shall have to start earlier.”

“Yes, perhaps that would be better,” said Lucia calmly. “That real piece of chain-armour too, I am glad I remembered Peppino had that. Marshall is cleaning it now, and it will give a far finer effect than the tawdry stuff they use in opera. Then I sit up very slowly, and wave first my right arm and then my left, and then both. I should like to practise that now on the sofa!”

Lucia had just lain down, when the telephone sounded again and Georgie got up.

“That’s to announce a dividend,” he said, and tripped into the hall.

“Is that Mrs Lucas’?” said a voice he knew.

“Yes, Miss Olga,” he said, “and this is me.”

“Oh, Mr Georgie, how fortunate,” she said. “You can give my message now to Mrs Lucas, can’t you? I’m a perfect fool, you know, and horribly forgetful.”

“What’s the matter?” asked Georgie faintly.

“It’s about Saturday. I’ve just remembered that Georgie and I—not you, you know—are going away for the week, end. Will you tell Mrs Lucas how sorry I am?”

Georgie went back to the music room, where Lucia had just got both her arms waving. But at the sight of his face she dropped them and took a firm hold of herself.

“Well, what is it?” she said.

Georgie gave the message, and she got off the sofa, rising to her feet, while her mind rose to the occasion.

“I am sorry that Miss Bracely will not see our tableaux,” she said. “But as she was not acting in them I do not know that it makes much difference.”

A deadly flatness, although Olga’s absence made no difference, descended on the three. Lucia did not resume her arm-work, for after all these years her acting might be supposed to be good enough for Riseholme without further practice, and nothing more was heard of the borrowing of the axe from the Ambermere Arms. But having begun to thread her pearl-beads, she finished them; Georgie, however, cared no longer whether the gold border of King Cophetua’s mantle went quite round the back or not, and having tacked on the piece he was working at, rolled it up. It was just going to be an ordinary party, after all. His cup was empty.

But Lucia’s was not yet quite full, for at this moment Miss Lyall’s pony hip-bath stopped at the gate, and a small stableboy presented a note, which required an answer. In spite of all Lucia’s self-control, the immediate answer it got was a flush of heightened colour.

“Mere impertinence,” she said. “I will read it aloud.”

“Dear Mrs Lucas, “I was in Riseholme this morning, and learn from Mrs Weston that Miss Bracely will be at your house on Saturday night. So I shall be enchanted to come to dinner after all. You must know that I make a rule of not going out in the evening, except for some special reason, but it would be a great pleasure to hear her sing again. I wonder if you would have dinner at 7:30 instead of 8, as I do not like being out very late.”

There was a short pause.

“Caro,”
said Lucia, trembling violently, “perhaps you would kindly tell Miss Lyall that I do not expect Miss Bracely on Saturday, and that I do not expect Lady Ambermere either.”

“My dear—” he began.

“I will do it myself then,” she said.

It was as Georgie walked home after the delivery of this message that he wanted to fly away and be at rest with Foljambe and Dicky. He had been frantically excited ever since Sunday at the idea of doing tableaux before Olga, and today in especial had been a mere feverish hash of telephoning and sewing which all ended in nothing at all, for neither tableaux nor romps seemed to hold the least attraction for him now that Olga was not going to be there. And then all at once it dawned on him that he must be in love with Olga, for why else should her presence or absence make such an astounding difference to him? He stopped dead opposite Mrs Quantock’s mulberry tree.

“More misery! More unhappiness!” he said to himself. Really if life at Riseholme was to become a series of agitated days ending in devastating discoveries, the sooner he went away with Foljambe and Dicky the better. He did not quite know what it was like to be in love, for the nearest he had previously ever got to it was when he saw Olga awake on the mountain-top and felt that he had missed his vocation in not being Siegfried, but from that he guessed. This time, too, it was about Olga, not about her as framed in the romance of legend and song, but of her as she appeared at Riseholme, taking as she did now, an ecstatic interest in the affairs of the place. So short a time ago, when she contemplated coming here first, she had spoken of it as a lazy backwater. Now she knew better than that, for she could listen to Mrs Weston far longer than anybody else, and ask for more histories when even she had run dry. And yet Lucia seemed hardly to interest her at all. Georgie wondered why that was.

He raised his eyes as he muttered these desolated syllables and there was Olga just letting herself out of the front garden of the Old Place. Georgie’s first impulse was to affect not to see her, and turn into his bachelor house, but she had certainly seen him, and made so shrill and piercing a whistle on her fingers that, pretend as he would not to have seen her, it was ludicrous to appear not to have heard her. She beckoned to him.

“Georgie, the most awful thing has happened,” she said, as they came within speaking distance. “Oh, I called you Georgie by mistake then. When one once does that, one must go on doing it on purpose. Guess!” she said in the best Riseholme manner.

“You can come to Lucia’s party after all,” said he.

“No, I can’t. Well, you’ll never guess because you move in such high circles, so I’ll tell you. Mrs Weston’s Elizabeth is going to be married to Colonel Boucher’s Atkinson. I don’t know his Christian name, nor her surname, but they’re the ones!”

“You don’t say so!” said Georgie, stung for a moment out of his own troubles. “But will they both leave? What will either of the others do? Mrs Weston can’t have a manservant, and how on earth is she to get on without Elizabeth? Besides–-“

A faint flush mounted to his cheek.

“I know. You mean babies,” said Olga ruthlessly. “Didn’t you?”

“Yes,” said Georgie.

“Then why not say so? You and I were babies once, though no one is old enough to remember that, and we shouldn’t have liked our parents and friends to have blushed when they mentioned us. Georgie, you are a prude.”

“No, I’m not,” said Georgie, remembering he was probably in love with a married woman.

“It doesn’t matter whether you are or not. Now there’s only one thing that can happen to Mrs Weston and the Colonel. They must marry each other too. Then Atkinson can continue to be Colonel Boucher’s man and Elizabeth the parlour-maid, unless she is busy with what made you blush. Then they can get help in; you will lend them Foljambe, for instance. It’s time you began to be of some good in your wicked selfish life. So that’s settled. It only remains for us to make them marry each other.”

“Aren’t you getting on rather fast?” asked Georgie.

“I’m not getting on at all at present I’m only talking. Come into my house instantly, and we’ll drink vermouth. Vermouth always makes me brilliant unless it makes me idiotic, but we’ll hope for the best.”

Presently they were seated in Olga’s music-room, with a bottle of vermouth between them.

“Now drink fair, Georgie,” she said, “and as you drink tell me all about the young people’s emotional history.”

“Atkinson and Elizabeth?” asked Georgie.

“No, my dear; Colonel Boucher and Mrs Weston. They have an emotional history. I am sure you all thought they were going to marry each other once. And they constantly dine together tete-a-tete. Now that’s a very good start. Are you quite sure he hasn’t got a wife and family in Egypt, or she a husband and family somewhere else? I don’t want to rake up family skeletons.”

“I’ve never heard of them,” said Georgie.

“Then we’ll take them as non-existent. You certainly would have heard of them if there were any, and very likely if there weren’t. And they both like eating, drinking and the latest intelligence. Don’t they?”

“Yes. But–-“

“But what? What more do you or they want? Isn’t that a better start for married life than many people get?”

“But aren’t they rather old?” asked Georgie.

“Not much older than you and me, and if it wasn’t that I’ve got my own Georgie, I would soon have somebody else’s. Do you know who I mean?”

“No!” said Georgie firmly. Though all this came at the end of a most harrowing day, it or the vermouth exhilarated him.

“Then I’ll tell you just what Mrs Weston told me. ‘He’s always been devoted to Lucia,’ said Mrs Weston, ‘and he has never looked at anybody else. There was Piggy Antrobus–-‘ Now do you know who I mean?”

Georgie suddenly giggled.

“Yes,” he said.

“Then don’t talk about yourself so much, my dear, and let us get to the point. Now this afternoon I dropped in to see Mrs Weston and as she was telling me about the tragedy, she said by accident (just as I called you Georgie just now by accident) ‘And I don’t know what Jacob will do without Atkinson.’ Now is or is not Colonel Boucher’s name Jacob? There you are then! That’s one side of the question. She called him Jacob by accident and so she’ll call him Jacob on purpose before very long.”

Olga nodded her head up and down in precise reproduction of Mrs Weston.

“I’d hardly got out of the house,” she said in exact imitation of Mrs Weston’s voice, “before I met Colonel Boucher. It would have been about three o’clock—no it couldn’t have been three, because I had got back home and was standing in the hall when it struck three, and my clock’s a shade fast if anything. Well; Colonel Boucher said to me, ‘Haw, hum, quite a domestic crisis, by Jove.’ And so I pretended I didn’t know, and he told me all about it. So I said ‘Well, it is a domestic crisis, and you’ll lose Atkinson.’ ‘Haw, hum,’ said he, ‘and poor Jane, I should say, Mrs Weston, will lose Elizabeth.’ There!”

She got up and lit a cigarette.

“Oh, Georgie, do you grasp the inwardness of that?” she said. “Their dear old hearts were laid bare by the trouble that had come upon them, and each of them spoke of the other, as each felt for the other. Probably neither of them had said Jacob or Jane in the whole course of their lives. But the Angel of the Lord descended and troubled the waters. If you think that’s profane, have some more vermouth. It’s making me brilliant, though you wouldn’t have thought it. Now listen!”

She sat down again close to him, her face brimming with a humorous enthusiasm. Humour in Riseholme was apt to be a little unkind; if you mentioned the absurdities of your friends, there was just a speck of malice in your wit. But with her there was none of that, she gave an imitation of Mrs Weston with the most ruthless fidelity, and yet it was kindly to the bottom. She liked her for talking in that emphatic voice and being so particular as to what time it was. “Now first of all you are coming to dine with me tonight,” said Olga.

“Oh, I’m afraid that tonight–-” began Georgie, shrinking from any further complications. He really must have a quiet evening, and go to bed very early.

“What are you afraid of tonight?” she asked. “You’re only going to wash your hair. You can do that tomorrow. So you and I, that’s two, and Mrs Weston and Colonel Jacob, that’s four, which is enough, and I don’t believe there’s anything to eat in the house. But there’s something to drink, which is my point. Not for you and me, mind; we’ve got to keep our heads and be clever. Don’t have any more vermouth. But Jane and Jacob are going to have quantities of champagne. Not tipsy, you understand, but at their best, and unguardedly appreciative of each other and us. And when they go away, they will exchange a chaste kiss at Mrs Weston’s door, and she will ask him in. No! I think she’ll ask him in first. And when they wake up tomorrow morning, they will both wonder how they could possibly, and jointly ask themselves what everybody else will say. And then they’ll thank God and Olga and Georgie that they did, and live happily for an extraordinary number of years. My dear, how infinitely happier they will be together than they are being now. Funny old dears! Each at its own fireside, saying that it’s too old, bless them! And you and I will sing ‘Voice that breathed o’er Eden’ and in the middle our angel-voices will crack, and we will sob into our handkerchief, and Eden will be left breathing deeply all by itself like the Guru. Why did you never tell me about the Guru? Mrs Weston’s a better friend to me than you are, and I must ring for my cook—no I’ll telephone first to Jacob and Jane—and see what there is to eat afterwards. You will sit here quietly, and when I have finished I will tell you what your part is.”