The Damned Utd (22 page)

Derby fucking County. Derby fucking County into the semi-finals
–

The semi-finals. The semi-
fucking-
finals of the European Cup
–

Derby County. Not Leeds United. Derby fucking County!

Later that night, drunk and half-
delighted/half-
depressed, you telephone
Don, phone fucking Don at his family home, just to make sure he knows
–

‘Just in case you fucking missed it,’ you tell him
–

‘
How did you get this number?’ he asks. ‘It’s half two in the bloody morning
.’

You hang up. You go upstairs. To the bedroom and your wife
–

Then you hear the phone ringing again and so you turn back round and
walk back down the stairs and pick up the phone and it’s your older brother
–

‘
We’ve lost our mam,’ he tells you. ‘We’ve lost our mam, Brian
.’

* * *

I go home early. I don’t give a shit. I kiss my wife. I kiss my kids. I take the phone off the hook. I put on an apron and I get stuck into the cooking. Bangers and mash, few sprouts and moans and groans from the kids, with lots of lovely thick bloody gravy; can’t beat it. Then I do the washing up and put the kids in the bath. I read them their stories and kiss them goodnight. Then I sit down on the sofa with the wife to watch a bit of telly:

Nixon and Cyprus. Nixon and Cyprus. Nixon and Cyprus
–

So my wife goes up to bed but I know I won’t be able to sleep, not yet, not for a long time, so I stay up in the rocking chair and end up looking in the bloody paper again, the results spread out, working out a fucking league table on the back of one of my daughter’s paintings, a league table for the first two games, a league table that leaves Leeds next to bottom, next to last, so then I go through the fixture list inside my head, inside my skull:

If Leeds win this game and Derby lose that game; Derby lose that and
Leeds win this; if Leeds get five points from these three fixtures and Derby only
three, then the league table will look like this and not that, that and not this,
and so on, and so on, and so on
–

Until the sun is shining in my house, through the curtains and across the floor, and it’s just another morning; another morning when I wish I wasn’t there –

I wish I wasn’t going back there
.

You go back home to Middlesbrough to cremate your mam
–

The end of anything good. The beginning of everything bad …

When you’re gone, you’re gone; that’s what you believe
–

The end of anything good. The beginning of everything bad …

No afterlife. No heaven. No hell. No God. Nothing
–

The end of anything good. The beginning of everything bad.

But today, for once in your life, just this once, you wish you were wrong
.

* * *

The board have called me upstairs, upstairs to their Yorkshire boardroom with their Yorkshire curtains drawn, upstairs to break their bad news: ‘The FA have ordered Clarke to appear before the Disciplinary Committee, along with Bremner and Giles.’

‘For what?’ I ask them. ‘That’s unbelievable.’

‘It is a bit of shock,’ agrees Cussins. ‘But –’

‘It’s more than a bloody shock,’ I tell them. ‘It’s a fucking outrage and an injustice. I’m not having any Leeds players put on trial by television. He wasn’t even bloody booked, he wasn’t even fucking spoken to by the referee, so the only reason they’ve called him down there is because of them replaying his bloody tackle on Thompson, over and over again, morning, noon and fucking night.’

‘Brian, Brian, Brian,’ pleads Cussins. ‘Look, calm down –’

‘I won’t bloody calm down,’ I tell them. ‘I’ve only just got him fucking back so I’m buggered if I’m going to lose him again for another three or four bloody matches, just because of fucking television.’

‘Brian, Brian –’

‘No, no, no,’ I tell them. ‘If this is what’s going to happen, then I
want the television cameras banned from the bloody ground, from Elland Road. If that’s what it fucking takes to stop this kind of operation against me then –’

‘I believe Mr Revie often felt the same way –’

‘Fuck Don bloody Revie!’ I shout. ‘Ban them! Ban the television!’

‘Those who live by sword,’ laughs Bolton, ‘die by sword.’

* * *

You are still in your tracksuit playing cards in the hotel bar in Turin, playing
cards with the team
– your
team
, your
boys
–
twenty-four hours before the
first
leg
of the semi-final of the European Cup
.

There was a magpie on your lawn when you left your house for the airport.
There was also one on the tarmac as you got off the plane in Turin. Now one’s
just flown into the window of the hotel bar. But you don’t believe in luck. In
superstitions and rituals
–

You believe in football; football, football, football
.

Pete comes down the stairs, down the stairs in his tuxedo
–

‘
You not ready yet?’ he asks. ‘The dinner’s in half an hour
.’

‘
You go
.’

‘
But it’s a bloody dinner for us,’ he says. ‘All the Italian and British jour
nalists are going to be there. We’re the guests of fucking honour
.’

‘
You go
.’

‘
Brian, come on,’ he says. ‘You’re making a bloody speech
.’

‘
You make it
.’

‘
You what?’ he says. ‘I’ve never made a fucking speech in my life
.’

‘
Now’s your chance then
.’

‘
Come on, Brian,’ he says again. ‘You know I can’t
.’

‘
No, I don’t
.’

‘
We’re going to be late,’ he says. ‘Stop playing silly buggers, will you?
’

‘
You bloody go and you make the fucking speech for a change
.’

‘
Don’t do this to me, Brian,’ he says. ‘Please
–’

‘
You wanted your slice of fucking cake,’ I tell him. ‘Now here it is
.’

‘
Fuck off
.’

‘
No,’ you tell him. ‘You bloody wanted it. Now you’ve fucking got it
.’

‘
Please don’t do this to me, Brian
.’

‘
Do what?’ you ask him. ‘What?
’

‘
Don’t do this, Brian. Not in front of the team
.’

‘
Why not?’ you ask him. ‘Don’t you want them to see you for what you
really are? A big fat spineless fucking bastard who can’t go anywhere or do anything
without me to hold his hand
–’

Peter picks up a glass. Peter throws the whisky in your face
–

‘
Fuck off! Fuck off!
’

You jump up. You lunge at him
–

‘
You fuck off! You fat cunt!
’

The players leap up. The players pull you apart
–

‘
Dinners. Speeches,’ you’re shouting. ‘This is what it’s all about. This is the
fucking slice of cake you’re after. This is what you’re always going on about,
fucking moaning on and on about. Now you run along. Don’t be late
–’

He lunges at you again, tears down his cheeks
–

‘
Go on then,’ you shout. ‘Go on then, if that’s what you want
.’

‘
Fuck off! Fuck off!
’

You are in your tracksuit fighting with Peter in the hotel bar in Turin, your
best mate, your only friend, your right hand, your shadow, fighting with Peter
twenty-four hours before the first leg of the semi-final of the European Cup
–

The blood of a dead magpie running down the windows of the hotel bar
–

The blood of your best mate running down the knuckles of your hand
–

The first time you’ve spoken to anyone since your mam passed on
.

* * *

Three hours and three phone calls later, Mr Vernon Stokes, the chairman of the FA Disciplinary Committee, tells Manny Cussins that, on reflection, he has decided it wouldn’t be right to call Clarke of Leeds before the Committee as he was not cautioned during the match and, if he ordered Clarke of Leeds to appear, he would have to call up every player who committed a foul during the Charity Shield game.

I go downstairs to face the press, face the press with a smile on my face for once, with a smile on my face as they ask about the draw for the League Cup:

‘I would have felt much better had we been drawn to play Huddersfield at home. They had a fabulous result in the first round, which proves they are no pushovers. Bobby Collins has obviously got things well organized over there.’

‘Have you any further thoughts on your two games in charge so far?’

‘Listen to me,’ I tell them. ‘Leeds lost three matches in a fortnight while they were on the crest of a wave going for the title. This kind of thing has happened before.’

‘But you’ve said they play without confidence and yet they’re the League Champions; how is it they can lack confidence?’

Because Don Revie made them believe in luck, made them believe in ritual
and superstition, in documents and dossiers, in bloody gamesmanship and
fucking cheating, in anything but themselves and their own ability
–

‘It’s a vicious circle,’ I tell them. ‘Once Leeds get back to their winning ways, then their confidence will return and then there’ll be no stopping them –’

‘In the race for the title?’ they ask.

‘Leeds will be there or thereabouts, just as they have been for the last ten years.’

‘But you said you wanted to win the title better,’ they remind me. ‘But the first time Leeds won the title in 1969 they lost only two matches the entire season.’

‘Is that a question or a statement?’ I ask them.

‘Up to you,’ they say.

‘Well, they’ll just have to win the next forty games then, won’t they?’

‘But how do you honestly feel?’ they ask. ‘Two games into the new season and with the League Champions still seeking their first point and their first goal.’

‘Birmingham City are also still looking for their first point.’

‘You’re suggesting Saturday is a relegation battle then?’

‘No.’

‘Can you tell us anything about the team for tomorrow?’

‘There’s no room for Bates, Cooper or Jordan, I can tell you that.’

‘There’ll be some disappointed players in the dressing room then?’

‘There will always be disappointed players in the dressing room, but
these three players also know how delighted I’ve been with them so far, and Cooper and Bates will go into the reserves tomorrow, along with Terry Yorath, and continue to get practice. Jordan will be on the bench …’

‘And McKenzie?’

‘Young Duncan McKenzie has fallen foul of your Leeds United curse,’ I laugh. ‘He’s injured himself and will have to watch the game from the stands.’

‘Are you becoming superstitious, Brian?’

‘Never.’

‘Will you be saying the same tomorrow, if you lose again?’

‘Look, my coming here has just magnified all this. I am not feeling the pressure and I don’t want pressure on the team, either,’ I tell them, the press and the television, their microphones and their cameras, their cameras and their eyes –

But there’s something in their eyes, the way their eyes never meet mine; the way they look at me, the way they stare at me, but only when I look away; like I’m bloody sick or something, like I’ve got fucking cancer and I’m dying –

I feel like death. I feel like death. I feel like death
…

Dying, but no one dare bloody tell me.

* * *

Half an hour before kick-off, Peter comes rushing into the dressing room, face
red and eyes wide, shouting: ‘He’s in the fucking referee’s dressing room again.
I’ve just seen him go in. That’s twice now
.’

‘
Who is?’ you ask him. ‘Who?
’

‘
Haller, their substitute,’ says Pete. ‘Just seen him go in with my own bloody
eyes. That’s the second fucking time and all. Talking fucking Kraut
.’

‘
Forget it,’ you tell him. ‘Could be anything
.’

‘
Could it hell,’ shouts Pete. ‘Haller’s bloody German and so’s the fucking
referee, Schulenberg. It’s not right. I’m telling you, they’re up to something
.’

‘
Fucking forget it, Pete,’ you tell him again. ‘Think about the match, the game
.’

The first leg of the semi-final of the European Cup; 11 April 1973
–

The Stadio Comunale, the black and the white; the black-
and-
white flags
of 72,000 Juventus fans; Juventus, the Old Lady herself, in black and white:

Zoff. Spinosi. Marchetti. Furino. Morini. Salvadore. Causio. Cuccureddu.
Anastasi, Capello and Altafini
–

‘Dirty, dirty, dirty bastards,’ Pete is saying, saying before you even get to the
bench, before you even get sat down, before a ball has even been kicked
.

For the first twenty-odd minutes, you ride the late tackles, the shirt-pulling
and the gamesmanship
–

‘
They’re just bloody flinging themselves to the floor at the feet of the ref
.’

The obstructing, the tripping, and the holding of players
–

‘
Dirty, diving, cheating, fucking Italian bastards
.’

Then Furino puts his elbow in Archie Gemmill’s face. Gemmill trips him
back, just a little trip, and Gemmill goes in the book
–

‘
Fuck off, ref! Fuck off!’ screams Pete. ‘What about fucking Furino?
’

Roy McFarland goes up for a high ball with Cuccureddu. McFarland and
Cuccureddu clash heads. McFarland goes in the book
–

‘
For what? For fucking what?’ yells Pete. ‘Fucking nothing. Nothing!
’

Gemmill booked. For nothing. McFarland booked. For nothing
–

‘
By their bent axis mate of a fucking Kraut referee
.’

Gemmill and McFarland already booked in previous legs, this was the one
thing you didn’t want to happen tonight; the two players now suspended for
the return leg, the one thing you didn’t want to happen
–

‘
And they fucking knew it,’ says Pete. ‘They fucking knew it
.’

But it’s almost the half hour, almost the half hour and still 0–0 when
Anastasi beats Webster and Todd, beats Webster and Todd to feed Altafini, feed
Altafini to make it 1–0 to Juventus; 1–0 to Juventus but then, two minutes
later, just two fucking minutes later, and out of nothing O’Hare knocks the ball
to Hector and Hector takes the ball into their box and shapes to shoot with his
left but brings it inside and shoots, shoots with his right and suddenly, just two
minutes later and out of nothing, it’s
–

1–1! 1–1! 1–1! 1–1! 1–1!

Salvadore and Morini beaten, Zoff on his arse, and the Stadio Comunale
silent, those black-
and-
white flags fallen to the floor
.

Causio misses a chance and blasts over the bar, Nish clears a shot off the line
from Marchetti, but it stays 1–1 to half-time; half-
fucking-
time:

Haller, the Juventus substitute, is straight off their bench and walking off
down the tunnel with Schulenberg, the referee
–

‘
Look at that,’ says Pete. ‘How much more fucking blatant can you get?
’

And Pete is straight off your bench and running down the tunnel after them
–

‘
Excuse me, gentlemen,’ he shouts. ‘I speak German. Do you mind if I listen?
’

But Haller starts jabbing Pete in his ribs, keeping Pete from Schulenberg,
and shouting for the security guards, who shove Pete against the wall of the
tunnel and pin Pete there while you and the players file past the mêlée towards
the dressing room
–

There is nothing you can do for Pete. Nothing now. Not now
–

Now you have to get to the dressing room, get to the dressing room because
this is where you earn your money. This is where you bloody live
–

This is where you have to be, to be with your team, your boys
–