The Desire to Touch (33 page)

“If you hold your hand like this,” he whispers into my ear, his proximity is so close, I want him to touch me. I crave his lips to be on mine and I want to touch him, to run my hands over his body. I lean my head into him so my face is resting on his, his other hands grasps my hip and pulls me firmly against him, then I feel his length growing hard through his jeans.

“Calm down,” he mutters breathlessly.

I hear Lacey and Michael laughing in the background and that brings me to, I blink rapidly trying to break free from the spell he has over me.

I clear my throat then look at him and kiss him on the cheek, “I got this.”

He smiles and steps aside once more, but this time adjusting himself discreetly. I look at the score he needs 191 and I need 246, I close my eyes then take aim once more fixated on the treble 20 mark.

“Wow my hands have the magic touch!” Trey exclaims after my last dart hits the board. I managed to land all 3 darts in the treble 20 zone, I look at Trey as he walks over to key in the score.

I knew all those Sundays of fleecing the old men in the legion would pay off one day, I smile at Trey as he walks to take his turn.

“Why do I get the feeling I’m being played here?” His blue eyes twinkle again as he eyes me suspiciously.  He takes aim and lands a treble 20, a double 15 and a 5.

I look at the score as he keys it in, we’re tied on 66 and I’m up next. I aim and throw again, more hoping than skill, as I’m too nervous now; it’s all about the win. Through pure luck I land a double 20, a 20 and a double 3. I sigh through relief and walk all smug and self-righteous up to the dartboard to retrieve my darts. My ego is on Cloud 9 and my head is way too big as I pull the darts out of the board until I have one left to pull. I look at Trey and stick out my tongue as I pull it out with added force for effect, but the dart doesn’t come away in my hand instead the dart board comes off the wall with my dart still in it. It lands with a crash on the floor, the others laugh and cheer as the noise reverberates throughout the room. I flush crimson and hurry to pick the board up, I try to hang it back up but in my fluster I can’t find the hook, I look at Trey,

“I’m so sorry.” I cringe.

Trey’s laughing too hard to actually answer me. He walks over, wiping the tears from his eyes, and takes the board from me. Hanging it back up he removes my snapped dart from the board and hands it to me.

“Well that’s one way to ensure you can’t be beaten,” he sniggers walking away, he grabs another drink from the fridge and walks back over still chuckling to himself. I’m stood dumbstruck at how stupid I can actually be sometimes, I just stare at the board I have ruined.

“Don’t worry,” he wraps his arm around my shoulder and leans in. Trey points at the board and says, “That’ll be our lucky number.”

My heart skips a beat as he says it, I look at the board lovingly now knowing that the number eighteen will be one of luck and not just the number I ripped a chunk out of on his dart board.

“It’s getting late and I want to take you somewhere tomorrow.” Trey says placing the remaining darts back on the shelf.

“Oh right?” I look at him in surprise.

“Come, let’s go to bed.” He holds out his hand for me to take but I look to Meagan and Lacey who are falling about laughing with Michael as they play some game.

“We’re going to bed now its 1am and I’m pretty tired.” Trey says to Michael.

Meagan looks at me, “O
h stay down a bit longer?”

To be honest I am really tired and I have been at work all day, “It’s been a long day but you guys stay up and have fun.”

“Michael, you can show them to one of the spare rooms and there are some spare clothes somewhere if they want to change.”

Lacey looks at me then mouths, “This is so cool!”

I smile and say goodnight to them as we leave the room and make our way up the never-ending staircase to his boudoir. Standing in the doorway, I watch Trey as he effortlessly glides around the room. I know how close we came last time we were here, and the feelings he sent through me then, are vibrating through my body right now. Is it fear or excitement that has me feeling this way?

I lean against the doorframe and gaze at him as he takes off his t-shirt.

“Don’t just stand there checking me out, come in.” Trey calls as he enters the bathroom.

The nerves rush through my body setting every nerve ending alight, I tentatively walk in to the room and hover around the foot of the bed. I perch on the edge of the bed. As Trey exits the bathroom and walks up to me. Faced with his amazingly toned stomach I can’t move. All I can do is stare, my nerves have gotten the best of me and I’m frozen on the spot. Trey runs his fingers through my hair and then traces my jaw line with his fingertips until he reaches my chin. With a gentle grip he clasps it and tips my head back so I am looking into those crystal blue eyes.

“Will you bath with me?”

Shit! Think Ellie, think of an excuse! I think the panic is showing in my face.

“It’s ok, you don’t have to.” He bends down and kisses me tenderly on the lips. He sits next to me on the bed and says, “Thank you for giving me the chance, you owe me nothing and I owe you everything to prove to you how much I want this, how much I want you.”

I relax and turn to face him with a smile, “I’m glad I did.”

“Don’t worry there will not be a repeat of the last time you were here.”

Thanks for reminding me I’d just started to relax, I look down and grab my bangle.

“I promise I will not let that happen,” Trey says grabbing my hand to stop me from playing with it.

I look up at him and see the worry making his brow furrow, I slowly run my fingers down his cheek, Trey moves his face into my hand relishing in my touch.

“I have something for you,” He says holding my hand to his face.

‘Shit, oh no what now?’ I think to myself, “Right?” Without thinking I pull my hand away and clasp my bangle.

He gets off the bed and walks to the draws under the TV, he pulls out a small red felt drawstring bag and comes back to sit on the bed.

“While I was in Paris I saw this and wanted to get it for you,” He hands me the bag.

I look at the beautifully embroidered bag then look at him, “You didn’t have to.” I mutter as my face reddens with embarrassment.

“Go on, open it.” He says crossing his legs on the bed, watching my face.

I slowly untie the drawstring and then open the bag, I put my hand inside and feel something round and metallic. I pull out the most beautiful thick Silver bangle and I look at him speechless.

“Look on the inside of it.” Trey whispers.

I hold the bangle up and look inside, the words ‘Pense á moi’ have been engraved in stunningly curled writing. The tears start pooling in my eyes and I have no way of controlling them. I’m stunned and speechless, the tears start to fall from my eyes as I look down at this amazingly crafted gift.

“It means think of me.” Trey says taking the bangle from me, “May I?” He gestures at the one already on my wrist. I am still looking down and sobbing like a baby, I can’t stop the tears, my heart lurches as he removes the old bangle. He turns my palm upwards and I look away with a never-ending stream of tears still falling, he tucks my jumper sleeve back. My scar is on show and I can’t look at him or it, I feel ashamed, my heart rate starts to pick up and I can feel a panic attack coming on. I hold still and resist the urge to pull away as he slips the new bangle on to my wrist. He then turns my hand back over and kisses the back of it. My heart lurches once more leaving a pain in my chest, Trey releases my hand. I look back but not to him, I look at the new reassurance that sparkles on my arm.

“I don’t know what happened to you and I won’t force you to tell me, but I do know when you’re scared or feeling unnerved you hold your wrist. Just know that when you’re with me you’re safe and when we’re not together, the next time you hold it, if you think of me then you’ll know you’re safe.”

I choke, as my heart tries to leap out of my chest and into his arms, the tears start to fall quicker and my body starts to shake as my emotions are laid bare for him to see.

Trey tips my head back so he can look at me, but I feel so bare I don’t want him to see the scared little girl I hide away, in my eyes. Before I know it he’s pulled me onto his lap and engulfs me in his arms, holding me tight and making me feel so very safe. Burying my face into his shoulder I breathe slowly trying to stem the tears and calm myself down.

“I’m sorry,” I sob.

“What for?” He asks gently.

“Being an emotional wreck,” I sniff and wipe my eyes, “It’s beautiful, thank you so much, this is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.”

“There’s something about you, almost like you need saving and from the moment I first met you, all I’ve wanted to do is save you.” He says brushing the hair out of my face and wiping the new tears away from my eyes.

I close my eyes and grab the bangle, I hang my head in shame, as it’s hard to hear.

“I promise I will protect you.” He says again, trying to look me in the eyes.

“Please don’t make promises you can’t keep.” I mutter.

Ellie,” he sighs, “I’ve known you for no time at all, I don’t make a habit of chasing people. I usually have control of my life and everything handed to me on a plate but you’re so different, I don’t know how many times I need to tell you this. If anyone else had run out on me then I’d say ‘fuck ‘em’ but you, I want to run after you.”

I shake my head, “You shouldn’t want to, I’m no one to you.”

“Will you stop with the self-degrading bullshit,” he forces me to look at him, “I will prove to you anyway I can that I will protect you.”

I don’t believe what he says but I
am grateful for his kind words. A man like this with all the money in the world and fame that only mere mortals dream of, will be off like a shot the minute someone better comes along. I appease him and offer him a smile.

He places me on the bed and stands, “I’m running a bath and I would like you to join me.” His face is kind and soft as he walks to the bathroom, I just feel like a fool now for blubbing my arse off in front of him.

What if he thinks he has to protect me from myself? Does he think I caused these scars? Bruce’s words echo in my head, “It’s time you started to open yourself up again.”

I sit on the bed and collect my thoughts for a while, then decide I’ve had enough of feeling sorry for myself. I walk into the bathroom where Trey is laying in the submerged bath, covered in bubbles.
He smiles at me as I walk into the room, and he starts fussing with the bubbles that surround him, “Have to cover my dignity.” He says laughing.

I sit on the step that surrounds the bath and look deep into his burning blue eyes.

I take a deep breath, “I want to tell you what happened but I’m scared of two things.”

“What
?”

“One that you’ll change the way you look at me and two, the only people that know are family or those back home, it’s not something I want broadcast.”

“Don’t you trust me?”

“I…”

“I’m sorry, I have no right to ask that.” He says quickly.

Come on woman you need to do this, I slip my boots off and stand. I pull my leggings down so I’m stood in my baggy jumper that hangs low hiding my underwear, just.

“You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.” Trey says, sitting forward.

“If I don’t do it now I never will.” I slip the bangle off and grab the hem of the jumper, I clench it tight with both hands trying to bring myself to take it off and show him the scar that separates me in two.

“Ellie, really it’s ok…”

I take another deep breath and pull my jumper up and over my head. Shit! I am not wearing matching underwear, I have white pants and a black bra! That’s my main concern as I stand there baring all to him, what is wrong with me?

I drop my jumper to the side and realise I am covering my stomach with my arm, I hang my arm to the side and close my eyes. After what feels like an eternity I open my eyes to look at him, his eyes are wide and he is still. I look down and go to grab the bangle for reassurance but realise it’s sitting on the floor next to my boots.

I look up again and Trey is moving across the bath towards me, he stands with all his glorious soapy flesh revealed. He can’t take his eyes off my stomach as he closes the gap between us. Both his hands come up and grab me by the hips, pulling me closer to him. He takes one hand off my hip and slowly traces the scar from top to bottom. I close my eyes and the tears squeeze out through my tightly shut eyelids, he then kneels again so his face is level with the scar. I look down as he traces the line again, he looks up at me and I see the anger in his eyes, he looks down and kisses the top of my scar then follows the line, placing soft tender kisses all the way along. I shudder with every kiss, not because it
hurts but I shudder with shame. I am ashamed of myself.

“Ellie I…” He starts.

I open my eyes and look down at him giving a small smile to say ‘Don’t-say-anything’. Trey stands once more and kisses me so hard on the mouth, his tongue forces into my mouth and finds mine. I kiss him back through the tears. His hands come up under my arms and he lifts me and puts me in the bath with him, we are stood kissing in the bath and I still have my underwear on. Trey enfolds me in his arms holding me so tight, I’m not sure if that’s to reassure him or me.