The Cursed Man (16 page)

“Hold on,” he said, barely audible.

He was about ten feet away from his room, but it could have been a mile. The hallway seemed to stretch and narrow and pull him farther and farther away from his room.

“Are you OK?” Anna said, already by his side.

Alister knelt and felt the sweat that oozed from his pores coat his skin. “I'm fine,” he said. Her question chased away the tremble in his body, and he was reminded of the time he tried to be brave and see his grandmother.

“If at anytime you don't feel like you can proceed, you let me know.”

“No.” He wouldn't allow his emotions to get the better of him. He stood. “I can do this.”

Alister moved on in silence at a slow pace, and Anna didn't seem to mind. He took in the details of his surroundings. Bright fluorescent lights reflected off the polished floor. Upholstered loveseats custom fit in alcoves and hand painted pictures of breathtaking landscapes helped create an atmosphere that made one think they were somewhere else other than a mental institution.

“Have you spoken to any of the other patients besides me?” The echo of his voice carried much farther than it had in his room, and what he heard sounded like someone else speaking.

“No,” Anna said. “I haven't.”

“I think I heard regret in your reply.”

“And I can't deny the accuracy of your observation.” Her tone was soft. “Of course, I wish I could help them all.”

“So why me?” Alister stopped walking and his sneaker screeched. “I mean out of all these people, why did I get you?”

Anna shrugged. “I don't know. Maybe someone was looking out for you, and it was just your time.”

“Yeah, maybe it was.”

Alister wore a smile as he walked with Anna through the long hallway. Captivated by the details of the paintings, he allowed himself to drift in thought and imagine that he was standing on the bridge he saw and looking down into the clear water.

He continued on, looking into the small windows on the doors. None of them were covered like his had been. People were huddled in the corners of their rooms. Some of them screamed at things unseen and others were oblivious to the eyes that watched them. They were trapped inside the confines of their own minds, keeping company with madness.

Alister scratched an itch on his arm that traveled to his scalp and attempted to hide in the tangle of hair on top of his head.

Anna paused in front of a door that had an illuminated exit sign above it. Beyond the glass sidelights, a walkway arranged with red pavers surrounded by colorful flowers and small bushes with bright green leaves could be seen. A few life-sized statues guarded the way, and in the center of a roundabout was a tall fountain releasing a cascade of water that glistened in the sunlight.

“Are you doing OK?”

Alister's gaze remained transfixed. The bright greens, yellows and reds were vivid and unfamiliar.

“I…” His jaw quivered. “The brown….” He licked his lips. “The reach of death hasn't come this far. I don't remember things being this beautiful.”

Anna exited the building and held the door for Alister.

A strong breeze that carried a chill and the smell of flowers gave Alister goose bumps and filled his senses. The sky was clear and the air was crisp. He stepped outside, drew a deep breath and held it. He felt as though he had inhaled new life, and he didn't want to let it go. He had breathed stale indoor air for over twenty years, and the first breath he had taken of the outdoors was like rich chocolate on his taste buds. Alister closed his eyes and relaxed his shoulders and mind.

“Heaven.”

Anna took Alister by the hand. Her touch was gentle on the lumpy flesh of his palms. “Come,” she said. “I have a special place for us to sit. It's a place even more beautiful than this.”

“Your hands are cold,” Alister said. The chill ran deep enough to penetrate the thick layer of scar tissue on his hands. “And it is chilly out, so here. Take my jacket.”

“That's very kind of you, Alister, but I'm fine.”

Anna wore a skirt and a light blouse.

“I insist.” He started to remove his jacket.

“I'm fine, thank you.”

Birds chirped, and Alister tried to find them among the tall, healthy trees. When he spotted one, he stopped walking and stared at it.

“What's wrong?” Anna said.

The bird ran back and forth on the branch, bobbed its head, jumped from its perch and flew away. Alister watched it until it disappeared into the distance.

“Nothing,” he said. “Nothing at all.”

Anna led Alister past the roundabout and down a path that gave way to a lush garden. Marble benches were positioned in the corners and a thick outlying forest bordered the garden.

Anna sat on one of the benches, and Alister explored the area with his eyes. He remained close to Anna's side like a child afraid to stray too far from his mother's protective reach.

“It is nice here,” Alister said.

“Yes, it is.”

“I don't know.” He turned toward the roundabout. “I feel like I should go back inside before the death that follows me starts to destroy it.”

Anna pointed at a row of low windows. “Do you see those windows?”

Alister looked. “Yes.”

“The second window to the end is your room. I had them remove the boards when we left.”

Alister pointed toward the window. “There?” He looked to Anna and then over his shoulder and down the path they had emerged from. “No.” He scratched his head and looked back to the window. “I live on the other side.”

“I think you should go to the window and have a look inside. If you see for yourself, then you'll understand that I'm not trying to trick you.”

Alister was hesitant, but he went. He grabbed hold of the cold steel bars and peered inside the room. It was all as he had kept it. He looked back to the lush garden.

“This isn't how I've seen things for the past twenty years.”

“I know how hard this must be for you, Alister, but this is what you've been looking at,” Anna said.

Alister was fascinated by the way the flowers were tilted toward the sun. And one yellow flower located in the center of the garden drew his attention and held it.

“Why don't we sit down and talk about what you're feeling?”

Alister flinched. He didn't notice Anna's approach.

“What I'm feeling?” He shook his head in an attempt to chase away the cloud of confusion that whirled inside his mind. “Before you had my windows covered, everything outside my room was dead. The only thing alive was that flower.” He looked to the spot where he had seen it. “But it wasn't here, it was from a dream.”

Anna encouraged Alister along with a gentle tug on his sleeve. “Come on.”

“But it was just a dream,” Alister said.

They moved to the bench and sat.

“That flower I saw—it was big and yellow and stretched toward the sun.”

“I had your windows covered because I believed your mind was showing you things that weren't really there.”

Alister leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. “So there it is—validation that I'm as crazy as everyone else in Sunnyside.”

“The first time you were telling me about the decay of the garden, I was standing behind you and looking out with you. I was seeing the beauty that is in front of you right now.”

“No, the things outside my window were dead.”

“There weren't any dead plants or trees. There were beautiful greens, yellows and reds. Exactly what you see here.”

“No, there weren't.”

“I knew the importance of creating separation between you and the things you were identifying with the curse.”

“I'm telling you that there was death as far as my eyes could see.”

“I believed if I reintroduced you to the garden without you realizing it was the same thing you'd been looking at, then your mind wouldn't create the same depressing imagery.”

Alister broke his stare from the garden, and looked to Anna. “Am I crazy?”

“You've lived through heavy trauma. That disturbance has forced your mind to create a reality within itself to try and shield you.”

“What trauma, doctor?”

“One step at a time, Alister.”

She took Alister's hand. “To answer your question, no, I don't think you're crazy, because if you were, you wouldn't have comprehended the things I've just told you.”

Alister wiped his eyes. “I'm so confused.”

Anna stood and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“How am I supposed to know the difference between what is real and what isn't?” Alister asked.

“Time,” Anna said, and she hugged him.

“The things you say happened are things I can't remember happening.”

“The only thing you need to remember right now is that I will be around as long as it takes.”

“The dream seemed so real. That lone flower bursting with life, living in the middle of all the decay outside my window.”

Alister pointed to the flower.

“It was that one. Moments after I spotted the flower, you brought my uncle into the room. The only problem with that is that he's been dead for years.”

“Do you want to know what I think?”

Alister looked at Anna with eyes that begged for an answer.

“I think that dream you had was trying to tell you something. I believe your life was a representation of that flower, and if it can endure and survive in such an unwelcoming environment, well then, so can you.”

Alister smiled but deeply doubted it.

“The bad thoughts you have are the product of your own creation,” Anna said. “Yes, you are sick, but not incurable.”

Alister whimpered, got down on his knees and hugged Anna by her waist. She was thin and seemed delicate, but he knew she was filled with the strength and the know-how of ten people.

“Please, don't ever leave me,” he said, and he squeezed her tight.

“It'll be OK,” Anna said. “Let's go inside. There is something else I need to show you.”

 

 

“Alister?”

“Yes?”

He was in his room, and there were two people that looked back at him with hopeful eyes. One of the people was Anna, but he didn't recognize the other person. “Who is he?” Alister asked.

“You can hear me?” the strange man asked.

Somehow Alister knew that voice and instantly found comfort in it.

“Of course I can hear you.”

A boy that was barely a man stood with Anna, and his eyes were wet and red.

“Do you think he knows who I am?” the man asked. His voice trembled.

“Yes, I believe he does,” Anna said.

“Thank you,” the man said, and he cried hard.

“Please,” Alister said. “Don't you ever cry for me again.” The sadness in the man's eyes broke his heart. He reached out and stroked the man's cheek. “I'm not sure what I've done to you, but I'm certain it was bad. I'm sorry for the pain I've caused you and hope you know I wouldn't have done those things if I were in control.”

Alister didn't know why he said those things, but it needed to be said.

“I know,” the man said, and he wiped his tears.

Alister reached out and pulled him close. He tapped his temple. “I'm well aware that things inside here haven't been right for a long time. I've tried to fight it, but it lives in here.” Alister pouted. “I also know that I'm better off here.”

“Alister?”

Alister looked at Anna.

“Who are you talking to?”

Alister's hands held onto something that wasn't there. The man that stood within his grasp a moment before was no longer present. He lowered his hands and moved to the window. “I'm not sure.”

“Are you OK?” Anna asked.

“I'm fine.”

Anna reached out to touch him. “Alister?”

“I'm fine. I mean it,” he said as he shied away.

Alister snuck a glance over his shoulder and saw Anna searching through her briefcase.

“It just seemed like your mind was somewhere else for a minute.”

Crazy bastard.

“No, I've been here the entire time.”

“As long as you're OK,” Anna said, and she removed papers from her briefcase. She tapped them on the tabletop to neaten the stack.

Crazy bastard.

“What?” Alister said.

I said you are crazy.

“I am,” Alister said to both his inner voice and to Anna.

“OK,” Anna said.

“I just have a million uncertainties hanging over me like a black cloud.”

“Do you hate clichés?”

“I do.”

“Then I don't need to tell you about Rome and a day?”

“No.” Alister smiled. He moved to the unmade bed and sat.

“Your Grandmother Dotsy,” Anna said. She walked around the bed and stood in front of Alister. “She died three years before you were born.”

Alister stared at Anna. “What did you say?” He interlaced his fingers and placed his hands in his lap. “That's ridiculous. It's true.”

“No,” Alister said. “It's not.” He fixed his eyes on Anna in a defiant stare. “I won't let you do this.”

“Everything I'm telling you is in truth.”

Alister stood and clenched his fists. He wanted to scream, hit something and cause someone pain just so they would know how he felt.

“I won't do it. I won't let these stories confuse me. I know what is real.” He flexed his hands and drew a deep breath. He sat. “I know what is real,” Alister said, and his voice trailed off.

“I want you to look at this,” Anna said. She handed Alister a document that was old and carried a musty smell.

Alister took the paper but held it away. The memories of his grandmother were fresh and real, and for the doctor to tell him it was something he had imagined not only insulted him but also provoked his temper.