The Cruel Twists of Love (27 page)

“
You are still with him? After what he did, sorry it’s none of my business Helen but you worth more than how that pig treats you”

“
Don’t start Alan, do you want me to meet you or not?”

“
Sorry Helen, I will be here” Helen not sure if she should meet him but she needed to talk to someone about what Phil likes doing to her.

“Alan
, can I talk to you about Phil?”

“
We are friends Helen so yes anything you need to talk about” she needed to talk to someone too and Max would never understand but maybe Alan would…

           This is a bad idea Helen thinks when she sees his car pull up outside the pub but she gets in. As soon as Helen does her seat belt up Alan drives off quickly.

“I thought you would have changed your mind, but you have never played safe”

“Where are we going?”

“
Somewhere out of town but it not far” Alan drives in silence and drives to the large shopping centre outside town.

“
We get a place at the holiday inn then we can talk properly” Helen can see Alan is desperate to talk to someone by his expression so she nods

           Helen waits by the lift
when Alan books the room. He glances over at Helen when he books them in as Mr. and Mrs. James and he takes the key from the man behind the desk and strides over to Helen limping playfully.

“
Does that ever work?” Helen says laughing at him

“If you get a girl to laugh you half way there” Alan tucks an imaginary hair behind Helen ear

“There no loose hair Alan” and Helen looking at Alan with mistrust

“
No Helen, there wasn’t but it’s a habit” Alan shrugs his shoulders and reaches out for her hand.

“
Friends Alan not lovers remember” Helen walks to the lift without taking his hand. Alan pushes the first floor button and they travel in an awkward silence to the floor above. Alan checks the key number and points left. Helen apprehensively walks into their room and she jumps at the sound of the door closing behind her.

“I
will order some coffee Helen” Helen watches Alan phoning room service and sits on the edge of the bed. She would have liked a chair but the room only consisted of a bed and a bedside cabinet with a small closet in the corner. It was a nice clean room but just small.

“
You very quiet Helen?”

“I’m a little intimidated being here with you” Helen says quietly 

“Sorry, but I need to talk to someone who will not judge me”

“I’m not going to give you advice Alan, but I will listen and give you my opinion if you want it” Alan sits cautiously on the bed next to Helen. Alan pauses for a moment in concentration

“After I’d picked you up that night and went home. Ali came to my room. I was half asleep and thinking of you, the next thing I knew she was on top of me making love. A couple of weeks later she said she was pregnant again. She knew how I felt about you and she made sure I could never leave her. I am so confused Helen I do love Ali but I’ve not been happy in years with her. But you made me happy Helen, is it so wrong to want that?”

“
No it’s not wrong Alan, how do you feel about the baby?”

“Happy I guess it’s a life that comes from me”

“Then there your answer, try to move on and forgive Ali for your children sake. Give it a year and if you still unhappy leave”

“I couldn’t leave Rebecca again”

“What are you teaching Rebecca if you stay? A child needs to live in a happy family not one that their parents can’t stand to be in the same room as each other”

“I thought you were not giving advice?”

“It’s just my opinion Alan only you know what right for you” Alan smiles warmly at Helen

“
Thanks Helen, now it’s your turn but I cannot promise to be so wise” there a knock at the door and Alan stands up and gets the coffee. He pours two cups and Helen tries to summon the courage to talk about Phil.

“
Talk Helen” Helen takes a deep breath and closes her eyes tight.

“Phil likes rough sex” Helen waits with her eyes closed tightly for a response

“How rough?” Alan says tensely

“
Painfully, I just need to know what I’m getting into with him”

“
Do you like it rough?”

“
Sometimes, but he likes to hit me sometimes when he makes me you know?” Helen opens her eyes and looks up at Alan when he stays quiet. His eyes are screwed tight in concentration

“
Do you like to be hurt?”

“
No, but he says he change but can a man truly change?”

“I did, so if he really wants to he can. But Helen if it’s who he is inside
then no, he will never change.”

“
How do I know?”

“I don’t know Helen, but a man who loves someone could never hurt or scare them intentionally”

“He said it was role-play that got out of hand, he has given me a safe word now”

“
Oh Helen, if he has given you a safe word it is now a lifestyle. You don’t need safe words in a loving relationship. Does he stop when you use the word?”

“I’ve not used it yet”

“Shit Helen when you said you wanted to talk I had no idea it be this bad. Helen you deserve more than someone who will beat you for not kissing his feet when he gets home. Do you really want your life like that?”

“
No” Helen says feebly

“
Then there your answer Helen” Alan looks at Helen sorrowfully

“
Please Helen, he’s using your inexperience to mould you into what he wants and not the beautiful girl you are”

“I just needed help in deciding what I think I already knew” Helen smiles at Alan feebly

“Then end it Helen before it too late”

“I need to get back I
will tell him it’s over tonight”

“
Do not tell him on your own Helen take a friend with you if you have to”

“
Thanks Alan, you have really helped me to think it through, I had no one else to talk it over with”

“
Anytime you need me I will be there”

“
Thanks, but we got to stop picking the wounds and allow us to finally heal”

“I wish I could stop Helen” Helen smiles weakly at Alan
because she felt the same. The strong bound they both felt was hard to resist.

“
Drink you coffee Helen”

               Helen was anxiously waiting for Phil to pick her up. She decided to tell him when he got here that they were over, he was late and not like him. Helen’s parents were out but she phoned Max to ask him to check if she was alright every hour. Helen paces the kitchen her heart aching with the dread of ending it with Phil. Helen desperately holds on to her tears when the doorbell rings and Helen apprehensively opens the front door to Phil holding a large bunch of beautiful yellow roses.

“
Happy birthday, hey what wrong?” Helen starts crying and she loses control of her feelings

“
Shh Helen, don’t cry” Phil arms going around her and he closes the front door

“
Tell me what wrong?”

“
We need to finish Phil, I’m sorry but I don’t trust you anymore”

“
No Helen, you can’t do this to me. We been better since we talked and I will get help Helen so I never hurt you again, please Helen you the only one who can help me” Helen fights to keep strong when Phil starts crying

“
Please Helen, I never hurt you again, one more chance that all I’m asking from you. You like it rough Helen, that why I did it like that, so it was really your fault playing games like that” Helen was stunned by the statement, was it her fault? She thought.

“I know I went to
o far Helen and I’m not blaming you but you blow hot and cold with me. I never know how to behave with you” Phil touches Helen neck gently and she closes her eyes to hold on to her pain.

“
Just one more chance Helen you know we can be amazing together” Phil whispers close to her ear and kissing her neck gently

“
Don’t Phil” she says in breathless anticipation

“
You know you don’t want me to stop Helen” Helen feels the wall behind her back

“
Do you want me to stop Helen?” Phil’s hand skims Helen neck and he kisses her softly. Helen pushes Phil softly and he steps away from Helen 

“
Don’t play me again Helen, now get ready we going out” Phil says strongly and Helen goes upstairs stunned by her helplessness in refusing him…

              She phones Max upstairs in her parent
’s room.

“Hi Max, I’m o.k. I was just phoning you to tell you I’m going out”

“He has wormed you around his little finger again?”

“
It’s his last chance because I was to blame for some of it”

“Helen, is that what he made you feel like?”

“I don’t know Max, maybe but it will not hurt to give him the benefit of the doubt one last time will it?”

“Helen you are to forgiving, dump his controlling arse before you really get hurt”

“One last chance Max, he deserves that from me”

“
That up to you Helen, but remember you deserve someone that makes you happy” Helen looks up at Phil when he stands in the doorway and tapping his watch impatiently

“I got to go Max, I will phone you later”

“I knew I should have come over Helen, I hope you wake up soon before he hurts you” Helen never told Max about Pill’s tendency to play rough.

“I
will be alright Max, I know what I’m doing” she hopes she thinks to herself. Max says goodbye and hangs up quickly before Helen can respond.

“
Get dressed Helen or we never celebrate your birthday…” Phil says crossly

Chapter 7

           The months have flown by for Helen. Her exams were over for collage and Phil was looking for a five year internship placement. Helen won compensation at the hospital board but it was never about the money so she refused to accept it and Carol was fired for assault. Phil was treating Helen like she was made of glass, Helen is happy to have the gently side of Phil back in her arms and not the scary controlling side he had become.

          Phil was outside sunbathing in the warn July sun and Helen was counting down the minuets
and looking at the white stick turning colour. No she can’t be pregnant? She still on the pill and she not even that late yet just two days over, Helen thinks to herself mortified but Helen felt different somehow. Helen heart is in her throat when a faint line appears. Helen re-reads the instructions, no she can’t be pregnant? Helen re-does the test with the other stick and starts pacing the bathroom, occasionally starring at the first and hoping for it to change back. Helen feels sick when the other one changes the same way. A knock on the door and Helen starts to cry.

“
So are you Helen?” Helen can’t find her voice to answer so she opens the bathroom door. Phil looks at the instructions then the sticks.

“Its early
days Helen so they might be wrong, shh don’t cry we work something out” Helen wished she could believe that but she already knew she was pregnant. Helen had been feeling strange all week.

“
Shh Helen, come outside and relax but we getting married before the baby comes if you are and we do this properly for our baby sake” Helen looks at Phil stunned and he looks pleased she thinks

“
You go and relax Helen and I bring you a drink out in a minute I got some calls to make” Helen strokes her stomach distractedly and Phil softly touches Helen hand that was on her stomach.

“
You be a great mother Helen, it a little sooner than we wanted but the best things are in life” Phil kisses Helen softly, growing deeper on her lips and he grabs Helen hair pushing and pulling her down to the floor and slowly makes love to Helen on the bathroom floor.

                Phil brings Helen a cold glass of lemonade
when she soaks up the sun in Phil’s overgrown garden and Helen was fidgeting from sitting still. Phil hands Helen a book, he knew that it was the only way to keep Helen still in the sun.

“
We got the Appointment tomorrow you need your birth certificate and something with your address on”

“
What appointment?” Helen says a little confused