The Demi-Monde: Summer (18 page)

‘What do you want?’

‘The Sage Too Zi taught that all those intent on understanding the concept of Confusionism had to espouse the Philosophy of Get.’

‘The Philosophy of what?’

‘Fuck, what’s happened to the standard of education while I’ve been trapped in this shit-hole? You young people know
precisely fuck-all. No, it’s not the Philosophy of What, it’s the Philosophy of Get. As – according to TooZian philosophy – there is no ABBA, no Paradise and hence no Purpose to Life, then there is absolutely no fucking point in trying to be good, therefore the whole aim of life is to Get Laid, Get Drunk, Get High and Get Even. Hence the Philosophy of Get.’

‘And that’s your philosophy of life?’

‘You bet … or rather Get. It’s the philosophy of all TooZians.’

‘And you want me to help you pursue this philosophy?’

‘To be more exact, just one part of it: I want you to help me to Get Even.’

‘I don’t understand.’

‘Then let me explain. When that malignant, man-hating bitch Wu took over the Coven ten years ago, she deprived me of all the things I loved: my cock and my access to narcotics and a copious supply of Solution. As a consequence, I am now denied the ability to Get Laid, Get Drunk and Get High. All I am left with is the ability to Get Even and this, my beautiful Fresh Bloom, is what you must assist me in achieving, if, that is, you wish me to help you with your quest for TooZian knowledge. If I translate the NonaGrams you give me, you must promise to perform me one service in exchange.’

‘What service?’

‘Fuck knows. I’ll tell you after I’ve studied your NonaGrams.’

Dong E wrote out the three NonaGrams and handed the paper to Xi Kang, who examined them carefully for several long minutes. ‘Do you remember precisely how the Coins fell when each of the lines of the NonaGrams was formed?’ The bantering tone had gone: this was a serious question posed in a serious way.

She had known from her previous discussions with the NoN
how important this was and had memorised which lines had been formed from two heads and one tail – to create a Changing Yang line – and which had been formed from two tails and one head – to create a Changing Yin line. She indicated on the paper which were the Changing lines and Xi Kang quickly drew the new NonaGrams.

‘Fucking fascinating,’ he admitted. ‘Fascinating and somewhat troubling. Tell me, was there anything peculiar about the individual who was the subject of these questions?’

‘She’s a nuFemme … and she’s a Daemon.’

‘A Daemon! Are you totally fucking stupid? Why didn’t you tell me before? This changes’ – he laughed at the unintended play on words – ‘everything.’ With that he grabbed a candle and ambled off into the darkness that shrouded the room, leaving Dong E to scrabble along in his wake. Finally after five minutes of meandering through the shelves the NoN came to the bookcase he was searching for.

‘Unfortunately, my pretty little whore, the tome I am seeking is on the very top shelf.’ With some difficulty he slid a very rickety ladder along the bookcase. ‘My age and sense of self-preservation preclude me from mounting the ladder.’ He laughed. ‘Indeed, since that witch Wu had my manhood removed I am unable to properly mount anything, so I would be grateful if you would scuttle up to the top shelf and retrieve a volume entitled
Daemons, Messiahs and Other ABBArational Beliefs
.’

‘You want me to go up there?’

‘Why yes, you won’t be able to reach the fucking thing otherwise.’

Dong E drew a finger over a volume parked on the shelf next to her: the dust covering it was
very
thick. She looked down at her white and cream kimono, the silver embroidery glinting in the candlelight. ‘I go up there and I’ll get filthy. My kimono
will be ruined and then everyone will know I’ve been up to mischief.’

‘Then it is fortunate that I have a solution to your dilemma.’

It took a real effort for Xi Kang to hold back the tears as a naked Dong E slowly ascended the ladder, leaving him on the ground holding her kimono, the ladder and his breath. She was a wonderful girl and, despite his teasing of her, he had always been impressed by her sharp intelligence. And, of course, she also had an arse which reminded him of freshly plucked plums.

Or something like that.

He sighed: in another life he might have …

He stopped himself. No, he wouldn’t: she was the daughter of a man he had both liked and revered and hence he would have treated her with the utmost respect … even when she was naked. Fuck it, he was the girl’s godfather.

But it was a very
nice
arse.

Again he berated himself. Such musings were nothing more than self-inflicted torture: he was an old man, bereft of his cock, so musing about young and beautiful girls was an exercise in futility. It was nine years now since he had – reluctantly – acceded to become a NoN and until today he had almost managed to forget what it was like to be a real man. Not that he’d been given any choice in the matter: the alternative to gelding being execution, the public humiliation of his family and the murder of Dong E. At a stroke – a very painful stroke and one which he did his best not to think about – he’d been converted from an active and contented man into …

Well, he wasn’t actually sure what he’d been converted into. Other than the loss of his penis there had been other changes: his beard had become sparse, his muscles had softened and he had found himself packing on weight.

He had tried to compensate for this bodily deterioration by
undertaking a strict regime of exercise. By his estimation, one circuit through the meandering alleys formed by the library’s bookshelves measured two kilometres, and every day he trotted around them ten times, carrying the six overstuffed volumes that comprised the complete works of the sage Kwan E’re. It pleased him that he was the only man in the history of the Demi-Monde who had ever found a use for the crap Kwan had written.

Frightening though these physical changes were, it was those wrought on his personality that had been most disturbing. He seemed suddenly bereft of energy, his will becoming almost as weak as his body, and he had become more docile and tractable, unwilling to engage in the heated arguments he had so delighted in before he was chopped. It had taken huge effort on his part to retain the irascibility that all TooZians were so proud of; he’d had to work fucking damned hard at being unpleasant and obnoxious. That he’d succeeded, he saw as his greatest victory. Indeed, he had been so unpleasant and so critical that that unPrick Mao had exiled him to the corner of the Gallery of Literary Profundity.

Bastard
.

Incompetent bastard
.

But he wasn’t defeated yet and, with the help of Dong E, he might yet turn the tables on Wu. He might still be able to Get Even.

With a shake of his head he brought himself out of his reverie. ‘You are possessed of a beautifully pert arse, my naked little whore. It is a shame you are condemned to have it admired only by that witch Wu and by a broken-down NoN.’

‘You are very kind, NoN Xi Kang,’ he heard the girl call down to him. He was pleased to note that despite standing stark naked at the top of the ladder, the girl still managed to retain her
wu wei
. There was a grunt and a cough. ‘It is almost impossible to see up here; the books are filthy.’

‘We are fortunate that they are still here. The first inclination of that philistine Wu was to burn them; she said that the works of Too Zi were an insult to all Femmes and a stain on the memory of Confusionism. Claptrap, of course, but what more can you expect from a LessBien extremist like her?’

‘The word “LessBien” I find insulting and offensive, NoN Xi Kang.’

‘Tough fucking luck. Maybe you should give heterosexuality a try. Get yourself a fully functioning nonFemme and indulge in a little
chong
time with him. You might like it.’

‘HerEticalism teaches us that heterosexual sex is merely a means by which nonFemmes seek to dominate Femmes. Heterosexuality is a form of social indoctrination designed to promote and sustain a state of Patriarchalism within the Demi-Monde.’

‘Bollocks, of course, but very well quoted bollocks. If you are ever reincarnated, my delicious little strumpet, you will make a fine parrot.’

‘I am much more than a parrot. For Femmes to be truly free of the servitude imposed upon them by nonFemmes, the brutal and unhygienic quasi-political regime that is heterosexual sex must be dismantled and destroyed. And to do this Femmes of the Coven must cease collaborating with their oppressors and realise that when a Femme is violated by a nonFemme, all she is doing is demonstrating her own oppression and showing her contempt for her body and individuality.’

‘That, if I’m not mistaken, is a quote from that pile of pseudo-intellectual effluent entitled
Dealing with the Infestation of nonFemmes: The Decontamination of the Demi-Monde
and written by that bulldyke LessBien bitch Dr Barbara Agemedes. It’s horse-shit: I was so disgusted with the book that I used its pages to wipe my arse. It was the only thing they were good for.’

‘I refuse to stand naked at the top of a ladder debating
HerEticalist dogma with you, NoN Xi.’ There was another grunt and the candle the girl was holding quivered in the darkness. ‘You are fortunate that I have found the book you are searching for.’

‘Originally,’ began NoN Xi, as he lolled back on his cot and watched Dong E dress herself, ‘Confusionism was developed as a confrontational religion. The Master who wrote the philosophical work that underpins Confusionism – the BiAlects – believed that only through open and fervent debate and argument would the ultimate truth of the Kosmos be revealed. It is the aim of all Confusionists to reconcile the two diametrically opposed voices of Wun Zi and Too Zi, and by doing so to discover the harmony of all knowledge and thought, and to merge Yin and Yang. This merging will create the Sublime Harmony called Ying, and the achieving of Ying will bring peace and tranquillity to the Kosmos.’

Dong E frowned: Mao had mentioned Ying in connection with the Daemon. ‘I’d never heard of this Ying of yours before today.’

‘Of course not. The last thing Wu wants is for people to appreciate that there was an alternative to MostBien … Ying.’ He smiled. ‘Tell me, what is the full title of the iChing?’

‘The iChing: The Book of Small Change.’

‘And the “Small Change” refers to what?’

‘The three coins used in consulting the iChing, which when tossed reveal the NonaGram leading to the Epigram which answers the question posed.’

‘Total bollocks. The “Small Change” actually refers to the ability of most NonaGrams to exist in two forms … to
change
between the WunZian and the TooZian form of the NonaGram and hence reveal both the Yin
and
the Yang aspect of the relevant Epigram. And that’s just what we are going to do now:
look at the alternative TooZian answers to the questions posed by that incompetent cow TongJi Fu Shi.’ He flicked through the crisp pages of the book Dong E had brought down from the bookcase. ‘The most important Change is the one pertaining to Epigram five hundred and twelve. This converts, in its Yang form, to Epigram one, the Harmony, which reads as follows:

To end, we must begin

Guided, but unguided
.

Free, but bound by the Harmony of
wu wei,

The Peaceful Anger of the Truth
.

There will always be Darkness
,

But the Flower that Delights shows the Other Way
.

She turns our eyes from the Water and towards the Sun

And saves the Messiah sent by ABBA
,

Who would lead us to the glory that is Ying.’

‘I don’t understand.’

‘No one fucking understands. Most TooZians think the Master wrote it when he was pissed. But now, its meaning is obvious.’

‘Not to me.’

‘I doubt that. You might be a whore with a body that would inflame the dead, but you are a clever little thing … for a Femme, that is.’

‘I still don’t understand.’

‘Very well, let me explain. It seems that your Daemon is the Messiah – and you’ve got no idea how distasteful it is for an atheistic TooZian like me to say those words – who has been sent by ABBA to lead HumanKind to a state of Perfect Harmony that fuses Yin and Yang in Ying. The Messiah is in peril and it is incumbent on you to save her.’

‘Me?’

‘The Epigram couldn’t be more precise: “
But the Flower
that Delights shows the Other Way
.” That is obviously a reference to you – a Fresh Bloom is a flower, isn’t it? – and having seen you naked, if ever there was a “Flower that Delights”, it’s you. As for the “Other Way”, well, that must be the spurning of the perverted misandry of HerEticalism, the rejection of MoreBienism and the embracing of Ying.’

‘I can’t do that.’

‘You must: it goes on to say that you will be the one who “
turns our eyes from the Water and towards the Sun
”, you will be the one who turns her eyes from the Yin of HerEticalism to the Ying of understanding.’

‘But I can’t betray the Empress on the say-so of one Epigram.’

‘I thought you might be reluctant. That’s why I had you bring down this volume,
Daemons, Messiahs and Other ABBArational Beliefs
. I think you should read it and then decide. It’s a load of bollocks but it’s quite persuasive bollocks.’

‘I’ve never heard of it. Who wrote it?’

‘I did,’ said Xi Kang.

‘Oh,’ said a surprised Dong E as she eyed the thick book warily. ‘But much as I would like to read it, I can’t: books are banned in the Pavilion of Delicious Delights.’

‘Then let’s make it simpler,’ and with that NoN Xi Kang ripped a dozen pages out of the book. ‘Try the abridged version.’