The Confession (29 page)

The process of Laicization
was long, and in the months that followed John’s resignation from
the priesthood, he found it awkward resuming his life. Many members
of the church whispered as rumors spread throughout the parish. His
absence from Sunday Mass fueled the rumors. The Sunday following
his official resignation, Father O’Connell made the
announcement
before
services. There were audible
whispers, and several church members shook their heads in disgust.
The resignation of a priest is always difficult to accept,
especially a priest that everyone admired.

The Sunday following the
announcement, John stunned the parishioners of his parish by
arriving for services with Jennifer by his side, Olivia in his
arms, and Jason holding his hand. Several church members gasped
audibly as John and Jennifer took their seat next to his parents.
When the mumbling failed to
cease,
Colin stood to address
the congregation. Father O’Connell had just entered the church and
witnessed the exchange.

“I have never seen my son smile the way
he does now. Does he not deserve to be happy? Do any of you have
the right to condemn my son?”

John stood, placed a
soothing hand on his father’s shoulder, and asked him to sit. He
needed to address the congregation. “Please everyone; let me
explain my decision. It is not my intention to upset the
congregation
, and if my presence is
upsetting everyone, my family, and I will find another church.
My
decision
to request Laicization is
apparent
. My love for
Jennifer, Olivia, and Jason is overwhelming. I want to be a husband
to Jennifer, and
father
to
Olivia and Jason. I want to come home to children
who run into my arms with unconditional love in their hearts. I
want a wife by my side who will love me in good times and bad, and
who will be my partner in life. I know some of you disagree with my
decision; however, I will not apologize. I hope you understand that
it was the only decision I could make. I love all of them with
every fiber of my being.”

John resumed his seat next to Jennifer.
Visibly shaken by the confrontation, Jennifer reached out to hold
his hand. Olivia, sensing that he was upset, stood next to him in
the pew, wrapped her little arms around his neck, and said, “Don’t
be sad Daddy, I love you.” With that simple statement, he
relaxed.

“I love you too, chubby
cheeks. Thank
you,
Olivia, I feel better.”

Oliva leaned in and whispered in his
ear. “I like calling you Daddy.”

Wrapping a protective arm around his
little girl, John said, “I like it too, sweetheart. I want to be
your Daddy.”

As time passed, John grew
into his new life. His return to his parent’s home turned out to be
the most surprising. Colin and John bonded in a way they never had
before, and that made Margaret happy. Every morning, they
sat
together
and ate breakfast. They supported John while he
waited for his official release date. He familiarized himself with
the teachings of the Baptist Church. There were subtle differences
in ideology, and he found that fascinating.

Every day started with breakfast with
his parents, mornings devoted to religious study, afternoons and
evening surrounded by his new family. As Thanksgiving approached,
Margaret thought it would be a good idea to cook for the entire
family.

Jennifer felt apprehensive
about having dinner with his family. “Why are you a
nervous
honey? They are your new family. I spoke to Lydia last
week,
and she is excited about sharing Thanksgiving with you and the
children. Relax and enjoy the day. We will have many more holiday
celebrations as a family.”

“I know John. Your mother
and father have been so
wonderful
to us. Margaret is in love
with Olivia and Jason, and they love her. I have been alone for a
long time. My family lives in Colorado, and we are not close. Craig
was the only family that I had, and when he died, it broke me. And
then, this
good-looking
man
walked into my life and swept me off
my feet.”

John blushed. She smiled. “Why do you
blush when I tell you how I feel?”

“Honestly? I sometimes
think you are speaking about another person. I am still navigating
the nuances of a long-term relationship. I dream about
you,
Jenny. I have vivid dreams, and when you say things like that
to me, my heart feels like it will explode out of my
chest.”

She snuggled closer to him and
whispered, “What do you dream about John? Can you tell
me?”

Heat crept up his neck, as sweat
trickled down his back. “I dream of making love to you honey. I
dream of running my hands over your soft body. I dream of feeling
myself in you, touching the deepest part of your soul. I’ve never
felt this way about anyone Jenny. I know God sent you to me, and it
is taking all of my strength to keep my vow.”

“Would it be a sin if I touched
you?”

“It would be a sin if I
reacted to your touch. I’m not made of steel honey. I struggle
daily with my desire for you. I am still trying to separate the
religious doctrine from my feelings and desires for you. Until I am
no longer an ordained
Catholic
priest, I need to maintain
control.”

“What would happen if you lose control?
Would it be a mortal sin if you satisfied those
feelings?”

“Yes, it would be a mortal
sin. Every form of sexual gratification, whether it is watching
pornography, having impure thoughts, to
masturbation,
for a
priest, is a sin in the eyes of the
Catholic
faith. These doctrines
are a part of
me,
Jenny. It is not easy breaking free
from nineteen years of ideology. Please be patient with me
honey.”

Jennifer pressed herself
closer to
him
and wrapped her arm around his body. “Can you
describe your dream for
me,
John? I want to hear the
words.”

John removed the hand she had wrapped
around him and slowly moved it down to his erection. He squeezed
her hand around his arousal. “This is what I dream about Jenny. I
want this more than I can say. I don’t know how long I can keep my
vow. My desire for you grows stronger every day. It is becoming
difficult hiding this from you.”

“Why hide it from me? I can
help
you.
I can relieve the pressure without making love.
You don’t have to
suffer needlessly
. What we do behind
closed doors is our business. Let me take care of you
John.”

“No Jenny. If you do, I won’t be able
to stop myself.”

“Let me ask you a question. Why would
it be wrong if I touched you? We are engaged to be married. We love
each other. Being intimate is an expression of our love. Do you
want me to touch you?”

“More than I can
say,
Jenny. It’s all I’ve thought about for a very long
time.”

Slowly she ran her hand up
and down his aching erection. The sensation felt wonderful. John
closed his eyes and let the arousal take control. Jennifer unzipped
his jeans, and he felt the
blessed
relief as his erection
sprang free. Her hands were soft as they gently caressed him.
Breathing deeply, he tried to control the rising need that gripped
him. His hips thrust slowly as the pressure of her hand
intensified.

Jennifer bent her head and
took the tip of his penis into her mouth. John’s hand instinctively
slid into her hair. Words escaped him. He could only feel. Her
other hand caressed him and at that moment, he cried out, “I
feel
it,
Jenny. Oh, I feel it. I love you so much.” Jenny
stroked him into a powerful orgasm that robbed him of conscious
thought. Thick semen coated her hand as she continued stroking him.
His hips thrust violently. His hands gripped the bedspread as he
continued to come. It was the most intimate experience of his life.
Nothing in his previous life compared to this.

When she returned from the bathroom
with a warm washcloth, he blushed. “I can do that
honey.”

She brushed his hand away. “Let me to
this John. I want to take care of you. How do you feel?”

“I have no words to express
how I feel. I have never felt so happy in my entire life. What did
I do to deserve such
a
lovely
woman?”

“I ask myself that question every day.
We belong to each other John. Would you like to take care of me
now?”

“Yes. I would. Show me what to
do.”

Jenny showed him what to
do. She removed her clothing and sat facing him. She lowered his
head to her breast. Her skin was so soft. Her nipples were
a beautiful
shade of pink. Need, lust, and desire so intense
gripped him. His eyes pierced her with
hunger
so strong she
trembled in his arms.

“I want your fingers
inside
me,
John. I want to come in your arms. I want it so
badly.”

With trembling hands, John slid two
fingers into the heat of her body. Her hips rocked slowly as she
found her rhythm. His lips and tongue sucked and caressed her
nipples. The sight of her beautiful body taking pleasure from his
touch inflamed his desire for her. With his other hand, he freed
his cock and felt her grip him again. Their eyes never left each
other as they fell apart in each other’s arms.

John kissed the crevice between her
breasts. Hot tears burned his eyes and she felt him shake in her
arms. He was crying and it broke her heart. “It’s alright John. I
know this was an emotional experience for you.”

John fell apart in her arms. The tears
refused to stop. He cried for several minutes as Jennifer cradled
him in her arms. She was still naked, legs wrapped around his
waist, soft breasts brushing against his beautiful face.

With a deep sigh, John
relaxed in her arms. “I have so many emotions churning inside me
Jenny. I never knew I could feel this way. When you touch me, I
wanted to scream to the heavens, thank you for guiding me to this
beautiful angel. Holding your
lovely
, sexy, naked body in my
arms is in my heart, heaven. I long for the day when we are husband
and wife. I crave the day when I can finally make love to you as
your husband.”

“I want you to talk
to
me,
John. I know these emotions and the physical
closeness
are
new experiences for you. You have lacked the touch
of a woman for many years. We have plenty of time to discover each
other’s body. I want to make you happy John. I want you to fall
apart when I touch you. I want you to bury yourself so deep in me
that our souls
touch
. I want all of it, and I want it
with you.”

“My beautiful Jenny, I want all of
those things too. I want to come home to a house filled with love.
I want to feel you against me at night. I want to see your stomach
grow with my child. I never knew happiness like this existed. I
want to grow old with you. I want to hold my grandchildren in my
arms and watch them grow, and I want all of it with
you.”

John was about to kiss her again when
they heard Jason say, “Mommy, where are you?”

They both laughed. John said, “I think
we need to get dressed.”

Chapter 20

Eleven Months Later

A registered letter arrived for John
from the Vatican. Margaret held the letter in her hand as she
called John. “Where are you? You have a letter from the
Vatican.”

“I am helping Jenny fix the basement
window. Can you bring the letter over to her house?”

Jennifer heard the
conversation. “This is
it,
John. The waiting is finally
over.”

Laughing, he lifted
her
into
his arms and swung her around the basement.
“You’re making me dizzy. Put me down please before I throw
up.”