The Crushes (9 page)

Alexia hated working the closing shift at Cherry Creek, but at least it was a Tuesday night, which meant it was practically a ghost town.

“Is it always like this?” Alexia asked Jonah as they cleaned up the kitchen.

“Usually. Mondays and Tuesdays are the worst.” He shook his head, pushing aside the dirty-blond hair that had fallen in his line of sight.

Alexia quirked a brow. “The worst?”

“I like staying busy. I’d rather be running around with the chaos than sitting with the silence.”

“My boyfriend is like that. He likes to stay busy. That’s the only way he’s like his twin brother. Everything else they’re completely separate on.”

“How long have you and your boyfriend been together?”

“About four months.”

“You guys get along good, then?”

Alexia nodded as she stacked the clean dishes in the
strainer. Jonah threw more dirty dishes in the soapy water and then looked over at Alexia as he scrubbed a deli dish.

“You’re nodding your head, but your expression isn’t exactly happy-in-love.”

Was she that obvious?

She shrugged and took the deli dish from him to rinse it. “We’re good, really.”

Except for the whole sex thing, of course.

“Alexia?”

“Huh?”

“You sure you’re all right?” He nodded at her hand. She clutched the deli dish, her knuckles having gone white.

“Oh.” Embarrassment touched her cheeks. She tossed the dish in the hot, clean water. “I’m just…well”—she turned to him, leaning against the sink counter—“remember that conversation we had? About your being old-fashioned?” He nodded. “Well, I wish Ben was more old-fashioned, too.”

The heat in her cheeks grew. Why was she even talking about this? And to a stranger no less. January of this year, if you’d asked her what she wanted more than anything, it would have been a boyfriend—to actually have a sex life—but now that she had it, she wasn’t so sure she wanted it.

“Let me guess,” Jonah said, “you guys are talking about the next step?”

Alexia should have known he’d guess the situation. She hadn’t exactly been discreet. Anyone could deduce what she was referring to.

“Yes,” she said, “and the situation is stressing me out.”

Jonah rinsed a dish and set it on the strainer. Alexia grabbed a towel to dry.

“My girlfriend and I had this conversation, too, so I know what you’re going through.”

Alexia perked up. “Really?”

Jonah nodded. “We decided to wait for sex until marriage.”

This Alexia hadn’t expected. She widened her eyes. “And you’re okay with that?”

“Sure I am. I love my girlfriend. I can wait. And like I told you before, I like to think there is only one great love of your life. If Nina is mine, then it’ll all be worth it in the end.”

If Jonah and his girlfriend could wait, why couldn’t Ben and Alexia? Sex complicated things. Waiting might be better all around.

Ben fingered Alexia’s hair as they watched a TV show in the den. Alexia’s parents were down the hall in their office, planning a new seminar they had coming up in the fall. With her parents home, Alexia steered clear of being alone upstairs with Ben. It wasn’t a rule yet, but she did have to keep her bedroom door open. The reason behind that rule made Alexia squeamish. Her parents were worried about her sex life. Ugh. Like she wanted her parents even thinking about her that way.

She’d just as soon stay in the den, which worked in Alexia’s favor anyway. If her parents were home, then Alexia didn’t have to worry about sexual tension.

“So I’ve been thinking,” Ben said, lowering his voice, “that if you did decide to…you know…and you wanted it to be special, I could get us a hotel room or plan something else special…

He continued playing with her hair, his fingers brushing against her neck every few seconds, causing her to tremble. She wanted to close her eyes and feel his fingers elsewhere, but no, they couldn’t. Not with her parents down the hall and her hormones going wonky.

“Actually,” she began, “I was wondering, what would you say if I decided to stay a virgin?”

Ben clutched his heart. He grunted and groaned. “Oh god, I think I feel my heart breaking!”

“Ha. Ha. Ha.” She poked him in the ribs.

“I swear, Alexia, I’ll die if I don’t share myself with your heavenly body.” He smiled, letting her know he was kidding. But was he?

Nothing made perfect sense anymore. It was nice to know Ben wanted her that bad. It almost turned her on, but fear of making the decision burrowed deep into her chest.

Ben shifted so he could look her straight in the face. “If you want to wait, then I’ll support you, but I am not going to like it.”

“Well, it’s not going to be particularly easy for me either. And besides, I’m not saying that’s my final decision, it’s just a thought.”

He leaned over and kissed her forehead. “It’s kind of cute, you know that? You waiting until marriage.”

“Thanks, I guess?”

“It’s a compliment. I swear it.” He shifted, kissing her this time on the lips. “I have to go.”

Alexia groaned, glancing at the clock on the cable box. It was just after two in the afternoon and Ben was supposed to meet his brother and father at the golf course at two thirty.

“I don’t want you to go,” she said.

“Oh, I don’t want to go. Trust me.” He stood from the couch, his khaki shorts slouching on his hips. He stretched, his T-shirt inching up, exposing a triangle of stomach and hair running below his boxers.

Something fluttered in Alexia’s stomach. She quickly moved her eyes back up to his face. “I could kidnap you,” she said, standing next to him.

“Yes, please do that. And promise me you’ll do naughty things to my body while you hold me hostage.”

Alexia snorted, and they both laughed.

“How did I ever get lucky enough to have you?”

She cast her gaze aside, grinning like crazy. Ben could still manage to make her feel like the world’s coolest girl.

“Well, I wouldn’t say lucky exactly…you know…since we haven’t…you know…”

“Hey.” He put a finger beneath her chin and pulled up so she had to look at him. “Stop thinking about it for now, okay? Just take a week and don’t think about it once. We can talk about it later. Okay?”

That was easy for him to say. She’d been trying not to think about it for weeks.

“I don’t want to pressure you. I love you too much,” he said.

“I love you, too.”

Alexia walked him to his car, where they shared another long kiss before Ben left.

Inside, Alexia went to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. She found her parents there sitting at the island, their voices low. When they noticed Alexia, they went silent.

“Hi, honey,” her dad said.

“Hi.” Alexia went to the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of Smartwater. “What are you guys doing?”

Her parents shared a knowing look.

“We’ve been discussing something.” Her mother got off the stool and came around the island. She pushed aside Alexia’s hair, letting it fall down her shoulder. “We wanted to talk to you about Ben.”

Alexia stepped back, suddenly feeling the tension in the room. How had she missed it walking in?

“Oh? What about Ben?”

“Well,” her mother began, “we like Ben, don’t get us wrong, but we feel like perhaps you two are moving too fast. You are only seventeen, after all, honey.”

Dr. Bass swiveled in the stool, leaned back into it, and crossed one leg over the other knee. Alexia knew that look. He was analyzing her, trying to get a read on her expression and body language.

Alexia went stone still.

“We think it would behoove you to spend a little more time with your girl friends,” he said.

“I do.” Alexia tried to keep her voice level.

Her mother busied herself at the counter, filling her teacup with more milk. “We’re not trying to butt into your life, Alexia. We’re just trying to guide you. Your father and I waited until we were married to have…sex”—Alexia’s mouth dropped open as her mother went on, oblivious to the discomfort she was causing her daughter—“and I think
our relationship as adults is much more successful than it would have been had we prematurely shared ourselves.”

Alexia blinked. Both her parents stared at her.

“You did
not
just say that,” Alexia breathed.

“Honey.” Dr. Bass readjusted. “We love you. We just want to see you make good decisions, and peer pressure is a very potent inhibitor.”

Alexia closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. Her parents were driving her insane. When were they going to get out of the house and leave her alone like they had been for the last three years?

Suddenly, they were home all the time and, yes, they were butting into her business.
All the time.

“Thanks, Mom and Dad,” Alexia said, moving around them slowly as if they might pounce on her. “I’ll take into consideration everything you’ve said.”

As soon as she reached the doorway to the living room, she bolted.

Rule 4:
Find out what your crush likes—hobbies, sports, music! Then immerse yourself in it!

Sydney picked up her digital camera and turned it on, checking the battery. Full charge. Good. She threw the camera in her messenger bag and looped the bag over her shoulder.

In the hallway, she knocked on the bathroom door. Her mother had come home late last night and Sydney hadn’t had a chance to talk to her.

“Mom?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m going to the park. Just wanted to say hi. I’ll be home in a few hours. Maybe we could go get lunch together or something?”

There was a long pause. Sydney pressed her fingers into the door, strained to hear her mother on the other side.

“Mom?”

“Um…how about we talk more when you get home, okay?”

“Sure. If you need me or anything, just call my cell.”

“Okay. And, honey?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“Love you, too. Bye.”

Sydney left, driving straight to the park. It was just after eleven when she arrived. Mothers were still there with their children. People were beginning to arrive to enjoy the outdoors on their lunch breaks. This was Drew’s favorite place to come and his favorite time of the year. She thought she’d surprise him by taking some photos and framing them; that way he would always have a piece of summer.

This was Rule 4, the way she interpreted it.

Sydney already knew what Drew liked and hated, so the first part of the rule didn’t pertain to her. She could, however, immerse herself in something Drew enjoyed.

She found an open picnic table beneath one of the younger maple trees the city had planted about five years ago. It allowed her a little bit of cover while also keeping her shot somewhat in the sunlight. She didn’t want to have to turn on the flash.

Getting comfortable on the table, Sydney opened her messenger bag and pulled out her camera. She turned it on and checked through the viewfinder.

Off in the distance, a mother plucked her baby from a stroller. She rubbed her nose against the little boy, giving Eskimo kisses. Sydney zoomed in and snapped off three shots. She resisted the urge to check the results on the digital screen. She wanted to leave them as a surprise for when she got home.

Sydney moved on, finding a mother and daughter near
the pond. The mother pointed at the swans and the little girl crept next to her mother, moving slowly, afraid to scare the swans away.

The mom produced a bag of stale bread and the two threw bits into the water.

Sydney clicked off several shots. The little girl giggled as her mother smiled, watching her daughter and nothing else.

A long time ago, Sydney and her mother were like that. Before Mrs. Howard became focused on work, they’d come down to the park together to feed the ducks. Afterward, they’d get ice cream at Dairy Scoop. Sydney always got the strawberry cheesecake, and her mother went with plain chocolate. They’d share, though, so Sydney got the best of both bowls.

That seemed eons away now. As if they weren’t her memories, but perhaps someone else’s from a past life.

Mrs. Howard had promised to cut back her hours, to be home more, but lately, she’d been slipping into her old routine, staying overnight in Hartford. Sydney hadn’t seen her since Wednesday morning and even that meeting had been brief.

At least she was home for the weekend. Hopefully, they’d get to hang out.

“Mom?” Sydney set her bag down on the dining room table. “Mom?”

The TV was off in the living room. That stupid fish clock ticked its tail behind Sydney.

“Mom?”

Still no answer.

Sydney checked the living room and the den. Then the bathroom and all three bedrooms.

Her mother was nowhere.

In the kitchen, Sydney went to grab a Coke, when something on the refrigerator door caught her eye. It was a note in her mother’s handwriting.

At first Sydney thought her mom had left to go to the store or something, but the note was longer than that, a full page of slanted cursive handwriting.

Dear John and Sydney,

I wanted very much to make this work. I wanted to be a wife, to be a good mother. I used to be, once upon a time. Remember, Sydney? Sometimes I wonder whatever happened to that woman. Work took over my life, I don’t deny that. But I like working. I like working hard. I like the responsibility. I like being important.

You guys take care of yourselves without me. These last few months, I’ve felt like an imposter in my own home. I don’t feel like I belong here, and I don’t know why. I don’t know how to fix that. At work, that’s what I do, I fix things, organize, make important decisions to make the company run smoothly, but at home, I’m lost, and I don’t like that feeling.

There’s a huge prospective client we’ve been working with in Italy, and I was asked to go. I don’t know when I’ll be home. Or
if
I’ll be home.

Sometimes I think you’re better off without me anyway.

Remember that I love you guys with all my heart. Mom

Sydney gritted her teeth as she stared at the note tacked up on the refrigerator door with a plastic pineapple magnet as if it were a grocery list or something even less important.

Tears blurred her vision, and she clenched her jaw harder.

Her mother left? For good?

Just like that?

Sydney grabbed her phone from her bag and hit number two on speed dial. Voice mail picked up right away.

“This is Anita. Leave a message, and I’ll call you back.”

BEEP.

“Mom! How could you!” Sydney screamed. “I hope I never have to see your face again!”

Sydney slammed her thumb against the END button on her phone and slumped against the kitchen counter, the sobs taking over.

“Just, could you sit down for a second?” Drew said, resting a hand gently against Sydney’s shoulder.

She whirled on him. “I don’t want to sit down!”

He pulled back, put his hands up. “All right.”

It’d been two hours since Sydney came home and found her mother’s note. Since then, Sydney had called her mom’s cell six more times and gotten voice mail.

And when her dad came home and read the note, instead of going into a rage and calling his wife’s phone, too, he just nodded his head and disappeared into the den.

Sydney hadn’t seen him since.

What the hell was wrong with her parents? Were they aliens? Incapable of feeling emotion? Why wasn’t her dad angry? Why wasn’t he slamming doors and throwing things? Any normal husband would be stomping around the house in a rage, but no, Sydney’s dad went to the den and probably started alphabetizing his history books.

And her mother…

Did she not care about her family? Had she not considered what leaving would do to Sydney or her husband? Instead, she just traipsed off to Italy. Working there was probably a treat. She apparently didn’t love her family enough to stick around to work things out.

What had Sydney done wrong? Should she have talked to her mother more? Made more time for them to hang out?

Sydney plopped down on the bed and set her head in her hands. Maybe she was the reason her mother left. Maybe she’d driven her mother away because she wasn’t cute and bubbly and warm like Kelly was. Maybe she should have tried harder, tried harder to be a good daughter. She had to admit, she didn’t relate to her mother as well as she had when she was a kid.

When she was in elementary school, her mother was her hero. She wanted to spend every waking moment with her. And now, Sydney could feel the distance widening, even before her mother invested much of her time in her work. And maybe that was why she’d focused more on SunBery Vitamins than on her family.

If Sydney had needed her a little more, maybe her mother wouldn’t have turned to her job.

“Syd?” Drew said, taking her hand in his. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

She shook her head, kept her eyes squeezed tightly shut. “Just go,” she muttered. “I just want to be alone.”

His hand slipped away. He got up, walked to the door. “If you need me, I’ll be at Todd’s.”

“Fine,” she managed to say as his footsteps faded down the hallway.