The Days of Redemption (58 page)

I stopped by because I was hoping to see you again.

Elsie gulped as Landon's words sank in. And as they did, she came to a startling conclusion: Though she'd always wanted a man to pay attention to her, had always hoped a man would one day look at her like she was special . . . she was utterly unprepared to deal with it.

As Landon continued to gaze at her, a bit of humor tingeing the interest that she'd spied in his eyes, she awkwardly sputtered. “Is that right?” she asked.

Completely unnecessarily.

Of course, she was already wishing it was possible to take those words right back and exchange them with something far more charming. And if she couldn't manage charming? Well, coherent would be good!

His lips curved. Looking almost sheepish, he added, “Oh, I wanted to help Roman out with the farm however I could. But ever since we first said hello, I knew I wanted to get to know you.”

“I'm not quite sure how to respond to that.”

His brows rose. “Uh-oh. Did I say too much?”

“
Nee
,” she blurted. No, the problem wasn't his saying too much. It was her saying too little!

Come on, Elsie
, that little voice of reason coaxed in her head.
Make sense. Quick-like
. “Um, what I meant to say was that I had no idea you felt that way about me.”

Suddenly, simply sitting across from him felt impossible. “I need to take some towels and sheets off the line. Do you mind if we talk while I do that?”

“Not at all. I can even help you, if you'd like,” he said as they walked toward the back door.

After she slipped on a thick black cardigan over her dress, she pointed to a basket. “Would you like to carry the laundry basket?”

“I'd love to carry it.” He picked it up with one hand and a grin.

As they walked outside, she raised her face to the sun. The temperature wasn't especially warm, only in the high sixties. But there was a warm breeze threading through the air, and it made her more aware than ever that spring had definitely arrived. “I'm so glad it didn't rain today. I had to get some of the wash done.”

“Do you do all the laundry?”

She nodded. “Most of it.”

“That seems kind of a lot for one person.”

“I don't mind the chore, especially since my mother is in the hospital.” She'd also taken over the chore because it was one of the few things she didn't need perfect vision to do.

“I hope she gets better soon.”

“Me, too.” Reaching up, she unfastened a couple of pins and tossed them in the basket. Then she carefully folded a towel and handed it to Landon. He took the towel and set in the basket.

She wasn't sure what else to say, so she repeated the process several more times, tossing clothespins, folding towels, and handing them to Landon.

He didn't seem to need to converse much, either. In fact, he seemed to be fairly content just to be outside with her.

After four towels were neatly set in the basket, he spoke. “Elsie, you remind me a lot of my sister Mary.”

She hoped that was a good thing. “How so?”

“Mary is kind of a surprising person. She's a tiny thing, doesn't look like she'd amount to much . . . but she's pretty tough. Even though I don't know you all that well yet, I'm starting to get the feeling that you're the same way.”

She was glad she was busy folding a sheet because otherwise she'd be forced to look at him, and that would be a disaster. “I'll take that as a compliment.”

“I hope you will. I meant for it to be. Elsie, you aren't seeing anyone are you?”

Holding the now neatly folded sheet, she turned to him. “No, I'm not. Are you?”

“
Nee.
” He looked like he wanted to add more, but then his gaze drifted behind her. “If I come back tomorrow, on Saturday, will you be home?”

“I'll be here in the afternoon. I'm going to visit my mother in the morning.”

“If I did come by, and you were home . . . would you talk with me some more?”

His asking was clumsy. Stilted. Almost like an insecure teenager.

But maybe because of that, she found it endearing. It certainly made her want to see him again. “If I'm home when you come over, I'll look forward to talking with you.”

He smiled as he picked up her basket of laundry, then handed it over to Roman who'd just joined them.

“What's this?” Roman asked.

“Your laundry. Carry it in for your sister,” Landon said. Then, with a slight tip of his hat in Elsie's direction, he walked off.

A line formed between Roman's brows as he watched Landon walk away. “What was that about?”

“Nothing at all.” She shrugged. “I guess he had to leave suddenly.”

“I guess so.” Looking at the basket in his hands, he said, “I suppose you want me to carry it inside for you?”

She hid a grin. “Well, since you're holding it and all? I do.”

O
n Saturday afternoon, after a short visit to the hospital followed by a quick lunch at a fast food restaurant, Elsie set about putting the house to rights. With the extra company in the house, along with everyone's crazy schedules, the whole house was in constant disarray.

She'd taken over the majority of the day-to-day upkeep. Since she couldn't do much cooking or sewing, she was glad of the chores and to be of use.

She just wished they wouldn't be so constant.

She'd just finished dusting and sweeping the front room when Landon arrived.

Unlike the other times, today he'd come to the front door.

He was also looking remarkably clean, which made her smile.

“What's so funny?” he asked after she led him inside.

“Oh, nothing. It's just that I was beginning to wonder if I was ever going to see you in clean clothes.” When he looked embarrassed, she held up a hand. “I meant that in the best of ways, Landon. I can't help but admire a hard worker.”

His expression warmed. “I'm thankful to find you home . . . and alone. I'm starting to get the feeling that your family enjoys looking out for you. . . . Your brother especially.”

“That is true. Roman and I are pretty close. Actually, I'm close to all of my family. . . .” She fumbled, trying to figure out how to explain enough without having to explain her disability and how her family always babied her because of it.

“I mean that in the best way, Elsie,” he said, echoing her words. “Anyway, I'm mighty glad you were home today. I didn't know how much longer I could just happen to stop by without a good reason. Roman's already told me he's run out of chores for me to do.” He grinned at his joke.

She tried to smile right back, but failed. It was becoming more and more obvious that she had few skills when it came to speaking with the opposite sex.

As he waited for her to reply, she felt his gaze settle on her face. Wishing she could see his expression a little bit better, Elsie began to really wish she and Viola were a whole lot more alike.

Funny, she'd never envied Viola's good vision. But now she did envy her ability to chat with men. Over the years, Viola had had her share of beaus. Nothing too serious, but she'd been friends with enough boys in their church district to know how to respond to something like this.

As for herself? Well, she was feeling hopelessly out of her element.

Landon Troyer appeared to have no trouble. He seemed to be without the slightest trace of nervousness. Instead, it was as if he told girls he liked them all the time.

But now, she'd forgotten what he'd said. Perhaps it was best to move things along? Before they knew it, her family would be bustling in to get supper on the table. She got to her feet. “So, um, was there something special that you wanted to talk about today?”

“Jah
.
”
He stood up. too. Then smiled again, obviously enjoying her nervousness.

“What was it?”

“Well, I came over to see if I could persuade you to go on a buggy ride with me.”

“You did?”

“Uh-huh.” He rocked back on his heels. He looked at her directly. “What do you think about that?”

What did she think? She'd never been asked on a buggy ride before. She had no idea how to respond. Was she supposed to act excited, or aloof, like she got requests like this all the time?

“Well . . . ” she said, hoping to find a way to put into words everything she was feeling.

Landon Troyer had come over to ask her out.
On a date
. Elsie was so stunned, she was surprised her mouth wasn't hanging open. He was interested in her, thick glasses and all.

She didn't know what her brother would say about this. Sometimes he became too protective. So did Viola. And her parents. And her uncles and aunts and grandparents. Everyone around her seemed determined to focus on her dark future instead of her present.

And, she realized with a twinge of dismay, she'd even fallen into that trap a time or two.

For the first time since he'd entered the house, Landon seemed hesitant. “Elsie, does that appeal to you? If not, we can certainly do something else. It's warm enough to go for a walk.” He paused. “Or we could go out for
kaffi
or something. I mean, it was just an idea.”

“I'd like that, Landon,” she blurted. “I mean,
jah,
I would like to go on a buggy ride with you.
Verra
much.”

His ghost of a smile turned into a full-fledged grin. “When?”

There were many reasons to put this off. They had a household of family visiting. Her mother was in the hospital. It would be best to wait. But she was tired of waiting. Waiting for her time, waiting for the right time. “Whenever you want.”

“How about later tonight?”

“Truly? Tonight?” That sounded very soon. She had no idea what to wear. Or what she was going to say. Plus, it was already almost time for supper.

“I'm afraid if we push it into the future, I'm going to have to track you down again, which is no easy task.”

She couldn't help it; she laughed. “You wouldn't have to do that.”

“Hope not,” he murmured. A little more loudly, he added, “So, may I pick you up tonight for that buggy ride?”

That sounded almost like a challenge, and it was exactly what she needed to remind herself that it was past time to take some chances. If she wanted to live her own life, she had to start somewhere. “
Jah.”

He stepped toward the door. “I'll be here at eight o'clock, if that's all right?”

“Eight o'clock is perfect.
Danke,
” she said politely, and with far more finesse than she'd imagined just as Roman came out of the kitchen, Regina, Amanda, and their dog, Goldie, on his heels.

As her brother glanced from her to Landon and back again, his steps faltered. “Landon, I thought I heard your voice. When did you get here?”

“Only a few minutes ago. I merely stopped by to talk to Elsie.”

Roman's eyes narrowed. “Elsie?”

“Yes, me,
bruder
,” she said dryly.

“What's happening at eight?”

“Landon is going to take me on a buggy ride,” Elsie answered before Landon was forced to explain himself.

Roman's expression was almost comical. “Landon, you're wantin' to take Elsie out?”

Landon looked at Roman strangely. “That's what she just said.”

Roman looked even more perturbed, almost as if he had the right to have some say in whether Landon should be asking . . . or if Elsie should be going.

That was all the impetus she needed to get rid of the silly giddiness that had been plaguing her. “Landon, I'll see you later,” she said firmly. Then she turned to her brother and gave him a look that said he better not say a word.

“I'll be here.” Just as he turned the handle, he looked her way again. “I'm glad you said yes, Elsie.”

After they heard the back door open and close, Elsie sighed. For some reason, handsome, attractive Landon Troyer really wanted to get to know her. He'd gone to a lot of trouble to ask her out, too.

Her, when it was obvious that he could probably have his choice of many women in the area.

At last, she didn't feel so different, so awkward, so ugly with her thick glasses and scary future.

Maybe now really was her time.

Then she realized that the other occupants in the room didn't seem to share her excitement.

“What is wrong?” Elsie asked nervously. Though Regina was playing with Goldie, rolling a tennis ball across the newly swept floor while the dog chased it, Roman and Amanda were staring at her in various stages of disbelief and concern. Almost as if she were a strange
Englischer
who had wandered uninvited onto their property.

After a moment's pause, Roman started toward the door. “I think I'd better go talk to Landon.”

Stepping to her left, she grabbed his arm. “Don't you dare.”

He stopped, but jerked his arm out of her grip. “Elsie, what is wrong with you? What could you possibly be thinking?”

“That I am going on a date.” At long last.

“Don't be cute. Did you tell Landon about your failing eyesight?”

“I wear glasses, Roman,” she said sarcastically. “It's pretty obvious that I can't see too well.”

He grunted. “You know what I mean. Did you tell him that you're going blind, Elsie? Did you tell him that?”

Though her eventual blindness was no secret in this family, hearing him discuss her disease like she was contagious was mortifying.

She didn't want to have this conversation, and especially not in front of Amanda and Regina.
“Nee.”
She kept her chin up, but inside, she felt her earlier excitement quickly deflating.

“You should have. He needs to know before anything can happen between the two of you.”

“Landon asked me on a buggy ride, Roman, not to spend the rest of my life with him.”

“But your eyes—”

“He didn't ask me to sew his clothes, either,” she countered sharply. “You might think differently, but I don't happen to think that I need perfect vision to spend time with him. It's just a buggy ride. That's all.”

“But I saw the way he was looking at you.”

“And what did you see?” she countered. But despite her sharp retort, her stomach clenched. Had Landon looked at her in a special way, like he was truly interested in her? Or merely as a friend?

But instead of giving her some insight, Roman continued to be critical. “See, this is exactly what I'm talking about. If you could see his expression clearly, you would know how he looked. Which is exactly the problem!”

What had gotten into her brother? Normally the one member of the family who liked to avoid drama, here he was, instigating it. She turned her back on him, walking into the kitchen. Someone needed to get started on dinner. And as usual, it was up to her. Despite the fact they all seemed to think she was incompetent, she was the one running this house right now. “Roman, I'm not going to talk about this with you.” She sighed as she headed toward the sink to wash her hands. “Even if Landon does need to know about my poor vision, it's not your place to tell him.”

“I agree.” Amanda finally spoke up. “Roman, you need to step back and stay out of your sister's business.”

He shook his head. “Amanda, you don't understand.”

“Oh, I believe I understand enough, Roman.”

As the tension rose, Viola joined the fray as she bustled into the kitchen, followed by their grandparents along with Beth and her children, Cale and Lindy. “What's going on? What business is Roman poking into now?” she asked. “We were just outside. First we saw Landon Troyer leave, and then we heard your voices all the way from the back stoop.”

Elsie was so used to being on the fringes of family dramas that she had a whole new appreciation of just how awful it felt to be the center of so much unwanted attention. As the family filtered in, all eyes on her, looking anxious to get involved in the discussion, she knew she would have given just about anything to disappear. Immediately.

Luckily, Regina scampered over to Lindy's side, then the three youngsters darted off to the living room, Goldie at their heels. Beth followed, probably recognizing that the kids needed to be out of the kitchen for a while.

But everyone else stood quietly, looking from Elsie to Amanda to Roman.

But Amanda merely folded her arms across her chest. “This is Elsie's business, not mine.”

“It was nothing,” Elsie said quickly. “I mean, it was nothing important.” She turned to her grandmother. “Mommi, we should probably get supper ready, don't you think? It's past time to get started.”

Her grandmother nodded, but her steady gaze remained on Elsie. “We'll get to it, dear. In a minute.”

As the seconds passed like hours, Elsie made a shooing motion with her hands. “Um, Dawdi, maybe you could take everyone else out of here. I think this room is getting awfully crowded.”

“I will. Soon.”

“Come now,” Viola prodded. “Roman looks like he's about to burst at the seams, and I don't remember the last time I saw you look so worried. Did you call the eye doctor? Did he give you any idea about why your vision has suddenly gotten worse?”

Roman folded his arms over his chest. “Viola, what are you talking about?”

“She fell asleep yesterday afternoon,” Viola explained. “She said her eyes were tired.”

“They were?” he asked, as if she'd just announced that she'd started bleeding uncontrollably. “You didn't mention that, Elsie.”

“Oh, for heaven's sake, Roman. Stop. I am not a child and you are certainly not my father.”

“Maybe we should get Daed involved.”

“We do not need Daed.”

As if on cue, their father peeked in. “You do not need me for what?”

“Nothing,” Elsie said.

Ignoring her, their father looked at Roman. “Is everything all right?”

“Everything is fine,” Elsie said through clenched teeth. If one didn't mind living in the midst of far too many nosy people.

“Elsie is going out with Landon tonight,” Roman announced, frustration staining every word.

Cupping a hand around his ear, her father said, “Say again?”

“Landon is taking Elsie out,” Roman repeated.

“Landon is the new neighbor,” Mommi supplied.

“He's taking her for a buggy ride,” Roman added with a scowl. “Just the two of them.”

The tension in the room increased. Elsie felt a headache coming on. Here she was, imagining that her dreams were really coming true, and now her family was going to throw water over everything.

“Are you sure you should do that, Elsie?” her father asked. “Perhaps you should give him a call and say you changed you mind.”

“Or maybe I should go talk to him, like I was about to before you grabbed my arm,” Roman said.

“I don't want to change my mind.” Looking around at her assembled family, each vying for the chance to offer an opinion, Elsie backed toward the door. “I am not doing anything wrong.”

Viola blurted, “But you've never been out courting—”

“I know,” she said bitterly. “Believe me, I know. You all treat me as if I'm sixteen years old. Or maybe even younger!”

“You're acting like a foolish teen,” Roman said.

“If I am, so are you. But I am a grown woman with a good brain. I'm not doing anything untoward.”

“Daed, Landon doesn't know about her blindness,” Roman pointed out, speaking over her, as if she weren't even there.

“He doesn't need to know.”

“Of course he needs to know,” Mommi murmured.

“Yes. I mean, what are you going to do when Landon finds out that you won't be able to see one day?” Viola asked, tapping her foot. “Don't you think he'll be upset that you kept that from him?”

She hated this. She hated how everyone thought that she didn't deserve to think about love and relationships. “Who is going to tell him?” she asked. “Mommi? Amanda? Dawdi?”

When the three looked down at their feet, she angrily turned to the other three surrounding her. “What about you, Roman? Is that what you were so anxious to do? To rush out and tell him that he shouldn't be interested in me, ever? That I'm not worth it?”

“I didn't say that.”

“What about you, Viola? Or you, Daed? Do you two feel like you need to be the ones to make sure I always stay home and never venture out because I'm not perfect?”

As she'd expected, this time both Viola and her father turned away, obviously embarrassed.

Feeling vindicated, her voice became heated. “Listen, I know none of us is perfect. But at least all of you have had chances to do things without everyone getting involved. I think I deserve that right, too. You must stop treating me as if my future has already been decided.”

“We're merely trying to protect you, daughter,” her father said. “At the very least, wait until your mother is out of the hospital before you go out with this Landon. Then she could advise you.”

“There's nothing to advise. I'm going on a buggy ride. That's it.”

“But there's—”

She was going to have to make them see her point of view if it was the last thing she ever did! “You're not trying to protect me,” she countered. “I think you are trying to protect yourselves. As long as I stay at home, surrounded by all of you, I'll never change.”

“But Elsie, you might get hurt,” Daad whispered.

“But don't you see? I want to live my life. And if I get hurt, it will be my business.” She was so frustrated, tears welled in her eyes. What she didn't feel brave enough to share was that she'd already been hurt. For years, she'd felt as if she wasn't quite a part of the family. They'd overlooked her attempts to help, fearing that she might mess things up or get hurt.

They'd overlooked her need to do “regular” things, not remembering that even blind—or almost blind—girls sometimes just wanted to be girls. She ached to make mistakes and appear foolish. She wanted to have things to laugh at or be embarrassed about.

She wanted to be normal.

While she'd come to terms with the knowledge that she wasn't going to be able to see one day, for now, she could experience life like everyone else, except with glasses. “I need some fresh air. I'm going to go outside for a moment. And then I'm going to come in and help with supper.”

“Elsie . . . ” Viola's voice was plaintive. But Elsie didn't let her finish.

“Viola, I thought you, at the very least, would have understood. I couldn't be more disappointed.” And with that, she grabbed her bonnet and cloak, then walked outside and finally let free the emotions that had been brimming to the surface.

A
s they watched Elsie storm across the field, Lovina shook her head. She should have said something more. She knew better.

As the silence continued and the tension rose, her other granddaughter, in her typical impatient fashion, turned and stared at the rest of them.

Well, at least she could speak up now.

“Viola, how many times has Elsie stood up for you, even when she didn't agree with you?”

Viola shifted uncomfortably. “Always.”

“And when was the last time she ever sided against you in front of the rest of us?”

“I never remember her doing that,” Viola admitted after a moment. Looking miserable, she said, “She didn't even try to talk me out of going to Belize.”

“Well, I hate to admit it, but I'm afraid Elsie might have a point about our hovering.” Lovina looked at each of them in turn.

Making her tone a little harder, she continued. “Elsie is a capable woman and it's time we recognized that, even if it makes us uncomfortable.”

With a small smile, Amanda curved a hand around Roman's arm. “I couldn't agree more.”

“
Jah
. And it is only a buggy ride,” Peter said with a wry shake of his head. “We're making mountains out of molehills.”

“But I think Elsie's vision loss is much worse than she lets on,” Viola blurted.

“What makes you say that?” Lovina asked.

“Just little things. She needs more help pinning her dress. Sometimes I don't think she sees everyone in the room. Her steps seem to be more tentative.”

“Has anyone else noticed these things, too?” Peter asked.

Roman shrugged. “Maybe.”

“We need your mother here. She would know what to do.” Peter walked over to the window and gazed out.

Not having his wife here, especially on the heels of his alcohol treatment, was weighing on her son. Lovina could see that.

Looking resolved, Viola started toward the door. “I'm going to go find Elsie and talk to her. Try to explain what I was thinking.”

When Roman and his father nodded, Amanda spoke up. “I think you should leave her alone, Viola.”

“I second that,” Lovina said quickly.

Viola turned to her in surprise. “Why?”

“You will soon be in Belize,” Lovina chided softly. “If you truly want to help Elsie, you should be her sister, not her caretaker.”

Roman frowned. “Mommi, Viola's only trying to help.”

With a glance at her husband, Lovina let a smile play on her lips. “Viola is only trying to help her own peace of mind. As you are. It's time we let Elsie make some of her own decisions.”

“But she could get hurt.”

“Then she's in good company, yes?” Lovina said, looking around the room. “We've all had our share of triumphs and disappointments. But we've lived them. No one has stopped us. And yet . . . we survived,
jah?
Roman, we all could have stepped in and said you didn't know Amanda long enough to marry her, right? But we trusted you. We allowed you to move forward in your life, knowing that you could make your own decisions. Doesn't Elsie deserve that as well?”

Viola stared at her grandmother with something close to wonder in her eyes. “When did you get so smart, Mommi?”

“It's only happened lately, and here I am in my sixties,” she teased.

But as they each slowly got back to their chores, Lovina thought that they should all be as smart as Elsie. Lovina realized that getting hurt was sometimes inevitable. But she knew for sure that doing nothing was a far worse choice.