The Cowboy SEAL (17 page)

*

“S
ORRY
TO
BARGE
in like this,” Millie said to Lynette a little over an hour later. “I didn’t know where else to turn.”

“Of course.” Lynette drew her into the simple ranch house she shared with Zane. “You know you’re welcome here anytime.”

Millie nodded while making her way to the sofa. Even though she’d delivered her big speech to Cooper, she’d been so upset that the moment he’d parked, she’d run off, leaving him to watch Clint and the kids. She was such a hypocrite, accusing him of being a rotten uncle when she wasn’t exactly Mother of the Year. “I told you the basics of our fight over the phone, but I kind of left off the reason why Cooper and Lee’s secret hit me so hard.”

“Okay...” Her friend sat beside her.

“Is Zane in the house?”

“Nope. Can you believe it? He’s out for a run. He’s getting pretty buff.” Lynette fanned herself. “God bless Cooper and his SEAL Session workout.”

Millie rolled her eyes. She was not in the mood for singing Cooper’s praises.

“So? What did you need to talk about? We have the house to ourselves and I’m all ears.”

Where do I start?

Chapter Seventeen

“C-calm down.” Clint sat in the straight-backed chair next to Cooper’s dresser. How his father had even gotten up the stairs was beyond him, but stubborn had always been Clint’s middle name. “M-Millie didn’t mean it. G-girl’s got a w-wicked temper. S-stay.”

“Love to, Dad, but I can’t. I needed to be back on base a month ago.” But more important, if he had to spend one more day around Millie, pretending he felt nothing for her but platonic affection, he’d go freakin’ mad.

He felt awful about what had gone down with LeeAnn. Millie was clearly right in that he had no business being around kids. The crazy thing was, though, the more he’d been around his niece and nephew, the more he craved being with them.

He’d miss them when he was gone.

“M-marry her.”

“Dad...” Clint scooped the meager contents from his sock drawer into his duffel.

“I m-mean it. Worth a t-try.”

“When—if—I ever get married, I don’t want to just try, but really make it work. I want what Jim and Millie used to have. The perfect family.”

His dad shook his head. “N-no such thing as p-perfect. All m-marriage is w-work.”

“I don’t know... You and Mom looked pretty good.”

Clint smiled. “Your m-mom was a s-saint. I was the p-problem. S-stay. Give M-Millie—yourself—time. She looks at you l-like your m-mom once looked at m-me.”

Cooper wished he could believe that, but he knew better.

Millie didn’t want him, but to recreate what she’d shared with his brother. Unfortunately, as she’d been all too happy to point out, he’d never be half the man his brother had been.

*

“W
HOA
...” L
YNETTE
FINISHED
her wine in one big gulp. “I never saw this one coming. You and Cooper on the kitchen table? That’s hot stuff...” She refilled her glass and took another deep swig. “You have to tell him about the baby, Mill. Like, now.”

“But how? Especially after he came right out and said he doesn’t have any interest in becoming a dad. And what about this thing with LeeAnn? He should’ve come to me right away about something that important.”

“Agreed, but, sweetie, you have to understand that he hasn’t been around kids since he was a kid himself. You can’t expect him to right out of the gate be
WonderDad.
”

“I know, but—”

“No—there’s nothing more for you to say. You have to tell him. March your butt straight home and admit you’ve been scared about how he’d take the news, but that you’re sorry, and would like to have an adult conversation about how the two of you plan to raise this child.”

Millie nibbled her pinkie fingernail. “You do know you sound like a female
Dr. Phil?
”

“Good. You need some sense drilled into you, and since he’s not available for consultation, guess I’ll have to do.” She stood, taking Millie by her hands to force her from the couch then push her toward the door. “Tell him.
Now.
”

*

“B
UT
WHY
DO
you have to go?” J.J. asked once Cooper had loaded his truck and was ready to hit the highway. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, bud.” He knelt, wrapping his nephew in a hug.

J.J. tossed his chubby little arms around Cooper’s neck and wouldn’t let go. “Please, don’t leave us. I thought you were going to be our dad.”

“Sorry, dude, but you already had a great dad. I’m just your uncle. I promise I’ll come visit, but you don’t really need me to stay. You’ve got Grandpa Clint and your mom and sister and friends. Trust me, you’ll hardly even notice I’m gone.” Still holding J.J., Cooper stood then pushed open the screen door.

“Yes, I will...” The sniffling boy held on tighter.

Clint and LeeAnn followed them outside.

Seemed like just yesterday when Cooper had returned on that blustery January morning. The earth had felt as dead as he had. Everything had been cold and brown and dull. Now, on this night, crickets chirped, the temperature was downright balmy and, just as Millie promised back in March, everything in their world was green and fresh and new. Everything, that is, except for him. He was leaving this ranch feeling as defeated as when he’d come.

LeeAnn asked, “Uncle Cooper, are you leaving because of me?” The girl’s question shredded what little remained of his heart.

“Lord, angel, no. I need to get back to the Navy. I know you and your mom will work all of this out. Just please try not to grow up so fast, okay? Promise, you’ll have plenty of time for boys once you hit high school. But even then, I’ll expect you to shoot me an email about them—you know, just so I can run a background check and make sure they’re okay.”

As moths danced in the porch lights’ glow, she laughed through tears—this time, genuine.

Cooper’s eyes stung, and if he hadn’t had such a tight hold on his precious nephew, he’d have wiped them. As it was, he just let his tears fall. “I love you guys, so much. Be good for your mom, okay?”

“I will,” J.J. said when Cooper set him down.

“C-call when you get there safe.” Clint moved in for a hug. “I l-love you, son.”

“Love you, too, Dad.”

“P-please come home s-soon.”

“I will. First chance I get leave.” He had to cut this off. He’d seen enough of his SEAL buddies leaving their families to know long goodbyes only dragged out the inevitable. “All right, guys...” He gave all of them one last hug. “I should get going. Talk to you soon.”

He walked to his truck on wooden legs. He didn’t want to go. The whole time he’d been on the ranch, he’d kept a part of himself back in Virginia. But now? He’d give anything if he and Millie could’ve worked past their issues and made a go at being a couple. He would’ve taken it slow. He would do anything for her—including leaving, because she’d told him that was what she wanted.

The sound of tires crunching on gravel alerted him to there being another vehicle on the drive. He glanced that way to see Millie behind her truck’s wheel.

Damn. He’d hoped to have been gone before she got home.

She parked alongside him, her expression startled when she looked in the truck bed to find his duffel, ditty bag and a few boxes of mementos he wanted with him. The beach diorama J.J. had made for him was precious cargo, so it rode on the front seat.

“Are you leaving tonight? Now?” she asked.

J.J. bounded down the front porch stairs. “Mommy, please make him stay!
Please.
”

She hefted her crying son into her arms. “Honey, I wish I could, but Uncle Cooper has a very important job. The whole country needs him—not just us.”

If only for a second he thought that was true—that Millie needed him, wanted him—dynamite couldn’t have pried Cooper from this place.

“I don’t care...” J.J. grew inconsolable.

“LeeAnn, could you please take your brother.” Millie set J.J. down, kissing both of his tearstained cheeks, before aiming him toward the house. “Clint, I need a minute alone with Cooper. If you all have said your goodbyes, do you think you could watch the kids for a few minutes while I say mine?”

“W-will do.” Clint ushered the kids inside.

“What do you want?” Cooper asked. He was sorry if his sharp words came off as cruel, but she hadn’t exactly been a sweetheart to him—more like a lipstick-wearing rattler.

“We need to talk. I thought you weren’t leaving till the morning?”

“Plans change.”

“Coop...”

“What, Millie? I can’t think of another thing you could say to me that hasn’t already been said.” Unless she wanted to admit she did feel something for him, and that she was as tired of pretending she didn’t as he was. Otherwise, he was done.

“Well...” She licked her lips. “I’m not sure where to start.”

“Then let’s leave it at that.”

Her eyes pooled. She opened her mouth, but no words came out, only a strangled sob.

He took it as his sign to go. Didn’t she have any idea how crazy he was about her? If she’d given the faintest green light, he’d have retired from the Navy to stay. But she hadn’t, and he’d grown weary of trying to please her when clearly, in her eyes, nothing he could ever do would be right.

“Goodbye, Millie.” Before his own tears fell, he climbed in the truck. He refused to give her the satisfaction of seeing him fall apart.

But he did—fall apart, cry and punch the damn wheel.

He mourned not only the people he was leaving behind, but also his future that no longer held the slightest appeal. He’d joined the Navy looking for an escape, but all he wanted now was to be found.

Brewer’s Falls—Millie, J.J., LeeAnn and his dad—were his home.

Driving through town, he now saw the appeal. Like him, with the changing seasons, it’d been reborn. Cascading flower baskets hung from every light post, and empty shop fronts had been filled with flea-market-style booths of seasonal wares. Potted flowers lined the sidewalks. Mack’s bar and the restaurant had set out picnic tables—all currently filled by couples and families dining under the stars.

Cooper wanted so badly to once again be part of this place, but it just wasn’t meant to be. And so he sped up, hoping the more miles he put between him and his pain, the better off he’d feel.

*

A
FTER
THE
GLOW
from Cooper’s truck’s taillights had faded, Millie didn’t seek the comfort of her children or father-in-law to cry out her frustration. Instead, she went to the one place where she felt most connected to Cooper—the chicken palace he’d created.

She sat sideways on the swing, barefoot with her knees drawn to her chest.

Why hadn’t she told him? She knew Cooper. One hint about her pregnancy would’ve kept him on the ranch. But what then? Would he marry her? Only to live out the rest of their lives resenting each other for being saddled in a loveless match? She deserved better. She demanded better.

Trouble was, only with the finality of watching him drive away did she realize she did love him—with every breath of her being. He was the first thing she thought of in the morning, and the last thing at night. Of course her kids meant the world to her, but somehow Cooper had also earned his way inside their world, only he didn’t seem to know it.

She cupped her hands to her belly, connecting with the tiny life inside. Would she tell Cooper before or after their child’s birth? She assumed once she did tell him that he’d want to be part of their baby’s future, but what if deep down he didn’t? He’d told her parenting sounded like a nightmare. Did she really want a man with that kind of attitude around her newborn?

Eyes closed, she prayed for peace, but her stomach kept churning with the phrase
I should’ve told him.

*

T
HE
NEXT
DAY
Cooper made it
to
St. Louis before needing a nap.

He’d always been fascinated by the Arch, so he pulled off I-70 to crash in the grassy park. To say his mood was dark would be an understatement. Judging by the amount of hyper kids and chasing parents, he’d have been better off at a grungy truck stop.

After finding a shady spot under a tree, he tried shutting his eyes, but his mind kept replaying J.J.’s crying plea for him to stay. Or the way LeeAnn had assumed her wrongdoing had been the cause for his leaving when nothing could be further from the truth.

He wanted the responsibility for his hasty departure solely on Millie, but that wouldn’t be true.

When they’d made love, everything changed. They’d unleashed a genie that couldn’t be put back in its bottle.

Even if he’d wanted to, he couldn’t stop wanting her. But no—there was more to it than that. What he felt went deeper, with an infinite number of layers. He could be furious with her one moment, but still crave talking with her the next. He loved everything about her, from her hair to her laugh and smile. The way she smelled all flowery with a hint of sweet. He loved her kids and her house that’d once been his. And damn, did he love her kisses...

What did all of that add up to? Was he losing his mind, or could he possibly be
in love
with her?

That thought forced him upright.

Bracing his hands behind him, he stared out at the Mississippi River, breathing in the rich, musky smell.

I love Millie.

The solution to his every problem was so simple, he felt stupid for not having seen it before. But there it was. His entire adult life, he’d been trained to handle any situation with maximum efficiency and minimum effort, so why couldn’t he apply those same ideals to a mule-stubborn woman?

On his feet, he strode to his truck with new purpose.

He had a lot of miles to go, but once he reached his destination, if his plan went the way he hoped, he might not travel again for a nice, long while.

*

I
T
’
D
BEEN
AGES
since Millie had checked the cattle on horseback, but with Cooper gone, Sassy needed the exercise, and she needed fresh air to help her forget his leaving. It’d barely been twenty-four hours since he’d been gone, but she still couldn’t seem to swallow past the knot in her throat.

It didn’t help that she’d been up half the night, trying to console J.J. He didn’t understand how the man he’d grown to love could leave him. Millie tried explaining about Cooper’s job, but he was too young to understand.

LeeAnn hadn’t fared much better.

And then there was poor Clint. The only time Millie had seen him cry since losing Jim was after Cooper drove away.

Millie had needed to be strong for her family, but how could she with Cooper’s son or daughter growing inside? She should’ve told him. He deserved to know. But pride had gotten in the way. She couldn’t bear begging for his affection.

The day was beautiful, with the temperature near eighty. The sky kissed the snow-capped Rockies, and a light breeze swayed the rolling prairie’s tall grasses. She should’ve been tipping her head back, drinking in the sun. Instead, she focused on reaching the herd. She carefully counted heads then checked that they all looked healthy. This time of year, there was plenty of grass for them to graze on, and they drank from the spring-fed ponds.