The Demon (22 page)

 
With the passage of time Harry became less timid, and Harry Jr. grew, seemingly in leaps and bounds, and felt more comfortable and secure in Harrys arms. It actually got to the point where Harry enjoyed holding him—for a few minutes. Harry thought of his son, and his wife, occasionally during the day, even while involved in his work. He liked the feeling he got thinking about them, and he enjoyed the feeling of anticipation he experienced on his way home at night. He enjoyed, too, kissing his wife when he got home, and putting his arm around her as they looked at their son.

(156)

 
Harrys hand slowly moved down Lindas back and he caressed her bottom and she cuddled into him and leaned her head against his chest. O, Harry, I love it when you touch me. Especially when you touch me like that, looking up at him and smiling, you sexy creature.

I am, eh?

Thats right.

 
Well, I/ll tell you something, his hand slowly following the curve to her leg, you have the prettiest ass in town.

 
Linda turned slowly until she was facing him and put her arms around his neck and leaned close to him and pecked him on the lips. I wish I could make that doctor understand how I feel. This six weeks before and six weeks after suddenly seems awfully long . . . and unfair.

 
Harry laughed and kissed her on the tip of her nose. Maybe we should just shake hands, friend, until then.

 
Dont you dare, pulling him close again. Put your hand back where it belongs.

 
Yes, maam, slowly sliding his hand down her back, you mad and shameless hussy.

O yes, I certainly am....

 
One night Harry was waiting for Linda to come to bed, and when she came into the bedroom she was wearing the nightgown she had worn on their wedding night. It was thin and clung and flowed, and Harry tried to look at every curve as she slowly walked toward him. I havent seen that in a long time.

 
Yes, I know. Much too long, sitting on the edge of the bed next to him.

 
Hhhhmmmmm, that smells good. Whats the occasion for all this?

 
O, toying with his hair, nothing much. Its just that your son is six weeks old today, raising her head and looking into his eyes, Harry raising an eyebrow and then a slight leering smile spreading over his face.

(157)

This somehow seems very familiar. O really, smiling coquettishly, I wonder why? Looks like I/ll have to take it off ... again. Why waste the time????

                   
Harry laughed and pulled her down beside him.

(158)

9

                      
Harry had been very surprised to learn how long they had been living a celibate life. Six and six are twelve. Krist, that three months. Thats one hell of a long time. It didnt seem possible, yet it had happened. Its amazing how time flies. Three whole (hole, hahaha) months.

 
And during that entire time he had had no desire to go off by himself at lunch time and browse through the streets and stores. Since Linda had stopped working, he had lunch each day with Wentworth, and/or some of the other top level executives, in the type of restaurant that had always been a part of his goal and dream. He enjoyed dropping his credit card, nonchalantly, on top of the bill; and enjoyed the company of these men not only because they represented achievement, but because he knew that he would be returning directly to the office. He did not have to be on his guard.

And, with this realization, came a feeling of security. Not

(159)

that it was specificially defined as such, but he enjoyed the feeling and found himself relaxing more. This too was a surprise as he was unware that there was any tension at all within him, other than that due to his work. Yet it was obvious that he was more relaxed. He thought about it occasionally but did not bother trying to analyze it; he just drifted along with it and enjoyed it. And, now that their love life was back to normal, these feelings of security and relaxation seemed to increase.

 
The new operation at work had been running so smoothly that it had been many months since he had been late for dinner. On the occasions when extremely important representatives of foreign firms were in town for discussions and/or negotiations, he accompanied Wentworth, and the public relations people, but left when the business discussions were finished and did not get involved in the social activities. He also managed to nibble lightly at the food, so he could enjoy a late dinner with Linda when he got home.

 
And that is what he intended to do on the night when he had to entertain two representatives of an international conglomerate from Belgium. Wentworth was a master at entertaining, and, as usual, the restaurant was elegant and the women were glamorous without being blatant; and Harry was consciously enjoying his increasing feeling of ease and security. He knew there was no need to be on guard, so he ate leisurely and enjoyed the entire meal, and when Wentworth suggested they continue the party in the suite, Harry joined them.

 
The Belgians had selected their girls, and one of the others joined Harry on the couch. He had a drink or two and joined in the conversation and the telling of jokes and even danced a little with Marion. He enjoyed her company, but had no intention of taking her to bed. He was just going to hang around for a while to keep the party moving as it should, so there would not be an extra girl sitting around, and then he was going to go home.

 
Soon he found himself alone with Marion and he just sort of shrugged inwardly and said to himself, what the hell, one

(160)

wont hurt. I wont even ball her. I/ll just get a little head and split. An hour later he left, first checking himself and his clothes carefully for lipstick marks.

 
The next morning he woke up before the alarm went off and curled up in bed, cringing inside. He could hear Linda breathing softly behind him and he wanted to turn over and see if she was looking at him, but was afraid. He felt strangely conspicuous lying in bed; he had a feeling like he was crying inside and had a strong urge to say over and over, Im sorry. He wanted to get up and get into the shower, but thought he had better wait until the alarm went off. Thats what he usually did in the morning. At least he thought that was what he usually did. How could he not know what he did every morning? It did not make sense. Im sorry! Im sorry! Why doesnt that goddamn alarm go off. . . . Jesus, my stomach is screwed up. It just keeps churning and feels so hollow. What in the hell is going on? This is crazy to suddenly feel so screwed up. Goddamn it, ring . . .

and the seconds ticked a-

way until the alarm finally went off, and he quickly got out of bed and hurried into the bathroom and the shower. He felt better as the water soothed him and he looked at the frosted glass on the door. He stayed in the shower much longer than usual, but eventually had to leave its comfort and security.

 
He felt very shaky and edgy while eating breakfast and could not seem to look directly at Linda. Thank God the baby was making a fuss this morning and Linda could only talk to him over her shoulder or on her way into or out of the kitchen. He got through breakfast as fast as possible without being obvious. Actually he did not have to force himself to eat slowly as the food seemed to repulse him, and he had to force it into his mouth and force himself to chew it and then fight to swallow it and keep it down, studying the pattern on his plate the entire time. When he finally finished, he put on his jacket and managed to kiss Linda on the cheek before leaving.

 
Krist, it felt good to be in the elevator. ... At least until it stopped and some fool got on and Harry looked down at his

(161)

shoes and the cuffs on his pants, his insides screaming at the elevator to hurry and get the hell to the bottom. . . .

At

last he was on the street. Damn, that nausea was really burning him up. Thats what he got for eating last night. Should have passed the goddamn food up. O screw it. Dont make a big deal out of a blow job for krists sake—comeon, comeon, comeon, move it lady. .. .

Ahhh,

sanctuary. His office. The door closed. Stays closed if he wants. That feeling will go. Just get to work. Dont sweat it. Work and some Pepto Bismol will take of— Shit! Did he check his shorts? There was nothing on them anyway. How could there be? She wouldnt notice anything anyway. How could she? Just toss them in the bag and send them to the laundry. Must be all right. It has to be— The phone rang and he jumped and instinctively jerked back from the phone as if it were a hooded cobra. He stared at it for a moment. It rang again, and he snatched it up and almost sighed audibly when he heard Louis/s voice. He could not keep his eyes open for more than a second at a time, even after hanging up the phone, for many long and glaring minutes. .. .

And then his work

wrapped itself around him and soon he was aware only of his work and his mind was filled with the responsibilities of his position, and that was all he was aware of until he was in the elevator on the way up to the apartment; then his feeling of self-consciousness started twinging him again. His mind kept trying to tell him that Linda was involved in taking care of Harry Jr. and her wifely duties, but he felt, from time to time, that she was noticing that he was not acting as he usually did, and so he tried to act normal and was aware of the fact that he was over-compensating and he would then make another readjustment and try to get back to normal, if he could just figure out what normal was.

 
Toward the end of the evening he was trying to interest himself in a television show when Linda came out of Harry

(162)

Jrs bedroom and put her arms around him and kissed him on the cheek. Harry could feel himself tense immediately, and his eyes closed automatically as he waited. . . .

                                       
Linda kissed him again. Sometimes I feel that I am neglecting you.

 
Neglecting me? trying to keep his breathing as quiet as possible.

Yes.

 
What makes you say that? trying to prevent his smile from becoming hysterical laughter.

 
O, you know honey, Harry Junior takes up so much time and I get involved in this and that and I sometimes get the feeling that Im neglecting you. That Im giving all my time to our son and the house and none to my dear, sweet husband.

 
Harry smiled and sighed inwardly with relief and opened his arms as she sat on his lap. Well, life has been extremely difficult around here lately, but I forgive you.

 
They both chuckled, Linda happily feeding her feelings of relief, Harry consciously trying to control his. You know sweetheart, I dearly love our son, but you are still the man in my life.

 
And, O God, she smiled so sweetly and the palm of her hand felt so warm and petal soft on the back of his neck, and Harry pulled her close to him and pressed his cheek against her breast and felt the rhythm of her heart quieting the nauseous turbulence within him, and he snuggled gently against her for a moment and tentatively kissed her neck and looked up into her eyes and smiled into their lovingness, feeling tears warming the back of his. eyes, then kissed her again and slowly rose from his chair and held that petal softness of a hand in both of his and kissed it, and smiled again at his wife, then led her to the bedroom and hugged and kissed her again before gently snuggling her into their bed.

 
Memories, like ancient history, can easily disappear when their pertinence to today is ignored, and then they eventually

(163)

reappear and become current events. Harrys life remained in its well-oiled groove for a couple of months, until the next public relations evening. He called Linda and told her to go ahead and eat, but he would not be too late and would have a snack with her when he got home.

 
Even without the aid of liquor he was quickly caught up in the relaxing atmosphere of the restaurant, its trappings, the laughter of the men and women at the table, his own complacency, and became actively involved in the telling of jokes and anecdotes and unguardedly tasted and savored his way through the meal. On their way out of the restaurant, he made a quick call and told Linda they had run into a snag and that he would be late and not to wait for him.

 
He was actually surprised to find himself in bed with the girl. That was not what he had intended to do. He was just going to sit around the suite with the others for a while to make certain there were not any loose ends that needed tying up, and then go home. He had not even intended to be alone with one of the girls, much less go to bed with her.

 
But he had. And it seemed as if it had happened beyond his control, as if it had happened to him. The girl enjoyed his company. He was different from the Johns she routinely was involved with. He was pleasant. He spoke to her and treated her as if she were no different from any other woman, and so her enthusiasm for his company was more real than professional.

 
And so she was smiling at him and rubbing his chest when he suddenly noticed the time. All the way home he kept inwardly shaking his head and trying to reconstruct the night. How did he get from the restaurant to bed? What had happened? How did it happen? He hadnt planned it. He wasnt even horny. He was just sitting there talking and eating and was going to make certain everything was taken care of properly and then he was in bed with this girl and he came to the further realization that he had just finished screwing her. Twice . . . Why? Why did he do it? What in the name of krist is going on? It doesn't make any sense. No goddamn

(164)