The Condemned (31 page)

     
‘You think I fought so hard to stay alive in that place just to get out and kill myself a few days later?’ She laughed softly, though the thought had, of course, occurred to her.

    
Amato nodded.

     
‘Yeah. I thought that after what I’d told you about them not giving up, that you were gonna go down publicly, in a blaze of glory, so to speak, stop them searching, free the rest of us.’ He paused, a nasty look on his face. ‘I guess I’m
good at giving you more credit than you deserve, thinking you might be trying to do something noble
,
or some shit like that.’

    
Ouch.

    
That stung almost as much as being called a whore.

     
‘You’re on a role today, wanna go for the hat trick and ask me if I’m really a man or something?’

    
There was only so much she could take before she started lashing back
,
and maybe it wasn’t wise to rile him up but
that
one had been unjustified. She
was
here
trying to do th
e right thing by the others
. Just because she wasn’t going about it the way he expected didn’t mean she wasn’t doing the right thing.

    
Because she was.

    
Or, she had been trying to.

    
But here he was, just busting in right in the middle of everything, ruining it all and then acting like he was the one who was all high and mighty
, like
he was the one on some moral crusade, like he was ok to point out all her flaws and the wrong things she’d done.

    
Like he was so fucking perfect.

    
Besides, hadn’t he come here to stop her? Hadn’t he come here expecting to be her knight in fucking shining armo
ur, wanting to save the day? So... what? N
ow he was pissed that she
hadn’t
been planning
on killing
herself? Upset that he
wasn’t going to get to save the day?

    
Seriously?

    
Deep down she knew that this wasn’t him, that he wasn’t meaning to cause her this pain. He was hurt himself by what she had done and this was his way of retaliating
,
but just because on some level she understood it, didn’t mean she had to like or accept it. She could give as good as she got if she needed to.

    
He ignored her comment and continued on his own line instead.

     
‘So, if that wasn’t it, if that wasn’t why you left, ran away... I can only think that you so badly didn’t wanna be around us, me, Bitsy, Beriael.’ He tilted his head and conceded slightly.

     
‘Ok, Beriael I can let slide, makes sense you wouldn’t be all too comfy sticking around him after everything, but Bits and me?’
It wasn’t a curious tone, it wasn’t a genuine question. He had made his mind up and he was scathing.

    
He was pushing and pushing and it was almost as though he were inviting her to hit back. She didn’t have enough restraint to resist.

     
‘You? Why the fuck would I want to stay around you Amato? Hm? The guy who was the whole fucking reason that they got me. You were the one who put me in there. You stole four years of my life and then you were the one who brought Beriael
to me, let me torture and kill him over and over and over again for eight months. Really? You can’t see why I wouldn’t want you anywhere near me? What are you, stupid?’

     Yeah... t
hat was mean, uncalled for, very harsh and
was in no way at all
a true reflection of the way she really felt
,
but hell, if he was going to keep on dealing the low blows then why shouldn’t she?

    
He flinched as though she’d actually struck him and she was instantly sorry, wanted to wrap her arms around him and cover his face with kisses.

    
She stayed where she was.

    
She was afraid to try
to
touch him.

     
‘I didn’t mean that.’ She was back to whispering.

    
He didn’t answer her. He had walked to the window and was st
anding
with his hands on the sill, staring out at nothing. She waited, watching him. He gave no sign that he’d even heard her and she had no idea what to do. After a few minutes she turned to the door, removed the chair that was blocki
ng it and pushed it to one side, if he wasn’t going to talk to her, she may aswell just leave.

     
‘Alecia.’

    
Sh
e turned back when he spoke. He
stood with his back to the window, leaning against the wall, watching her with his arms folded across his chest.

     
‘Alecia.’ He repeated and pushed himself away from the
wall, walked towards her. She thought for a second that he was going to take her in his arms and all would be forgiven but he stopped in front of her, leaving a gap between them. She considered taking a step forward to bridge it but determined that he’d stayed where he was for a reason.

     
‘You need to tell me why you came here.’

    
He took the chair and sat on it, getting comfortable as though he expected that they would be here for some time. He knew that there was more to this, knew that she wasn’t running to escape him or Beriael and he wanted to know. She didn’t know whether or not she ought to tell him but she felt sort of cornered. He had positioned himself between her and the doorway, blocking that exit. She contemplated making a run for the window but was
a little bit worried
that in his current mood he’d not hesitate to shoot her if that was the only way to stop her. Along with the rifle she’d also noticed the bulge of a pistol tucked down his waistband
,
and given the training he had, he would undoubtedly be quicker on the draw than she was on her feet.

    
Leci sighed and retrieved the other chair. If she explained things to him, if she made him understand, maybe he’d stop hating her.

     
‘I came here to finish it. To give you guys a way out, and you’re right, it was the things you told me that gave me the idea. But I’m not stupid
,
and I wasn’t gonna kill myself
to get it done. I had somethin’ better planned.’
She looked at him and he gestured for her to go on.

     
‘You were right about most of it. Find some busy place crawling with Officials, give ‘em somethin’ to look at...’

    
She proceeded to tell him her idea, her plan, the whole reason she had come here in the first place.

    
Whether she was trying to prove something to him or not, perhaps attempt to reassert his faith in her good intentions, she told him everything. She expected him to interrupt her, stop her and tell her the whole thing was ridiculous, that it never would’ve worked
,
and that she was a fool f
or even thinking it might. H
e didn’t, he
merely
sat in silence as he listened to everything she had to say, his face gave away no clue as to what he might be thinking.

    
When she was done she gave a mild, almost apologetic, shrug and sat back in her chair, studying him closely, because there it was, her master plan, out in the open.

It sounded kind of childish when she said it out loud but the look that was starting to blossom on Amato’s face told her that he maybe didn’t agree, maybe thought there was something in it after all.

     
‘That almost sounds t
oo easy.’ He finally commented.
‘But I dunno, maybe just simple enough to actually work.’

     
‘Easy? I was gonna have to kill someone.’

     
‘So what? It’s not like you’ve never done that before.’

    
She blinked, was he being mean on purpose?

    
Probably.

     
‘I was gonna have to kill someone without setting them on fire. I haven’t done that before.’

    
It didn’t seem to help her cause.

     
‘And then what?’ He asked.

     
‘Huh?’

     
‘And then, after that, what were you going to do? Come back?’

    
His question surprised her, she wasn’t sure why, it was a perfectly logical question she supposed, but all the same, she hadn’t been expecting it. She shook her head slowly.

     
‘Why would you want me back? I’m a whore. You hate me.’

     
She was aware there was a quality to her voice that verged on sulky childishness but she couldn’t help it.

    
Amato remained stoic, giving nothing away in his expression.

     
‘I don’t hate you Leci. Love doesn’t work that way. I... I’m disappointed in myself. I thought that telling you how I felt would mean something to you; I thought that what happened between us was as special to you as it was to me. I’m mad at myself for being wrong, for expecting too much of you. Not mad at you for being who you are.’

    
Perhaps that was supposed to make her feel better but it really didn’t. For being who she was? So, he really did see
her as a whore?

    
He sighed, breaking her thoughts and she turned her attention back to him, she didn’t know what to say, fortunately he wasn’t finished and so she didn’t need to worry about filling the silence.

      ‘But no, b
aby. It doesn’t matter anyway. Why would I want you back? I already told you. When you love someone
,
it doesn’t matter. I’ll always take you back.’

    
He looked slightly uncomfortable and she suspected that this wasn’t easy for him. He was such a man’s man... Ex prison guard, all muscle, rugged and handsome, fierce, wild. Showing her this side of him wasn’t something he did with just anyone
,
and she was smart enough to see that she was being let in on something rare here.

    
But she still couldn’t find it in her to say the words back to him
, even when she knew it was exactly what he wanted and it would probably make everything right again between them
.

    
He frowned, narrowing his eyes as he suddenly realised that his real question had been cleverly sidelined.

    
Damn it!

    
He was too smart for her to outwit and she knew that, why did she keep on trying?

     
‘But that doesn’t answer my question, does it
,
Leci? Were you planning on coming back to the cabin? To us,
to
your
friends? The people who risked their asses to get you out of that place
,
and who you just abandoned?’

    
She was tempted to point out that yes, he himself had been very useful in their escape, but in fairness, neither Beriael nor Morgan had done any ass saving. Beriael had kind of just jumped on the whole thing of his own accord, breaking the neck of a guard she would’ve killed with or without his help, and Morgan had been totally rescued by the three of them.

    
She had a feeling that now wasn’t a good time to point this out and that he wouldn’t react well to smartass contradictions
, she wisely bit her tongue
.

     
‘No.
’ She shook her head.
‘I wasn’t going to go back, n
ot yet anyway. I was really hoping I’d be able to at some point. I just... I have something else I need to finish first.’

     
‘What? What Leci?’ He sat forward quickly, grabbing her by the upper arms and shaking her, his frustration getting the better of him.

Chapter 28

She gasped, surprised but didn’t struggle.

     
‘What was so damned important that you’d walk out on such a good thing?’

    
She had had enough of this.

    
Had enough of him playing the broken-hearted card, had enough of the superior attitude, of him assuming the worst of her for just about everything and she broke. The tears burst from her in a pained sob and she screamed at him.