The Decimation of Mae (The Blue Butterfly)

The Decimation of

Mae

By D H Sidebottom

The Decimation of
Mae

Copyright © 2014

By D H Sidebottom

This
book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to actual places, incidents and
persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright © 2014 D H Sidebottom. Please do not copy,
alter or redistribute this book.

For Ker Dukey.

Without you, this book simply wouldn’t be.

You’re my friend, my rock and my sanity.

Love you, babe <3

Table of Contents:

Prologue

Chapter One

‘The rule of ignorance denies our
attempt at life.’

Chapter Two

‘As the Devil takes us, ghosts
strengthen us.’

Chapter Three

‘Do not pity yourself, others will do
that.’

Chapter Four

‘Accept the pain. Fear the agony.’

Chapter Five

‘’Death is easier than awaiting
death.’

Chapter Six

‘’Lessons lead us into knowledge.’

Chapter Seven

‘Take the burden, never give it to
others.’

Chapter Eight

‘The hunt for love preys on the
soul.’

Chapter Nine

‘It is the teaching that prepares us,
not the lesson.’

Chapter Ten

‘Submit to suffering to find the
promise of better.’

Chapter Eleven

‘’A monster hides his true nature.’

Chapter Twelve

‘Sometimes honesty is far worse than
lies.’

Chapter Thirteen

‘Veiled evil exposes true depravity.’

Chapter Fourteen

‘Remember there is always a price for
happiness.’

Chapter Fifteen

‘Limits are limitless when you strive
for more.’

Chapter Sixteen

‘Preparing for death does not mean you
are ready for it.’

Chapter Seventeen

‘Help is a hindrance.’

Chapter Eighteen

‘Guardian Angels come in many forms.’

Chapter Nineteen

‘The deliverance of truth is a risk
we take.’

Chapter Twenty

‘In to Hell Heaven drags us.’

Chapter Twenty One

‘Hiding reveals what we bury deep.’

Chapter Twenty Two

‘And so it ends.’

Epilogue

‘And so it begins.’

The end

The Devil visited me three times in my life; albeit, my
short life. Not in the physical sense, you must understand, but very much
literally.

He was persistent, resolute and tenacious. His ruthless
greed to annihilate me was utterly disturbing. I am sure if he had hierarchy,
the man at the top would have dragged his arse into Hell’s prison for his
unscrupulous methods.

I was just fifteen when I first became aware of what he
was capable of. This initial taste of him set the playing field for how my life
was to be
lived
– for want of a better word.

He mocked me, showed me mercilessly how he played the
game and how he liked to cheat at said game. He ridiculed and taunted me until,
six months later, he won and took something of so much importance from me that I
would never be the same again.

His second visit was, in my eyes, so much more cruel and
heartless. I know we’re talking about the Devil here, and yes, you have a right
to say he had no heart but even then, even when I was so utterly broken, I
begged to differ and hoped – no, prayed – that somewhere deep in the caverns of
his black, tortured soul there was something that beat and confused his
emotions once in a while.

The third visit was somewhat different than the other
two. He tried, and at first succeeded to bring me to my knees once and for all,
but then something happened. God finally intervened and altered Satan’s intention;
he sent hope and morphed the Devil’s minion into an Angel, hoping to break and
shatter the anguish and suffering. He gave the ability for me to feel pleasure
in pain, order in the chaos and light in the darkness.

But in giving me a reprieve, he also gave me something
that would finally and ultimately obliterate me. He gave me the capability to
love, therefore giving me the ability to be destroyed.

And Satan made sure that I
was
destroyed. Cruelly,
viciously and sadistically.

I am Mae Swift, and this is the story of my decimation.

“So, Mae, how are you today?”

I quirked an eyebrow at the seemingly stupid woman in
front of me as she twisted the cap of her pen in her fingers and tipped her head
in companion to her question. The light shone through the window, capping her
bleach-blonde hair, giving her an almost angelic form.

“Oh, just super, darling.”

The edge of her lips twisted slightly but other than that
she showed no reaction to my reply. “How are you getting on with Mr and Mrs
Braithwaite?”

I tilted my own head and looked at her with confusion.
“Is that what they’re called? Mr and Mrs Braithwaite?”

Her eyes narrowed, clearly misunderstanding my sarcasm.
“Yes. What do you call them, Mae?”

I scoffed and blew out a small breath. “Lazy fat bastard
and lily-livered bitch.”

Stacey’s fingers stilled, her forehead frozen with
multiple creases. The pen lid flicked from her fingers and hit the bookcase
across the room. She sucked in her lips, her eyes blinking rapidly as she
regarded me curiously. “Is there anything I need to know about your carers?”

“Carers?”  I mused the term in my head for a moment and
smirked. “Yeah, that seems suitable for them. They enjoy being cared for.”

Her eyes scanned my face before a pitying expression
covered hers, her passionate blue eyes turning grey with sadness. “Mae, you
know I can’t help you unless you are completely honest with me. If the
Braithwaite’s aren’t supervising you properly then we can arrange alternative
accommodation.”

I barked out a bitter laugh. “Accommodation? Wow, now I
feel extra special.”

She sighed and rubbed at her temples in frustration then
sat back further into her chair and crossed her legs, giving me a quick flash
of her plain white knickers. “Dr Fruhard tells me you had another incident last
week.” She leaned forward to observe me more closely; her eyes penetrating mine
deeply so she could get an angle on my response as she crossed her arms across
her stomach, enveloping herself protectively against my bitterness. “Can you
tell me why that was?”

I shrugged. “I can but I won’t.”

Stacey nodded as if expecting my answer. “So, can you
tell me how you feel when you cut?”

“I can but I won’t,” I repeated, my disturbed side
relishing the quick flash of annoyance across her face.

She steepled her fingers and rested her elbows on her
knees as she gave out a long-suffering sigh. “Is there anything you can tell me
today, Mae?”

I studied her, taking in for the first time how pretty my
psychologist really was. Her slightly curved nose was a little too small for
the roundness of her face, her soft pink lips were thin but perfectly bowed and
the dimple in her chin gave her a trusting appearance, if that was possible.
But I didn’t trust her, far from it.

I leaned towards her and smiled in surrender. Her eyes
glinted as she became aware of my compliance. “I do have something to share.”
She nodded and gave me an encouraging smile. “I’m wearing the same knickers as
you. BHS white cotton briefs, super soft and made with 50% elastane for comfort
and shape.”

She pursed her lips and exhaled heavily. “Yeah, they are
comfy. I generally prefer thongs but they aren’t appropriate for the workplace.
Sometimes they can give you quite the wedgie when you’re sitting all day,
especially in these chairs.”

I tried to hide my amusement but she caught it and winked
before she stood. “We’ll call it a day then, Mae.”

I tilted my head then rose from my chair. I watched her
walk over to her desk then place her notebook and pen on top of her anally
ordered bureau. She kept her back to me but I felt her despair. There was
nothing actually wrong with her but I didn’t trust anyone, it was just in my
make-up, the way my body was genetically built.

“He hits her,” I offered simply.

Stacey turned to me, her eyes wide. “Mr Braithwaite?”

I nodded, giving her a little something just for the thong
comment. “Then he leaves me to tend to her while he goes to the pub and gets
off his head.”

She pulled in a breath. “I’ll arrange a transfer.”

I nodded again but wondered where
accommodation
number three would see me.

“Thank you, Mae,” she said quietly as I opened the door.

I halted and kept my palm flat on the handle as my gaze
remained on the deep brown wood of the door. “It helps me release the grief,” I
whispered before I left the room, slowly and quietly pulling the door shut
behind me.

I rolled my eyes as Liam clumsily cupped my left breast.
“Come on, Mae.”

The sad twat had been trying to take my virginity for
over three months; he should have known I wasn’t going to give in by now.

“Fuck off, Liam,” I shouted in his ear over the dense
thump of the music. The room was bouncing, some random guy’s party filling the
whole of the university campus with his choice in techno beat tunes.

I moved my head to the side and pulled in another drag
before handing the joint to Liam while I held the smoke in my lungs to bring on
the high that little bit quicker.

I narrowed my eyes on the tall, dark-haired guy watching
me. He lifted an eyebrow at my glare but didn’t shift his eyes from my face. He
seemed to radiate a calm serenity that made me narrow my eyes and study him
properly.

I wasn’t concerned whether he considered my action rude,
or even if it pissed him off, I just felt the draw of him and needed to figure
out what it was about him that pulled on my senses.

Liam continued to paw me as I analysed the voyeur. His
lips twisted in humour when he noticed my shameless perusal. He ran a hand
through his thick brown hair, as though straightening it just for my
exploration. His eyes were just as brown, rich and chocolaty but with the slightest
hint of bronzed copper. The cruel smirk on his mouth paraded the fullness of
his pale lips, but it was the contours of his sculptured face which made him
seem almost sinful. The dusting of stubble across his chin and neck added to
his rough appeal, and the prominence of his Adam’s apple alerted me to his
satisfaction with my attention.

I sighed as Liam’s hand tried to skate under my denim
skirt, his rough fingers grabbing awkwardly at my inner thigh. I punched him in
the chest and scowled at him. “I said no.”

His eyes transformed, his usual soft appearance morphing into
one of twisted malice as he sank his fingers into the soft flesh between my
legs.

“Liam!” I exclaimed as his fingers probed forbiddingly at
the crotch of my knickers. “Stop it, I said!”

He pushed his body against mine and trapped me against
the hallway wall, his heavy frame penning me immobile underneath him. “I’m sick
of your taunts, Mae; it’s about time you put out.”

I scoffed at him as I tried to push him away. “No, Liam.
I’ve never taunted you. In fact, I can’t have made it more obvious that I don’t
wanna have sex with you.”

“Stop being so fucking frigid,” he snarled, prompting my anger
to flare. Liam was usually quite timid and laid back. Fair enough, he had
persistently tried to get into my knickers but he had never been quite so
physical about it.

We’d been ‘dating’, if that was an appropriate word to
describe our turbulent on/off relationship, for around three months. I was only
with him for the coke and I’ll admit he was a fairly good kisser, but he didn’t
appeal to me in any other way.

My eyes widened when one of his hands slid further up my
skirt and the other grabbed my neck, his long, thin fingers circling my throat.
“I’m not listening to no anymore, Mae. You’ve been mine for a while; it’s about
time you paid for all the snow I’ve been feeding your fucking nostrils.”

It wouldn’t be true to say I panicked but a slither of
fear crawled through my veins as his eyes darkened further. I was in trouble,
yet I knew it was my own fault. I’d taken from him and I knew he’d want payment
for the goods soon enough.

“Liam, please. Not here.”

He leaned further in, the scent of something toxic
flickering across my nostrils as his rancid breath told me he’d been doing more
than just coke. His fingers tightened around my neck as his teeth ground with
the tension in his jaw.

I blinked as the voyeur appeared behind Liam. He locked
my eyes with his as he slowly moved his mouth to Liam’s ear. “The lady said
no.”

His voice was low and quiet. His eyes were as calm as the
expression on his face yet he still seemed to be furious without any physical
appearance to confirm it. He exuded raw fury and disgust but didn’t exhibit it.
It was hard to explain but I shivered as something disturbing crept through my
bones.

“Nowt to do with you mate, piss off,” Liam muttered as he
flicked a glance over his shoulder.

“I think you’re hurting her.”

I frowned at the sudden chill in his tone as he blinked
slowly. Liam didn’t seem to sense it as he snorted and glanced over his
shoulder. “You think?”

Voyeur smiled at me and lifted a finger as if telling me
he’d be one moment. He turned around and I watched the rise and fall of his
shoulders as he took a heavy inhalation, then he turned and encompassed the
back of Liam’s head in his large hand, gripped tight and yanked his head back.

“The lady asked you nicely. I asked you nicely. I think you
should learn some fucking manners.”

He then drove Liam’s head into the wall in a single
forceful shove. My jaw dropped as Liam fell to the floor instantly, his nose shattered
and blood smeared across his face.

I lifted my eyes to Voyeur and stared in shock. He didn’t
seem to notice my astonishment as he smiled and extended his elbow. “May I
escort you home? You look rather dazed and I’m a little worried about your
safety.”

I continued to gawp as I flicked glances between him and
Liam. He remained silent and calm as he waited for me to decide whether he was
a safer bet than taking myself home unaccompanied. “Uhh.”

He chuckled lightly as his cheeks reddened with a deep
flush. “Excuse me, but men who presume sort of irritate me. Nobody seems to
have any manners anymore.” His smile softened when he saw my wariness, and he held
out his hand. “Daniel Finn. It’s a pleasure to meet you…”

“Mae.” I coughed to clear the lump from my throat and
placed my hand in his. “Mae Swift.”

His grip was strong, yet warm and courteous, and I softened
slightly, my concern ebbing away. “Well, it was lovely meeting you, Mae Swift.
You take care getting home.”

I nodded and smiled cautiously. “Yes, you too and um,
thank you.”

He smiled wider, his eyes brightening; his grin eased my
nerves a little. “My pleasure.” He turned and strolled down the hallway.

Liam moaned beside me and I dropped my eyes to see him
stirring. “Wait,” I shouted after Daniel before I could change my mind. “If the
offer’s still there…?”

He turned and nodded. “Of course.” He gave me a slow
smile and held out his hand for me to take.

“Thank you.”  I slipped my hand in his. A small ripple of
something slid through his fingers as he gently encased my fingers in his.

“Again, my pleasure.”

We were silent for a few minutes as we walked. It was a cool
winter’s night and the chill was welcoming after the heat from the party.
“Where are we heading?” Daniel asked finally as we reached the end of the
street.

“The Becks estate.” I grimaced slightly. Although the
area was considered ‘neglected’ I had never been embarrassed or bothered about
where I lived. The people in my block were okay and kept themselves to
themselves but something about this man had me wishing for more. Maybe a part
of me wanted his acceptance, or at least I didn’t want his judgment.

He smiled and nodded, his face still a blank canvas. “So
how long have you and your boyfriend been together?” He flicked me a glance but
there was nothing on his face that showed his interest in the answer.

“We’re not really together as such, more just…”

“Friends who get high?” he cut in when I couldn’t find
the right word to describe what Liam and I were.

My eyes widened at his bluntness. “Well…” I sighed as I squinted
to consider a different description but confirmed his statement with a shrug. “I
suppose.”

“Mmm.” He nodded slowly as his tongue pushed patterns
into his cheek. “How old are you, Mae?”

“How old are you?” I retorted angrily. Fuck him and his
high up judgements.

A flicker of something slithered across his face but it was
gone as soon as it appeared. “Twenty five.”

I was surprised, my lips pursing slightly by his answer.
I had expected him to at least be slightly evasive but he seemed open and
honest. “Eighteen.”

He turned to look at me and smiled gently. “Well, I
admire you.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t follow.”

His hand tightened slightly as though he was praising me
with a squeeze. None of his actions were what I would class as
normal
,
but then who was, really? “Your refusal to give your boyfriend what he’s after.
It shows your strength, Mae. It tells me a lot about you.”

“Oh really?” I wasn’t sure if I was offended by his
assessment of me or glad of his appraisal. I blinked as I tried to figure him
out but it was impossible. Part of me wanted to know everything about him, and
wanted him to know everything about me yet another part warned me off, alerted
my senses to something that didn’t fit right.

“Yes. A lot of
girls
your age lose what they are
all about too early. They have no respect for themselves, but they expect others
to value them. I’m afraid when that step is taken, you will never get it back
and because of that you must treat it as something priceless and precious.
Something irreplaceable.”

“I suppose. I’ve always seen my virginity as something to
hold on to. The last piece of me, if you get me?”

Why the hell were we talking about my virginity? I hardly
knew the guy but his presence, his dominance, expected it. But why I was allowing
his authority to control me and the conversation was beyond me.

“So, Mae, tell me about yourself.”

“There’s nothing to tell.” I smiled and relaxed as the
conversation veered into safer territory.

“Oh, I don’t believe that. You seem full of life. You must
have a few stories to tell.”

“Nope.”

He narrowed his eyes on me and gave me a small smirk.
“Okay, I’ll take a guess then. I’m an expert at reading people.”

I lowered my face and smiled at my feet. He really
thought he knew it all, knew me. He’d need a crystal ball to take a guess at my
life.

“I think,” he started, “I think you were born eighteen
years ago.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle. “Wow, you’re good.”

He nodded. “See? An expert.”

“That you are. What else do your super powers tell you?”

“Well, I think you’re naturally black but dye your hair blonde.”

“Very good.” I smiled when I remembered my roots needed
doing.

“You’re into rock music,” he offered. I gave him a nod as
I glanced down at my Guns ‘n Roses T-shirt.

“You’re…” His eyes raked over my body. A shiver wrapped
around me when he lifted his eyes back up and exposed a heat that no one had
ever displayed before. My chest heaved as his tongue swept his bottom lip
slowly. “Very beautiful.”

I turned my face away from him to smile as a deep blush
crept up my neck and flooded my cheeks. “You’re also very shy,” he added with a
laugh.

“Not usually.” I turned back to him. “But you’re very
forward.”

He shook his head in disbelief. “I’m forward for telling
you that you’re beautiful?”

“Well…”

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re beautiful before,
Mae?”

“Will you stop! My face is on fire.”

He laughed deeply, his eyes coming to life with the happy
rumble. “And it makes you even more stunning,” he whispered as he leant into my
ear.

I blew out a slow, steady breath when his closeness
seemed to ignite the fire from my face around my body. Heat rippled across
every inch of my skin as his low whisper developed a need inside me that
demanded attention.

“Oh,” I stuttered. “This is me.”

He frowned in confusion then blinked and moved back, his
head turning to my apartment block when he realised I meant my home. “Already?”
he whispered, his eyes raking over the building. His tone screamed
disappointment and he grimaced at the sight of the weather worn paint and
crumbling brickwork.

He turned back to me and took my hand into his, his thumb
stroking softly across my knuckles. “I’m not sure I like you living here. It
doesn’t look… safe.”

I laughed at him and shook my head. Once again, his
forwardness amused me. “I’ve been here for two years, Daniel. I can guarantee
I’m as safe here as anywhere else.”

He shook his head and flicked another glance towards my
home. “It looks like it would collapse if you sneezed.”

“Then I’ll make sure not to sneeze while I’m on the loo.
I’d be mortified if they found me with my knickers around my ankles, still sat
on the toilet.”

His head snapped to the side and his eyes widened. I
winked at him as I took to the entrance path. “Goodbye, Daniel. Thank you for
bringing me home.”

It occurred to me that he was the only man ever to have
made sure I got home safe. Liam was usually passed out on the floor when I left
his, and any previous date I’d had never bothered once they found out I didn’t
want sex.

“Mae!” he shouted as I pushed open the entrance door. He
jogged up the path to me and I couldn’t help sighing in appreciation at the way
his chest moved under the material of his shirt, making my stomach flutter with
excitement.

Shit! Down, you damn hormones!

He reached me and smiled, a small blush covering his
cheeks. I couldn’t help but smile back at his nervousness. “I uhh…” He
swallowed and I had to hold back the ‘aww’ I wanted to voice at his anxiety. “I
would really like to take you to dinner, Mae. If… if that would be okay?”

Dinner? Who the fuck said dinner nowadays?

“In fact, even better, I’d like you to sample my salmon
linguine.”

I couldn’t help but beam at him. He was really trying
hard to steal that little something, his eagerness and hope fluttered across
his features. “I’d like that very much, thank you.”