The Denim Dom (Siren Publishing Sensations) (38 page)

It stunned her to realize she hurt worse now than when she discovered James’ second round of betrayal.

I love him. I love him and don’t even know if I can tell him.
Telling him and learning he didn’t feel the same would hurt worse than never telling him at all.

She plodded through the second week by sheer force of will, keeping busy and working long hours, going in early and staying late, taking more assignments than she normally would and busting her ass to do anything but think about Tony Daniels. Leah had elicited a promise from her to come to dinner with them on Saturday and go to a club with them up in Tampa, but she decided she didn’t have the heart to.

That was why she almost didn’t answer her phone when Leah called her as she was getting ready to leave the office late Friday. “How you doing, sweetie?” Leah asked her.

Shayla sighed as she stared at her monitor. “I’ll live. I’m going to cancel on tomorrow night, though.”

“Aww. Are you sure? You can ride with us. We weren’t planning on staying real late. Just going to hang out and watch and visit with friends.”

“No, I’m sure. But thank you anyway.” She ran her finger over the keyboard. “I’m going to shut off my phone after we hang up and keep it off all weekend. I’m going to spend the weekend drowning my sorrows in Guinness and sinfully dark chocolate, watch cheesy B-movies in my jammies, and start Monday fresh with a new attitude and ready to kick ass and take names.”

“Well, call or text me, huh? Let me know you’re okay?”

“Nope. James is in Orlando this weekend on business. I don’t want to do something stupid like pick up the phone and talk to him if he calls, or return any texts.”

“Oh. James as in James the ex?”

“Yep. Him.” She shut down her computer and pushed away from her desk. “He called me a couple of weeks ago. Said he wanted to get together to talk while he was down here. The way I feel right now, I’d be too tempted to do something stupid.”

“Still haven’t heard from Tony, huh?”

“Nope.” She let out a sigh. “Look, I know you really want to, but please don’t say anything to him, okay?” She swallowed back tears when she felt the prickles in her eyes. “He’s made it abundantly clear by his lack of communication that this was just a formal arrangement and not a personal one.” She took a deep breath. “I’m a big girl. I’ve finally got my big-girl panties on and I’m sucking it up and dealing with it. If he wants to talk when he gets back, we will. He stuck to his end of the deal. I’m dang sure not going to be a whiny drama llama.”

“I’m sorry, sweetie. I’m going to kick his ass next time I see him.”

“No, please, don’t. Like I said, he didn’t do anything wrong.” She closed her eyes, trying to squeeze back stray tears that wanted to force their way out. “I’m the one who fell in love with him. This is my problem. He never led me on. I did that to myself just fine without any help from him. I need to go. I’ll talk to you on Monday.”

“Okay. Take care this weekend. Call me if you change your mind about tomorrow.”

Shayla ended the call and immediately shut off her phone. She’d already decided to leave her laptop at the office so she wouldn’t be tempted to check e-mail. She didn’t have a landline, so for the weekend she’d be totally off the grid. If she wanted to buy e-books, she could do that through her Kindle without ever getting on the Internet. She’d leave her cell phone shut off and in the dresser drawer in the bedroom and focus on getting this maudlin mental crap out of her system.

Then she could just move the fuck on with her life.

I hope.

She wasn’t going to delude herself and get her hopes up that Tony wanted more from her.

Wishing for a happy ending had already got her heart broken with James. She wouldn’t embarrass herself like that again.

On the way home, she stopped at the grocery store. She stocked up so she wouldn’t have to leave her apartment. Not that she planned on staying sober long enough to drive for most of the weekend. She might have a hella hangover come Monday morning, but that would help take her mind off the pain in her heart and soul, at least.

* * * *

No matter how many problems Tony settled during the install, new ones seemed to crop up every day. Putting the new data center together was like herding severely ADHD cats in desperate need of high Ritalin doses. Tony worked eighteen-hour days, collapsing late every night in his hotel room and getting up early every morning to do it all over again. He left his private cell phone in the hotel room where it eventually shut down due to a dead battery.

He didn’t have time to think about Shayla or her absence in his life.

Once the servers and other equipment were installed and booted, and the raised floor panels configured, and all the wiring properly run and labeled beneath them, then came the fun part of making sure everything was online and talking to each other, as well as the data center in Bradenton, and integrated with the telecom departments in both locations.

That went along with putting fires out in Bradenton on a regular basis due to him not being there.

Now I remember why I hate taking vacations.

The first week passed in a blur. He couldn’t take an hour off to eat lunch, much less a day off to catch up on sleep or personal email, and worked straight through the weekend. It wasn’t until the end of the second week, late Friday night Denver time, when Tony finally took a few minutes to check his personal e-mail before collapsing for the night. A few times during the past several days he’d thought about texting Shayla but decided against it. He’d finally remembered to charge his personal cell phone, but she hadn’t texted him the whole time he was there.

Well, I didn’t want clingy.

But maybe she was really over it, and him.

He scrolled through his mail, dumping almost everything, and skimming past a message from Leah nearly a week earlier that he almost deleted by accident. Once he had the dreck cleaned out, he went back to read it.

She included a brief message at the top of the e-mail, followed by the forwarded text from a message Shayla had sent her.

You need to read this, you frigging asshat. WTF is wrong with you? Why the hell haven’t you texted or called her? I thought you gave a damn about her? She’s in love with you and afraid to text you because you’ll think she’s “clingy.” Get your shit together or you’re going to lose her.

Leah.

By the time he finished reading the rough draft of Shayla’s article, his throat felt dry. He called Leah.

“Well, it’s about damn time you picked up a fricking phone, you damn asshat.”

“How is she? I just read your e-mail.”

“Not good, thanks to you. She thinks you don’t give a damn about her. And why haven’t you texted or called her yet?”

He rubbed his forehead. “It’s been crazy out here. This is literally the first time I’ve had to sit down and check my personal e-mail. I thought since I hadn’t heard from her that maybe she was okay with everything ending.”

“No. You apparently did such a damn fine job drilling it into her head that you don’t like clingy women that now she’s afraid to text you first. And she’s convinced since you said you’d be in touch, and you weren’t, that you don’t care.”

“Okay, I’ll call her right now.”

“Good luck with that. It’s early Saturday morning here, asshat. I’m only up because we just got back from a club, and besides—” He heard sounds like Leah had lost the phone.

Then Seth came on the line. “Tony?”

“Hi. What just happened?”

In the background, Tony could hear more sounds, like Leah was trying to get the phone away from Seth. “Um, listen, sorry about that. I’m going to put Leah to bed. She’s had a long day.”

Tony pinched the bridge of his nose. “No, it’s okay. I deserve it. I am an asshat.” At the sudden quiet on the other end of the line, Tony thought maybe the call had dropped. “Seth?”

“Yeah, I’m here. I was just trying to decide if I heard you right.”

“You heard me right. You can put her back on. Don’t spank her.”

“Oh. Okay. Hold on.”

The phone exchanged hands again, because Leah returned, sounding put out in addition to indignant. “What’d you tell him?”

“That I’m an asshat.”

Another surprised silence from Florida. “Oh. Okay. All right then. Glad you see things my way.”

“I’ll call her in the morning.”

Leah sighed. “You won’t reach her. I talked to her before she left work last night. She’s really sad and going off the grid, as she called it, for the weekend. She’s shut off her phone and left her computer at work. She mentioned something about getting drunk and eating chocolate while watching bad movies, and I think she means it. I tried to call her again tonight before we went out and it went to her voice mail. Usually she’ll at least text me back, but she hasn’t.”

If he hadn’t felt bad enough already, that added to it. “Oh. Crap. You
know what I’m like when I’m buried at work. I get tunnel vision. This was a nightmare install.” He rubbed his forehead. “I really screwed up here, didn’t I?”

“Uh, yeah. Ya
think
? First thing Monday morning, I’d say your ass better be on the phone to her.”

“Well, on the off chance you do hear from her—”

“I will tell her I talked to you and that she needs to try to call or text you and let you know she’s got her phone back on, yes.”

“Thanks, Leah.”

“Hey, Tony?”

“What?”

There was a moment of quiet tension before she asked, “Is she the one?”

He let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. “Yeah,” he quietly said. “If I haven’t gone and fubared it before we even had a chance, I really do think she’s the one.”

* * * *

Shayla refused to read any romance novels that weekend. She couldn’t stomach the thought of reading about someone else’s happy ending when hers had been yanked right the hell out from under her.

She also didn’t want to contemplate how in the hell she’d ever meet someone else like Tony. No, she didn’t have any official confirmation that all hope was dead in the water, but she was a realist. After having been screwed over with James, it was easier to accept the worst instead of hoping for the best.

Hoping for the best had gotten her over fifteen grand into debt she didn’t even owe.

Going back to a vanilla life wouldn’t be possible. She’d entered a whole new world, one she knew meant she’d never be satisfied settling for a vanilla guy.

I refuse to think about it this weekend.

Instead, she spent the weekend going around the world via microbrewery beer.

She hoped she had room in her recycling bin for all the bottles and cans.

She also moved her car keys into her underwear drawer. She didn’t think she’d be stupid enough to try to drink and drive, but if she got so plastered she forgot that, she’d probably never remember where she put them until she sobered up.

Or had to change her panties.

By Saturday evening she’d severely tested the endurance of her liver. She spent the day watching every stupid movie she could think of that she’d never watched before for the very reason that they were stupid. Beer, however, made everything funnier.

It also made it easier not to think about Tony Daniels.

I’m going to get a cat next week. This is ridiculous. I need a life. I’ll get a cat.

When the thought of a Facebook meme she’d seen, of an IKEA cube organizer filled with a cat per space, crossed her mind, she giggled.

I’m not so drunk I want to be a crazy cat lady either. One’s my limit.

By Sunday afternoon she’d run out of beer and let herself sober up. She wasn’t completely hungover, but she took a couple of ibuprofen as insurance.

Her sadness also returned. As she curled up on the couch with her arms wrapped around a pillow, she allowed herself to cry one last time.
I need to get him out of my system. He’s like a damn drug I can’t wean myself off of.

She knew Monday would be hard, but she also knew after what she’d faced with James that she should be able to deal with it.

At least he didn’t cost me any money. Just my heart.

I can’t wait to get home.
Bone weary, Tony found his car in long-term parking and threw his bags in the trunk before getting in. He didn’t have the luxury of sleeping in a little that morning before his flight because of last-minute issues cropping up in the Denver data center. For a couple of hours, it was doubtful he’d even make his flight, until they finally got things straightened out.

Since it was just before midnight on a Sunday, he gave silent thanks there wouldn’t be any traffic jams to deal with on his drive home from Tampa.

Although it sucked knowing he had to go in to work the next morning. He had too many backlogged issues to deal with there to even think about taking time off.

When he looked over at the passenger seat, he froze. Shayla’s collar still lay where he’d left it that morning two weeks earlier, before he went to Denver. He’d forgotten to take it into his house.