The Cowboy Soldier (15 page)

“Sierra, I can get in a damned car on my own,” Rafe said. He heard Curt and Chloe chattering in the far back and recognized the sound of turning pages. “Hi, Uncle Rafe. Mama bought Chloe and me a neat picture book of the Alamo. It’s a cool place.”

“Yeah?” Rafe buckled his seat belt.

“Since you bit my head off, I assume your appointment didn’t go well, Rafe.” Sierra climbed in the van, but didn’t pull away from the curb right away.

“It went fine.” He closed his eyes.

“I see they took blood.”

He tore off the tape from his arm, then stuffed it into the trash bag Sierra kept in the van.

“I have to stop at the gate to turn in this visitor pass,” Sierra said. Once she’d done that, she took a sharp right turn to exit the VA grounds. “Did you ask about the study Alexa told us about?”

“The doctor said I’m not a good candidate.”

“The guy sees you once and he knows that?” Sierra said grumpily. “Is he a doctor who works directly with the program?”

“Let it go, Sierra. An ophthalmologist and a neurologist poked and prodded me. Both had my history. Neither found anything new. They can’t explain why I can see wavy gray outlines. But I’m never going to wake up one day and miraculously have my sight again.”

“You’re bummed. But two doctors can’t know everything, Rafe. New discoveries are made every day. Maybe things will be different at your next visit.”

“There is no next visit. End of discussion.” Rafe shoved a disc into the player. It was Toby Keith. Crossing his arms, he settled back for the ride home.

They arrived after dark. Doug had picked up Maris and Melina from his sister’s and had already given them supper.

“I’ll warm up leftovers,” Sierra told Rafe. “I smell spaghetti and garlic bread.”

“I’m not hungry.” Rafe shook out the blankets to make his bed on the couch.

“You need to…” Doug started, but Sierra silenced him.

“Doug will you put Chloe and Curt to bed?”

Rafe heard them kiss, and Doug said, “Pour me a glass of milk, Sierra. I’ll join you later in the kitchen.”

Rafe didn’t go right to sleep. He lay awake listening to the low rise and fall of his sister and brother-in-law’s voices. He couldn’t distinguish what they said, but had little doubt that he was the topic of their conversation. He didn’t care. He didn’t frigging care about anything.

That attitude prevailed in the days following his appointment. Before Alexa’s surprise visit and the trip to San Antonio, he’d pestered Doug to take him back to Alexa’s. After the appointment, days rolled into weeks, during which time he didn’t mention it. Nor did he bring up Alexa’s name.

By December, he was downright surly all day, everyday. Rafe knew Sierra was ready to toss him out on his keister.

At supper one evening, she filled his plate with meatloaf and mashed potatoes and smacked it down in front of him. “Rafe, you’ve been bad tempered long enough. Things have to change.”

He pushed his plate aside and started to get up from the table.

“No, you sit back down,” Sierra commanded in a voice that made her kids fall silent. “You’ve moped long enough. You haven’t whittled in ages. The way I see it, you’re back at square one. Back to where we all tiptoed circles around you. Living with this tension isn’t good for anyone. Talk, Rafe! Doug and I can’t help you if we don’t know what’s wrong.”

“Isn’t that obvious? I can’t see more than grainy shadows. I’ve broken a plate and three glasses, and crushed Chloe’s favorite Barbie doll.”

“We know,” Sierra said gently. “But, if you won’t return to the VA and look for a cure, you’ll have to learn to live as you are.”

“What am I doing if not living?”

“You’re existing. You’re back to doing nothing like you did before you saw Alexa. You know I’d do anything to help you, Rafe. But I honestly don’t know what else I
can
do.”

“I was busier at Alexa’s, “ Rafe blurted. “I felt more like my old self. I was…” He stopped abruptly, partway out of his chair.

Sierra grabbed Rafe’s hand. “Say it, Rafe. It won’t hurt my feelings. You were happier at Alexa’s.”

“Yeah,” he finally admitted. “I want to go back. I told you before. But she doesn’t need a washed-up blind guy hanging around, keeping her from a normal life.”

Sierra yanked his hand so hard Rafe had no choice but to sit again. He steeled himself for his sister’s lecture. “If you’ve finished your pity party, eat while the food’s warm.”

Oddly, it was Doug who took Rafe to task next. His brother-in-law had always seemed like a secret ally. “Look, Rafe, you have your full mental faculties and all your limbs intact. Plenty of your fellow soldiers are worse off. I saw a documentary the other day about a dude who’d lost both legs who just ran in a marathon.”

“That’s true,” Sierra vouched.

Throughout the meal, Rafe pondered what to do. “What’s on your agenda tomorrow, Doug?” he asked, once the kids had trooped off to take baths. “I was hoping you could drive me to Alexa’s. You can just drop me at her gate and go.”

“Did you two have a fight last month when she visited?” Sierra asked worriedly. “I think Doug should stick around until you have a chance to speak with her.”

“We didn’t fight, exactly. I just had a lot of doubts and made it easy for Alexa to leave. I’ll have some explaining to do. If Doug hangs around, Alexa will see him as an excuse not to listen to me.”

“Can do,” Doug said. “But, so you know, Rafe, our door is always open to you. The addition will be finished by spring. If you need a permanent spot, we’ll be more than happy to accommodate you. We just don’t like seeing you fritter your life away.”

“I know.” Rafe slapped Doug’s back and Doug did the same in return. Then Rafe rounded the table and hugged Sierra.

“I love you, Rafe,” she snuffled. “I just want to see you happy.”

“I know,” he said. “Believe me, I’ve needed your love.”

“More than you think. To anyone keeping tabs on her ranch, you look like a strong hired hand.”

Rafe nodded. That made him feel marginally better. He would use it to convince Alexa.

They turned onto her dirt road and Doug slowed. “I think that’s her by the barn,” he said when they stopped at the gate. “She’s unloading a pickup filled with hay bales. I’ll say this much for your doctor, she doesn’t shy from hard work.”

“Don’t call her my doctor, Doug. I hope you can soon call her my partner. I’m considering trying to invest in her operation. Together we could train horses.”

“Well, good luck.” Doug stopped at the gate and let his SUV idle. “Like Sierra said, I can spare the time if you want me to wait.”

“Thanks. But clearing the air is likely to be a lengthy process. I’m banking it’ll go easier if Alexa has no way to kick me out.”

Doug laughed as Rafe opened the passenger door. He passed Rafe his duffel. “Whatever happens, and my money’s on you, phone Sierra. She’ll worry till you do.”

Rafe nodded before shutting the SUV door. He didn’t move until he heard Doug drive off, and then he made his way to the porch by the kitchen door. He had no idea if Alexa had witnessed his arrival, but he felt better the minute Dog trotted up. The collie gave a few happy yips and nudged his furry head against Rafe’s hand.

Dropping his duffel on the porch, Rafe let the collie lead him to Alexa. By the time they reached the front of her pickup, she still hadn’t said a word.

“Alexa?” he called, unsure exactly where she stood. She had to be nearby, because he could hear her huffing and he made out the thump of hay bales being tossed into the barn. Clearing his throat, he called out more loudly.

“Rafe?” Alexa sounded genuinely shocked to see him. “Sorry, I was listening to music on my iPod. How on earth did you get here?”

“Doug dropped me off. He’s headed to his patrol.”

“Really? Well, I thought you must’ve fallen off the face of the earth. I haven’t heard boo from you in over a month. But, who’s counting?”

Rafe heard her strip off her gloves and slap them against her palm. He also hadn’t missed the testiness in her words. “I should’ve called. But, I had a lot of thinking to do.”

“Oh? Are you being considered for the study?”

“Alexa, I had to come back. This is one of the few places where I can really breathe.”

He realized he hadn’t answered her question. She wouldn’t like him being evasive. At least Compadre was happy to have him back.

“Do you think you can just pop in without warning?” she asked.

“No. I…hoped for starters you’d let me continue training Esperanza.” Rafe decided this was not the time to mention the possibility of being partners. “Hell, I’ll even feed your goats.”

“Well, the horses are getting shortchanged. Jim Buckley still wants Esperanza for his daughter. He came by last week, and was pleased with all you’d done with her.”

“Great! So, is that a yes I can stay, or a maybe?” The news about Buckley obviously bolstered Rafe’s ego.

She eased out a rough sigh. “I suppose we can try it for a while.”

Was he hiding a smile? Alexa wondered. “Shall I go stow my duffel in the room I had before?” he asked.

“It’s as you left it. Compadre, go with Rafe.” Alexa gave the dog a hand signal he understood and the two took off. Instead of going straight back to unloading bales, Alexa narrowed her eyes and stared after the retreating pair. What had gone on at Sierra’s, or the VA, she wondered? Rafe was acting so contrite. But he walked with the old confidence. She sighed and decided to let him talk in his own time. Donning her gloves, she threw her muscle into emptying the pickup.

Alexa took advantage of their time indoors to mix potions from her dried herbs and pour candles for the winter months. She also canned the last fruit she bought at the store. As the week progressed, she noticed Rafe did more aimless pacing. She sealed a final jar of pears, and then washed up.

“Rafe, we can go to the hot springs even in the rain. It’s covered and I have umbrellas for the walk there.”

“No,” he said, clearly testy.

Alexa noticed he hadn’t brought up the subject of additional treatments. She wondered why. “Last night I mixed a new batch of oil with patchouli and sandalwood, guaranteed to relax you. Or, are you interested in trying another acupuncture treatment?”

“I’m not here for doctoring, Alexa. I guess I didn’t make that clear enough.” He fidgeted, looking uncomfortable. “I…ah, had in mind to invest in your horse training operation. I was thinking maybe we could expand into the quarter horse trade.”

That stunned Alexa. He didn’t want any more treatments from her? Maybe his visit to the VA had convinced him Ms. Holmes had spoken the truth after all. A pain stabbed through her.

“Why would you think I need a business partner?” she said curtly. “In case you hadn’t noticed, I get along fine on my own. It looks as if the rain’s let up. I’m going out to release the great horned owl.”

She walked over to get her rubber boots and a raincoat, and Rafe followed her, putting a hand on the door so she couldn’t leave. “Alexa, I don’t want you to be my doctor.”

He’d made that clear already. “I understood that. Now let go of the door. I said I’m going to release the owl.”

“Another owl? I thought you let the big one go the day Sierra came and brought that Holmes woman from the VA.”

“Same owl.” Alexa would be darned if she’d admit to Rafe that his leaving had shaken her faith in herself and her ability to heal. “It was too early then. He’s a beautiful, gentle creature. I needed to be absolutely sure he can hunt on his own, but I have to do this now—before really bad weather sets in.”

“Can I tag along?” Rafe shrugged into the raincoat he’d brought with him, the kind cowboys wore with a split up the back for riding in the rain.

His company was the last thing Alexa wanted, but it would be downright mean to tell him that. However, she didn’t have it in her to be mean just because he didn’t trust her to doctor him. “Remember, Compadre has to stay here. Owls are nervous creatures so you’ll have to keep back until I see if he makes the effort to hunt.”

“How will you do that?”

“I have some field mice I bought for this purpose.”

“You’re sacrificing defenseless field mice?” Alexa knew he was teasing by the grin on his face.

She jabbed his ribs with a sharp elbow, a little harder than she’d intended.

“Hey, I was kidding, okay?”

Inside the small barn, she carried the owl’s cage to the door. “Weeks ago I removed his wing splint. Oh, aren’t you the most beautiful bird,” she crooned, still reluctant to open the cage. “What if he hasn’t mended well enough to survive on his own?” she muttered.

“Softie,” Rafe teased. “You can speculate forever, Alexa. You won’t know for certain if his wing is healed until you open that cage door and watch him fly away.”

“It’s time.” The night air felt thick with the increased humidity as they walked outside.