The Complete Memories Series (49 page)

Saturday
passes in a whirling blur of nothing to me, so before I know it, I’m in Red with Mitch. Saph is milling about as she normally does, dancing, laughing, and joking with everyone she sees that she knows. Which is most people.

“Cheer the fuck up.” Mitch elbows me.

I lean back against the bar. “What d’ya want me to do? Put a big cheesy grin on and grab the next bird I see?”

“That
’s what Bing would have done.”

“I
’m not Bing. I’ve told you that.” I sip my beer. “I won’t disrespect Jen by sleeping with someone else. The way I see it, she’s still mine and I’m still hers. Even if I didn’t see that way, I still wouldn’t go and fuck some other girl. I’m not giving up on this, mate. Fuck knows I waited long enough to get it.”

He doesn
’t say another word. What can he say to it? Really?

Saph slips in between us, sipping her drink through a straw. I raise my eyebrows at her, and her eyes trawl across the club. Her foot taps in time with the beat, her head bobs side to side, and she keeps drinking until she has an empty glass. She turns slightly, setting it on the bar, and spins back round.

Mitch glances at me over the top of her head, and I shrug.

“Saph?” I question. She holds a hand up to me, her eyes narrowing slightly. She shakes her head and turns to me.

“Sam?” She smirks.

“You all right?”

“I’m fine. I just thought I saw some vermin, but I was mistaken.” She smiles sweetly.

“Hey, Mitch is right next to you. No need to be such a bitch.” I wink at her and she giggles. Mitch glares at me, and Saph turns her body towards him, laying her hand on his chest.

“Oh, poor Mitch, is the straightened out playboy being mean to you?” she coos. He swallows, visible even in the low light, and I grin.

“Why, you plannin
’ on making it better if he is?” Mitch asks her.

“No.” She cackles and leans back against the bar. Mitch clenches his jaw, and one day they
’re gonna explode. “You need to cheer the hell u p.” Saph jabs her finger into my chest.

“So everyone keeps saying.” I put my glass down. “Not happenin
’ tonight, guys, so leave me here to wallow in my own shit for a while.”

“Hell no! What you need is a pretty little blonde thing with an ass worth a million bucks.” She looks at me.

“Only one pretty little blonde thing I want, Saph.” I look down. “And stuff her ass being worth a million dollars. Jennifer Mason in her entirety isn’t even worth a million dollars. She’s just priceless.”

Saph smiles softly, and her eyes harden as they flick away from mine. “
At least your taste is better, because I gotta say, I’ve had fish and chips worth more than some of the girls in your past.” Saph’s eyes go from the warmth of a summer day to the ice of the Arctic faster than a Ferrari goes nought to sixty.

My stomach drops, all my muscles simultaneously tightening throughout my body. Only one person could make Saph go from nice Saph to bitch in seconds.

“I thought I heard something about a pretty little blonde thing,” Heidi says from behind me.

“And there
’s the vermin,” Saph bites out.

“You did. And it certainly wasn
’t referencing you,” I snap, spinning to see her. She smiles up at me innocently.

“I couldn
’t help overhearing your little problem,” Heidi says softly.

“There
’s only one fucking problem I have around here, and I’m looking right at her,” I say icily.

“Woah!” She holds her hands up and steps back a little. “No need to be, well, such an ass.”

“No need to be such an ass?” I almost shout at her. “Because of you and your ridiculous bitching, not to mention your fucking idiotic need to keep any girl away from me, I’m busting my ass fighting to get Jen back.”

“Really looks like you
’re busting your ass,” Heidi replies. “Having a beer on a Saturday night with a friend. Yep. You’re trying to get her back.”

“I wouldn
’t need to fucking try to get her back if you hadn’t of stuck your goddamn nose in, would I? Don’t stand here in front of me on your high horses bitchin’ at me, because I’m pretty sure all I have to do is let Saph at you and she’ll knock you the fuck down off of it.”

“No need,” Saph says from behind me. I turn, only just realising my hands are shaking, and notice Mick stood behind her.

“This her, Saph?” Mick gestures in Heidi’s direction.

“Yep, that
’s her.” Saph winks at me.

Mick nods once and focuses on Heidi. “You
’re barred. Out, or I’ll have you removed.”

Smart little red haired bimbo, is Saph.

Heidi sputters, her mouth falling open in shock. “I’m barred? What the hell for?”

“Disrupting my customers and causing problems,” Mick answers.

“Disrupting your customers? That’s the worst reason ever! And I am a customer!”

“Look, darlin
’,” Mick waves his hand above his head. “This is my club and what I say, goes. You come in here, you buy a drink, dance a bit, and then head home in the small hours. You don’t bring your ass in and fuck my customers off, so ta-ra now, love.”

Two bouncers appear behind him, and Heidi shrieks before turning and storming away. The bouncers follow her, and I can
’t help the upturn of my lips.

Mick sticks his hand out and I shake. “Thanks, Mick.”

“Not at all.” He drops my hand. “She looks like she forgot half her outfit anyway. Better not to let all the riff raff in here, eh?” He turns to Saph. “That all, darlin’? I gotta get back to work.”

“Sure, Daddy. Thank you.” She stretches up on tiptoes and kisses his cheek.

“Cheers, Mick.” I nod at him gratefully as he waves over his shoulder, disappearing into the crowd.

Saph twirls some hair between her fingers, grinning smugly.
“Well, that was a shame, wasn’t it?”

Mitch shakes his head. “You can be a real bitch, Saph.”

She shrugs, and I put my arm around her shoulders, squeezing slightly.

“She
’s only a bitch when it benefits her friends, and that was her best move yet.” I grin and release her.

“What Sam said.” She shoots a look at Mitch. “And, Samuel, we have to make a plan to get Miss Jennifer back to you.”

“I wish it was that easy, Saph. I really do.”

Her eyes twinkle slightly, her lips curving up on one side. “Maybe it is – and maybe you
’re just too dense to think about, and do, the obvious.”

“
Why do I get a feeling I know exactly what you’re about to say?”

She grins. “Follow me.”

~

“So, ideally,
what we need to do is hire a hit-man to dispose of Barbie?” Hannah summarises as I pour milk over my Cookie Crunch cereal.

I chuckle a little. “Well, if you have the money for that, I
’m not going against it.” I sit at the table opposite her. Daisy is sitting on her knee, her chubby hand opening and closing as she tries to grab the spoon my sister is so deftly keeping out of her reach.

“Maybe we should kidnap her, who-” Hannah
’s eyes flick to Daisy. “Um,
share
her out, then use the money she makes from that to hire the hit-man?”

I snort into my breakfast. “She already gives it for free. Besides, we probably wouldn
’t get much for her anyway.” I sigh, letting my spoon clatter against the side of the bowl. “I dunno, Han. What am I meant to do? I don’t wanna be without him, but as long as she’s sticking her bitc- Um, tiger claws in, I don’t know if I can be with him, either.”

“If he
’s a real man, he’ll kick her right to the curb and then he’ll come running over here like his butt is on fire with extreme declarations of love.”

“Butt! Butt!” Daisy giggles. Hannah sighs. I smile a little.

“I’m not sayin’ he ain’t a man…” I trail off as Hannah’s amused eyes meet mine and I laugh silently. “But, I don’t see him giving “extreme declarations of love” anytime soon. I mean, hello, he used to wear his trousers halfway down his ass before I started pulling them up every time I saw him.”

My sister smirks. “Why am I not surprised at that?” She shakes her head. “The point is
that if he really wants you as much as he says he does – and Lexy – then he’ll be waiting when you least expect it to surprise you.”

“And drop to his knees, proceeding to declare his undying, unrelenting, unconditional love for me, while a string quartet plays in the background and candles flicker romantically around us. Right?” I challenge. “Because he
’s more likely to turn up with a dominos and say “Jen, you’re my girlfriend, and that’s that. Let’s go to bed, pronto.””

She snorts. “But you
’d go, right?” She wipes Daisy’s face and puts her on the floor.

“Damn straight I would.” I grin. “I
’d be official doolally if I didn’t.”

“So why let the Queen of Crayola get between you?” Hannah
’s eyebrows shoot up.

“Because,” I begin in a quieter voice. “I respect myself too much to constantly fight against her.”

“I’m proud of you for that, Jen, I really am.” She puts her hand on top of mine. “But now you have to ask yourself if you respect you and Sam as a couple, and if you respect you enough to fight for it against all odds. That’s what love is. It’s fighting for each other no matter what’s thrown at you. It’s holding on tight to the thing that makes your heart race and your breath hitch. And love is the pain I see every time I look in your eyes – the pain that’s there because he isn’t.”

Tears prick the back of my eyes, one slowly making it
s way to the corner of my eye, dripping out slowly. Hannah gets up and walks around the table, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. I let myself sag in her embrace, more tears falling.

“I miss him, Han.”

Her hand strokes down my hair slowly, and I hear her sigh softly. “I know, sis. I know.”

If I have to listen to this chirpy little fucker next to me hum for another five minutes, I might just stick my pastels up his ass.

Of course, it
’s not bad enough I’ve spent six hours at university when I haven’t yet completed the given seventy-two hour mourning period for a relationship, and had my sister’s words buzzing around my head like an annoying fly – my final class is all on expression of emotion.

I
’ll tell you emotion. Emotion is the growing want to impale Mr. Hummingbird here with not just my pastels, but quite possibly the sharpest object in my art kit.

I clear my throat, and he glances at me. I give him a meaningful look. He carries on his humming.

“Ahem!” I cough out. He turns his face towards me and stops humming.

“Can I help you?”

“In fact, you can. Please stop that dreadful noise, or my project for today will leave my canvas and move onto a live object.” I smile sweetly.

He grunts and turns back to his work. Silently. Oh, thank the Lord of witty comments.

The rest of the class passes without incident – or humming – and I breathe deeply when I step outside. I finish before Lexy today, so I head straight to the bus stop situated outside of the campus. I’m distracted by a familiar red car and my steps falter. No. A weekend is not long enough.

Samuel steps out of the car and walks around it, opening the passenger side door. He raises his head, his eyes clashing with mine.

“In,” he orders. I shake my head silently. I can’t. “Jen, there’s no point you going home on the bus when I’m here. Just get in the damn car.”

I glance at the timetable. It is a fifteen minute wait – but looking at him is like seeing my heart walking around outside my body. It
’s like seeing my future dangled in front of me, and it’s having everything I want and need in touching distance.

I take a deep breath in and walk towards the car, pausing before I get in.

“Thank you,” I say quietly.

He takes a bit of my hair between his fingers and runs it through them. I can feel it tingling through my scalp.

“Don’t thank me, Jen. Don’t ever thank me for caring about you.”

I close my eyes and sit down, settling my bag by my feet.

This is what the break-up with Carl should have been. Instead of a mutual parting, it should have been forced. Like this one. Except this doesn’t feel like the parting of a relationship. It feels like the parting of my heart from my body, because my love for Carl and my love for Sam are two completely different things.

My love for Carl was a first love, a teen thing never destined to last.

My love for Sam is like a roaring bush fire, swallowing up and taking out everything in its path without rational thought. It’s unpredictable, burning furiously without an end in sight. It’s once in a lifetime and near impossible to put out, a constant raging flame.

“Shouldn
’t you be at work?” I ask softly.

“Dad gave me time off to work with Mitch on the upstairs of Red this week,” he replies. “He said it this morning. Hence the dust.”

I nod slightly. “They’re still working up there? Saph said they’d be done for this weekend last we spoke.”

“She was right. They should have been done, but the small company Mick hired to work under Mitch went bust. They couldn
’t finish the job, so Mitch has called in all the help he can get.”

“Right. Makes sense.” I look out the window to avoid staring at him. It
’s bad enough being in the car with him – his distinct scent is everywhere, that indescribable yumminess that makes me bury my face in his neck every time I smell it. This time is no different.

I want to lean over the gearstick and hook my arm through his. I want to rest my head against his shoulder and dig my nose into the soft spot just below his ear.

I shift in the seat and run my fingers through my hair instead, brushing it away from my face. I catch his gaze flicker to me a few times as he drives. How did I notice that if I’m looking out the window?

Oh, because I
’m not looking out the fucking window, am I? Nope. I’m looking at him. Why would I look out the window, huh? I drop my eyes.

He pulls into the car park outside my block of flats, and I yank the seatbelt out. I need to get away from him. My need for him is suffocating me, and I need to breathe. I push the door open, grab my bag, and half-fall from the car. I hear his door open and shut before I feel his hands grip the top of my arms.

He pulls me into his body, and my bag drops from my fingers. One of his hands spreads across my back and the other holds the back of my neck. I wrap my arms around his neck and press my face into his skin, hot tears forming in my eyes.

Now… This is the moment I know. With his body against mine, him holding me so tightly, my knees buckling, and him keeping me upright, I know there
’ll never be anyone else for me. But that doesn’t make it any easier.

I just have to ask myself if it
’s worth the fight. If, like Hannah said, I respect us as a couple enough to keep fighting to hold on.