The Cowboy's Courtship (15 page)

And he didn’t think he could roll with this. The thought knocked him on his can.

Clint walked out the door, catching up with him. “You know, you could go after her.”

“No, I can’t.”

“Send her roses. Make sure she knows that you’re here when she decides it’s time to come back.”

“Is that what you did?” Jason pulled his keys out of his pocket, half wanting the answer, half wanting to sound like it didn’t really matter, as if he didn’t really mean it.

“No, I gave Willow room to be strong. I helped her realize she could make it. Oh, and that she couldn’t stand to live without me.”

“Right, well, Alyson is going back to Boston. She’s going to return to the stage and be who she was meant to be. And that’s her choice. That’s me letting her be strong.”

“And you think you’re going to just stop loving her?”

A conversation between two cowboys shouldn’t take this direction, that’s what Jason thought. It sounded like an episode of
Oprah
or like some sappy chick flick that made women cry.

“You know, Clint, I realize you’re married and Willow has helped you get in touch with your emotions, but I’m still kind of not so much into the whole touchy-feely stuff. So if you don’t mind, I’m going to head to the ranch and ride a bull.”

Because that felt like a man’s way to deal with emotions when things got a little touchy-feely.

Clint laughed. And even though Jason laughed as he got into his truck, his mind kept running back to the word
love.

A
lyson walked next to her mother through the concert hall in Chicago. It hadn’t been an easy reunion. Alyson really thought that her mother would never understand the pain she’d caused. Her mother would never get that being a concert pianist had never been Alyson’s dream.

But something good had come from all this. Alyson could now look at her family through eyes that saw more clearly. They didn’t need her. Her father had a business managing musicians from all over the country.

For years Alyson’s mother had told her that they depended on her. Maybe they had. They had needed her to build this business. They had needed her in the spotlight.

Now they didn’t.

“What about your grandmother? Is she going to be here?” Caroline Anderson had held on to bitterness. It laced her tone, settled in her eyes.

“She has the flu. Andie is at home with her.”

Andie, your other daughter,
Alyson wanted to remind
her mother. She let it go, because she knew their mother couldn’t be pushed.

They’d had the conversation. Alyson had tried to get her mother to talk about Andie, about leaving her and taking Alyson. But the conversations had ended with Caroline saying she had done the best she could and hadn’t Andie had a good life.

“I’m sorry she’s sick. Alyson, about this recording contract. This is a chance that few people ever get. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.”

“I don’t want it. I didn’t have a choice when I was younger, but now I do. This isn’t my life.”

“This is about Etta and Dawson. You’re not thinking clearly.” Her mother looked away. “I should have thrown that paperwork away. You wouldn’t have known about them if I hadn’t kept it. But I thought someday…”

“You knew that someday I’d want to know the truth.”

“Yes.” Her mom turned back around, her eyes swimming with unshed tears. “Whatever else you believe, you have to know I love you.”

“I love you, too. But Mom, I love Dawson. I love a cowboy from Dawson. That’s going to be my life.”

“I understand, Alyson. I loved a cowboy from Dawson, too.”

The words were whispered between them, it wasn’t perfect, but it was a start.

“There’s your sister.” Caroline stepped away, straightening her jacket and it seemed as if she straightened her emotions, pulling herself together emotionally with that movement.

Laura walked down the hall to greet them, looking shy,
young. And Alyson didn’t resent her. Her sister was beautiful, with curly blond hair and a face that was beautiful and sweet. She’d never been a bad person, never mean. She’d always laughed and teased.

The wedding ring on her finger glinted in the lights of the hallway, mocking Alyson. But she wouldn’t let it be about what had happened, not when they had saved her from a huge mistake.

“Alyson.”

“Laura.” Alyson took the first stop, hugging her sister. “I’m glad you’re here.”

Laura started to cry. “I’m so sorry. I should have talked to you. I should have told you how I felt. How Dan felt.”

“You should have. It should have been more than a note, Laura. That hurt.”

“I know that now. I hope you’ll forgive me. Forgive us.”

“I’ve already forgiven you.” Because Alyson had experienced forgiveness. She knew how it felt, that moment when she learned that God had forgiven her. She knew how mercy felt.

She closed her eyes. And she knew how love felt. Her heart had been tripping all over that reality for a week. She had tried to tell herself that love didn’t happen in weeks. In that short amount of time, she couldn’t know a person so well that she thought he might be someone she wanted to spend her life with. But she did know Jason. And she knew without question that she loved him.

Did it really matter? He had let her go. He hadn’t tried to stop her, or called to see if she would come back. She didn’t know what that meant, but she knew what she
felt. And when he had held her, it had felt like he might love her back.

If she went back to Dawson, what if he wasn’t there? What if he had decided to go back on the road?

She could question herself all night and make herself doubt what she really wanted. She had made up her mind. No matter what, she was going back to Dawson. Even if she was just going back to work at Camp Hope, she was going back.

Tonight, though, she was going to face her fears. She was going to conquer this stage. She was going to be strong. This wasn’t like before, when fear had controlled her because she had never felt as if she could be good enough. Now it wasn’t about being good enough. It was about doing what she was meant to do.

She stood offstage and looked at the piano where she’d be performing. The stage was dark and the lights were still on in the auditorium as people took their seats. The symphony was performing tonight and she was their guest. Her mind raced back to the past, to standing in so many spots like this one, waiting.

Fearing.

Even now her heart raced. She remembered how much she’d disliked performing. The music had stopped mattering. It had stopped being an escape. It had become something she wanted to escape from.

And she’d taken pills for that escape.

The pills were gone. She’d flushed them before she left Boston. She had been tempted to take more than one. And that’s when she’d realized she had a problem. Not an addiction, but it could have become one.

The pills had been her crutch. She hadn’t dealt with her pain, or her fear, because she’d had that medication to rely on. It had become her way of coping with her unhappiness.

All of it became more clear standing there, facing the stage, facing those same fears.

Alyson turned to face her mother. “This is the end. My final performance as Alyson Anderson. I’m Alyson Forester and after tonight, I’m going home.”

And she walked out onstage. When the lights came up and hit her in the face, she was nervous, but not afraid.

She peered out, almost believing Jason would be in the audience. That would be the perfect end to this evening, to see him. But he wasn’t there.

And when the concert ended, there were no roses, no notes to tell her he’d see her soon. She told herself it didn’t matter. She had made it through this last performance.

No matter what, she was strong.

Jason walked across his front porch and eased down the steps. He’d had surgery three days before. Not because he had wanted to, but because a horse had pushed him and his knee had finally given up. He hobbled with crutches, wishing he could have at least made it through this night before having the surgery.

Tonight was the fund-raiser for Camp Hope. He shifted the crutches under his arm and headed across the driveway to his truck.

He heard a vehicle slowing to turn into his driveway. He opened his truck door and grabbed the handle above the door to pull himself up into the seat.

Once he got in, he wasn’t sure how he would drive.

But it was Beth pulling up next to his truck. So maybe that was one problem solved. She stopped and rolled down the passenger-side window of her truck.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going to Camp Hope. You wouldn’t want to take me, would you?”

She laughed as she got out of her truck. “If I say no, are you really going to try to drive yourself?”

“Yes, I’m going to drive myself.”

“I’m not sure what to think about this new Jason Bradshaw.”

“What does that mean?” He scooted into the seat, managing to get his left leg in without bumping it on anything.

“It means, scoot over and I’ll drive.” Beth stood on the running board of the truck, leaning in the driver’s side door. “It means that it’s about time you lost control and wanted something so badly it’s making you a little crazy.”

“I don’t know what you think I want that’s making me crazy.”

“You want Alyson Forester back. You want her back more than you ever wanted the world title. You’re half crazy thinking she might be at the camp. I don’t think she is, but if it’ll calm you down a little, I’ll take you up there.”

“Whatever.” But he did want her back. And he was tired of ignoring the fact that her silence was driving him crazy. “Okay, you’re right.”

“I know. So scoot and I’ll drive you.”

Jason moved and his sister climbed behind the wheel. She shifted into reverse, turned the wheel and headed down the drive, hitting the road at a speed that made him cringe.

“Could you be a little careful?”

She shot him a look. “Fine, be picky.”

“I just put new tires on this thing.” He brushed a hand over his face. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t mention it, I’m enjoying this. A lot.” She laughed and shifted, picking up speed as the tires hummed on the paved road. “So, when you find her, what do you plan on doing? I mean, are you going to do the sweet thing and tell her how much you love her? Or the macho thing—the toss her over your shoulder and elope tactic?”

“I doubt I’ll do either.”

“Jason, stop trying so hard to hold it together. Stop. Stop. Stop.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Stop being the guy who thinks you always have to control your emotions. Let yourself fall in love and do something crazy.”

He smiled at his sister’s huge wave of emotion. She’d always been the one willing to jump into love. And his smile faded, because she still had the scars to prove it.

They pulled up the drive to Camp Hope. There were people everywhere, preparing for the charity concert and auction. They still had campers, too. Beth parked and he got out, reaching in the back of the truck for the crutches that he’d need for the next month or so.

They headed up the drive, toward the dining hall. Jenna saw him and she waved. He nodded and moved in her direction, but she turned and headed toward the stable.

“I guess she doesn’t want to talk to you,” Beth teased.

“I guess not.”

And that’s when he heard the piano. And it wasn’t the organist from church or one of the campers. He stopped and listened. Beth slipped away. He started to call her back, but she knew better than he did what his emotions were.

Alyson was here. She had come back. Maybe just for this weekend, for the concert, but she was back. And if he had anything to do with it, she would stay.

Even if he had to resort to Beth’s macho man tactics.

Timmy and David rushed past him.

“Hey guys, could you do me a favor?”

They put on the brakes and hurried back to his side. And he knew exactly what he needed, and what he was going to do. They accepted the mission he gave them and disappeared into the dining hall, returning a few minutes later with exactly what he’d hoped for.

Alyson played through the song again, preparing for the concert this evening. “It Is Well with My Soul.” The song had been Etta’s suggestion. She couldn’t be here because she was still getting over a bad case of the flu, but she wanted Alyson to play the song for her.

Alyson smiled to herself, thinking back to the previous evening when she’d showed up on Etta’s doorstep, surprising her with flowers and the news that she was home for good. Etta had cried. And even Andie had teared up a little.

None of them had mentioned Jason. Alyson hadn’t wanted to hear from her sister that she’d been warned not to fall in love with him so she hadn’t brought him up. If no one was mentioning him, there had to be a reason.

She played through the song again, embracing the lyrics.

Whatever my lot, thou has taught me to say, it is well, it is well, with my soul.

She closed her eyes and prayed those words would be true and the lyrics would have meaning in her life. She knew that she was where she was meant to be, and no matter what, it would all work out.

Even Jason. She couldn’t stop loving him. She’d told herself to let it go. But she couldn’t. She loved a cowboy with a Robert Redford smile. And there was a spark of hope in her soul, believing he might even love her.

She closed her eyes and played the song again.

“Could you play ‘In the Garden’?”

She looked up, and there he was, leaning on metal crutches, watching her. That smile that wouldn’t let her sleep at night was on his face. He managed the steps and headed across the stage to where she sat.

“I can play it.” She inhaled a deep breath and couldn’t let it out when he sat down next to her.

“I would like that.” He leaned against her. She realized how much she had missed him. At that moment everything she’d thought she felt for him became very real.

Missing him had ached inside her. Loving him and not knowing what the future held had ached inside her.

She had been so afraid that it would turn out that it was just a summer romance. That fear of losing him had rivaled any stage fright she’d ever felt.

Because at twenty-eight, she finally knew who she was and what she wanted. The idea of him not wanting her back was more than she could think about.

She played his song, closing her eyes, but still aware
of him sitting next to her. When she opened her eyes his hand moved from the spot next to the songbook. Something pink and plastic was sitting next to the hymnal.

“What’s that?” She reached for it, and immediately knew what it was.

“It’s the only ring I could get at the last minute. Shopping in Dawson is limited, you know, and I didn’t want to face you empty-handed. I couldn’t make it to Vera’s or the convenience store to hit the quarter machine. It just so happened that Timmy and David were willing to get this out of the camp treasure box for me.”

He took the ring from her hand and slipped it on her pinky finger.

Laughter and love and every other emotion she’d been holding in for days welled up inside her. Alyson wiped away her tears. She held up her hand and admired the plastic ring.

“It’s beautiful. Does this mean we’re going steady?”

He leaned a little and her breath caught and held. His lips caught hers, gentle, sweet, holding her captive for a long moment as his hands went to her back, keeping her close. It was a familiar place, being in his arms. It felt like forever when he held her like that.

“I couldn’t get to Chicago, Alyson. I wanted to be there for you.”