The Cyber Chronicles IV - Cyborg (19 page)

"Did I ask for
command privilege?"

"He's too
badly injured," Tassin protested.

"Honey," Ravel
drawled, "even at fifty per cent, no one's going to mess with
him."

Tassin rubbed
her brow, her head pounding. "Could we go to our cabin now?"

Ravel nodded
and beckoned to one of his men, ordering him to take Tassin to a
cabin and evict the current tenants.

Tassin
scowled. "What about Kole?"

"We have
strict rules on this ship, and one is that there's no interaction
between men and women. The women have their own section, and if
young Kole wants a cabin too, he'll have to pay extra for it, or he
can bunk with the men."

Kole grimaced.
"Fine, I'll bunk with the men."

"And my
cyber?" Tassin asked.

"He's not a
man, is he?"

Tassin opened
her mouth, but Kole poked her in the ribs. With a parting glare at
Ravel, she followed the crewman. After she had taken a few steps,
Sabre rose smoothly to his feet and followed. The men parted to let
him through with wary, half envious, half admiring looks, even
though he was unarmed.

Chapter Nine

Tassin glanced
around the stuffy little cabin, her lip curling in disgust at the
dank smell and rumpled grey sheets on the narrow bunk. Several
layers of paint peeled off the walls, making them a mottled grey,
green, dull blue and brown. A worn out brown carpet showed patches
of bare metal through its holes, and the solitary light dangled on
a twisted, much-repaired cored. The crewman leered at her and left,
closing the door. Sabre sank down on the bunk with a soft groan,
his lips drawn back in a grimace of pain. Tassin sat beside him,
her brow creased with worry.

"Are you all
right?"

"No. I don't
know what that bastard doctor gave me, but it wasn't a
painkiller."

"Oh, god, I'm
so sorry." Tassin placed a hand on his arm, her eyes stinging with
mortification.

"It's not your
fault. You tried."

"Why didn't
you say something?"

"A cyber
wouldn't. Pain is irrelevant to them." He rummaged his medical
pouch and extracted the bottle of pills, but could not open it with
one hand. Tassin took it and shook two pills into his palm, and
then fetched a glass of water from the grimy, cupboard-sized
bathroom. He took the painkillers, and Tassin pondered the
bottle.

"Why do cybers
have painkillers in their medical kits if they don't need
them?"

"They're not
meant for the cyber."

"Who
then?"

"People." He
shrugged, winced, and lay down. "The owner, and whoever else needs
them. Cybers are programmed to administer first aid."

Tassin put the
bottle back in his medical kit and gazed down at him. "That was an
amazing fight."

His slight,
sad smile tore her heart with the precious memories it brought
back.

"You must be
exhausted," she observed.

"Tired,
yes."

"Do you want
to sleep?"

He shook his
head. "Too full of adrenalin still."

"What will the
enforcers do now?"

"Call for
reinforcements and attack this ship as soon as she leaves
Rashid."

"Then why did
the captain grant us a ship clamp?"

"Either he's a
fool, which I doubt, or he has other plans."

Tassin
shivered, rubbing her arms. "Like what?"

"He'll
probably hand us over to the enforcers."

"Why would he
do that now, after saving us from them?"

"Here in
orbit, all the ships were attacking them, so he stood a chance of
winning, with me. In fact, he'd have been in trouble with the
locals if he hadn't fought them. Men like him enjoy a battle if
they think they can win, and gain by it. He thinks he's gained your
trust, or at least, he hopes so. Once he's out in space alone, he
won't stand a chance against a couple of enforcer battle cruisers,
and he knows it. By handing us over, he'll clear his name for
fighting them, and gain a ship."

She frowned.
"Can no one be trusted in this godforsaken universe?"

"You can trust
me."

"I know that.
Apart from you, I meant. What about Kole?"

"Not anymore.
You told him something, didn't you?"

She hesitated,
then nodded. "The truth."

"About
what?"

"You."

His brows rose
towards the flashing brow band. "What about me?"

"He... he had
already noticed it, anyway."

"Noticed
what?"

She looked
down at her hands, her cheeks growing warm. "The way I feel about
you."

"You said we
were friends. I thought Kole was mistaken when..."

"What? What
did he say?"

"What do you
feel?"

Tassin bit her
lip and frowned at her twisting hands. "I wanted you to
remember."

"Well, I
don't." He reached over and laid his hand on hers, stilling them.
"Tell me."

Tassin
swallowed a lump and shook her head. She could not admit it, since
he did not remember. In fact, he had never told her how he felt,
and she had only deduced that he had feelings for her from his
demeanour on the day Manutim had taken him away. That might have
been due to the horrible situation, but she hoped it had been more
than that. It did no good, however, as long as he did not remember
it. She gripped his hand. "We... were good friends. Very good
friends. That’s why I came to find you." She swallowed. "When
Manutim took you away, it broke my heart." Several minutes passed
before she could bring herself to look at him. He stared at the
ceiling.

"Say
something," she prompted.

"I don't know
what to say. I don't know what friendship is."

"Don't you
feel anything for me?"

His eyes
flicked down to her face. "Yes, but I don't know what it is."

"Can you
describe it?"

He freed his
hand and touched his chest. "Something here. Hard to describe, but
kind of painful."

"Do you like
to be near me?"

"Not really.
You make me uncomfortable. But I want to be near you."

Tassin smiled.
"Do you miss me when I'm not with you?"

"In a way, I
suppose."

"Then perhaps
you do. Your heart remembers me. Isn't that what you once
said?"

He closed his
eyes, shaking his head. "How can you be my friend?"

"Easily."

"That's why
you found me and freed me. Not because I saved your life."

"Yes."

Sabre opened
his eyes and looked at her. "But I'm a cyber."

"I don't
care."

"How can you
say that?"

"Because it's
true. You're free now, forever," she said.

"You don't understand. I'm a
cyber
."

"Why should
that matter?"

"It just
does."

"Why?"

He shook his
head, staring at the ceiling again. "I don't know exactly, but it
does."

"Try to
explain it to me."

"I can't. You
wouldn't understand."

"I might.
Please try."

Sabre turned
his head away, his brow furrowed. Another long, pregnant silence
fell while Tassin held her breath and bit her tongue to stop
herself from blurting out all the feelings that threatened to choke
her.

His voice was
a husky thread of sound in the silence. "I don’t know how anyone
could want to be friends with a cyber. I'm a killing machine. I
killed seven men tonight. That's all I know. I'm not supposed to
have feelings."

"But you do,
and that means you're not a killing machine. You're a human being.
You killed those men to defend us, and I know you hate it. The
settlers killed some too, and maybe even Kole did. Does that make
them killing machines?"

"I knew you
wouldn't understand."

"Then explain
it so I can understand," Tassin said.

"I can't.
Perhaps a real person could. You should ask Kole."

"Why could he
explain it better than you? They're your feelings."

"But I don't
understand them. How can I explain why they shouldn't exist? Why
it's so wrong that they do, and that it's even worse for you to
have them too?"

Realisation
dawned on Tassin like a bucket of cold water thrown down her back.
"You're trying to rationalise affection?"

He shrugged.
"I have no way of dealing with it."

"You don't
have to deal with it, you just act on it. You did it before. Why
can't you do it now?"

"I must have
learnt how to deal with it then, but that's all been wiped away. I
don't know how to act on it."

"Did you like
it when I held your hand? Why did you reach out to me?"

He glanced at
her, then looked away. "Your movement was distracting. By holding
my hand, you impeded my remaining primary defensive weapon, and..."
He frowned. "Had I needed to react, I might have hurt you."

Tassin stared
at him. "You think of everything in terms of combat?"

"It's all I
know."

"Then you'll
learn, as you did before. You have no idea how to show affection,
do you?"

"I don't even
know what it is."

She leant
forward and cupped his cheek. "This is affection. How does it make
you feel?"

"You don't
want to know."

"Yes I
do."

He sighed. "My
first reaction was a threat assessment and the possible defences I
might undertake. Since you're female, and an unaltered human, it
took only a split second to discard the possibility of a threat.
Although you might have a concealed weapon, I could smash your
skull with one blow. The cyber disliked my reaction, and would have
tried to stop me."

Tassin hid her
shock. "And how do you feel now that your initial reaction has
subsided?"

"Uncomfortable. My heart rate has increased, and you're leaning on
my cracked ribs."

She
straightened. "Sorry."

"That wasn't a
normal reaction, was it?"

"For a
warrior, perhaps."

"Really?"

She shook her
head. "No, probably not, unless I was a complete stranger he
suspected of treachery. Don't you trust me?"

"I do, but I
don't know any other response to another person's proximity. It's
automatic." He paused, considering her. "I would never strike you,
but that's how my mind works. You wanted to know."

"And now I
understand."

"Do you?"

"A little."
She moved closer so she did not have to lean on his chest, and
stroked his cheek. "How does this make you feel now?"

"Why do you
want to know this?"

"So I can
understand you."

He closed his
eyes. "My prior threat assessment made another unnecessary, so my
first thought was the impediment you would be if I needed to react
to a threat."

"That's what
you thought, but how do you feel?"

"Your touch is
gentle and your hand is warm."

"Not the
physical sensations, your emotional reaction."

Sabre opened
his eyes, looking puzzled. "I should have an emotional reaction to
it?"

"Do you like
me being close to you?"

"You're in the
way."

"Of what?"

"My defensive
reaction to a possible threat."

Tassin
blinked. "Aside from that."

"I don't know
what you mean."

"Would you
like to touch me?"

"For what
reason?"

"Because I'd
enjoy it."

He considered
her with pale, cold eyes. "Would you?"

"Yes."

Sabre lifted
his hand and studied it, perhaps considering the possibility that
it might be used as something other than a weapon for the first
time. Tassin held her breath as he reached up and touched her
cheek, a faint frown tugging at his brows.

"How does that
make you feel?" she asked.

"Your skin is
soft."

"You like
that?"

He smiled and
let his hand fall back onto his chest. "You don't want to know my
reaction to that."

"I do."

"You won't
like it."

"I'm starting
to get used to the shocks."

"It might
offend you."

"I'll get over
it."

He reached up
and cupped her cheek, his fingers warm and gentle. "The pressure
points on the side of your skull are more vulnerable than a man's.
I could render you unconscious simply by tightening my grip, and
with a bit of leverage, I could crush your skull."

Tassin
resisted the urge to recoil, and instead clasped his hand to her
cheek. "Would you like to do that?"

"No," he said.
"I would never hurt you."

"Good. Now if
you could just stop thinking of the umpteen ways you could crush my
skull or snap my neck, what else comes into your mind?"

He looked
confused. "Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Is there an
echo in here?"

She smiled.
"All right, what's your heart telling you?"

"It's warm.
Kind of fluttering."

"That's good.
That's an emotional response."

"It feels like
a physical one to me."

"It's a
physical manifestation of an emotional response," she
explained.

"Now you're
just trying to confuse me with big words."

"And you're
very bad at playing dumb."

Sabre smiled,
tearing her heart with the gentle sadness of his expression, which
spoke volumes of how lost he was in the strange world into which he
had been thrust from the dark prison of his mind.

"You were
better at relating to me the first time we met," she told him.

He nodded. "I
probably had more memories to refer to, then."

"How much do
you remember now?"

"My youth and
training."

"That's all?
You don't remember your first owners? The old woman who fed you dog
food?"

"No." He
looked pensive. "I remember stepping into the casket at the end of
my training, then... I heard you calling me, from far away, and I
recognised your voice. I wanted to answer you, but I couldn't. Then
there was a lot of pain, but after a while, I was free."