The Dead Speak Ill Of The Living (The Dead Speak Paranormal Mysteries Book 1) (26 page)

  
“Have we met before?” Dee asked, smiling politely.

  
If Murphy was rankled he didn’t show it. “Shall we have a coffee, I will be
paying.”

  
Nazir now raised an eyebrow. “Once is an accident, twice is something else.”

  
“Exactly, so a chat?”

  
“The chocolate horn is calling.”

  
“What did he say?”

  
Dee turned towards the nearest café, “toot fucking toot.”

  
They were soon sat around a range of hot drinks, which Murphy had paid for. He
decided to begin. “As you know, I am a private investigator. I deal in the
unusual and the strange, and am something of a legend in my circles.”

  
“A legend without a website,” Joe noted.

  
“Technology is sometimes a mystery to me. When you spend your whole time
dealing with the esoteric…”

  
“We’re not a middle class household afraid of creaking floorboards, we don’t
need the flannel.”

  
“Quite Miss…”

  
“Nettleship.”

  
“But will you tell me what you are?”

  
They all looked around, and nods were exchanged. So Dee said “we are also
private investigators specialising in the strange.”

  
“I knew it!” and then he looked a little embarrassed as the shop turned to look
at him, scowling all the more.

  
“Will you piss off now?” Dee finished.

  
“I have a question,” Pohl dived in.

  
“Go on.”

  
“Why are you here? What’s paranormal about the hammer murder?”

  
“Err, business has been a little slow. Just a dog which has the memories of its
owner’s dead child. So I thought I might try and crack a major case.”

  
“And do you have any clues?”

  
“Do you have any clues Miss Nettleship?”

  
“Let’s be honest,” and Pohl had divined, “if he knew who did it he wouldn’t be
asking us.”

  
“There might be some truth in that.”

  
“So do you want to do a superhero team up?” Joe asked.

  
“Yes!” Murphy exclaimed.

  
“No,” said Dee.

  
“I sense you have secrets you don’t wish to share yet.”

  
“Ever,” Joe added quietly.

  
“Well let me give you my card, and you can contact me if you need to.” One was
handed over and Joe looked at it.

  
“You’re called Murphy Murphy?”

  
“My parents were, how would you put it?”

  
“Cunts?” Dee tried.

  
“Yes, let’s go with that. Ring me if you need me.”

  
“Trap One, Trap One, this is Trap Two calling.”

  
“Joe, if this is some X-Files shit you’ll be walking home.”

  
Joe smiled, she loves me really, hence all the negative comments. She just had
to see it. But back to the mission. “The target has just left the building, I
repeat the target…”

  
“The target is the building, he’s the suspect.”

  
Fuck. “Look, we can go in all right.”

  
Steven had a far smaller house than his brother, and one that was no less easy
to get into. The group now split up with Dee and Pohl searching upstairs, and
Joe and Nazir down.

  
The plan was simple: don gloves and conduct a fingertip search of the house in
search of anything that could be used as evidence. Obviously a bloody hammer
and a handwritten murder plan would be ideal, and stranger things had been
found in the world before, but today they were open to anything useful. Which
was how Joe found himself looking through at the cutlery in the kitchen.

  
“Joe,” Nazir called out, “the guy didn’t get mashed to death.”

  
“He did in a way.”

  
“You know what I… good lord, all the ABBA albums on vinyl.”

  
“We’re not allowed to steal anything. Dee’s rules.”

  
“Who are you?”

  
Well that voice didn’t sound like Nazir, and it came from be…oh.

  
Joe turned, and found a man stood there. Over six foot, sandy hair, beard which
looked like a paedo.

  
“Hi.” Joe said quietly.

  
“Oh my god, you’ve come to kill me. After my brother…”

  
“I assure you sir, we are here to have you arrested, nothing more.”

  
“Arrested? You’re Police?”

  
“Private Detectives, and we know you killed your brother.” Joe didn’t need
hindsight to realise he shouldn’t have said that.

  
“Kill my bro… you think I killed him? You think I went over to his house and
beat him to death?”

  
“We know you have.”

  
“And how do you know that?”

  
“Your brother told us.”

  
“He’d dead.”

  
“Not a barrier these days. I can chat to a camgirl in Indonesia as if she was
in the next room, and I can chat to your brother as clearly.” Okay, really
shouldn’t have said any of that either. He could see why the others did the
talking normally.

  
Steven tilted his head. “You spoke to my brother, and he told you I did it? And
you’re going to prove it?”

  
“Yes?”

  
Joe had been expecting many reactions from the murderer, but not him sinking to
his knees exclaiming “oh God he still blames me.”

  
“Well you did kill him.”

  
“He blames me, he blames me for it, and he’s reaching out to get revenge.”

  
Joe felt Nazir appear behind him. “Why is he crying?” the newcomer asked.

  
“I don’t know,” but now Steven stood, reached out and drew a carving knife from
the stand.

  
“No need for that,” Nazir said, moving in front of Joe.

  
But rather than attack them, Steven slashed his own throat and slumped to the
floor as his artery fountained blood.

  
“We can’t leave you two alone for a fucking second can we?” Dee said from the
door behind them.

  
“We can stop the evidence search,” Nazir noted.

  
“Right, what did you say to him, and can you say it to my accountant?”

  
“This would be a perfect moment to practice the art of fucking off quickly.”

  
Everyone agreed with Nazir, and soon they’d sneaked out leaving nary a trace.
They hoped.

     
The restaurant had a television on the wall farthest from the door, and beneath
it four newcomers were sat polishing off most of a cow. As they chewed, they
paused to watch the news, which was showing a family tragedy. Not only had
Herbert Hughes been savagely slain in his own house, but now his brother had
died, and there were rumours of suicide. Police were having to caution viewers
that there wasn’t a serial killer about to hit them. The coppers were confidant
this was family business.

  
“We’ll get more bloody journos around,” another diner noted, as his table
turned and looked over at the foursome. Nazir smiled back and put an arm around
Dee.

  
“What are you doing,” she asked, “has the sight of death turned you?”

  
“I’m thinking if we pretend to be a couple people won’t think we’re journalists
and we might get out of this place alive.”

  
“Well seeing as we just got the killer to kill himself, I’m feeling very safe.”

  
“I’m not sure this counts as a victory.”

  
“Bad guy caput, victory. Now we just need to go and collect our reward.”

  
“I wonder what it’ll be,” Joe wondered aloud.

  
“Cash would be nice. Gold would be interesting. Bank transfer unlikely.”

  
“I can see a theme.”

  
“How are you this evening?”

  
They looked up to find Murphy stood there. “Ah, shit it’s you again.”

  
“Lovely to see you Miss Nettleship. And boyfriend?”

  
“No, a marriage of convenience.”

  
“May I take a seat?”

  
“Well we can’t really throw you out bodily, so you might as well.”

  
“Can I squeeze in next to you?” he asked Joe, and was soon seated.

  
“I’m surprised you’re here,” Pohl asked, “given the murder’s been solved.”

  
“Solved? What happened?”

  
“The brother killed himself. Case closed.”

  
Murphy leant forward and whispered, “oh, no, it’s not closed, it’s opened.
Steven Hughes had an alibi for the evening of the first murder, it wasn’t him
at all, and now he’s been killed.”

  
Mouth going dry, Dee asked “what sort of alibi?”

  
“Karaoke. Whole pub saw him.” There was a long pause, and then “are you okay
Miss Nettleship, it looks like you’ve gone green.”

  
“Nothing, just could do with some air. That’s all air.”

  
“So what do you make of the place?” Murphy asked.

  
“Have some pie,” Joe said, sliding his plate over, “I suddenly don’t feel that
hungry.”

  
“Ooh, lovely, if you don’t mind.” A spare fork was acquired and Murphy tucked
in. “I have to admit, when I’ve seen you before you’ve been chattier. I do have
a quietening effect on people.”

  
“Do you have any leads?” Nazir asked.

  
“I do, as I’m sure you do. Feel like sharing?”

  
“Still not yet.”

  
“Well when you’re ready.”

  
“Actually,” Dee said standing, “I think we have somewhere we need to be. So it
was nice meeting you again, good luck with the search.” She forced a smile that
looked like a concentration camp guard, and the group processed out.

  
They reached the Hughes residence with long striding steps, entered, went to
the swimming pool and put the machine on the ground. This had happened with
silence, but as Joe fumbled pressing one switch Dee spoke. “I’m trying to
imagine the next conversation, but I’m just running into horror.”

  
“Hello, how are you all?” came a cheerful voice.

  
“Mr Hughes… Mr Hughes we have some news.” Dee forced it out.

  
“How poetic. Are you Celtic?”

  
“Flirting is verboten this evening.”

  
“Then you have news. Have you got my brother arrested?”

  
“We have to report your brother killed himself as a result of us confronting
him with the evidence.”

  
“Oh that’s excellent. No, I mean tragic, of course, no, I mean excellent,
justice is served.”

  
“We do have one further question Mr Hughes.”

 
“About your reward?”

  
“About how the cunting fuck your brother killed you when he was in a karaoke
bar at the same time.”

  
There came a laughter which they only hoped was distorted by the machine. “Oh,
dear me, how could that have happened? Ha ha, I must have made a mistake.”

  
“A mistake? Didn’t you see who did it?”

  
“Well, not a mistake, maybe a white lie. No, my brother didn’t kill me, I just
wanted him hurt.”

  
Dee put a hand to her head. “Jesus wept piss.”

  
“But dead will suit me fine. Oh sweet is the da…”

  
Joe took over. “So who did kill you?”

  
“Oh, that was my wife.”

  
“Your w…aren’t you mad at your wife? Don’t you want her in prison?”

  
“Good lord no, I love that woman, love her with all my heart until I die. And
now I’m dead I still love her. Not her fault she was seduced and ran off with
my brother.”

  
“You led us into killing your brother because you were cuckolded?”

  
“I know you’re old lady,” he said to Pohl, “but that’s no excuse for using
ancient words.”

  
“I’ll have you know I’m a professor of…”

  
“Right,” Dee snapped back to the world. “how are we going to fix this?”

  
“Fix it?”

  
“Your wife is free, your brother is dead. This is wrong.”

  
“No, it’s perfect. And you all deserve your reward.”

  
“We don’t want your fucking money,” Dee snarled.

  
“I think the brown chap does.”

  
“Let’s be pragmatic, we could do with some cash,” Nazir tried.

  
“I have money in a safe upstairs, no one knows about it. It’s yours.”

  
“I agree with Dee,” Pohl said sadly, “I don’t think we can take the money.”

  
“Okay, okay, I understand,” Nazir conceded.

   “Right,
pack up Joe and let’s get the fuck away from here.”

  
“I’ll pay you more if you strip.”

  
“Don’t you start too, just because you’re dead and I can’t lamp you one.”