The Debt & the Doormat (13 page)

But I was sure that they loved each other.  They’d been together forever.  Since they were fourteen.  Everyone called them the perfect couple.  Richard will be devastated.

But then, how would he ever find out unless I told him?  Should I tell him?  Would he thank me for ruining his marriage?  I doubt it.  He’d probably just tell me I was lying, like the time I told him Henry had crashed his bicycle when it was actually me.  But I was only twelve and surely I can't just let him continue on in ignorance.  What if someone else saw them?  What if all his friends know and they’re laughing at him behind his back?  I might not be best friends with him.  Hell, I might not even like him very much, but he doesn’t deserve that.  Some deep down sisterly instinct wants me to protect him. 

The house phone rings and a few seconds later Izzy knocks on my door.  She pokes her head around the corner, the cordless phone in her hand. 

‘It's for you,’ she says, holding her hand over the receiver.  ‘Some Lilly?’

Lilly.  Another dilemma.  I consider telling Izzy to say I’m not here, but then she’d only keep ringing.  She hates being ignored.  I once found my phone to have 15 missed calls and three furious voicemails.  I can't imagine how poor Alex copes with her sometimes. 

I thank Izzy and take the phone. 

‘Hey Lil,’ I say as cheery as I can.

‘Hey bitch.  You’re not answering your phone.  So where the hell did you go with Cheryl?’

I thought she’d notice us leave together.  Nothing much gets past Lilly.

‘Oh, just a bar for a chat.’  I can't tell her the truth.  Not only would that be completely unfair to Cheryl, but I don't want anyone knowing what a cheating bitch of a wife my sister in law is.

‘A chat?  What about?  All she ever rabbits on about is her bloody child.’

‘Yeah, well that was it.  She was upset...by something the child-minder had done and she wanted my advice.’

‘Really?’ she says, sounding suspicious.  ‘Why did she want your advice?’

‘Oh, I don't know.  To be honest I don't actually think she has many friends.’

‘Yeah, there's a reason for that.  The woman’s a fucking monster.’

‘Lilly!  She’s not that bad.’

‘Ok, whatever,’ she says, sounding peeved.

‘Are you...are you jealous?’ I ask, feeling stupid at having to even ask the question.

‘No!’ she retorts a little too quickly.

‘Are you sure?’  I’m feeling an intense urge to giggle.

‘Ok, well maybe I felt a little left out.  I just don't want you turning into a boring bitch like her.’

‘Ah, Lil!  I didn’t know you cared,’ I say jokingly.

‘Oh shut-up.’  She sounds embarrassed. 

‘Well I don't think I’ll be hanging out with her too much.  Plus, you’ll always be my number one workmate.’

‘Workmate?  Try number one work best friend.  That sounds a lot better.’

‘Ok fine.  But please don't bring in friendship necklaces tomorrow or anything, ok?  I think that would be
slightly
too much.’

‘Really?  Ok.  I guess I could cancel the order.’  She bursts out laughing.

I laugh too and feel my body release into the chuckles.  I’ve been holding so much tension in it since I saw Annabel. 

‘But seriously.  I think we should be a bit nicer to Cheryl.  She’s nice underneath it all.’

‘Really?  You mean underneath all of that self-righteous, judgemental bitchy persona, she's actually someone we should invite to our sleepovers?’ she mocks.

‘Yes.  I know she comes across as a total obnoxious bitch sometimes, but she’s just a woman at the end of the day.  She has feelings too.’

‘Oh spare me the crap, Oprah.  Anyway, tomorrow I want a proper catch up.  I wanna find out properly about your new housemates.  No interruptions this time!  Ok?’

God, she's going to drag it all out of me whether I like it or not.

‘Um...ok.’

‘Anyway, Alex has just got in so I’ve gotta go.  Laters bitch.’

‘Bye.’

When I hang up, the anxious feeling bubbles back up again.  What am I going to do about Lilly?  Should I tell her they plan to make her redundant so she can get a heads up with finding another job?  But then that’d be unfair to all of the other people.  Plus if work ever found out I’d get sacked for sure.  I’m not sure if I could trust Lilly to keep quiet about it.  She’s hardly the most tactful person I’ve ever met.  But when she is told she’ll know I’ve known and not told her.  Oh God, it's lose lose.

And what am I going to do about Annabel?  I look around my very clean room for some kind of distraction.  Maybe some kind of book I could read, but the only ones I manage to find are ‘The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Tantric Sex’ and ‘The Odd Squad Little Book of Sex’.  Jazz is far too sexed up.  I do consider flicking through for a moment, but as images of Jazz performing barely legal sex acts on strange men flash through my mind I decide against it. 

I unpack some of my things and find some bikini wax strips in her knickers drawer.  Jazz is always going on about how I need to wax.  How hard can it be?

I go into the kitchen and pour myself a glass of wine as I read the instructions. 

‘You want some dinner?’ Ryan asks, popping his head round from the sofa area.

I quickly shove the instructions in my pocket and try desperately not to get lost in his athletic body leaning casually against my door frame, his muscular arms folded against his chest.

‘Um....no, I’m fine thanks,’ I lie.  I’ve got too much confusion whizzing through my head at the moment and I don't think I could add him to the equation. 

‘Ok,’ he shrugs. 

I quickly go into my room before I can look into those eyes and change my mind.  I get a wax strip out and warm it up between my hands as it says.  I peel one side away and smooth it against my bikini line.  While I’m at it I pull them all off and cover my whole bikini line with them.

I wait a minute for the hairs to attach to it properly.  The user guide says to pull the strip back quickly against the direction of hair growth to reveal silky smooth skin for up to four weeks.  That sounds easy.    

Right.  Here we go.  I grab a corner of the first one and hold my skin taut as I quickly attempt to whip it off.

HOLY FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

I clench my fist from the earth shattering pain that goes throbbing through my body, starting at my vagina.  I’m frozen from the pain, not able to make a sound, the intensity too strong.  When it submerges enough for me to start breathing again I look down.  I’ve only managed to remove half of it!  You’ve got to be joking me!  I down the rest of my glass of wine and brace myself.

‘FUCK!’ I shout as it's released from my skin. 

I glance down to check that my skin’s still attached.  It is, but stares back at me, red and furious. 

‘Poppy?’ Ryan says, knocking at my door.  ‘Are you ok in there?’

Oh my God.  He can't come in; I’m naked apart from my bra and bikini wax strips.

‘I’m fine thanks!  Just...saw a spider.  All fine now.’

‘Ok,’ he says, his voice deeply sceptical.

What the hell am I going to do!  I can't take the rest of these off.  I don't have the guts.  I grab the phone and call Jazz.

‘Hey buttercup, you ok?’

‘No!  You have to come round NOW.’

‘Why?  What's wrong?’

‘I...well....it’s kind of ridiculous.’

‘Just tell me,’ she laughs.

‘Ok.  I’m covered in bikini wax strips and I can't get them off.’

There's an awkward pause and I wonder if she's going to laugh down the phone at me.

‘I’ll be right round.’ 

I try to take deep breaths.  Everything is going to be fine.  Absolutely fine.  Jazz will come round and she’ll know a way to take them off without hurting me.  She’ll have some sort of lotion or something.  Actually, maybe she has something here.  I start rifling through her drawers in desperation.

A knock on my door sends me into a spiral of panic.  Go away Ryan!  Why won't he just leave me alone!

‘Poppy?  It's Izzy.  Can I come in?’

Shit.

‘Um...I was just...sleeping’.  It's only 7.30pm, I remind myself.  ‘Can you come back later?’

‘Really?  Jazz just called me.’

Oh crap.  I grab Jazz’s dressing gown and let her in, feeling like a prize idiot.

‘I come bearing gifts.’  She hands over a bottle of wine.

‘Well then you’re welcome,’ I say, a reluctant smile breaking on my face.

‘Poppy?’ Ryan says, knocking on the door.  ‘Jazz is here for you.’

‘Yes, she knows I’m coming idiot,’ Jazz says, as she barges through the door.

Ryan strains his neck, trying to get a glimpse of what's happening in here, but Jazz slams it quickly in his face.  She looks at me and then stares at Izzy dead in the eye. 

‘Izzy, please tell me you haven’t just spent the last 45 minutes getting her pissed?’

‘I’m fwine,’ I slur.  Hmm, maybe I am a bit drunk.

‘I’m just trying to numb the pain,’ Izzy protests.  ‘She won't let me near them.’

‘Jesus Pops.  How the hell did you think you were gonna do this on your own?’

‘I just...oh I don't know.  Stop judging me!  Now, have you brought the cream that takes this wax off or not?’

‘Cream?’ she laughs, raising her eyebrows.

‘Yeah.’  I’m confused.  ‘You know, the cream that's going to take this off.’

‘Chick, the only way that's coming off you is us pulling it off.’

‘What?  Are you serious?’ I ask, my voice sharp with nerves.  But her expression says it all.  I suddenly feel very sober.

I turn to Izzy.  ‘Please tell me that you know a way to get this off?’

‘Sorry Poppy.  I don't get waxes.  I find them too painful,’ she squirms.

‘Where the hell were you an hour ago when I got this stupid idea!’

‘Don't blame Izzy,’ Jazz says.  ‘It's not her fault you’re the only twenty five year old that has never been waxed.  Jesus, I had my first bikini wax at school.’

‘Yeah, well you probably had your own beautician,’ I growl.

‘Do you want my help or not?’ she snaps, tapping her foot impatiently on the floor.

‘Yes,’ I say, exhaling a big breath.  I haven’t got much choice now.

‘Ok.  First things first.  I brought pain relief.’  She goes to her bag and takes out a bottle of wine, a box of paracetamol, a cigarette packet and a joint.

‘I told you I’ve given up smoking,’ I snap.  ‘I have done for nearly a year.’

‘They’re for me you idiot,’ she says, taking a fag out and lighting it.  ‘Right.  Take these.’

She hands over the paracetamol and I take two while she opens the new bottle of wine and takes a swig of it.  Izzy has some after her and then it's given to me.  

‘Ok,’ Jazz says determined, taking a puff of her cigarette and looking at Izzy.  ‘Izzy, are you strong enough to hold her down?’

‘Hold me down?  What the-‘

Before I can even finish my sentence Izzy throws me back on the bed and restrains me by my wrists.

‘Izzy!  This is totally unnecessary!’ I shriek.

‘Here we go!’ Jazz sings, her fag still in her mouth.  She rips open my dressing gown, exposing not just the wax strips, but also the rest of the vagina. 

‘Don't look Izzy!  I don't want you to see me like this,’ I shriek, cringing.

‘Don't worry.  You’ve seen one vagina, you’ve seen them all,’ she laughs, still restraining me heavily.

How is she so strong?  She’s only little.  Jazz clasps onto one strip and flicks it back quickly.  I scream in agony.

‘Jazz!  Fuck!’ I scream.

‘What?  This is what I’m here for remember,’ she says, rolling her eyes.

Izzy loosens her grip for a second to get the bottle of wine for me.  She puts it into my mouth and I start glugging.  The second strip getting removed is more painful than the two others put together. 

‘FUCK!’ I shout, trying to throw them off.

‘Stop kicking!’ Jazz giggles. 

‘Is everything ok in there?’ Ryan shouts at the door.

‘Yep, it's all cool,’ Jazz shouts giggling.  She turns to me.  ‘Do you want the spliff?’

‘No!  You know I don't do drugs.  And neither should you!’

She ignores me and turns to Izzy.  ‘Izzy, get ready,’ she gestures to her with the fag in her hand.

‘Ok!  Maybe I’ll have a fag to steady my nerves,’ I say, giving in.

The next two minutes are the most painful I’ve ever experienced.  Jazz continued to attack the strips, while Izzy at first calmly fed me wine and puffs of the fag.  By the end she just clamped her hand over my mouth so that Ryan couldn’t hear the screams.

‘Good as new,’ Jazz beams when they’re all off.

‘Never again,’ I stammer, my whole body still trembling.

‘You’re welcome,’ they both say at the same time.