The Cowboy's Baby (13 page)

“I came as soon as I heard. As soon as I got back.”

Anna returned her attention to Dorrie, ignoring Colby. They’d said it all before. Nothing had changed. Nothing had been resolved.

Colby crossed the room in two strides and knelt at her side. “Oh, Dorrie, my poor little girl.” His voice thickened as he stroked her face.

“Da-da,” Dorrie croaked and gave a crooked smile.

He lifted his head to look at Anna. “Was it very hard?”

She didn’t answer, only gave him a disinterested shrug.

“I wish I had been here.”

“Seems you have the habit of leaving just when things get tough.”

Cradling Dorrie’s hands in his, Colby sat back on his heels. “You read the telegram. You know where I went.”

She snorted. “I saw no telegram.”

“Tobias was supposed to give it to you.” He watched her face and saw her obvious denial then sighed. “I should have known better than to expect him to remember. Anna, I didn’t leave.”

She turned away, resumed feeding Dorrie.

“Listen to me. Remember that letter I wrote to my friend Hugh?”

He waited but she gave no indication whether or not she did. But of course she did.

“I got a telegram from the sheriff telling me Hugh had been injured and I was to come immediately if I wanted to see him before he died.”

A little spark of sympathy flickered in the depths of her solitude. “I’m sorry.”

Colby grinned. “He didn’t die. I made sure of that. Brought him back with me. He’s recuperating in one of the hotel rooms right now.”

She nodded, continued feeding Dorrie.

“Don’t you understand, Anna? I didn’t leave. I only went to help a friend.”

“I see.” But nothing inside her cared. She couldn’t take any more leaving or worrying about him leaving.

When he asked, she let him hold Dorrie and feed her. She let him stay to tuck her into bed. She let him kneel at her crib and pray.

But she could not let him into her heart.

Colby knelt in the church and poured out his heart to God. He’d been back several days. He rejoiced to see Dorrie daily growing stronger. But Anna had shut herself up inside solid fort walls and would not let him near. Not that he could blame her. She had every reason to doubt him.

Just as he doubted himself.

He had failed so many times. He’d failed to protect his mother. He’d failed to protect Nora. He’d failed his friends. He’d failed Anna over and over.

Getting to Hugh and helping was the one time he’d managed to make a step toward undoing the damage he’d done.

But would he ever be able to undo the harm he’d done with Anna? Did he have anything to offer her or would he, when push came to shove, fail her in a big way?

Part of him considered leaving now, before she could be more greatly disappointed in him.

But he was through running from his fears and failures. With God’s help.

A little later he stepped into the glaring sunlight, mounted his horse and rode toward the hotel to check on Hugh who grew stronger each day. He planned to be back at the Caldwell house when Dorrie woke from her nap so he could feed her and hold her. To think this precious child had almost died. It filled his heart with praise that God had chosen to spare her.

When he arrived at the house, Grace was there. “Now here’s Colby,” she said to Anna. “Let him take you for a walk.” She turned to Colby. “She needs to get outside. Get some fresh air before she gets sick, too.”

Here was the chance Colby had prayed for. “Can’t have you getting sick. Who would look after everyone?” He reached for her hand, tucked it around his elbow and was out the door before she could protest.

She jerked free. “I don’t want to go for a walk.”

“Do it for Dorrie.” She sure could be stubborn.

“Fine.” Anna faced forward and marched down the street as if ordered to the gallows.

Colby kept pace. “Look, Anna. I know you’re angry with me. I know you’ve been through a lot
with Dorrie. I can’t imagine how scared you must have been but—”

“Please let me enjoy the fresh air.”

Colby sighed. She was so distant and unreachable. “Don’t you know it hurts me to know I wasn’t here when you and Dorrie needed me? I would never have gone after Hugh if I’d known.”

She nodded briskly without turning her attention from the path before her. “Good to know.”

“I never thought to see you so bitter.”

That made her stop and face him, her eyes flaring with an emotion that he could not identify. “I am not bitter.”

“Sure could fool me.”

“I’m—” She shook her head. “I’m not bitter.”

Maybe if she met Hugh she would understand. Hugh had said he might venture out into the sunshine. He directed their steps toward the hotel and smiled when he saw Hugh tipped back in one of the chairs on the boardwalk in front of the hotel.

“There’s my friend. Let’s say hello.” She made no protest as they crossed the distance between them. He made the introductions.

“Pleased to meet you, ma’am,” Hugh said. “Did this here man tell you how he saved my life?”

A
nna nodded. Hugh was clean-shaven, wore clean clothes, had his foot swathed in heavy bandages, and sported bruises and cuts on his face and hands. “Looks like you might have lost a war.”

Hugh chuckled. “Got run over by a loaded wagon. Would have died if Colby hadn’t shown up and forced me to get better.” He shifted his amused glance to Colby. “Maybe forcing that old quack of a doctor to show a little mercy helped, too.”

“I owed you.”

Hugh and Colby stared at each other, sharing some secret.

“If you ever owed me the debt is paid.”

Anna shifted her gaze from one to the other and when neither seemed about to share any details, she decided to press for more. “What’s this debt thing?”

Colby shook his head and shot Hugh a look rife with warning but Hugh ignored him. “I saved his hide a time or two. One time especially that he’s referring to—”

“Anna, let’s get back. I want to feed Dorrie.”

Anna shook off his hand. “In a minute.” Hugh knew something and she wanted to find out what. Perhaps it would explain what had sent Colby running again.

“He kind of went downhill after Nora died.”

Anna rolled her eyes at the understatement and Hugh chuckled.

“Yeah, you’re right. He fell into a hole. A deep hole.”

Colby made a dissenting noise and tried to turn Anna toward home.

She shied away. “So what happened?”

“You mean besides the drinking and carousing?”

She nodded, assuming there was more.

“One night he decided it was the doctor’s fault Nora died and he headed out to kill the man. I think he would have if I hadn’t stopped him.”

Anna gasped and stared at Colby. “Is that true?” She couldn’t imagine him a murderer. “You would have hung.”

“I was drunk. As soon as I sobered up, I left.”

That explained a lot.

“Now can we go?” He waved an arm down the street and gave her an expectant look that said it was time.

She fell in beside him, her mind flooded with questions. “Why did you blame the doctor? He did the best he could.” She remembered how she felt when Dorrie was so sick. “Never mind. I know how frustrated I was that he could do nothing when Dorrie almost died.”

“I didn’t really blame him.” He sounded weary—soul weary.

Her heart went out to him. He’d lost his wife. He’d been left with an infant daughter to care for. And he had no one. At least she had her father and brother when Rose died. And later, she’d baby Dorrie to tend to. She’d been so busy with the baby she had little time for Colby. Nor patience with his drinking.

Colby went on in low tones. “It was just easier to blame him then blame myself.”

“Why would you blame anyone?” Birthing babies was difficult work. Women often died doing it.

“’Cause it was my job to make sure she was safe. And I didn’t.”

He confused her. “How can you be responsible for things out of your control? I don’t understand.”

He pushed out a noisy gust of air. “Guess it’s a man thing.”

She considered the idea. True, men and women had different roles. Women typically cared for the home and children. Men…she’d never considered their role and she did so now. And, yes, perhaps they were expected to provide and protect. So when things went wrong, things out of their control, did they feel they had failed? It was a new thought. “I don’t think anyone has the right to blame a man if he encounters things beyond his control. Even things that threaten his family.”

“Seems there is always something a person could do.”

“Like what?”

“Something.”

She understood he felt powerless and hated it. Maybe rather than face his inability to change things, he left. “Colby, why did you leave your home?”

“What home?”

“With your father. I know he beat you but why did you leave?”

“Because I couldn’t stop him from hurting Ma.” The words burst forth as if shot from a canon. “It made my ma leave. I couldn’t stop it.”

She ground to a halt and faced him. His fist clenched into knots. His face creased into sorrowful lines. “You were a kid.”

“I wanted to stop him. I couldn’t.”

“So you left.”

“Comes a time a person can’t look at himself in the mirror.”

She wondered how many times he would see his reflection, not like what he saw and leave. She wasn’t about to pin any hopes on his staying.

Colby jerked to a halt and almost stumbled.

She watched the color drain from his face. And then he blinked and pulled his hat lower. She turned to see what caused this reaction. Didn’t seem to be anything out of the ordinary except a stranger riding down the street—a big man with an unfriendly turn to his mouth.

He drew closer and pulled his horse toward them to glower at Colby. Then he shifted to study Anna with such intensity her face burned.

The air crackled with tension. Anna held her breath, wondering what this man wanted with them.

He gave a mocking smile. “Colby. You look a mite surprised.”

“I thought you were dead.”

“I don’t die as easy as you hoped.”

Anna’s tongue stuck to the sides of her mouth. She struggled to focus her thoughts. Colby knew this man?

Colby grabbed her elbow and steered her toward home. She lurched along at his side.

“Be seeing you ’round,” the man called after them.

They were almost at the manse when Anna jerked away to face him. “Who was that?”

“Lew. Someone from my past.”

“Why did you think he was dead?”

“Never mind.” He hurried on, urging her forward.

There was something sinister and wicked about that Lew fella. He knew Colby too well for comfort. Was he one of Colby’s associates? What did he want here? Had he come to persuade Colby to ride away with him?

She almost tripped and Colby grabbed her elbow to steady her. She yanked back her arm and confronted him. “Just when I thought I was beginning to understand what makes you tick…” Would she never get past an endless hope that this time, perhaps now, he would stay and be the man she needed? Her heart turned to coal. “Just make sure he stays away from Dorrie.” She forced her wooden legs into the house and closed the door to lean against it, praying she wouldn’t collapse.

Grace stepped from the kitchen. “You’re back.” She sprang forward. “What happened? You look like you’re going to be ill.”

“I guess I’m more worn out than I realized.” She straightened, hoping her quivering knees would not
fail her. She knew Colby had been involved in unsavory things while he was away. She’d heard plenty of tales about his wild escapades. But she never thought to encounter that sort of man because of him.

She wanted so badly to believe he’d changed that she looked for nothing but proof.

Oh, Lord. Protect us from his friends. Protect my heart.

It was too late for her heart. Had always been too late. She’d loved him since she was fourteen. She knew beneath that rough exterior, beyond his shameful past, lay a Colby full of tenderness and understanding. Unfortunately his past seemed too full to overcome, his exterior too tough. Yet—her faith protested—wasn’t God able to do a work in his life? What was the verse Grace had mentioned in her debate with Mrs. Percy? “He who has begun a good work in you will complete it.” She’d pray for God to complete His work in Colby’s life. Make him able to resist whatever pull this man from his past had on him. Stay and be the kind of father Dorrie needed.

And she’d confine her thoughts to that. No more. She could not, would not, let herself care about him as anything more than Dorrie’s father.

She stepped into the kitchen where Dorrie sat picking at some bread and butter.
Oh, Dorrie. How
can I keep you safe?
That man, that friend of Colby’s, frightened her. She wanted to grab Dorrie and hold her close.

Colby’s thoughts went round and round. He’d left Lew and Harv and everything they stood for behind. He hoped Anna would never learn of what he’d been, what he’d done. Now Lew was here. But where was Harv?

He got his horse and rode through town. Rode a mile or two in each direction. But he saw no sign of Lew. Perhaps the man had moved on. But the thought gave him no comfort. Lew had come for a purpose. Likely revenge. After all, a man wasn’t expected to like being shot.

No, Lew would be back.

Colby had taken part-time work at the feed store and headed that direction where he spent several hours. Normally he enjoyed the way work made thinking unnecessary, but today he found no such respite from his thoughts.

He knew the depravity of Lew’s heart.

And he feared for Anna and Dorrie.

Might be best for them if he rode out this day, but unless he could be certain Lew followed hard on his heels, Colby would not be leaving Anna and Dorrie unprotected.

Suppertime came and Colby shared the meal
with Hugh. He told Hugh about Lew. Telling the story only increased his restlessness.

He pushed back from the table. “I have to check on Anna and the baby. Make sure they’re okay.”

He rode over. Circled the house. Picked his way down the trail by the river but saw no sign of Lew. His absence only made Colby more concerned. Better Lew out in the open then Lew sneaking about where Colby couldn’t watch him.

Still uneasy he returned to his quarters. Twice more before dark he rode out to check on things. No Lew. But at least Anna and Dorrie were safe inside the four solid walls of the house.

The next morning, he was up early and out to repeat his rounds. He came on signs of a campfire near where he had stayed by the river. The ashes were still warm. Could be anyone but he was convinced it was Lew.

Much as he wanted to stop in and see Anna and Dorrie, he dare not. The less Lew saw of where he went and who he saw, the better for all concerned.

Poor Mr. Rawlings must have wondered at Colby that day. He excused himself so often to ride down the street and check on Anna the man would be starting to think Colby didn’t intend to put in a full day’s work. Or even a reasonable portion of a day.

Once he saw Anna crossing between the house
and the church. She glanced his direction, saw it was him, paused a moment then hurried into the shelter of the building.

He couldn’t blame her for her caution.

For two days he stayed away. And in those two days he saw little clues that suggested Lew was about—a bit of rag tied to the tree across from the manse, another warm campfire, an
X
slashed into the door Colby went in and out as he did his work for Mr. Rawlings.

The third day he informed his boss he wouldn’t be in to work. He planned to find Lew and settle whatever score the man felt needed to be settled.

Anna peeked through the window. That man was there. Lew. He flitted in and out of sight throughout the day, always watching the house. She dared not step outside.

“Father, he’s there again.”

Father joined her at the window. “You say he’s a friend of Colby’s?”

“I think
friend
might be too generous a word.”

Father watched a moment then Lew slid out of sight. “Is there any reason he is watching us?”

“Not that I’m aware.”

“It’s not the way I expect a man to act. Perhaps you should refrain from going outside unless you have someone with you. Preferably myself or Colby.”

But Colby did not come anymore. She’d seen him ride by a few times but he always passed without any indication of stopping. She thought of waving him in or shouting a greeting but something stopped her. She couldn’t say if it was caution, fear or anger. Perhaps a bit of all three.

Under the circumstances how could he expect her to trust him? She didn’t know what was going on and he didn’t choose to tell her.

She turned from the window but glanced out every few minutes. It seemed better to know when Lew was watching them then to wonder if he was.

The next time she glanced out, she saw Colby stop at the side of the road. Lew stood in the shadows and grinned mockingly as Colby dismounted. Then they disappeared into the trees.

Now was her chance to find out what was going on. Dorrie lay sleeping in her crib. Anna could safely steal away and follow the men. She stepped outside. Had to hurry or she might lose them or miss whatever was about to transpire. She picked up her skirts and ran. As soon as she entered the shelter of the trees and the coolness of the shade they provided, she slowed to allow her eyes a chance to adjust to the change in light. Ahead, she heard the murmur of voices and carefully avoided stepping on any twigs as she crept forward, her heart clinging to the back of her throat with a grip of steel.

She saw Colby first, probably because she knew she would not be able to draw in a breath until she knew he was safe.

He stood, thumbs hooked in the front pockets of his trousers. The stance was likely intended to look casual, unconcerned, but Anna saw tension in the way he balanced on the balls of his feet and how his shoulders crunched toward his ears. Colby was alert in every muscle.

She shifted her gaze to Lew. The man wore a cruel, mocking scowl.

“Where is it?” Lew growled.

“Where’s Harv? Ask him.” Colby spoke with careful patience, which only served to make Anna’s muscles knot. Colby didn’t trust this man. That was obvious.

“Harv’s dead. You might say he met with an unfortunate accident.”

“You shot him?”

“Couldn’t be helped. The man wasn’t about to share his information. But you and him were pretty cozy. I figure he told you.”

“He didn’t.”

Lew growled. “’Fraid I don’t believe you. I should shoot you here like you deserve.” He edged his hands toward the gun hanging low at his side.

Anna bit her bottom lip to keep from crying out. Was she about to see Colby shot dead? Would she
never get a chance to tell him she loved him? Her knees threatened to melt and she swayed against a tree for support.

“With both me and Harv dead you’d never find out.”

Lew considered the idea, and then slowly his hands left his gun belt. “Guess maybe you’re right.”

Anna backed away. She managed to stifle her shock until she reached the shelter of her home. She dashed into her room and threw herself across the bed, her heart racing so fast it tore at her chest, sending pain radiating through her body. It sounded as though Colby meant to ride away with that despicable man. When would this ever stop hurting? How much more could she take?