The Concubine (6 page)

“News arrived before the palace came under attack. His garrison was attacked upon clearing the high mountains. The king was reported deathly injured. I know not whether he survived.”

Dear god! You had to have survived! 
“He is alive…he is a fighter…a…king!” who was I trying to convince? Myself? Kivar? 
“You will get yourself sick this way.” he cradles my head to his chest as sobs overtake my body. “There is a small village in the lower kingdoms that was made to harbor the royal family in times of war and if the palace was ever under siege. I am sure that the king has gone there to gather strength. I am sure he is there now.” It was hope, however small, Kivar gave me hope that you were all right and I will hold on to that hope until I look upon your corpse with my own eyes. 
“I am so very happy that you are with me, Kivar.” 
“Yes, well, you do need someone to care for you.” It was the closest thing to saying he had missed me too, it seems I have the habit of being with men who do not like sharing their feelings. 
“How magnanimous of you.” I was laughing at him and he knew it too, because of the glare he sent my way. 
“It’s a joy to see a smile light your face once more.” both Kivar and I turn to see Lucian make his way to us.
“I thank you, my king.”

Kivar disappears into the background as I fall to a bow.
He lifts my chin. “I would give you the world if you but ask it.” You’ve said something along those lines once my love, do you remember? I remember so well. 
“Only that Kivar remains with me, I have no one to speak with when you are off and about performing your kingly duties.” It’s so simple to play the doting whore to a king who believes himself enamored.

It is a game I have come to master. Only a game, my love. He means nothing to me Marik. I rise to my feet and gently press my lips to his, a simple meeting of flesh, with no emotions behind it.
“I will allow it.” His gaze assesses me for a few scant seconds before he takes possession of my lips. “Tonight I wish to dine in our chambers, you will dine with me.” 
“As my king wishes.” subservience will get you everywhere, I have come to quickly realize in these last months. 
 

***

His cruelty knows no bounds. Beneath the rushing waterfalls of our bathing room, he has me bent in half while he takes his pleasure. The sacredness of this room has been tarnished, soiled forever. 
“Do you know how long I have watched in the shadows as he took you?” he pants in my ears brutally ramming into me, my hair in his cruel hands. “It pained me to see him tarnish you, your cries burnt into my mind.” he bites down hard on my neck and licks away the blood and beaded sweat. “You cried for more, my love. For him to take you harder!” he is merciless, crazed. “Cry for me to love you harder, plead for me to make you soar!” he is yelling, panting, thrusting and groaning. I ache all over, I hate him. God Marik! I hate him! 
“I will eradicate his memories from your soul. Kill his goddamned spawn if I have to.” I sob as he finishes. My body collapses to the wet floor and I can only watch him walk away. I want to kill him for violating me in such a way. Slash his throat for threatening our child. I hate being so weak, so defenseless! Hear my plea Marik and come back to save me, save us all from this tyranny.

***

He is touching me, preparing to mount me like a stallion to a broad mare. I can’t abide his touch, everywhere his fingers caress, and everywhere he drops a kiss my skin burns with acidic intensity.  It seems whenever I am in his presence our son seems to protest, my love, at the current moment he is trekking his displeasure against my lower abdomen. My hand circles soothingly around hoping to calm him.
“Lucian, please.” I succeed in pushing him away as he tries to remove my robes; the persistent kicks are beginning to ache terribly.
“Is there something wrong?” I rise and try to walk around, but immediately hunch over. 
“Kivar, please. Send for Kivar!” I groan helplessly.
I hear him bellow to a guard to fetch Kivar, and then he quickly returns to my aid. He has me in his arms and quietly settles me on his bed. The welfare of our child has my heart stuttering with worry. Please God, do not take my child away. I cannot continue to live if this last hope is taken from me, I cannot remain sane if this part of you is snatched from me too. 
“Please tell me my child will be all right, Kivar.” he arrived only moments ago, two women at his side. He is prompt in his action, first coercing me to drink from the bowl at my lips, and then directing the two women at my bedside. His hands are through my hair, his eyes somber, and his face is scrunched up in concentration. 
“
You
will be okay.” It is the last thing I hear before the effects of the potion take its toll and I fall into numbing slumber.
 

***

My eyes peel open ever so slowly as I awake. I feel a dull ache in my lower abdomen and quickly my hand is drawn to my belly, flatness greats the surface of my palm and I try to rise, fear and dread swim through my veins. 
“Stay still or you will reopen the stitches.” Kivar’s face appears before me.
“My child, Kivar.”
“Is perfectly fine.” You cannot fathom the utter relief that grips me. “Along with his brother.”

Brother? twins? 
“Must you do everything with such unique flare?” He is smiling down at me. Kivar is actually smiling at me Marik, and what a smile it is. I bite my bottom lip, desperately trying to contain the whoop of joy bubbling within my chest. Twins! My love, two sons! How wonderful is that? I have given you two sons! Hurry home to me, hurry home to your sons.
“I want to see them.” I am giddy with joy. My heart is close to bursting with it. He disappears for but a second only to reappear with two bundles of white, one in each arm. The first one he places in my arms is so small I fear I will crush him. I gently cradle his head to my chest and try to hold back tears.
“Your firstborn.” Kivar whispers, adding to the sweet ambiance of the moment. 
Our firstborn, I shall call him Fintan. Fintan, a fitting name for the first born of Noria’s king. He resembles you so very much, with his head of tawny curls, and sweet elfin features, his skin is as translucent as your own, with tiny little fingers and toes, a cherub, so sweet and beautiful. Our Fintan will be just like you I imagine. I cannot help but kiss him softly upon the forehead, he fills me with so much joy, so much of you.
“My Fair-headed one.” I reluctantly pass him over to Kivar as he settles our second born in my arms.
He is beautiful Marik, so heart movingly beautiful. It brings tears to my eyes and I allow them to fall, he takes after me in looks. Where Fintan is fair and ethereal, our second born is darker. His hair, darker in shade than mine is almost a blue black, his flesh is flushed rose, with lips as red as a rose. He is gurgling in childish wonderment. His chubby fingers touch my face. He reminds me a painting of cupid. I shall name him Cairan.
I am thankful that their coloring is so dissimilar or else I would have a hard time wondering who was who. They were so identical in their features, so breathtaking. 
“My little love.” He coos and I kiss those small little digits and smile down at him. 
“You have done well…the king would be proud.” I spare a smile in his direction and continue to play with Cairan. 

“This one I think will have the king’s eyes.” He says mildly and I try not to laugh as he feigns indifference.
“I think you might be right.”

I miss you Marik, I wish you were here to share this moment with me.

It’s funny, almost hysterically so, that he would pretend to love them as his own, even with your blood coursing through their veins. Kivar has told me of his frequent visits to the nursery when his duties permitted him to do so. He would stay with them until they were brought to me to be nursed. He would play and coddle them when alone in their company. Lucian has become an enigma; his behavior increasingly puzzling.

Just what did he hope to accomplish by acting the doting father? Did he not feel threatened by them? He is planning something. I know it. But his actions thus far have proven my instincts terribly wrong.

He remains a tyrant. His cruelty unmatched. But with our sons he becomes this loving, kind and patient stranger I see now.
“”You smell of roses and mint.” He is above me, trailing wet kisses down my spine. I bite my bottom lip to stop the traitorous moan from escaping.

This cannot be happening to me. His touch is not supposed to affect me this way. This tender, slow caress of skin is not supposed to be a prelude to pleasure.
My
pleasure. I’m not supposed to like the way he plays with my body.

He is devastatingly thorough. There are his oiled fingers tracing the aching, wet folds of my sex. His warm breath inciting me to melt a little further upon the persistent tongue that delves with languid expertise. He knows that I cannot fold, refuse to surrender, but I cannot put blame on him for this betrayal.

Marik, my sweet, love, I am so sorry! It’s been months! Closing in on a year and my body has finally betrayed you. Never had I imagined that I would want to be taken by him, never had I imagined that I would moan for more. 
Through my tears I see the remnants of dinner upon the floor, the delicious wine only minutes ago touching my lips is now seeping in to the carpet. My brain is fogged with lust, my body hot with need, and yet I cry…Do not hate me Marik! 
“Please…“ Please what? My mind is running rampant, the feeling of suffocation is cloying and has me panicking, my tears are blurring as I try to rise.
“Do not deny it, my love.” he whispers in my ear, his flesh wet with sweat against my own.
“I can’t…please…“On this night I truly feel like the whore so many in your kingdom have called me. I hate myself for arching my back, for wanting him to drive in deeper.
“Submit to me. Love me as you loved him.” His thrusts are deliberately slow, pulling out only to ram back in with enough force to have my teeth rattling.

I could never.  Never would my heart allow another to enter a domain you have so possessively guarded and yet my body does not seem to feel the same.
“He is and will always be the only one for me.”
My body has betrayed you this night, but my heart, I swear to you remains true. 
 

***

It’s breathtaking in its simple beauty. It gleams brilliantly from the folds of the small velvet box, a combination of clear cut emeralds, and diamonds.
“Happy birthday, little one.”
 

“I cannot accept this…“
“You can and you will. It is a gift.” He takes the ring from its velvet confines. “Call it an offer of friendship if you will.” He does not slide it along my middle finger as I feared he would, but onto my index. He brings my hand to his lips and brushes a kiss along my knuckles.
“You will learn to love me one day.” It seems like a promise laced with a threat. “It is only a matter of time before you come to the realization that he will never come back. Can you not find it in your heart to care if not love me just a little?” My hand reaches out and my fingers run along the smooth surface of his face. He leans into my touch as if asking for salvation, and maybe it is time I give it to him?
Five long years have passed rapidly and nothing has come from you. No missive, not even wayward horses from your garrison, nothing. I cannot believe you dead…my heart…my soul hangs so desperately onto fleeting hope. My body has submitted that night years ago. I mourned my body, Lucian has claimed it. With slow and loving touches he has claimed what was once yours. 
He has faults, so many that I believe God will not grant him safe passage to the next life and yet despite all his faults he loves our children as if they were his own. He loves me with a ferocity that scares me. Yet in him I have found a friend, Kivar has called me traitor and believes I am being foolish in allowing myself to trust him. But how can I not when he displays so much love for me and our sons, Marik?

Never have I seen true love gleam from your eyes as they do in his blue ones. Every night he takes me it almost makes me cry when he whispers he loves me and then goes on to show me just how much, just how fiercely. Dear Marik, your electrifying lust was the only emotion you have ever deemed me worthy of and still I gave myself to you. I loved you; with every breath in me I loved you. 
My heart will beat for no other as long as I live. I am enslaved by it. It is my destiny, my fate to love you. No matter how many life times we live, you and I are bound together by an invisible thread. You my love are my soul mate, true and always.

The tears fall so silently I do not realize until Lucian brushes them away, I smile softly and lean over to plant a chaste kiss on his lips.

“Friendship is all I can give you.”
“It is more than I deserve.” He says against my cheek.
The footfalls of boots indicated their approach. My horde of three.
“Happy birthday, Mama!” Ciaran is the first to appear. He squeezes his small body between Lucian’s and mine and hugs my legs.
“Look, Mama! Look what I have made for you!” he is gleeful, always so happy. Everything he does is with a passion that would’ve made you so proud. His grey eyes, so much like your own dances as he shoves the wooden toy through the air for me to take. Instead I scoop him up and plant a wet kiss on his ruddy cheeks.
“Oh Ciaran, how brilliant of you to carve such an excellent figure of a horse.” 
“Uncle Kivar helped.” My gaze is drawn to Fintan, his mannerism at times are so uncanny to your own my heart flutters with despair and pride. 
“Only a little, I painted it!” Ciaran sticks his tongue out at his brother.
“And what a marvelous job you have done, my love.” I kiss him once more and settle him on the floor. He immediately runs to Lucian, who stands a distance away with our third son, not yours and mine Marik. I have given Lucian a little son of his own, sweet little Liam. Only two years younger than his brothers, Liam is such a gifted child, very mild mannered and so kind, I loved him from the moment I knew I carried him. 
“Fintan, come to me.” I sit down with open my arms to him. He comes and settles himself comfortably on my lap, my fingers immediately run through his curls.
“Are you angry with me?” I ask quietly. He shakes his head, but remains silent.
“Your brothers then?” another shake of his head, I feel his small shoulders shake and I quickly turn him around to find tears running down his caramel cheeks.
“Oh Finn what is the matter? Are you hurt?”
“Do you hate me?”