The Considine Curse (9 page)

‘Meat is murder,’ I reply.

She giggles.

After lunch the others settle in the living room. I can’t get the book without being seen so I decide to go for a walk.

It’s a bright day and the snow that covers the college grounds has melted a little, making it slushy and slippery underfoot. There aren’t many people around, although a few lights are on in the flats and I can hear televisions and music from students’ bedrooms.

I think about what Mum said. Why would Grandad have sent her away like that? Why would Grandma want to harm me? It doesn’t make sense.

‘Having a nice walk?’ says a voice behind me.

I turn around to see Elspeth.

‘Leave me alone, you little freakoid,’ I say.

‘Grandad was right to send you and your mummy away, you know. Grandma hated you both.’

‘You don’t know that,’ I reply.

‘I was Grandma’s favourite. She told me things she didn’t tell the others.’

‘Have you really followed me just to tell me that?’

‘No, I’m going up to the roof. Wanna come?’

Metal stairs run up the outside of the building. Elspeth slips under the sign saying,
Fire Escape: Use in Emergencies Only.

‘No thanks.’

‘Don’t be scared. The students go up there all the time. They’re not supposed to but they still do. You can see for miles up there.’

‘I’m not scared. You’re just the last person I want to spend time with.’

I wonder what it is with my cousins trying to make me climb high things.

‘Suit yourself.’

Elspeth runs up the steps. I turn and spot Mum walking towards me. I’m in no mood to talk to her and begin to walk away but she runs after me, calling my name.

‘Mariel, please.’

I stop and let her catch up.

‘Is everything you’ve ever told me a lie?’ I ask before she can say anything.

‘I never told you much. I thought the less I said the fewer lies I’d have to tell.’

‘This is your explanation? This is the best you can do?’

‘I only wanted to protect you.’

‘What, from my grandma? Do you know how mental that sounds?’

‘I wanted to protect you from the fear I’ve had to live with every single day of my life.’

‘Grandma loved all my cousins so much she left them her house. Why was I any different? Why did I need protecting from her?’

Mum starts to cry. ‘I don’t know. He died before he could give me an explanation.’

‘How convenient,’ I say before I can stop myself.

‘There was nothing convenient about his death,’ says Mum, sobbing.

My frustration has bubbled up into white rage. ‘So we went into hiding because of a silly old man?’

‘Your grandfather was a kind, gentle and honest man. He wouldn’t have told me to leave without good reason. Your grandmother felt very differently towards my brothers and their children but from the day I was born she always hated me.’

‘I’m beginning to know how she felt,’ I reply.

The words hang in the air. I am furious with her. I hate how she has lied to me and how she has kept me away from my grandma. But the feelings die away when I see the hurt look on her face.

‘I love you, Mare,’ she says. ‘We don’t need to feel scared any more. We can start again. We’ve got our family back. I didn’t know how it would be, coming back, but everyone has been so nice and welcoming, and we’re safe now.’

‘I don’t feel safe. My cousins are all barking mad.’

‘What on earth are you talking about?’

‘Oberon tried to make me climb Percy’s Ruin, Gerald and Lily keep telling me to stay away, Amelia has that funny smell, and Elspeth is the devil in pigtails.’

‘Now come on, Mariel, I know meeting all these new family members must be difficult but that’s not fair, and it’s very cruel of you to talk about Amelia like that. I thought you two got on.’

‘We did, but I’ve never heard of that condition she’s supposed to have.’

‘I didn’t realise you were an expert on genetics,’ Mum says sarcastically. ‘Perhaps while there’s a library so near you should actually use it. And as for Elspeth, she’s probably just having difficulty adjusting to having a new cousin. She’s much younger than you.’

‘That’s another thing. It’s weird how close they are. They don’t have any friends, you know? None of them. Just each other.’

‘So that’s what this is all about, is it? You’re jealous that they’ve grown up with all this family and you’ve been stuck with no one but me.’

This infuriates me because as usual she’s making it about herself and has completely misunderstood my point so I say, ‘Yes, it is because I only had you and you turned out to be a liar.’

My heart is still pounding from the argument with Mum when Uncle Sewell opens the front door to me. ‘Your mum went out to find you,’ he says.

‘She found me,’ I snap.

I follow him inside.

‘You shouldn’t be too angry with her,’ he says. ‘She only did what she thought best. Being a good parent and doing the right thing aren’t always the same.’ We go into the living room. ‘The tortured author is in the study,’ he says with a wink.

‘I heard that,’ shouts Aunt Dee.

He returns to the kitchen and continues preparing dinner.

‘Why would Grandad have told Mum to run away all those years ago?’ I ask.

‘I don’t know. We all assumed that it was something between your mum and Flora. Our parents were pretty strict and your grandmother never saw eye to eye with your mother, but I don’t know why Dad would think she might want to hurt either of you.’

‘Did Grandma ever mention me to you?’ I ask.

Uncle Sewell picks up a knife and a clove of garlic. ‘I’m sorry, Mariel. I suppose trying to forget you was her way of coping with losing you.’ He peels the garlic and carefully slices it. ‘We’re all glad you’re both back now though.’

‘We’ll be flying home in a few days’ time,’ I say.

‘Yes, but we can stay in contact now. And Australia’s not so far away. We’ll come and visit you. Aren’t you pleased to have your family back again?’

‘I’m still getting used to it to be honest,’ I reply.

He picks up an onion. ‘I thought we’d all join you in a meatless meal tonight with a vegetable risotto. The girls will complain, of course, but they can’t always have it all their own way, can they?’

With his back turned I extract the book from the bookshelf and sit down with it. Uncle Sewell puts the radio on. It’s a classical music station. I consider taking the diary to Elspeth’s room but decide there is more danger she will walk in on me. Here, at least, if I hear the front door there is time to hide it. I slip it inside a magazine from the coffee table.

I turn to the first page. The handwriting that fills the pages is a hurriedly written scrawl.

I don’t know why I am writing this. I don’t know exactly what it is. Is it a diary? Not quite. A diary would contain an account of my daily activities and this will not. Is it a confession? No. A confession requires an audience and I can never show this to anyone. And besides, what would I be confessing to? The things I have seen, the killings I have executed, the murders I have witnessed? No, that is not why I am writing. If anything, I am seeking to understand the curse itself from which I suffer, not the actions it causes. A medical journal, perhaps then, documenting this terrible condition that infects my blood.

‘Hello Mariel.’ Aunt Dee interrupts my reading. She
goes into the kitchen and kisses Uncle Sewell on the
cheek. I quickly close the journal and slip it under the sofa seat-cushion.

‘How’s it going?’ asks Uncle Sewell.

‘You were right, I’m a tortured author. We should alert Amnesty International,’ she says. ‘Smells good in here.’

She joins me on the sofa. ‘How are you feeling?’ she asks.

‘I don’t know,’ I answer honestly.

‘Well, you should be grateful your mother kept you away from your grandmother,’ she says gently. ‘I wish I had been.’

‘Why? What was wrong with her?’

‘I don’t know if it has a medical name.’ She laughs. ‘Acute misanthropy?’

‘What does that mean?’

‘A misanthropist is someone who hates people. Flora hated everyone, except her precious grandchildren, of course.’ Hearing the front door, Aunt Dee says quickly, ‘You can’t say a bad word about her in front of them. They’ll bite your head off.’

Mum enters with Elspeth. They exchange a glance and Elspeth walks over and addresses me in a clear, loud voice.

‘Mariel, I owe you an apology. I haven’t been as friendly as I could have been. There is no excuse for my behaviour but there are reasons for it. When we first met, I was upset about Grandma dying. Then I became worried because I’m the youngest of my cousins and I often feel left out and I thought that with another older cousin I’d feel even more left out. So I’m very sorry I haven’t been nice to you. Can you forgive me?’

She flings herself on the sofa and throws her arms around me.

‘Mariel, what do you say?’ I could kill Mum for saying this and for talking to Elspeth in the first place.

‘That’s OK, Elspeth, I forgive you.’ It chokes me to say it but what choice do I have? I’ve been manipulated by an eight-year-old. Elspeth squeezes me so hard it hurts.

Chapter 12

A Rooftop Encounter

More snow falls in the afternoon so everyone stays in the living room, preventing me from retrieving the diary from its new hiding place. That evening when we sit down to dinner Elspeth grumbles about the lack of meat but Lily says nothing. The risotto is nice though and I am grateful to Uncle Sewell for making it. At the end of the meal I take the dishes into the kitchen to load them into the dishwasher. Elspeth helps me, but once we are out of earshot she whispers, ‘Did you like my speech, half-cousin?’

‘It was very convincing,’ I reply.

She laughs and goes back to the table.

For the rest of the evening, Aunt Dee dominates the conversation. She appears to have an opinion on everything and she, Mum and Uncle Sewell argue about politics and other boring stuff. I am itching to rescue the diary from the sofa but I can’t risk it until I am sure no one is looking. I decide the safest thing to do is to wait until they have all gone to bed.

One of Aunt Dee’s many opinions is that children should be allowed to choose their own bedtime so I am the first to use the bathroom and go to bed.

‘Touch any of my stuff and you’re dead,’ threatens Elspeth before adding loudly, ‘Sleep well, Mariel. See you in the morning.’

I close the door and wait until everyone has gone to bed. Mum doesn’t come to say goodnight. I have never felt so distant from her. Since we landed in England it feels like she and I have been living two different stories. The adults chat casually amongst themselves, while their children whisper at me. I have spent all my life dreaming of what it would be like to have a large family, but now I have one I feel more alone than I have ever felt.

Elspeth’s dolls stare down at me. Some wear bonnets, others too much make-up. Many of them have patchy skin, worn away by time. They all look deeply sinister and I can see no reason to collect them other than to freak people out.

I hear a rustling from the door and notice that a piece of paper has been slipped under it. I pick it up and read it.

If you want to know what is wrong with us, wait for three taps on the window, then leave quietly through the window and go to where Elspeth tried to take you today. I will explain everything.

Lily

PS Do not leave your room or open your curtains before then.

I read the note twice.
What is wrong
with us
, it says
.
Not what is wrong with Elspeth. What is wrong with us. I think about the words in the diary.
This terrible condition that infects my blood.
The house is quiet. It is the perfect moment to go and get the diary but Lily’s note said not to leave my room and I so desperately want to know the truth.

Elspeth’s dolls are creeping me out. I think that if I slept every night in this room I would be as disturbed as she is. I need something to distract me from them so I get up to look for a book to read. I check the drawers and find one full of silver jewellery, just like at Grandma’s house and in Amelia’s room. One of the bits looks familiar. It’s a silver crucifix. I reach into my bag and pull out the identical one I found on the hill. What does it mean, I wonder?

The three taps on the window are quiet but they still make me jump. I draw the curtains and look out but all I see is my own reflection. I turn off the light. No one’s there. I push open the window and feel the cold. The external lighting gives the university campus an eerie yellow glow. I put on my coat, climb up on to the window ledge and jump out.

The moon is big and low in the sky. The snow crunches beneath my feet as I walk to the fire escape that leads to the roof. I swing under the chain and go up.