The Day That Saved Us (39 page)

I CALL PEYTON
to see how she’s recovering. She’s pretty tight-lipped about how she’s feeling, so I know she doesn’t want to talk about it. I have a feeling it will be a while before she will.

“You didn’t stay long,” she says.

“I’m sorry. I had a meeting I couldn’t miss.” I don’t tell her that I shouldn’t have even taken that day, but thankfully my boss understood since it was a family matter, and it hasn’t affected my work.

“If I’d known you were only coming for a few hours, I would have told you not to waste your time.”

“And that’s why I didn’t tell you.”

Silence. “We had to push back the wedding a little bit.”

“I figured you would until you recovered. When’s the new date?”

“April 24
th
. Tyler starts school on the 28
th
, so we’re cutting it close, but it’ll still be enough time. And since it’s not like we’re renting out a space, and instead getting married on the beach, all the vendors were pretty understanding when they found about the circumstances.”

“Well, that’s good. They better.”

“How’s Boston?” she asks, changing the subject. “The job? Everything going good?” Of course, Peyton’s diverting the attention from her.

“Work is good. Boston’s great. It’s kind of cool living in the city. It’s nice to be so central to everything. There’s so much to do. No time to get bored.”

“And Brooke? How’s she doing? Does she like Boston?”

I don’t know why, but I don’t want to tell Peyton about Brooke yet. It somehow makes me feel like I failed. I tried moving forward. I tried loving another woman. But I’m not built to love anyone but Peyton. “Umm…she moved back to Durham. We didn’t work out.”

“You broke up?” The fact that she’s stunned makes me wonder if what Brooke and I had was real. I know it was real, but was it worth trying to salvage? Why would I let someone as amazing as Brooke go?

“Yeah.”

“Mutual?” she questions.

“You know…I think she broke up with me.”

“You
think
?”

“Well, she didn’t take it too well, either.”

“I’m sorry, Brodee,” Peyton sympathizes. “I know you really cared about her.”

“I did. I loved her. She was really hurt when she left. She didn’t even let me try to fix it. She moved back home the next day.” It’s horrible timing, but my eyes begin to water. I squeeze them shut to cut it off. I made the right choice by waving my white flag. Fighting for Brooke wouldn’t have made a difference. She’d never fill my whole heart. It would always be too crowded for her to fit.

“Do you remember when we were little,” Peyton begins tenderly, “and I fell off that tire swing you guys used to have in your backyard?”

It’s weird that Brooke and I were just looking at that photo. “I cried like a baby and couldn’t stop.”

“You cried
for me
,” she corrects. “
I’d
gotten all scraped up, but
you
were the one who cried because you knew I was in pain. I’ve never known a more empathetic person. You feel so deeply for others. It’s one reason why I’m so lucky to have you as a best friend. You never let me hurt alone.” She pauses. “Don’t beat yourself up over Brooke. It’s life. She’ll move on. You’ll move on. Life will work out the way it’s supposed to.”

I hate that phrase. Supposed to. So, my dad was
supposed
to cheat on my mom? I was
supposed
to lose Peyton? She was
supposed
to get engaged to Tyler? I was
supposed
to break Brooke’s heart? I don’t believe that for one second. Life is all about choices. Life will work out the way we choose. My dad
chose
to cheat on my mom. Peyton
chose
to get engaged to Tyler. I
chose
to lose Brooke. I could’ve tried harder.

Right now, I don’t like the choices that have been made.

“SHE’S GONE.”

“Well, that sounds rather cryptic,” I say to Harper.

“Peyton. She took off.”

I scoot onto the edge of my couch, and lower the volume on the TV. “Where? Took off where?”

“I don’t know. Olivia won’t tell me. Peyton turned off her phone, so I called Olivia to make sure everything was okay, and she said that Peyton just needed to get away before the wedding.”

“Isn’t she supposed to be recovering for two more weeks?”

“I guess she’s going to recover wherever she went to get away.”

“And Olivia didn’t tell you where she went?”

“Where would Peyton have gone to hide away for a couple weeks?”

There’s only one place, but no. She wouldn’t have. We haven’t been back since that summer. She vowed never to return. Though Peyton’s track record for keeping promises isn’t great.

“I’m guessing by your silence you know it’s Hatteras.”

“I can’t imagine why she would go there.” Peyton used to say Hatteras heals, but she stopped believing that a long time ago.

“It’s the whole baby thing. She’s having a really hard time coming to terms with it. I’ve tried talking to her, but I don’t know what she’s going through. Every time I try to say something to help her, she brushes me off. And clearly Tyler isn’t very helpful. He left just after you did, and he hasn’t been back since. Not to mention, you’ve clearly given up on her.”

I sigh heavily. “I didn’t give up on her. I’m giving her space. Maybe that’s what she needs. She knows where I stand.”

“No. What she needs is for you to go to Hatteras.”

I run my hand down my face. “I’ve already taken too much time off work. I can’t just up and leave again. I’m too new. They won’t take lightly to an employee who isn’t dedicated to building his career. They’ve been lenient enough, as it is.”

“What’s more important, Brodee? Peyton or your career?”

“That’s not fair, and you know the answer to that, Harper. But if Peyton shut off her phone, she obviously wants to be alone. And we don’t even know for sure that she’s in Hatteras.”

“Where else would she have gone to
heal
?” Harper says dryly.

She’s right. There’s nowhere else she would’ve gone. But if she wanted company, she wouldn’t have kept it a secret. But if she wanted to keep her healing a secret, she wouldn’t have gone to Hatteras.

“Go, Brodee. Go to her. If you don’t, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. It’s your last chance to win her over before she’s married to that dirtbag. And I’ll never forgive you.”

I DON’T THINK
twice like I probably should. I’m on the next available flight out of Boston the following day. I fly into Norfolk International at four o’clock and rent a car to drive three straight hours to the beach house.

This is crazy, I know, but I don’t talk myself out of it. The weather is horrible. It’s pouring rain. The road is nearly impossible to see. I drive cautiously, but I don’t want to take my time. It’s possible she’s not even there, and I wasted my time and probably lost my job.

My parents have always taught me to work hard for the things I want. If you put in the time and dedication, it will pay off and the rest will fall into place. If only love worked the same way. Loving Peyton—giving up everything for her—doesn’t mean that she’ll have to love me back. It’s all risk and no guarantees. But if it means she’ll be mine, no matter what I lose in the process, having her will be all the reward I need.

I breathe a sigh of relief when I pull into the circular driveway and Peyton’s white Civic Tyler bought for her is parked front and center. Grabbing my backpack from the front seat, I bolt through the rain and up the front steps. Running doesn’t help. I’m drenched. I attempt to wring out my clothes, but it’s useless. I don’t have a key, and I don’t want to freak her out by trying to open the door in case it’s locked, so I err on the side of caution and knock.

It takes a couple minutes, but she finally appears in the doorway. Her short hair is tucked behind her ears. She’s makeup free and in her pajamas—black yoga pants and one of her dad’s oversized T-shirts. I should say something, but I can’t. The sight of her makes me stop and stare.

“Brodee,” she gasps, “How did you…? What are you doing here?”

“I took a wild guess. And…” I’ve had seven hours to think about my answer and never once thought to. “I figured it was time to come back. Someone needs to keep you in line while you recover. I’m here to make sure you don’t try to surf.”

She snorts a laugh and opens the door wider. “Shut up. C’mon. Get out of the rain.”

I close the door behind me and set my backpack at the bottom of the stairs.

“You hungry for dinner? Or did you stop on the way?”

“I could eat.” I try to shake the water from my hair. There was no time to stop for food. It didn’t even cross my mind.

“There’s a pepperoni pizza in the oven. Should be done in like ten minutes, if you want to go and change out of your wet clothes. If you’re lucky, I’ll share.”

I come back downstairs in dry lounge pants and a hoodie, towel drying my hair. Peyton is taking the pizza out of the oven. I rush to her side to help.

“Is it such a good idea for you to be lifting stuff? Don’t you need to wait like six weeks or something?”

“First of all, it’s been four weeks already. And this weighs like five pounds. I think I’m okay.” She offers a little smirk.

“Just lookin’ out. Don’t need you tearing anything while we’re all the way out here. It would be such an inconvenience to have to take you all the way to the hospital. I just got here.”

“I should punch you for that comment.”

“But you might pop some stitches.” I dodge the punch and laugh.

After dinner we sit on the couch, leaning against the armrests, and face each other with our legs outstretched.

“So…it’s gone, right?”

“Cancer. You can say it, Brodee.”

She makes me feels so foolish for fearing a word. “Yes, the cancer. Your doctor got it all, right?”

She nods. “Dr. Levanstine said the surgery removed the cancer, but he advised me to go through one round of chemo to make sure it’s gone.”

“When do you do that?”

“After I’m recovered from this.” Peyton points to her stomach and sighs. “So, I guess sometime next month.”

She can’t catch a break. “Scared?”

“Wouldn’t you be?”

I nod. “Will you lose your hair?”

“It’s possible.” She shrugs.
Shrugs
. It’s the most forced nonchalance I’ve ever seen. “It’s just hair, right?”

Her hair doesn’t make her who she is, but it’s a part of her. If she loses it, it’s one more thing the cancer will have taken from her. I chew on my bottom lip. “Just hair, yeah.”

“Did my mom ask you to come?”

“Huh? No. Why? She wasn’t okay with you coming alone?”

“No.” Peyton shakes her head and takes a sip of her Dr. Pepper. “She wanted to come with me, but I told her there was no way that was happening.”

I laugh. “I’m surprised you came at all.”

There’s a far off look in her eyes. “It was the last place I felt close to him. Our home is full of Nick now. This is the only place I can still feel my dad.”

I hate that for her. One more thing my dad ruined. “Was it as hard as you imagined it would be to come back?”

She straightens her back. “Actually, no. I was scared at first. But it was surprisingly easy because I knew, or thought, I’d be alone. That I could make this house what I want it to be without them spoiling it. When I opened the door I wasn’t assaulted by memories of our last couple of days here. I was filled with all the memories of my dad. Him coming in soaking wet after surfing. Him writing on his laptop in the corner chair.” She points to the recliner by the window that covers nearly the entire wall behind me. “Or playing Rook with him at the kitchen table. There was a burst of warmth that I haven’t felt in so long. I’m grateful that they couldn’t take this away, too.” Her eyes meet mine briefly before they look back to the large window.

“Was it as hard as you imagined?” she asks me.

I honestly didn’t even think about it. I knew she would be here, and that’s all that mattered. And seeing her silhouette standing in the doorway when I first got here erased the possibility of any reservation that might have surfaced.

“I didn’t even think twice when I heard you were here.”

Her head snaps in my direction.
Did she really expect anything less?

I can tell she doesn’t know what to say so she diverts her eyes back to the window. I hear the rain and wind beating the glass. “It’s a good thing you got here when you did. It’s getting really nasty out there. The waves are out of control.”

It’s the ocean, grieving for us, and what we may never be.

“You can’t marry him, Peyton.”

It’s like she knew this was coming. Her gaze calmly turns back to me before she asks, “And why not?”

“Because he doesn’t deserve you. Where has he been when you’ve needed him? Shouldn’t he be here with you now?” I look around the house. She starts to answer me, but I stop her. “I don’t want his stupid excuses. They mean nothing to me. And I can’t believe you think any of those excuses are valid. The Peyton I used to know knew what she wanted. She didn’t let people walk all over her. She might have put others first, but she did it out of love, and she didn’t let it compromise who she was.”

“Change is a good thing, Brodee,” she counters. “Compromise is what makes relationships work.”

I lean forward and bend my knees. “Not when it means losing the best parts of you. He should love you for your imperfections—not try to change them. You’re perfect as you are, but all I’ve seen Tyler try to do is form you into what he wants you to be. I can’t stand by and let him distort all my favorite parts.” I reach across the space between us and brush back the white, short hair hanging across her forehead. “How your sun-kissed, long hair used to tie up on top of your head when you surfed. Or how you could beat me in any pizza-eating contest. Or when I’d try to cheat in Hand and Foot, but you’d never let me get away with it, always trying to keep my honest. Or how you’d always speak your mind, even when you knew I didn’t want to hear it. Your voice mattered, and you knew it, so you expressed it on more occasions than I appreciated.”

Her eyes gloss over with unshed tears. I rein in the urge to take her in my arms. I need to say this. She needs to hear it.

“There are so many things Tyler loses by trying to change you. The worst one being your spirit. I don’t even think he sees what the cancer has done to you. It’s as though he thinks just because it didn’t kill you, that everything is okay. He ignores the loss of light in your eyes because he doesn’t know how to handle it. Rather than letting you talk through it and listening to your sorrows, he buries them so they can’t tarnish the perfect life he wants to create. Newsflash: Life isn’t perfect. If it were, it wouldn’t be worth living. There would be nothing to fight for. And I will fight for you until you say ‘I do.’”

Peyton reaches her hand up and presses it against my cheek. She shakes her head and looks into her lap. “And here it is. History repeating itself, except this time you’re my mom, and I’m Nick.”

“We are
nothing
like them,” I argue, wrenching my face away. “You’re not married with twenty years under your belt. I don’t have a wife who recently passed away. We don’t have two families who will be torn apart if we end up together. Us being together affects no one.”

“But I’m with Tyler, and you’ve been weaseling your way into my life again, and I’ve been letting you. It was so minimal as first I didn’t even notice it, but once you became a giant portion, I didn’t know how to keep you out. I wanted you to stay. So, maybe that makes me my mom,” she mumbles. “Because I let you in even though I shouldn’t have.”

I take her shoulders in my hands and shake her. “Never say that again. Didn’t you hear anything I just said? We aren’t our parents. We haven’t done anything wrong.
You
haven’t done anything wrong. You’re not married; there’s still time to call off the engagement.”

She rips her shoulders from my grasp. “I won’t do that.”

I groan in frustration. “I’m only going to say this once because after tonight this ends one way or another. I’m not my dad. After you’re married, I’ll be done with us. I won’t torment you or myself. I won’t fight for you anymore. I’m praying you make the right choice before that, even if it’s not me. Don’t let it be him. Don’t choose him.”

She softly says, “I already have chosen him.”

“But you love me, too. I know you do. We’ve had moments. I know you’ve felt them. You put up a pretty solid shield, but when it’s down, I see our future in your eyes. Why can’t you allow yourself to be happy with me?”

“Because I’m happy with Tyler, okay? We love each other, and it’s uncomplicated and secure, and there aren’t all these entanglements with the power to mess everything up.”

“Are you really? Happy? Or are you just content? Does he make you feel the way that I do? When he kisses you, do you feel like the world would fall out of orbit if he ever stopped?” I pause. “Sometimes I think about never getting to kiss you again, and it feels as though I’ll never breathe again, like the oxygen in my lungs is all I have left. The possibility of us is the only thing that keeps me going.”

“Sometimes safe is a good thing, Brodee. Sometimes it’s enough. It means stability and security.”

“He’s the opposite of stability! Who was with you for your oncologist appointment? Who was with you when you woke up after surgery and found out that you couldn’t have children? He should have been there, Peyton!” I lower my voice. “He won’t love you the way I do. I could give you those things. When have I ever not been your constant? I’ve always been there for you. Not out of obligation, but because I want to. I want to take care of you. I want to experience life with you.”

She snaps. “It’s not you I’m worried about. Don’t you get it? It’s this cancer. My useless body! It’s our screwed up family!”

“This cancer
will not
kill you,” I say firmly, so resolutely it has to be true. “You are going to be
fine
.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do because you’ll fight it. We’ll do everything in our power to make sure you beat this thing. And what more damage could our family possibly cause that they haven’t already? We’re already screwed up!”

“Exactly! You’re my family, Brodee. If we want to get technical here—”

I shake my head. “Okay. Let’s get technical. We are not actual siblings, Peyton. So what if a paper says we’re related by law. It’s nothing but a label. That paper means nothing. The only paper that will mean something to me is the one that makes you my wife.”