The Destroyer Book 2 (36 page)

"What you are now? A powerful woman who commands a kingdom?"

"No," I laughed lightly. "A good guess though. I wanted to be a mother."

"A mother?" The look of bewilderment on his face was satisfying.

"Yes. Father told me stories of my mother, really his wife, and how she died giving birth. She had made all these plans for her baby, what she would teach it, how she was going to love it. I cried for so long when I found out that I wasn't this wonderful woman's daughter. That my real mother abandoned me somewhere alone to be eaten or to starve."

"Why would he tell you that? It is horrible!"

"No, he didn't tell me the last part. I just jumped to that conclusion. Eventually he managed to convince me that I couldn't possibly imagine the situation surrounding my birth; perhaps leaving me on that cold pedestal in a forgotten temple in the Teeth Mountains had been the only way to save me from a worse fate. Maybe she prayed to whatever Spirits would hear her for the baby to be found and saved. They must have heard because a desperate man, in need of someone to love and care for, found me." I tried not to choke up again thinking about my father. "If I could be half of the parent he has been to me I'll be forever thankful."

It was a long time until Runir spoke again.

"So why all this? You should have just married and had children like you wanted. You could have had them." I looked over to the handsome blonde man as he struggled with the last words. "You can have them with me, Nadea."

A dove sounded from a few trees away from us. It cried a lazy succession of two short hoots and a third long one.

"I had my hand in all sorts of activities at the keep. When I wasn't running around bugging the soldiers or the staff I stuck my nose in my father's countless books. So even at ten, I knew about horses."

"Horses?" Runir was confused.

"Yes. What happens when a horse and a donkey breed?" I asked.

"A mule," he answered quickly.

"And what happens when a mule breeds with a horse, or a donkey, or another mule?" I asked him with all the smile that I could muster.

He took a few seconds to piece together the puzzle.

"Oh Nadea. I am so sorry. I didn't even think of that."

I laughed lightly. I had gotten used to my circumstances. I would bear no children.

"I am sure that I am, as you said, an 'intelligent, tough, and beautiful' mule." I worried that Runir might not let that last statement die. I had only tested my theory with one man, but I was confident in my hypothesis.

"I would never call you a mule, or horse, or any beast of burden," my friend said.

"I know you wouldn’t. You’d never hurt me." I looked back down into the dirt around the base of the tree, but the ants there didn't seem to care about our struggles.

"How do you know for sure? Which men did you . . ." Runir's voice trailed off and he raised an eyebrow.

"It really isn't any of your business," I sighed but wasn't angry at him.

"Kaiyer?" he whispered, and I saw the hurt in his eyes.

"No. It was in Astical. You should let this lie. I am confident in my findings."

"Maybe the," he paused and considered his words. "Men were sterile?" He pressed again and I heard the pain in his voice. He would not let this go until I beat him over the head with my answer.

"Staril has a few children, so I doubt he is sterile," I said flatly.

"Staril?" He gasped.

"Yes."

"But he is a tyrant! A brigand! How did?" He shot up to his feet and paced around without finishing his sentence.

"Staril is a fine man. The rumors about him are mostly false." I recalled the year I had spent with the Merchant King of Astical. "It was more of a business arrangement." I regretted the words as soon as they left my mouth. Runir's eyes met mine and he looked more betrayed than when I stole the army from his father.

"Explain," he spat out.

"Sit!" I commanded. The blonde man huffed and took the root next to me. His arms crossed his chest and he clenched his jaw.

"Father and I knew he had books relating to the O'Baarni and Ancients. He didn't want to trade them to us, but he offered to let me stay with him while I studied. I believed some of the rumors you did, but after a few months with the man, I realized he was just ruthless in business. He gave me access to all of his documents. Eventually I became close to his children and his wives."

"So then you let him fuck you?"

My hand shot out and smacked him across the face before he even registered my movement. The sound echoed out through the fields and one of the nearby doves took flight.

"No. I liked him. He is intelligent and handsome, I made the decision. Part of it was to test my theory. Part of it was political. If my theory proved wrong, and I did conceive with Staril, we would marry and then he would bring tremendous aid to Nia in our coming conflict. I didn't see any downside to the situation."

We sat in silence for a few minutes. Runir rubbed his jaw and looked away from me toward the camp. He sniffled and I saw that I had struck him hard enough to make his nose bleed. I didn't regret the slap.

I hadn't thought of Staril for almost two years. Perhaps it had been a foolish decision to become his lover when I visited. But I couldn't think of a better way to test if I could have a child. Any other union between a noble house or royalty would hinder my research into the O'Baarni, and any sexual encounter with a random man would have been disastrous for Nia if I actually wasn't barren.

"Do you love him?" he finally asked, his voice full of pain.

"Of course not. I respected him and was grateful to him for his help." Staril had been a skilled lover, intelligent, handsome, and he became the de facto ruler of a country that was even more chaotic than Losher. We spent countless hours discussing the legends of the O'Baarni, but I never felt more than a passing affection for him. Once my research completed and it appeared that I was correct about my inability to conceive, I left.

He never made me feel the way Kaiyer did.

"Do you speak with him anymore?" Runir's voice changed and lost most of its anger.

"No."

"Did it bother you that he has multiple wives? How did they feel about you in their husband's bed?" Runir asked. He was probably trying to piece together what my life had been like in the distant country.

"They treat women differently in Astical. That part of my life is behind me, and I'm sure I have less remorse than some of the women you have bedded." I chuckled and punched him lightly in the arm. He grunted in agreement and gave me a slight grin.

"How about adoption? Your father raised you as his. Surely that would satisfy your dream?" Runir said after we had sat in silence for another ten minutes.

"Yes, it would. Yes, I will. But not today. If we are alive after this war, there will be plenty of orphans. That will be my purpose." He nodded and wiped the blood from his nose. I could tell the question he turned over in his head but he surprised me with a different inquiry.

"So why the O'Baarni? You seemed suddenly very passionate about finding him, and then six months later knew exactly where one of his generals was imprisoned."

"It wasn't that quick." The sun finished burning up the layer of fog, and a slight breeze ruffled the leaves of the oak tree. It would be a chilly day.

You are avoiding my question. We've both been too honest so far," he joked. "Very well. It was actually a few pieces that came together. I had always been interested in the history of the Ancients, especially with the history of the O'Baarni. How could one man kill an entire race of people? But then I questioned some things. The histories, both written and spoken, conflicted with each other. Some said that he was a hero, some a terrible scourge. Some said the Ancients were a race of horrible beings that enslaved us. Other accounts claimed that the O'Baarni really enslaved humans and the Ancients." I looked over to Runir and he nodded. I had already told him this tale. "There were a few consistencies in the stories though. The first one was that the O'Baarni was so powerful that he could not be killed and instead was imprisoned."

"Who imprisoned him?"

"Some writings say it was the last Ancients, some say humans. Some say both." I was talking quickly. I felt connected to my past when I spoke of the Ancients and the O'Baarni.

"What do you believe?"

“Staril and I discussed this often. He had this book, it was ancient, and claimed to be only the copy of an even older lexicon. It was one of the oldest books I had ever touched.” I recalled sitting for hours by the fire in my study in Astical poring over each page.

"What did it say?" Runir seemed sincerely interested.

"The book claimed that the O'Baarni was imprisoned by his closest friends, the generals in his army." I smiled in satisfaction when Runir's eyes opened wide. I remembered lying awake at night wondering what exactly happened between these powerful beings. What could have caused them to turn on their leader?

"And Kaiyer…"

"Said he was a general in the O'Baarni's army. He must have been one of the people that imprisoned him!" I couldn't help but smile. Then the pleasure faded when I remembered with a sharp pain.

Kaiyer was dead.

"But he knew little. The man could fight obviously, and he used amazing magic from what I saw. But . . ." Runir looked at me and winced. "Did he tell you how to defeat the Ancients? Did he tell you anything useful?"

"No," I said sadly. I should have spent every waking second with him. I should have pestered him more, asked him more questions, and tried anything to learn from him. Instead, I kept my distance. I had run from what I feared the most.

I had tried to keep myself from loving him.

I would have been forced to tell him I could not give him children. Maybe it would not have mattered to him. But it would have mattered to me.

My plan of avoiding him and shielding my feelings had not worked. I had never been able to stop myself from thinking about him. I still could not stop.

"You okay?" Runir ripped me from my reverie.

"I didn't see his body."

My friend raised an eyebrow in an effort to give me sympathy. "He might still be alive."

"No. If he still lived, he would have helped us when the castle was attacked. You don't need to protect me from his death."

"I was jealous of him. I still am, actually." The blonde man smiled and glanced back up to the branches. "I confronted him in the hallway once."

"You did?" I didn't think the two had exchanged any words alone.

"Yeah. I said that I didn't like how he looked at you. I told myself I was trying to protect your honor but I was . . . ahhh. Doesn't matter." He leaned back and took a deep breath, letting the silence hang in the air like the leaves. Finally, he spoke again.

"I guess I should have expected what he was capable of from seeing him fight. But I thought I would intimidate him. He threw me around like a newborn puppy. Scared the shit out of me." He turned to me with a big smile. "If I knew he was a great general in this O'Baarni's army, I wouldn't have stuck my neck out for you!"

I laughed at the absurdity of it all. Runir saw Kaiyer kill three Ancients bare handed, and then attempted to muscle the man out of my life. He probably deserved to get beat up.

"How did you figure out where he was imprisoned?" he tried to ask nonchalantly, but I knew this had been a point of concern with the king and my father when I announced that I would journey to Vanlourn.

"It was a dream," I said.

"A dream?" He sat up inquisitively. I had already hinted to Runir and his father about the Ancient woman, but we spoke nothing of it after I retired to my tent that afternoon.

"Yes. I kept having the same one over and over. I thought I was going insane."

"What was the dream about? The woman?" The blonde man was fully engaged now. He had been wondering about this aspect of my plan for a long time.

"Yes. She told me that I could find him in the southern jungles. She said he would be hidden in a temple on the west side of a valley between the two largest peaks of a vast jungle."

"From that you figured out she meant Vanlourn?" Runir chewed on his lip.

"Yes. She also told me how to wake him, what to say, and the rules." The memory of the dreams sent a shiver down my spine. The beautiful woman had eyes of cold steel and her voice was so full of malice that I had been afraid to act on any of her instructions.

"Rules?"

"She said only a human could say the words that would bring him back. She said if I attempted them I would be destroyed." The lie came easily to my lips. I wasn't ready to tell Runir the truth. The woman made it clear to me that I was the only one who would be able to wake Kaiyer, but I had told my father and the king that I needed someone who spoke the Ancient language.

"So you needed Paug."

"I didn't need him for the ceremony. I could have taught the words to anyone. But I didn't know what to expect when the O'Baarni awoke. I knew they spoke a different language than us. Paug was the best solution."

"You've already heard this, but--"

"I know. It seemed like a gamble. What if he awoke and destroyed the world?" I had gone through the argument hundreds of times with my father, the king, and Paug's grandfather.

"I guess the alternative was also pretty bleak. Now it is even worse. Kaiyer wasn't the O'Baarni, he couldn't help us, the Ancients ended up taking over the castle, Nanos murdered his father, the woman I love doesn't feel the same way and almost became the wife of one of the most infamous conquers in all of the Eight Kingdoms. A bad situation all around." He smirked at me.

"There is still hope."

"You might still fall in love with me?" Runir said with a mischievous smile on his face that made me laugh.

"We aren't beaten yet."

"If anyone can figure out a way to win this war, it is you.” He smiled and got up from our makeshift bench on the roots. I followed his lead and rose from my seat. My leg had quieted down, but it still throbbed lightly.

"I'll lean on you, if you don’t mind." I didn't even finish the sentence before he was at my side with an arm around my shoulders. We had to carefully navigate our path through the roots before we made it to level ground and I was thankful for my friend's support.