The Dark Angels: With Wings (22 page)

So he decided since he wasn't batting for the team he had recently been playing for maybe he should try the sexy female sites to get himself stirred up. Hot chicks doing all sorts of nasty stuff. It should have sent him up in flames. Nothing. Maybe he was impotent? But no it was worse than that. The only freaking arousal he got came when he thought about Angel.

Fucking bastard had broken him. He couldn't get off to straight porn.

Gay porn just made him want to try new shit with his ex-lover. So eventually he gave in like he did most nights, lying there like a pathetic loser stroking off to someone who no longer wanted him. Again and again calling out Angel's name in the darkness.

Lying there as the come dried on his stomach, he wondered how his life had become so twisted. He wondered what Angel was doing? Who Angel was doing? That was the thought that made shards of glass in his heart twist and tear into him until he felt like he was bleeding inside.

That was followed by an even more disturbing thought. He just wished for Angel to be happy. It didn't matter that his heart was in pieces.

Fuck, this really was love. He was feeling all selfless and shit. He was an idiot! He should have gone out and gotten laid by easy girls wanting to score with one of The Dark Angels like any other guy in his position would do. He should have been swimming in women to forget about their brief, obviously meaningless, affair.

But no, he was lying there missing Angel even though he was spending thirteen hours a day with the fucker. He wished Bali had never happened. He wished he could just forget about being more than friends with Angel. Then he took both of those wishes back. Darius realized he wouldn't ever want to lose those precious memories of his time with Angel regardless of how he was kicked in the teeth at the end. Those were the best days of his entire life. The laughs, the sweet words, the amazing sex, the friendship, the contentment, the love...everything he had never known he needed.

Sighing deeply, he fought the tears that threatened as he recalled all he had lost, or rather what he'd never really had. Growing angry at himself for allowing himself to feel this way, he thought bitterly that maybe he should check Angel's ass 'cause that's the last place he seemed to have had his dick!

On and on Josh and Dusty debated the merits of something or other.

Darius blocked out the chatter easily. He was just happy he made it through another practice. He had no freaking clue how he was going to get through the upcoming show because of how things had changed before their hiatus.

He couldn't imagine allowing Angel to touch and kiss him. It would seriously harm Dare's sanity. But fuck it all if he didn't crave it anyway he could get it.

His finger traced the thumb ring he couldn't bear to take off. Every time he looked at it he got a shot of the happiness he'd felt when Angel had given it to him. Of course, that was followed up by an injection of painful reality. It was becoming a cold reminder that he had meant nothing to Angel.

He had just been another warm hole for Angel to use to get off. Someone he used to scratch his proverbial itch. He tried not to think of who was scratching Angel now.

They were supposed to be just friends and Angel had made it clear that's all they would ever be. He used the term
friend
loosely since Angel hadn't spoken to him directly since they had gotten back. He could kick himself but his freaking heart speeded up every time he was around Angel.

Maybe Angel could tell that his guitar player had gone all eighth-grade-girl on him and wanted to keep his distance until Darius got a big assed grip on himself. He really needed to pull himself together. After all, he had agreed to just be friends. Angel seemed just fine with that. He should be too, but his heart hadn't gotten that memo.
Just friends

It wasn't until he was in his beautiful cherry red Mustang convertible making his way around the twisty roads to his apartment that he breathed a sigh of relief. No more practices until the show but instead of being completely relieved, he felt bitten by a sense of loss. It meant he wouldn't see Angel for a few days. Even though it killed him to be in the same room with him and not touch him, kiss him, hold him, the thought of not seeing him seemed to hurt more. Damned if he did and damned if he didn't!

It had been two weeks since Bali and he was still a mess. He knew it.

He hoped like hell he was hiding it from the band, but Robin had let him know again today if Dare wanted to have dinner or to talk, he was there.

Well, he didn't want to talk but he needed to do something to take his head out of his ass. He couldn't keep going down this path to nowhere.

So he went past his apartment building and headed over to Josh and Robin's place. Within fifteen minutes, he was in front of their apartment building. They had left earlier so they should be home by now. He pulled out his cell to call them.

"Hey," he said trying to overcompensate for his lackluster mood.

"Dare?" Josh sounded a bit surprised.

"Ah, yeah." God, he sounded like a moron. Maybe this was a mistake but that didn't stop Dare from asking, "Would you and Robin mind some company?"

"Sure, man. Oh, you're here. I see your sweet ride." Josh chuckled.

"Come on up."

"Thanks."

Josh opened the door and let him in. He didn't say anything just observed him for a long moment before he shouted, "Robby, we have company."

Robin came out of the kitchen wiping his hands on the chef's apron he wore spattered with tomato sauce. "Oh, Dare! Take off your coat." Robin was helping to remove his coat before he even moved. "So glad you came over." Robin gave him a big hug as if he hadn't just seen him an hour ago.

Robin pulled the guitar player over to their breakfast bar, which overlooked a small but fully loaded kitchen. "Josh, babe, could you please get him a drink. Thanks." Robin went back to the kitchen to finish making dinner. "I hope you like Italian. Josh wanted spaghetti and meatballs tonight."

Josh grinned over at the man he shared the apartment with. "That's just because you make the best meatballs in the world," he stated as if were a known fact.

"Don't let Uncle Leo hear that!" Robin laughed and went back to making round meatballs and setting them in a tray to accompany the dozens already there. Robin looked over his shoulder at him, "Uncle Leo taught me everything I know in the kitchen."

He didn't know the whole story but knew that their 'Uncle Leo' was a kindly old gentleman, who was no relation but somehow saved them from a life on the streets when Josh's father kicked Robin out of the house. Uncle Leo had come to several of their concerts to dote on them, and the guys clearly adored him. He had also taught them how to play music.

Josh stood in front of him. "You look like you need a drink. What's your poison?"

He shook his head. "Whatever." It didn't matter as long as it would numb him a bit.
Well, there's a thought to get me on the right road to
becoming a raging alcoholic!

Robin looked over his shoulder as he put the tray of meatballs into the oven. "You're right. He looks like he could use an actual drink. Give him a seven and seven. I'll have a..."

Josh smiled. "I know. An Amaretto on the rocks." Josh made the drinks and handed them out.

Giving Josh a big grin, Robin shut the door and set the oven. Robin put water and sauce in pots to warm, and then he made Italian bread with real chopped garlic.

"So I love how the new songs came out." Robin beamed at him while he and Josh gathered ingredients for a salad.

"Yeah, me too." Dare just sat there and watched them work together.

It seemed so seamless. They anticipated each other's needs. Right before the one of them was about to ask for something, the other handed it to him.

Dare tried to think of something to say. He finally asked, "So you guys cooked a lot with your Uncle Leo?"

At that point, Robin looked up to answer and he bumped into Josh's hips. Josh had been using the salad spinner and he froze biting his lip. A deep red blush flushed both of their faces. Josh answered for them, "Yeah, but Robin is a much better cook."

Darius wasn't sure what the whole blush was about but he couldn't help but think how nice it would be to have someone know exactly what he wanted and give it to him. Angel did that but well...that was over now.

Josh's voice pulled him out of his head. "So Dare, how long do you think it will take us to cut the new album?"

"I don't know. Last time, it went pretty quickly. Hopefully it will go as well."

Within a few minutes, the two of them were done in the kitchen. They took up their untouched drinks and led Darius over to the sitting area.

"Here, let me get you another," Josh played the good host while Robin sat down.

"Thanks," Darius said as he followed them over to the sitting area to sit in the matching overstuffed leather chair next to the soft blue sofa Robin sat in.

The room, like the entire little apartment, was neat and clean. There were pictures on the walls of the twins, their Uncle Leo, the band and the places they had traveled to on vacation. Everything was done in soft blues and greens. Maybe it was the drink he had consumed but it appeared that everything matched Robin's hair which was done in darker peacock blues and greens. The apartment was soothing, modern but still cozy.

Before Josh sat down he got Robin a bottle of water. "Drink so you don't get a headache." The concern and care Josh gave Robin made Dare quite envious.
Angel used to...NO!
He needed to stop waxing poetic about something that never really was.

"Thanks, Josh." Robin smiled sweetly at the man he grew up with when he was handed the bottle of water.

"No problem I just don't want you to get a headache." Josh shrugged at Dare. "When he drinks he needs to drink a lot of water to compensate."Josh sat down next to him on the sofa. Their legs went up and comfortably twisted together reminding him of puppies getting comfortable.

Darius had noticed this before. They seemed to always be touching or near to touching. If they weren't together and touching, they seemed almost on edge. The physical contact seemed to calm them.

"Megan would be happy to know that." He tried to joke but he wasn't in the mood to be funny.

Josh didn't say anything but looked relaxed as he stole a sip of Robin's drink. Robin reached over to touch his knee. "We want to thank you again for the wonderful instruments you brought back from Bali. We love them."

Dare had seen them displayed on the wall and on the entryway table as he walked in.

"I can play one of them, sort of." Robin beamed with pride. "But Josh has already mastered four out of the five."

Josh rolled his eyes. "I wouldn't say mastered them," he said though it was clear he was happy Robin was impressed with his musical prowess.

"Robin has started writing some lyrics based on some of the melodies I have been able to come up with. So yeah thank you, they are truly beautiful."

Robin's cheeks stained pink as he looked away from both of them. He was so shy and embarrassed easily. It was hard to believe he could actually perform in front of thousands.

"Good. I am glad you guys like them." Darius tried to sound enthusiastic but realized he failed miserably when both brothers looked at him. "Angel and I..." The sentence died when his voice broke and his eyes slammed shut against the water that sprang to them.
Fucking allergies

"Do you want to talk about it?" Robin asked the simple straightforward question that seemed to open the floodgates.

Darius spilled his guts like he was ripped open with a very sharp knife. Everything came out. His confused feelings at not being gay but wanting Angel, their "friends with benefits" pact, his overhearing that painful conversation Angel had with Dusty on the phone, Angel deciding he could have Dare inside of him without emotional ramifications. He even shared his humiliation of allowing Angel to have him on the plane on the way home.

His hands covered his face as he ended his tale of woe. "How pathetic is that?"

Robin moved over to pull him into a big hug. Dare stiffened for a second fearing he would lose it completely but he found comfort in what Robin offered. Robin was so skinny he fit in the space he didn't fill on the chair. Josh got him another drink.

"Oh, Dare," Robin reassured him. "You aren't pathetic at all. Love can really suck." Robin held him tighter and just rocked him.

Josh sat where Robin had been sitting and just handed Darius the drink. His eyes seemed to catch Robin's. Robin ended the hug with a big squeeze before he returned to the sofa to curl up next to Josh.

"Look I am sorry for dragging you guys into this mess but I needed someone to talk to." Dare apologized, realizing he could be making the guys feel awkward. After all they were in the band as well.

Robin sighed and nudged Josh. Josh looked a bit uncomfortable then cleared his throat. "Look. We've got to say, we knew there was an issue between you two. Robin guessed the basic situation."

He flushed a bit. Yeah, looking at how he had been acting since his return it was pretty obvious. "Sorry." He looked down and away from them just as Josh pulled the blanket off the back of the sofa and laid it around Robin's shoulders.

"Thanks." Robin muttered to Josh as he finished tucking him in.

Turning his attention back to Darius, Robin said, "Honey, there is nothing for you to be sorry about. The question is what can we do to help?"