The Darkness of Perfection (26 page)

She was watched at all times and never out of my sight. I could kiss whoever came up with the idea of family or unisex bathrooms.

Yesterday was the most interesting day of all and caused a shift for the better in our relationship.

I’d taken her to a football game since the university was playing at home. My father, William and I were all alumni of the university and my family had a private box at the stadium. The game was in halftime and the band was performing on the field. I had thought to surprise Jayden with ice cream sundaes for a treat.

“You’re gonna pay for that, Jayden,”I growled.

I glared at her through narrowed eyes and grabbed the napkin in front of me to wipe away the ice cream and whipped cream that had splattered across my forehead and hair. I picked up the cherry perched precariously on my shirt pocket and popped it into my mouth, pulling the stem off and tossing it on the coffee table.

“It’s not my fault you forgot,” she laughed. “I hate cherries. I’ve always hated cherries. They’re gross. My Nicky would have remembered that little detail.” She shook her finger at me, admonishing me for my oversight, and giggled. “You need to catch up. You’re not a very good husband, Nicholas.”

It made my heart swell seeing her being carefree and laughing. That she’d dared to throwher cherry at me was a good sign. I wished we could stay longer, but I had work that couldn’t be put off any longer.

“One day our son will be here as well, Jayden,” I remarked. She stilled beside me and turned her head, staring at me. I looked at her questioningly. “Is something wrong? Are you all right?”

“What if we have a daughter? Then what?” she asked quietly.

I opened my mouth to reply, only to close it again. I didn’t have an answer to that. I never considered
the idea of a daughter. My family has only had sons as far back as I knew. It was arrogant, but I just
assumed we’d have a son as well.

“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “I never thought about a daughter. Our family has just always
had boys.”

She turned back to watch the band marching off the field, not willing to face me for her next question.

“If we did” She paused and I sawthe shudder that ran through her as she voiced her concern. “If we
had a daughter would you sell her?”

Her words were barely above a whisper; she’d spoken so softly at the end, but her question filled me
with outrage. I grabbed her chin and forced her to look at me. “What kind of crap is floating around
in that head of yours, Jayden? Did you have a head injury at some point I don’t knowabout?”

She stared at me wide-eyed and grabbed my wrist, tugging at it to break the hold I had on her jaw.

“You’re hurting me,”she cried through clenched teeth.

“Well, your accusation is hurting me,” I snapped back. “Howdare you think I’d ever sell one of our
children, boy or girl? What kind of fucking monster do you take me for?”

I released her jaw with a jerk of my wrist, angry at myself for the imprint of my fingertips on her face,
but angry at her for thinking so lowly of me as well. I stood and paced the small room, not trusting
myself to be near her as angry as I was.

“My father sold me! Your father bought me! You kidnapped me and tricked me into marrying you!”

She was crying and rubbing at her jawas she faced me. “What else am I supposed to think? You
wanted me stupid and illiterate and you don’t see anything wrong with that! Your family enslaved me.

You’re no different than slave traders from before the Civil War. Why wouldn’t you treat a daughter
the same way? What else am I supposed to think?”

I was glad we were in a private box and there weren’t any witnesses around. It was bad enough
Antonio, Jerome and Nathan were witnesses to her accusations. Antonio was entirely too interested in
our conversation.

“All of you get out!” I ordered. I waited until the door to our box closed behind them before turning
on her again. She tried to sink into the furniture when I stalked toward her, but I pulled her up by her
arms until she was standing toe-to-toe with me. “You want to know what the difference is, Jayden? I’m
a Harrison, that’s what. That means our children will be Harrisons as well. We own the world. No one
owns us. Your father was greedy and willing to sacrifice anything for what he wanted. My father just
took advantage of that greed. He didn’t hold a gun to his head and demand he turn you over. Your.

Father. Approached. Mine. Not the other way around!

To be honest, I don’t know what I’d do if we had a daughter, but I can promise you this: No one will
make a slave of any child of ours. I won’t apologize for my father giving you to me, whether you like
the facts surrounding that transaction or not. Even if he hadn’t, you’d still be mine!”I shouted.

I took a breath to calm myself. She was crying and I knewI was scaring her with my anger. I drewher
to me and wrapped my arms around her, suddenly sorry for all the hurt she felt and wanting only to
comfort her. “I’m sorry,” I whispered into her hair. “I’m sorry. Please don’t cry, Jayden.” I held her
until her sobbing stopped and listened to her sniff. I cupped her face with my hands and tilted her face

to look at me. It broke my heart seeing her redrimmed eyes filled with so much sorrowand knowing
that I caused it. “I’m sorry I yelled at you, but even if my father hadn’t bought you, I’d still choose
you.” I kissed her gently. “I promise I’ll love and protect any children we may have, whether we have
boys or girls.”

We watched the rest of the game in silence, both of us brooding. When the game was over, I couldn’t even tell you the final score. The stadium had finally cleared enough to escort Jayden safely to the car when she finally spoke again. She stood and walked to the large window that overlooked the field and surveyed the emptying stadium, a sad smile on her face. Then she turned to me and her green eyes held me captive. Her words left me stunned and for the first time ever a feeling of shame came over me.

“I earned a full scholarship to come here for school, but Mom and Dad wouldn’t let me accept it. Now
I know why.” She turned back for one last wistful look. “I could have been sitting out there with all the
other students if I’d had a normal life. That’s what your family took from me.”

She moved to brush past me and followher guards to the door. I reached out and grabbed her arm and
held her, tilting her chin and holding her gaze. “I won’t apologize for something I can’t and won’t
change. You’re mine, Jayden, whether my father gave you to me or because I took you on my own. I
won’t let you go, ever. But I promise you: no child of ours will be denied every opportunity I can give
them.”

Her eyes narrowed with doubt. “Any child?” she demanded quietly. Her voice was hushed like she was
afraid to ask.

I lowered my mouth to hers. She kept her lips pressed firmly together, unwilling to give in, so I kissed
the corners of her mouth instead. “I promise. Any child.” This was important to her and I knewif I
wanted Jayden to fully accept being my wife I needed to give her this promise. And keep it.

Her eyes searched mine for the truth and when she found what she was looking for I was blessed with
one of her rare smiles. It didn’t quite reach her eyes, but it was a start.

Making love to her last night had been the best so far. Giving her that promise lowered some of the guard she kept up against me. Given time, I knew she would lower it completely.

“Please Nicholas, just one phone call,” I begged. I wrapped my arms around him and gave him my best pout. “We’ve been married over two months now and I haven’t done anything to break your trust.

I’ll put it on speaker phone so you can hear the whole conversation. You can even hold the phone so you can end the call if I say one thing out of line.”

“No, Jayden, drop it!” He slammed the cabinet door in front of us after pulling out the sweetener packet he wanted for his coffee. “I said no and that’s final.”

“Why not?” I yelled. I let my arms drop from his waist and leaned back against the counter with my hands on my hips. “I’ll even gladly let you lock me up in that damn cage if I say anything wrong!” I was done trying to convince him by being sweet. Now I was just angry and frustrated.

I could see his jaw working as he ground his teeth. The tic in his cheek was making itself known.

Normally that alone would be enough to warn me stop whatever I was doing to cause his anger, but this was too important. I’d only made him that angry once since we moved in and that was when he found me walking the perimeter of the fence shortly after we got back from Austin. I also was wearing his boots since he took away my shoes as soon as we left Austin.

I still hadn’t earned that much of his trust.

I pressed absently at my stomach to stop it from rolling. The Mexican food we had for dinner at his parents’ house last night didn’t sit well and fighting was only making it worse. I took a deep breath and still pushed forward.

“Please understand,” I said softly. “I promised I wouldn’t run away or try to escape and I haven’t.” He raised his eyebrow at that comment and I knew he was thinking of the fence incident. “So I walked the fence to see how strong my prison is. Sue me,” I huffed. “It’s almost Christmas and I just don’t want them to worry about me any longer. Let me at least give them some peace. I know you’re not going to let me see them again. I-I just want to say goodbye.”

He was standing in front of me and was so still, he could have been a statue. He finally moved to wipe away the tears on my cheek with his thumb. “I’m sorry, Jayden,” he offered quietly.

He kissed my forehead then reached behind me and picked up his coffee mug and walked away. I flinched at the slamming of the door that signaled Nicholas’s departure. I don’t know why I felt the need to push him. I couldn’t just leave well enough alone. I knew before I asked that he’d probably say ‘no’. I should have dropped the subject immediately, but I didn’t.

I watched through the kitchen window as his truck left the garage, and shut off the water to the sink.

“Well, that went well,” I mumbled to myself.

I climbed the stairs slowly back to our room and mechanically made the bed and straightened the room, then wandered through the empty rooms until I felt the walls would close in on me. My nausea still hadn’t gone away completely so I skipped lunch in favor of a cup of hot tea and pulled a blanket off the back of the couch to head outside. The ground was getting colder and I knew I wouldn’t have many more opportunities to enjoy the outdoors before it was too much on my bare feet.

I sank down onto the porch swing and wrapped the blanket around me to stay warm, using one foot to set the swing in motion, and sipped my tea. I closed my eyes and let the motion of the swing help me relax. I had Nicholas to thank for my swing. A couple of weeks after we moved into the house I mentioned it would be nice to have a swing to sit on instead of being cooped up in the house all day.

The next morning workers arrived to install the beautiful swing they brought with them. Nicholas was good to me in that way. Anything I wanted for the house or yard was mine. All I had to do was ask.

William came by a week after we returned from Austin to remind Nicholas of his promise to let me spend time with Grace. When I added that I would like to get to know her since we were sisters-inlaw, it was granted. Twice a week. For a couple of hours. Always supervised by two guards; usually Antonio and Jerome.

If I didn’t look too deeply, I really didn’t have any complaints in the way Nicholas treated me. He was a kind and courteous husband. He didn’t hurt me. The cage hadn’t been brought with us. Or at least I’d never found it in the house. I didn’t know about the garage since it was always locked and off-limits to me. He just wouldn’t let me leave or use a phone.

So why couldn’t I just be content?

Because I missed my family and I needed my mom more than ever now, that’s why Was that so wrong?

Thanksgiving had already passed and Christmas was just around the corner. The holidays were a time for family. I kept thinking about all the things my mom would be doing to get ready for them. She loved all the holidays, but Christmas was her favorite.

Did they miss me? Were they worried about me at all? I still didn’t understand why they never found me. Mom was smart and she had to suspect Nicholas’s family was involved in my disappearance. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think they never tried. Mom had cared enough to risk her life to save me when I was a child, so why wouldn’t she try now? I didn’t want to think they didn’t care, but a seed of doubt had been planted.