The Desire (29 page)

Authors: Gary Smalley

Tags: #FIC027020, #FIC042040, #Adoption—Fiction

BOOK: The Desire

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Dan's Interview with Gary about
The Desire

Dan
:
As with the first two books in our series, the spiritual themes in
The Desire
are drawn from one of your nonfiction books. This time I used a book you published in 2011, written to equip parents to teach spiritual truths to their children more effectively, called
Guarding Your Child's Heart
. This book seems different than most of the books you've written. What motivated you to write it?

Gary
:
It started thirteen years ago, when I turned sixty. I experienced a radical change in my spiritual outlook. God showed me that, for the most part, I tended to blame other people and other things for anything that went wrong in my life. He convicted me that I was just blame shifting. I saw that the Scriptures teach that I'm 100 percent responsible for my actions and my reactions to what other people do and say. Jesus said in Matthew 12 that “out of the heart” come evil thoughts and evil deeds, meaning out of our
own
heart. Other people can't make us do wrong things. And blaming them doesn't
help anything; it just makes things worse and keeps us locked into destructive attitudes and behavior.

Seeing this was really liberating. Only God can cleanse my heart, but I realized to really experience the quality of life Jesus wants me to have, I was responsible for guarding my heart and renewing my mind. This led me into a study that totally changed my life. This book contains all the things God showed me from this time. I wrote it as a tool to help parents teach these truths to their children, so they can start their lives on this foundation.

Dan
:
When we first began this Restoration series, your staff sent me a box of your more recent books to help me create stories for our project. Initially I ignored this book because it looked like something written for children. But as I went through it, I was astounded by the depth and simplicity in the lessons and felt the advice you gave to parents before each lesson was priceless. Page after page was filled with so much practical wisdom and insight. Tell us a little more about the connection between obedience to Christ and experiencing genuine joy.

Gary
:
I've experienced more peace and joy since I began following these truths than I have my whole life. See, when we think our happiness is dependent on things going the way we want or on circumstances we can't control or on people doing what we want them to, we're unhappy all the time. But when we realize that joy comes from the Lord, that it's the fruit of faith and obedience, we realize that being joyful is something we can do all the time, every day. In Matthew 7, Jesus taught a parable about a house that either stands or falls when the storms hit, based on whether or not it had been built on rock or sand. Then he tells us what building on rock is like .Â .Â . it's simply hearing his commands and obeying
them. Obeying Christ's commands brings incredible stability and peace into our lives.

At the Last Supper, he emphasized obeying his commands again, and this time he said he was telling us these things “so that our joy might be full.” That's why God wants us to obey him, so that we can experience the fullest possible joy anyone can have in this life. And we can have it simply by trusting in him and doing what he says. No matter what happens, no one can take that kind of joy away from us. So I began studying Christ's commands, and I saw that we can actually obey all his commands if we'll obey these four: humble ourselves, love God, love others, and rejoice in our trials.

Dan
:
One of the main themes in
Guarding Your Child's
Heart
is how our beliefs directly connect to the way we live. Could you explain a little more about how what we believe, whether true or false, dramatically affects how we live and the choices we make?

Gary
:
Everyone lives by what they believe, whether that belief is true or false. Our beliefs are formed by our thoughts, which is why the Bible teaches us to be careful about the things that influence us or our children, and why it's necessary for our minds to be renewed by God's truth. What we think really matters. If we think about something that's not true long enough, we will start to believe it. Once we start to believe it, our emotions get involved, and now it feels like the truth.

For example, if I believe I can't be happy unless my wife changes, then I'll constantly be focused on her, nagging her, pressuring her to change. And I'll stay unhappy. But this belief is based on a thought that isn't true. If I allow my mind to be renewed by God's truth, which says I'm supposed to love her as Christ loves the
church no matter what, then my focus shifts from her performance to my own behavior, to the way I treat her, and the things I say. This new belief can radically change our relationship.

Dan
:
In our book
The
Desire
, Michele is reading this children's ministry notebook and discovers some things about humility she never understood. I loved what you wrote about humility in
Guarding Your Child's
Heart
, particularly the part about needing to become aware that we are all helpless without God and need to seek his help every day. What you shared were some pretty radical lessons for someone to be learning at your age. Why do you think pride comes so easily to us and humility is so hard to grasp?

Gary
:
I think pride is built into our nature. Then it is reinforced by our parents and the culture around us, which pushes us to succeed and emphasizes that it's all up to us. The focus is always on us. Pride makes us envious of others, so we're always striving to impress people or craving recognition. But Jesus shows us something brand newâhumility. He lived a life of total dependence on God and taught his disciples that this is the way he wants them to live too. He tells us that true joy comes from being “poor in spirit.”

The truth is, spiritually, we are all beggars. We're crippled. On our own, we can't produce things like love, joy, peace, patience, and the other fruits of the Spirit. We can try, but we can't pull it off. Humility is simply seeing this and admitting it, owning it. And God promises that when we do see ourselves accurately and look to him as our source, he pours abundant grace on us. But the Bible also says that God resists and opposes the proud. That really motivates me to want to cultivate humility.

Dan
:
In
Guarding Your Child
's Heart
you talked about four major beliefs, or commands, we need to learn and live by as Christians. But in
The Desire
we didn't really have time to get to the fourth one, which is “Rejoice in Trials.” Why do we need to embrace this command as essential, and why is this so important to our faith and even our own happiness?

Gary
:
It gets back to the idea about control. We don't have control over so much of what happens in our lives. Trials and troubles happen all the time. Christians aren't promised that we won't have them; we're promised that we will. But we're also promised that God is always in control, even in times of trouble. So we are commanded to rejoice in times of trouble, even to be thankful. It's an expression of faith that God is in control and that he can work all things together for good, even though it may take some time.

What we normally do is get angry or frustrated when trouble comes, or become afraid. This is a normal reaction, and it's not necessarily sin. Ephesians 4:26 says, “Be angry but do not sin.” It's what we do with that anger that makes the difference. If we turn to the Lord and ask for his help (humble ourselves), he will help us. He'll give us grace to endure the trial and peace to guard our hearts. But Paul tells us in the next two verses in Ephesians 4 what happens if we
don't
resolve our anger properly, if we let “the sun go down on our anger.” This unresolved anger gives the devil a foothold in our lives.

Many Christians go days, weeks, and months allowing this unresolved anger to contaminate their hearts. The light inside grows dimmer and dimmer until finally it becomes nighttime in their hearts. This is why it's so critical for us to obey God and rejoice when trouble comes.

Acknowledgments

I
n addition to our wonderful publishing staff at Revell, Gary and I would like to thank some very special people who helped us with the research of this book. At the top of that list would be Gary's son-in-law, Roger Gibson, and Gary's daughter (and Roger's wife), Kari. It's fair to say we could never have written this book without them. Most of the scenes set in Ethiopia came out of conversations and emails with them.

You can find out more about their story by watching the trailer for
Man Up and Go
, an award-winning film that actually features Gary sharing their experiences in Korah (
manupandgo.com/trailer
). Also, check out Kari Gibson's amazing blog at
mycrazyadoption.org/blog/
.

Gary and I would also like to thank three other womenâall of them writersâfor their invaluable insights about the current struggles women face with infertility. They are:

Kym McNabney (find her at
kymmcnabney.blogspot.com/
)
Elizabeth Maddrey (find her at
www.ElizabethMaddrey.com
)
Marlo Schalesky (find her at
www.marloschalesky.com
)

Dan Walsh
is the award-winning author of
The Unfinished Gift
,
The Homecoming
,
The Deepest Waters
,
Remembering Christmas
,
The Discovery
,
The Reunion
, and
The Dance
. A member of American Christian Fiction Writers, Dan served as a pastor for twenty-five years. He lives with his family in the Daytona Beach area, where he's busy researching and writing his next novel.

Gary Smalley
is one of the country's best known authors and speakers on family relationships. He is the author or coauthor of sixteen bestselling, award-winning books, along with several popular films and videos. He has spent over thirty years learning, teaching, and counseling, speaking to over two million people in live conferences. Gary has appeared on national television programs such as
Oprah
,
Larry King Live
,
Extra
, the
Today
show, and
Sally
Jessy Raphael
, as well as numerous national radio programs. Gary and his wife, Norma, have been married for forty years and live in Branson, Missouri. They have three children and six grandchildren.