The Deception series boxset: FaCade, Cadence, Beneath Innocence (62 page)

“Is that really Blue? Martha?” I choke out and his brow furrows.

“Jenson?” I hear barked. I turn to see her Dad Liam coming towards me, worry lines marring his forehead and that’s when I realise this isn’t a dream, that really was my Blue, bleeding out again. She can’t die. Was this fate sending me a message?

I’m going to pass out. The air leaves me and my surroundings close in on me. Large hands grip on to me before I can hit the floor.

“YOU NEED TO LET US
monitor you,” A heavyset nurse huffs at me as she tries to put a blood pressure cuff around my arm. Whoever helped me deposited me on a gurney and left with Blue’s Dad. I need to get to Blue, “Cade!” I call out in a manic shout.

“You need to calm down Sir, I will sedate you.”

Like fuck she will. “Cade,” I call and get no answer for a few silent beats and then the curtain draws back and Faye stares at me.

“Oh God Jenson, I could hear you from the waiting area, Cade left to try and find you, what’s going on?”

“It’s Blue, I need you to tell this nurse to get off me now.”

The nurse is standing open-mouthed staring at Faye, she clearly didn’t recognize me and I’m not surprised, I don’t even recognize my own image in the mirror but Faye is as stunning as she always was and getting recognized for her was normal. “Please just give us a minute?” Faye asks. The nurse tells her of course and leaves with a hurry.

I rip the cuff of my arm and jump down from the bed. Faye opens a bag she’s holding and pulls clothes out and hands them to me, I could kiss her if I wasn’t slowly sinking into a black abyss every second I didn’t know what was happening with Blue. “I brought some of Cade’s, but I have Kimberly bringing some things from your dressing room.”

“No these are fine, thank you.”

“What were you saying about Blue, Jens?”

“She’s here, they just brought her in.”

Her little gasp and then sceptical look makes me question my reality again but the hole growing in my chest is telling me I didn’t imagine it. My woman, whether she wanted to be it or not, was here and she was leaving me again, leaving me for good.

“How much fucking longer?”

“Jen, calm down. The doctors said they would tell us when they have anything to tell us.” Cade grabs my upper arms to stop me pacing, his hold tight but I don’t feel it. I’m too numb. Faye went outside to call him and he was back here within seconds, commanding everyone to leave me the fuck alone and making sure the Doctors included me in the information they were sharing about Blue’s condition, but the last piece of news we got was ages ago and gave us no real information.

My knee wouldn’t stop bouncing up and down, sweat from withdrawals and the aches accompanying them was making me feel nauseous.

“I should have seen it,” Greg or whatever his name is again, mumbles. He was the guy I grabbed hold of in the corridor, he was pacing and running his hands through his hair, his worry genuine and showing signs of real affection for Blue. I wanted to know who he was to her but I couldn’t control my emotions and actions in this fragile state. If he told me something I wouldn’t want to hear I don’t know if I’d punch him or burst into tears like a little bitch.

“I should have seen it coming,” he blurts.

“We all should have seen it,” Slicer, Blue’s dad hisses. I felt his guilt as my own. Although I hadn’t seen her for so long I knew my actions played a part in her destruction.

“It’s been too fucking long. What the hell are they doing, having coffee? Doing the fucking crossword?”

Cade shakes his head sadly and slumps onto the sofa. My pain is his; it’s how it’s always been. Sitting beside him, I nudge him with my knee. He turns to me, the black lines under his eyes now visible that my eyes are actually focussing on life. “I didn’t mean what I said.” He frowns, confused. “About you and Faye being to blame.”

He smiles and shakes his head. “I know.”

I didn’t deserve him. Friends are there for one another, yeah, but Cade, he wasn’t just there for me, he was
with
me. I return his smile weakly and nod my head, thanking him without words for . . . well he knows what for. He was my brother, blood or no blood, he would stand by me and me him through everything.

The door opens and we all stand like fucking soldiers on the Queens entry. “May I speak openly?” The doc asks Slicer, his gaze travelling around the room as he asks for consent to speak in front of us all. Slicer gulps but nods.

“We’ve managed to stop the blood. Martha has had a transfusion and her body is already responding to that treatment.”

“Oh thank God,” Slicer whispers, his eyes closing for a moment in relief.

“However,” the doc continues. “Currently, we are more concerned with your daughter’s state of mind. It is obvious this was a cry for help and there is evidence of . . . of self harm.”

“What?” All eyes move to me when I step forward, my heart clamping tight at the thought of what Blue had gone through. Cade grabs my arm. I allow it this time. “What do you mean she’s been self harming?”

The doc looks at slicer who nods, giving his go ahead for him to talk to me. “By the looks of the scars on her body, along with some wounds from her attack, there is frequent cut marks consistent with someone who self harms.”

“Fuck!”

He turns back to Slicer. “As her next of kin, I need your permission to section her. She won’t allow it, they never do, but Martha needs help Mr Grant.”

“She’s okay, Jen,” Cade whispers in my ear as he looks at me, his dark eyes appealing to me. “She’s going to be okay.”

I need her to be okay but she hasn’t been, she’s been in emotional pain, pretending to everyone that she’s strong enough to cope with what happened to her but no one could. They fucking destroyed her over and over and that taints the soul, how could we just expect her to get over it. She was hurting herself, my soul was weeping for her. I need to help her heal and to do that I need to help myself. I was also self-harming in a manner of speaking, escaping the pain through medicating myself on narcotics. I was still just as broken up over everything that happened and never really processed it all.

I nod then pull him over to the edge of the room as the doc and Slicer make arrangement for Blue’s admission.

Cade looks at me, his expression full of worry when he senses my despair. “I need help, Cade. I need you to do me a favor.”

3 MONTHS LATER

I EMBRACE ABBY IN A
quick hug and she pushes at my shoulder and swipes a stray tear.

“I’ll look out for you on the radio.” She laughs.

“I’ll be sending you concert tickets and you can come visit me some time yeah?” I kick at her shoe and she tries to smile through her sorrow for seeing me leave.

Abby was a teen starlet turned adult drug dependent mess. She was here for her sixth stay and we struck up a connection when she brought me some of her bottled water, warning me not to drink from the faucets in this place. We quickly became friends and I had kind of took up the big brother role with her in here.

The Brent Manor was a private and off the map ‘resort’ for the rich and famous fuck ups. The rooms were comfortable but this place was no joke, they locked you inside the compound for the entire length of your stay voluntary or not. Once you gave them that power you become theirs to fix and get clean, and for the ones who wanted to get better and heal it worked like for me but for admitted patients like Abby, it was a revolving door. This is what I needed, I desired to know how to cope with life with out living it on a high. Blue needed a man who was strong enough to deal with his own demons so he could help her battle her own. It was so fucking tough walking away from that hospital knowing she was so close I could touch her, smell her. She needed more than me though and as hard as that is to accept, it was truth.

The counseling in here really helped me, there is no judgment, no pressure and I was able to be just Jenson the man rather than Jenson lead singer of Beneath Innocence and I was hoping she was getting the same from her therapy sessions. They taught me coping mechanisms for when the nightmares slipped into my waking hours. The first few weeks were agony and I questioned my own willpower hourly but I made it through. My skin was back to a healthy color and I didn’t feel constantly nauseous. You tend to eat more in a place like this to escape boredom so I had put on a few healthy pounds, filling my face back out so I didn’t look gaunt. TV’s and cells weren’t permitted, so you are literally isolated to deal with your problems. I wasn’t even allowed visitors for the first thirty days. All my band members, Cade and Faye were waiting for me on the first day of visitation and I nearly fucking cried when I saw the love they had for me. We were a family and I had let them down but I was fixing that now and they were proud of me and like a real family should, they forgave me and loved me despite what a dick I’d been. I asked Kimberly to visit me and apologised to her for how I treated her and told her how amazing she was, and that the right man for her would never have dragged her down with him like I did. She cried and told me she always knew I didn’t love her because I made that clear what we were and would ever be before ever starting up something with her. It was nice to clear the air and like with everything she was cool and hugged me, telling me she had no regrets and wishes the best for me.