The Cowboy and the Cougar (10 page)

HollyGolightly:
When I was in here the other night, Charlene’s relationship was ending because her cub wanted a family and she was done with that.

MrsRobinson:
Yes, that does happen sometimes. I can’t lie to you. But you’re a little bit ahead of Charlene. Your Jack already has a child.

HollyGolightly:
But he wants more.

MrsRobinson:
Are you sure about that?"

HollyGolightly:
That’s what his son said.

MrsRobinson:
But you’ve never had this conversation with him?

HollyGolightly:
No.

MrsRobinson:
You need to. Talk to him. If he cares for you, he’ll listen. Maybe you can find a way to compromise.

HollyGolightly:
How? I can’t give him a child.

MrsRobinson:
It’s not all black and white, Holly. You can adopt. And you still have an ovary. If you really want a child of your own body, you can try in vitro fertilization with a surrogate. There are many ways to have children these days.

HollyGolightly:
But I’m so old! I’d be sixty when the kid graduated high school.

MrsRobinson:
Sounds like you already wrote the whole thing off.

HollyGolightly:
I kind of had to, when I got my diagnosis. I had to accept that I’d never be a mother. Then Jack came along again, and I found myself wanting something that I thought I’d closed the door on.

MrsRobinson:
Why didn’t you just tell him the truth from the beginning?

Good question. Why hadn’t she?

HollyGolightly:
I honestly don’t know.

MrsRobinson:
Were you afraid he’d leave you?

HollyGolightly:
I never thought of it in those terms. I always knew I’d have to leave him eventually.

MrsRobinson:
So you made the choice for him.

HollyGolightly:
I guess I did.

MrsRobinson:
Then you’ve sold him short. Let him decide. The worst he can do is break it off, and you’ll be no worse off than you are now.

True enough. Why hadn’t she thought of it in this way? Because she’d been too busy feeling sorry for herself, and too busy being selfish. She’d strung Jack along because she couldn’t bear to say good-bye. Then she’d escaped in a haze of cowardice when the going got rough. No more.

HollyGolightly:
You’re absolutely right, Megan. Thank you so much! I’m going to call him right now.

MrsRobinson:
Yes! Let me know how it works out. I’ll cheer for you if you have good news and I’ll hold your hand if it’s bad. That’s what we’re here for.

HollyGolightly:
You’re a gem. I’ll log back on when I have news.

She hurriedly logged off, a spark of energy radiating throughout her. She grabbed her cell phone out of her purse, and then stopped abruptly.

She didn’t have Jack’s number.

All this time and she hadn’t thought to get his number.

How had she fallen head over heels for a man and not gotten his phone number?

She’d truly lost her mind. And her heart.

Calling information proved fruitless. He was unlisted. She didn’t know Luisa’s last name, either, so she couldn’t call her. She did, though, have Mark’s cell number and email on her course syllabus. He’d said his students could contact him anytime. She checked her watch. Somehow, she knew he hadn’t meant she could call him at
ten thirty
at night.

She’d have to wait until morning. She hoped she wouldn’t lose her nerve by then.

Chapter Twelve

Jack sat in his son’s room, watching the methodic rise and fall of the little boy’s chest as he breathed. When Sam had first come to him, only a little over three months old, Jack had been terrified of SIDS. He’d kept the baby in a cradle in his own bedroom, close enough to reach over and touch the little chest whenever he woke during the night. The rhythmic up and down motion had soothed him then.

The time had long since passed for Jack to worry about his boy making it through the night. But still, on nights when his mind whirled and wouldn’t let him sleep, he’d sneak into Sam’s bedroom, place his hand over his son’s chest, and let the soft cadence of his breathing—his life force—comfort him.

He’d never known what it was like to love a person more than himself until Sam had come into his life. That tiny little person had crept into his heart and grasped it with those chubby little hands, until Jack wondered if his heart had room for anyone else.

During the last week, he’d discovered how spacious his heart actually was. Holly had sneaked in. Somehow, she’d uncovered the key. Jack hadn’t planned to fall in love with her. Yet, when he brought her into his home and introduced her to his son, he’d known she was the one.

The one he’d been searching for his whole life. He just hadn’t let it materialize on a conscious level.

He sighed and gently laid his palm on his son’s chest. He loved this child more than anything. He’d die for his little boy. If anyone dared to harm him? Such a perpetrator had better look to God for forgiveness, for he’d get none from Jack.

Sam’s heartbeat fluttered beneath Jack’s fingertips and his chest rose and fell with each shallow breath of sleep.

Holly had hurt Sam.

Sam had wandered into the barn during mid morning, his big brown eyes wide and confused. "Luisa says Holly left."

Jack had turned from his chore. "What?"

"Yeah. She was supposed to go riding with us again but she left."

"Oh God." Jack’s heart had plummeted to his stomach. Something was wrong. She wouldn’t just...take off.

"How’d she go? She doesn’t have her car."

"Carlos took her."

He had scooped Sam into his arms and carried him quickly back to the house. "Luisa!" He slammed the door. "Luisa, where are you?"

She’d come running. "I’m here. Goodness, what’s wrong?"

"Where’s Holly?"

"She had to go. Carlos drove her home."

"Why? What happened?"

"She just said she was sorry. That something came up."

"Is she okay?"

"Yes. She was fine when she left here. She said she’d call you later."

"Oh. Thank goodness."

"Does that mean she’s not goin’ ridin’ with us today, Daddy?" Sam’s big eyes held sadness.

"I’m afraid so, pal," Jack had said, kneeling down to face his son. "But I’m sure she’ll come back soon to go ridin’."

"But she promised."

"I know. I’m sure she has a good reason why she can’t go today. Tell you what, we’ll go ridin’ anyway. Just you and me. How does that sound?"

Sam had sniffed. "Yeah, that’d be good I guess."

Jack had spent the rest of the day with his son. His heart drank in the pleasure of being with his little boy. When Sam had fallen asleep to a story of the Old West, he’d had an innocent smile on his face.

He’d finally stopped wondering why Holly hadn’t stayed to spend the rest of the weekend.

Jack had taken care of his son, made sure he was happy and unhurt, because that’s what a father did.

No one existed to take away Jack’s own hurt.

Nearly
midnight
, and here he sat, watching his son sleep. How was it possible Sam had been so upset by Holly’s departure? He’d known her only two days.

Jack understood. Holly had that effect on people. He’d only known her for a little over a week himself, unless he counted their hot one nighter. That only added ten hours, anyway.

Damn her! Her age had never made a speck of difference to him. That had to be what this was about. How could she disappear without any explanation other than "something suddenly came up?" It sounded like a bad sitcom. Luisa had said it had come out of nowhere. Holly hadn’t gotten a phone call or anything. She’d just up and said she needed to go home.

If she’d come to the barn to tell him what had happened, or if she’d even told Luisa, he’d have understood.

But no. She’d just left.

Now she hadn’t called.

Jack leaned down and gave his son a quick peck on the cheek. "Sleep tight, pal," he whispered. He tucked the cotton sheet around him a little tighter and left the room.

He fell on his bed, still fully clothed.

It was over.

Hell, it hadn’t even begun.

* * * *

Holly looked at her watch.
Eight fourteen a.m.
Not even a minute had passed since she’d last looked. Was it too early to call Mark? It was Monday, but it was a holiday.
 
He’d given the students his cell number, but he might not appreciate such an early call on a holiday.

Frantically, she picked up her own cell and dialed. Her heart beat like a stampede of buffalo. She’d risk Mark’s wrath. She needed to talk to Jack, to tell him how she felt, and why she’d left.
God, please let him understand.

Five minutes later, Jack’s number programmed into her cell, she listened to the ringing on the other end. It wasn’t ringing, actually. It was Glen Campbell singing Rhinestone Cowboy. She couldn’t help but smile. Jack hadn’t even been alive when that song was popular.

"This is Jack," came his whiskey-smooth voice.

"Jack? It’s me."

A pause. A long pause. A pause so fucking long Holly thought for sure the earth had revolved once around the sun already. Then, finally, "Holly."

She sighed. "Yeah, it’s me. Listen, I want to apologize for—"

He cut her off. "Was it an emergency, Holly?"

"Well, not exactly, but—"

"Is someone dead?"

"What?"

"You heard me."

"No. Of course not. No one’s dead."

"Anyone in the hospital?"

"No. Jack, just listen—"

"Then there isn’t any reason why you couldn’t come tell me before you left. Hell, I’d have driven you home. I’d have done anything for you."

Her heart skipped, and tears blurred her vision. "Oh, Jack. Please. I do have an explanation."

"Not one I care to hear."

"But I—"

"Good-bye, Holly."

"Jack!" Had he hung up?
Damn these cell phones! They won’t even tell you when someone hangs up on you!

"Jack! Jack!"

No reply.

A sob broke through and she threw her cell phone against the wall. It clattered to the ground. She ran to it, relieved it was still intact for the most part. She slid the battery cover back in place and hit redial.

More Glen Campbell.

He didn’t answer and it didn’t go to voicemail.

Damn! She tried again. Still no answer.

Now what? She had to talk to him.

She sped into her office and logged in to the Cougar Club. Those ladies would know what to do. No one was chatting. Well, what did she expect? It was before
nine a.m.
on a holiday morning.

She’d just have to go to Jack’s place. She hadn’t paid close attention when she’d been driven either way, but if she concentrated...

She took a quick shower, raked her fingers through her wet hair and added a touch of lipstick. That was it. She didn’t want to take any more time. She had to get to Jack before it was too late.

It already is.

She brushed the thought from her mind. True, he might send her packing when he found she couldn’t have children but she had to let him decide. She’d made the decision for him, and that was wrong.

Maybe all he wanted was a casual relationship. Maybe he wasn’t in love with her and never would be. Could she live with that?

She sighed and grabbed her purse and car keys from the kitchen counter. No use prognosticating. She’d have all her answers soon enough.

Chapter Thirteen

"Jack?"

Her voice cut through him like a switchblade. He’d just come in from a midmorning ride with Sam and had sent his son to find Luisa. Taking care of the horses soothed his mind, so he let Sam off the hook this once and decided to curry both horses himself. He’d just finished cleaning the last hoof when her voice sliced into him.

He didn’t turn.

"What do you want?"

"I need to talk to you."

"Not interested."

Such a lie. He was so interested that his heart was thundering against his sternum just at the damn sound of her voice. Why had this happened? Why had he fallen in love? Why had he brought her here and introduced her to Sam?

Sam deserved better.

"I’m so sorry...."

Her words trailed off and he still didn’t turn. If he looked at her, he’d be lost.

Her breathy sigh caressed the back of his neck. She was that close.
Don’t turn around, Jack
.

"I didn’t think you’d get this hurt."

Damn. Those were fighting words. He turned around and the moistness in her emerald eyes tugged at him. But he hardened his heart.

"Not get hurt? What did you think I invited you here for, Holly? Sex? A prolonged weekend of hedonism? Hell, I didn’t need to bring you to my home, introduce you to my son, for that."

"No, I—"

"Please go away."

"I can’t, Jack. Not until you hear me out. I behaved stupidly. I know that. But there are reasons. And I—"

He let out a sigh and rolled his eyes. "Yes, I know. You’re forty. You’ve made it abundantly clear how you feel about our age difference. And I thought I’d made it abundantly clear that I don’t give a rat’s ass but you can’t seem to get past that."

"You don’t understand. There’s more."

"Nothing I’m interested in." He steeled his heart against her misty green gaze.

"You’ve got to listen to me."

"I don’t have to do anything. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to take care of my animals."

He turned, but she grabbed his arm. A sizzling current traveled to his groin at her touch. She flung her arms around him, grabbed his cheeks and drew his lips to hers.

His memories soared to their first kiss in the elevator. She nibbled at his lower lip, then his upper, her tongue probing for entrance.

He granted it. Hell, he was still a man—a man in love with a woman. His body couldn’t help but respond to her physical presence.

He parted his lips and when her tongue touched his, he melted and his resolve disintegrated.

She tasted of vanilla cream and still a touch of lime. He devoured her mouth. His mind clouded, and energy—hot, raw, and primal—crackled between them.

He gripped her ass, squeezing, kneading, and forced her against the hardness beneath his jeans. Her tiny moans hummed against the back of his throat and he probed farther, deeper, until he was lost in the passion that had sizzled between them since their first meeting.

Then, from somewhere in a different dimension, a small voice broke through the haze.

"Holly! You came back!"

Jack ripped his mouth from Holly’s to stare at Sam. Holly wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and turned.

"Why, hi there, Sam."

"You missed our ride yesterday."

"Yeah, I know. I’m sure sorry about that. Maybe we can go this afternoon."

"Holly, stop," Jack said. He would not allow her to get Sam’s hopes up again. He took a deep breath and willed his nerves to settle. Sam was the most important consideration. His only consideration.

Holly gazed up at him, her lips swollen and scarlet. Damn, she was beautiful. He wanted to grab her again and kiss her until he elicited a promise from her that she’d never leave them again.

But he’d be strong.

"Run along, Sam. Holly and I need to talk about grown up things."

"What kinds of things are those?"

"When you’re older, I’ll explain it. Go on now. Luisa should have lunch ready soon."

"But that’s why I came out here, Daddy. Lunch is on the table."

"Tell Luisa I’ll be a little late. You go on and eat."

"Okay." Sam trotted off. The kid never walked. He always trotted or ran. Jack smiled.

"Jack...."

"What?"

"Maybe you should eat first and then we’ll talk."

"Not a chance. You tell me what you came to tell me. And no more kissin’ until it’s all out in the open."

"So you’re ready to listen now?"

He nodded. That kiss had told him what he already knew. He wasn’t ready to give her up. Not by a long shot. So he’d listen. But he’d listen from a distance. He picked up the curry comb and got back to his horse.

"You stay there," he said, "and start talkin’."

"This isn’t easy for me."

"It isn’t for me, either. Last night sucked, Holly. If you think you’re the only one hurtin’ here, think again."

"I’m sorry."

"Quit apologizin’ and explain yourself. I’m agin’ here."

She let out a heavy sigh. He focused on horse’s shiny coat.

"It is the age thing, but there’s more to it than you know." She cleared her throat. "That first night we met, I told you I was in a bad place."

"I know. We’ve all been in bad places, Holly."

"This was a particularly bad one, Jack. I’d just been diagnosed with cancer."

Oh God.
His heart dropped to his stomach. He tossed the currycomb to the ground and hurried toward her. "Sugar, are you all right?"

"Yeah, yeah, I’m fine." She swiped her hand across her nose and sniffed. "Sort of."

"What do you mean, sort of? Sugar, please, tell me you’re okay."

"I am. I mean, my life’s not in danger or anything."

"Come sit with me." He led her out of the stable and onto a patch of soft grass. He sat down and drew her into his lap. His heart ached.

"Tell me."

"It was cervical cancer, Jack. I-I always had my pap smears, which was lucky. They caught it real early. But it was an aggressive strain. So they treated it aggressively."

"Oh." His heart sank. He already knew where this was going.

"They took my uterus. Plus one ovary. Just left me one for hormones. I’m pretty much cleaned out."

"God."

"I had to give up my dream of being a mom. I thought I’d come to terms with it. Until you came back into my life."

He swallowed and kissed the top of her head. He’d thought about having a child with her. Sure, she was older, but not too old. Now that wouldn’t happen.

Did it matter? Sam wanted a brother. He knew that. He sure loved kids and always thought he’d have more eventually, once the right woman came along.

That the right woman might not be able to give him children hadn’t occurred to him.

She rested her head against his shoulder and he inhaled the apple-fresh scent of her hair.

"Sugar?"

"Hmm?" Her voice was muffled.

"I never saw a scar."

She lifted her head. "They used a laparoscope. The scar’s hidden in my belly button. It’s a lot less invasive. I was able to recover a lot quicker."

"Oh." So she had recovered quickly. Physically. He had a hunch she wasn’t completely recovered emotionally.

She’d had to give up her dream of children. Could he give up his dream of a child with her?

Before he could formulate an answer to his own question, a scream rent through the air.

Sam!

He stood quickly, his heart hammering, steadying Holly so she didn’t fall.

"That’s Sam," he said. "Sam! Sam!"

The scream had been loud. He was close by. Jack ran around the stable. Nothing. Across a small field stood the main barn. On the ground, next to a stack of hay bales, lay his son.

He wasn’t moving.

"No! Sam! Sam!"

He raced across the field, tears forming in his eyes. Not Sam. Not Sam.

He knelt over the unmoving body of his son. Had he fallen? Jack looked up. He’d tumbled from the roof of the barn. What the hell had he been doing? He was supposed to go in for lunch.

"Jack." Holly knelt beside him. "What happened?"

"I don’t know. He fell, I think." His voice sounded peculiar, like it came from somewhere else. Thoughts couldn’t form. He reached under his little boy’s body and gently cradled him to his chest.

"Jack, you shouldn’t move him. He might be...injured inside."

Jack knew. But he couldn’t think. He had to hold his son. He pressed his fingers to his neck. His pulse was steady and strong, thank God.

"I’ll call 911."

"No. No. That’ll take too long. I’ll drive him to the hospital."

"Jack, be sensible..."

"Damn it, Holly! This is my child! I need to take care of him!"

"I understand." Holly nodded. "I’ll drive you."