The Dance (66 page)

More floor-to-ceiling windows lined one side of the hallway we turned down. They looked out onto a meticulously manicured garden full of a variety of blooming pansies, Gerber daisies, holly berry, and several evergreens. More cozy sitting areas similar to the one spotted on the drive in were scattered around.

Grace pointed out all the pertinent areas—dining room, lounge, library, and family room complete with play area for children. My chest tightened at the thought of a child visiting their parent here. These rooms were mostly used by the families, but occasionally, a patient having a good day would use them as well. I thought about Hart coming here to see his mother and the tightness in my chest strangled me.

With each turn we made we moved further into tranquility. It dawned on me as we rounded the final corner before Will’s room. This wasn’t a place where people came to die. It was a place where people came to say goodbye. Before entering his room, I looked down at Will and noticed his shoulders had relaxed. A warmth washed over me knowing the peaceful place had already started doing its job.

The decor of Will’s room kept in line with the rest of the hospice house. The walls were sage green complimented by dark wood furnishing. The bed was positioned to have maximum view out the large picture window. There was a seating area in the far corner with a red recliner and chocolate-brown sofa. A flat screen TV was housed in an ornate wardrobe against the opposite wall from the bed. The bathroom was large and equipped for wheelchair accessibility. Grace gave us a packet of information, a quick rundown of when meals were served, and which staff member would be with Will tonight. She then left us alone to settle in and absorb the new surroundings.

“It’s a really nice place, Will.”

“Yeah.” He agreed as his hollow eyes scanned the room.

“Will you be okay here for a few minutes while I go grab your suitcase?”

He nodded slightly. “Bryson, have I thanked you for everything today?”

Tears threatened behind my eyes. I thought it was hard watching this once strong athletic young man physically wither away but it didn’t compare to witnessing the deterioration of his true self.

I cleared my throat. “Yeah, you did.”

Tilting his chin up, Will said, “Good. I don’t ever want to forget to do that.”

My legs couldn’t get me down the hallway fast enough, taking each turn as quickly as possible. Once I was safely outside and in my car I let the sobs and tears flow. I didn’t want to show my weakness in front of Will. I just needed a minute and a deep breath.

After pulling myself together somewhat, I picked up my phone. I scrolled to the number and clicked the call icon.

He picked up before the first ring had a chance to finish. “Hey.” Hart’s rasp warmed every part of my soul.

I hadn’t seen him since that morning at my house. It was beyond difficult not being around him every day but I understood his motives. I loved him even more for how selfless he was.

“Hey. Are you busy?” I said.

“Never too busy for you.”

I stayed quiet for several minutes in order to steady my voice. I didn’t want it to become a habit that every time we spoke I cried.

I swallowed hard. “I needed to hear your voice.”

“I’m glad you called. How are things?”

“I’m sitting outside of the hospice house right now. It’s a really nice place.” My voice cracked.

“You can do this, Bryson.”

“I hope so.”

“I know so. And if you need me, I’ll be there in a flash.”

“I miss you.”

“Good. Prepare yourself because when you’re ready I’m going to be on you for the rest of your life.”

Warmth spread throughout my body. “Tell me about your day.”

“Let’s see . . . I had an eighty-eight-year-old great grandmother grope me.”

I chuckled. “Seriously?”

“Yep. Slid her hand right up my thigh and gave me a squeeze and a wink. She was so pleased with herself I didn’t have the heart to tell her I couldn’t feel her advances.”

Laughter flew out of me. “Oh my god! That’s hilarious. I’m thinkin’ I may need to come down there and school some biotches about keeping their hands off my man.”

“You’re adorable when you’re claiming what belongs to you.”

The corners of my mouth tugged into a smile. “I love you.”

“Till the end of time,” he said.

I always knew Hart’s voice had magical powers. Never was I more convinced than in this moment. In less than five minutes he’d managed to lighten my heart and mood.

“I guess I better let you get back to work. I need to get Will’s things put away.”

“I love you, Bryson.”

“I love you too, Hart.” I choked on a sob.

“I’m here, Lovely, 24/7/365.”

I nodded even though he couldn’t see me. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

A heavy sigh drifted through the phone before I ended the call.

I wiped my tear-stained face as best I could, grabbed Will’s suitcase, and headed back inside.

Social Withdrawal

Initially, Will was interested in talking with the staff. On day two he actually felt strong enough for me to take him on a mini-tour down the hall to the family room. After that day he never wanted to leave his room. He still interacted with the nurses but by the end of the week even that faded into courteous quietness. Dr. Rudolph came several times. I never thought this was unusual since Will was his patient. Then one day Will’s nurse Tricia asked if we were related to the doctor since he was visiting so much. Will seemed to really enjoy when Dr. Rudolph came by. I had to wonder if this was because he missed his own father.

Mom, Dad, and Ryan came by one evening. It was awkward on so many levels. For one, all my family knew was Will and I had reconciled after a yearlong separation. I never went into specifics on how we ended up getting back together. I figured the less said the better, especially since it was all a lie. Two, most people are uncomfortable around death and my family was no exception. Both Will and I appreciated their effort, though. Even Sophie stopped by and true to her form, she didn’t hold back or wear kid gloves around Will. I think he enjoyed her visit most of all.

To say I was shocked and appalled by the way the Forsyth family acted would be an understatement. Neither Will’s parents nor his brother made any attempt to contact their son and brother.

One evening I broached the topic, asking if he wanted me to reach out to them. He was pretty adamant in his response.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to call to at least feel them out?”

Will was already in bed while I was curled up in the recliner with a blanket tucked under my chin. There was a well-stocked DVD library just down the hall from Will’s room. He surprised me tonight after dinner with the movie. He’d looked up
Fried Green Tomatoes
online.

Apparently he didn’t bother reading the description because he thought it was about cooking. When he asked one of the nurses to see if the library had it, he had no idea he was committing himself to a chick flick.

“I’m positive.”

I sat up, twisting my body toward him. “I understand where you’re coming from. I just don’t want you to have any regrets because you didn’t tie up any loose ends.”

I brought up the idea for Will, not for his family’s sake. I wanted him to be at peace with everything.

Looking over at me, he said, “The only loose end I gave a shit about tying up was with you.” He laid his hand, palm side up, across the bed.

Reaching over, I slid my hand into his and gave it a slight squeeze. Our gaze locked for several seconds. An unspoken understanding passed between us. Will appreciated what I was trying to do and I knew to let it go.

Surrender

Once Will was admitted into hospice care, I spent a total of two nights in my own bed before I began staying overnight with him. Our house was only twenty minutes away but a life could change during that short drive. And if I were being honest, saying goodbye those couple of nights was hard for both of us.

I was coming out of the bathroom after changing into Hart’s gray long-sleeve T-shirt and my navy blue sweatpants, a.k.a. my pajamas. Will was leaning against the padded headboard watching the late news. Grabbing my blanket and pillow, I curled up on the small sofa. As I was setting the alarm on my phone for the morning, I saw my nightly text from Hart. We made it a point to talk on the phone or text at least once a day. Tonight’s text had a photo attached. My finger hovered over the icon for a few seconds, nervous to see what the photo was of. I didn’t need to be getting all hot for Hart with Will only a few feet away. Finally, I opened up the message and a huge smile crossed my face. The photo was of Hart and Butter attempting a selfie with the text, we miss you and love you. I immediately replied.

Me:
Ditto. Y’all both look gorgeous.

As I plugged my phone in and slid it on the small table beside the sofa, I caught Will staring at me.

“What?”

Pointing the remote at the TV, he turned down the volume. “Text from Hart?”

My gaze dropped. I felt a twinge of guilt in my chest. I didn’t want Will to see the happiness in my eyes.

“Bryson, does he make you happy?”

I hesitated before finally looking at him. “Yes.”

“He loves you very much.”

“Will, I feel kind of weird discussing Hart with you.”

“Did you know he stops by here almost every night?”

My expression went slack. “What are you talking about?”

“The second night I was here, he stopped in late. You were at home. I don’t think he’d planned on talking to me but I happened to be awake. Still not quite sure how he talked fuck-face Estelle . . .”

My hand flew to cover my mouth. “Oh my god, Will! That’s a horrible thing to say.”

“What?! Her face is always scrunched up like someone’s giving it to her in the back.”

I bit the inside of my cheek to stifle a laugh. “Be that as it may, you shouldn’t call her that. It’s not nice.”

“Fine. I don’t know how he talked Estelle into letting him through that time of night.”

The corners of my mouth drifted up into a smile. “Hart has ways. Also his mother had been a patient a long time ago. Maybe Estelle was here then.”

“It wouldn’t surprise me. Estelle looks like she’s been around a looong time, squared.”

I shook my head as my curiosity soared to the moon wondering what a conversation between Hart and Will looked like.

“He claimed to be checking up on me but I could see the disappointment in his eyes when he realized you weren’t here. I made a point the next night to stay awake to see if he came. He did. He stared at you for a minute and then left. The times I’ve been awake, he catches my eye, nods, and leaves.”

“So y’all never talk?”

“Not since the first night. He asked how I was handling things. It was brief.”

“I talk or text with him every day. He never mentioned coming by here.”

“I think he just needs to see for himself that you’re okay.”

Clutching the blanket to my chest, I closed my eyes, determined not to get weepy.

“He’s a good man, Bryson. He’s the man you deserved all along.”