The Devil Inside (Wolf Guard Book 1) (14 page)
"You're
alright Lane..." we sat waiting for Carver. I was healing quickly and
luxuriating in the heavy presence now inside my head, a comforting, protective
presence."... A little strange, but alright."
He
grinned beside me, his cuts already knitted together and the blood wiped from
his skin with his now ruined shirt."so says...the crazy lady."
I
had to laugh at that, Sam rubbing off on others."Why don't you get a head
start, don't think you need to be here when Carver arrives."
He
nodded and stood up, bunching muscle in his thighs rolling rocks of crushing
power. He tapped his temple with one finger, "I'll let him know...expect
him real soon." Lane grinned as he left, letting cool wind and a gust of
terracotta leaves displace his feet at the door.
I
lent back against the bench from my sprawled position on the floor. Carver
would smell the blood no doubt but if my face was back to normal, the fallout
shouldn't be as terrifying for everyone else. I nudged the wolf inside me and
pointed out my enhanced senses since we'd bonded. She preened in answer and I
smiled at her vanity. Everything was now in surround sound, I could hear
conversations that were taking place in whispered words as guards walked back
and fore around the building. I could smell their sweat as body temperatures
rose in response to activity. I could smell the tinge of fear clinging to them
as their Captain strode down the gravel path linking the training room to the
main Hall. I suppose he produced that reaction in most wolves, an unintentional
rush of anxiety in the company of such a dominate wolf. I frowned and looked
inside myself staring at gold eyes looking through my own.
Why does his dominance not bother you?
She
understood what I meant, her answer wasn't in words, more like what Carver had
said previously; feelings and mutual understanding. She didn't fear him, even
if we never accepted him, he could not physically hurt her. She didn't bow down
to his dominance simply because, she was his equal. That thought brought warmth
flowing through my veins,
equal.
I was this Captains equal. I could be
that fierce, I could be that powerful. It was laying the world at my feet,
gifting me with gold gilded chests and a throne of respect and unadulterated
worth. It gave me substance, filled me with knowledge that I was now more than
that girl, I had a purpose more than my revenge. I saw something, blurred and
out of focus but
something,
beyond the end I had envisioned. There was
life after Daniel. There would be a future for me.
I
was a mass of swirling contradiction, I snorted at my sudden similarity to
Charlie. I was at once awkward and distrusting in this bond I was supposed to
have with Carver, and yet it was giving me things I hadn't thought would
transfer over the connection. He was giving me the confidence he had
accumulated over several hundred years, it made my spine straighter, my
feelings less feral as if I were magically validated. He was laying these
offerings before me and I was lapping them up like a starving dog.
I
had a decision to make. I could keep second guessing him or take the chance
that whatever else he did, he would not lie to me. Can a wolf lie to its mate?
Manipulate and twist until the result is to his satisfaction? I didn't have the
experience to know and so it became a question of a leap of faith. That whoever
else he manoeuvred, placed like perfect pawns on his game of chess, I would be
safe by his side. Maybe he could have a space, be a tiny part of that future I
saw in clouded visions.
I
smelt his cinnamon scent blow through the double doors as he entered, that
aroma thick and enticing flowing over my very skin and filling my lungs to
capacity.
I
hadn't thought of that, with the connection to my wolf now solid and complete
his scent had gone from distracting to overwhelming. A flash passed through my
vision and suddenly he was in front of me, all seven and half feet of rumbling
harsh faced man. His face buried itself in my neck and I was left rigid,
staring up at the ceiling as he took deep breaths against my skin. My wolf
huffed and flicked her tail inside, turning her back in annoyance on the giant
man clinging to me.
"Carver?"
He
rumbled against my neck in answer and I rolled my eyes, "Carver.." I
tapped his bicep to get his attention. "..what are you doing?"
He
took a few more deep breaths and I felt the puffs of air cause tiny shivers
where his mouth released them. He slowly removed his arms from around me and
stood back rubbing a hand through his hair. His gravelly voice grated my ears
and I winced at the wolf deepening his voice.
"Smell
good."
I
waited for a full sentence and was left disappointed. I assumed the new bond
with my wolf had also increased my scent and I stood waiting for him to compose
himself. I watched the struggle as he forced the animal down and was grudgingly
impressed at his success. His face became a smoother version of itself, a
release of the wolf to human control. He lost the calm instantly though as it
changed to violent when he took in the smell from the room.
"Why
do I smell your blood Arya?"
I
winced a little and stepped forward, my hand reaching without instruction to
his bare arm. "It's fine, I bonded with my wolf, we didn't have a proper
connection."
He
stared at me, black eyes turning into swirling masses of promised judgement and
verdict. I saw the creepy smile as it slid it's way across his face and his
expression change from rage to condemnation. I concluded he was having a few
words with Lane.
"Carver,
" I interrupted their conversation."I needed this, he was
helping."
He
lost his smile and focused back on me, penetrating my words with emotions I
couldn't quite decipher.
"Yes
I agree he was helping. That will allow him to keep his head." His
knuckles cracked as he fisted his hands and I glanced at the stark white
bloodless skin stretched around solid bone and cartilage.
I
rolled my eyes and let him have his moment, I don't know why I was even bothering,
no doubt Lane would enjoy whatever Carver had planned anyway. "I like that
wolf. Just so you know, I would like to see him again in one piece."
Carver
cocked his head and grinned at me,"You not worried about me cherry?"
I
snorted at him, "please, don't fish for compliments, it's beneath
you."
He
laughed, huskiness wrapped in hardness, and took my hand brushing a kiss over
my fingers. He led me to the door and refused to release my hand when I tried
pulling it back. I scowled at him and kicked his shin as we exited the training
room. He raised a brow and grinned at my expression, "You can kick me all
the way home as long as I get to hold your hand."
I
peered at him and debated my options. In the end I gave into his hand on mine,
it didn't seem worth the fight, after all his touch didn't so much make me
revolted, more uneasy in a way I couldn't begin to understand. Something I
would never admit to out loud. I imagine it was somewhat connected to the trust
I placed in him not to hurt me.
I
ignored Carver's satisfied grin and turned my attention to Duncan and a new
guard making their way towards us. Carver nodded at them as they drew close and
I looked up at the Scot as he waved a hand at me. "Alright lass? Ready for
me tomorrow?" He grinned at me, even white teeth flashing between deep red
lips.
I
nodded at him and smiled at his easy going nature, his personality was the
exact opposite of what I had expected from these men, "I will be, if I can
deal with Lane I can deal with you."
He
laughed, a deep booming burst of noise that only increased at Carver's snarling
face at the mention of Lane. The new guard next to Duncan was obvious in his
greenness, his face a pale image when looking at Carver's wolf trying to force
it's way out. The Scot noticed his gulp and laughed again, bringing up a huge
hand that clapped the recruit on his back.
Unfortunately
the new guard was not paying attention to the force from Duncan’s hand coming
his way, too caught up in watching the struggle the Captain was going through.
He lost his balance quickly in the wake of Duncan connecting with his back,
forcing his body forward without consent. My eyes had flicked to Carver,
interested in working out how he pulled that animal back, thinking I could
maybe apply it to myself.
I
saw the body flying at me only from the corner of my eye. My wolf flew to the
surface, her intentions clear and flowing smoothly though my head. I was wrong,
we had never been separate, at least not in thought. There was no her and me.
Her thoughts were mine and mine were hers. We both had a simultaneous reaction
to the large man flying on a crash course in our direction. I felt the searing
heat of her pushing against my human skin, trying to force her way out and take
action for both of us. A red haze fell over my eyes, glinting gold flashing in
the deepest pits.
I
called for the claws that she had already sent to me. We were one in our savage
delusion.
Diamond
hard and razor sharp claws slid through my finger tips and I snarled at the
figure quaking in my grip. One grave tipped hand had appeared around his
throat, my other had its claws buried deep in his stomach. Blood trickled over
my skin and pulled him further towards me, growling at the wolf in his weak
eyes begging to come out.
A
hand touched my shoulder and I snapped at it, human teeth not exactly having
the same effect as a wolf's but getting the point across nonetheless. I saw
Duncan to the side of me talking calmly to the guard but no words made it
through my ears, just jumbles of tenor and bass, a beat in my brain. I saw
Carver appear behind the guard and grab a hold of his arm tugging him away from
me.
I
growled at him for taking my prey, the blood a calling I couldn't ignore, the
wolf with my mark in him an easy kill in his deficiency. He handed the wounded
guard off to Duncan and covered my vision with his large frame, letting me see
nothing but massive shoulders crowding around me. He lent close and rumbled
vibrations in my ear, over and over until his words cleared the block on my
hearing.
"Breathe
cherry, breathe me in."
I
took deep greedy pulls of cinnamon and found it relaxed the storm inside,
pulling both me and my wolf further away from violence. Overpowering the blood
and replacing it with sweet spice.
I
came down from my high and kept my eyes locked on Carver, refusing to look at
the blood I knew would be pouring from the guard's stomach. My hands were
shaking at my sides, an over abundance of lactic acid. Carver held my stare
with his own whispering low meaningless words as Duncan hauled the guard over
his shoulder and trudged heavily in what I figured was the doctors direction.
It seemed I was going to be sending a lot of custom their way.
"Shit."
He
chuckled at me, "it's alright cherry, he'll live."
I
sighed and nodded, I would have to put more distance between myself and others,
this was becoming a problem. I looked down at the redness covering my
hands,"Can we go? This is going to stain my shirt."
Carver
grinned at me, "No problem my little killer, I think Sam will be more than
willing to help."
I
scowled at his amused face,"Shit."
"Wha'? Ya can' go one day withou'
killin' someone?"
I looked at Sam and rolled my eyes, I could
see his point though, it was becoming a normal occurrence to see blood on my
hands.
He huffed and grabbed onto my wrist,
"Come on crazy, better get all tha' off b'fore ya even think of sittin' at
tha table."
I followed him without comment and for a
confusing moment felt relief at the sight of the hot running water and soap.
What I had done didn't sit quite right with me, he was a wolf and luckily would
heal quick enough but still I felt this sinking, a heated lurch that dropped my
stomach to my knees. Maybe this was guilt. Maybe this was understanding that
not all my actions should be without consequence. That blame could go many
ways, including in my direction. A little bit of conscience seeping it's way
passed the smothering self importance and recrimination of others.
I looked at myself in the mirror, a vision
of soulless green eyes and pallid skin, an outer image of the inner turmoil.
Sam was pictured behind me, a towel in his hands staring at my face in
curiosity.
"Watcha thinkin' 'bout girlie?"
I shook my head at his question, I didn't
want to voice my thoughts, not quite ready to face myself.
"Oh dun ya worry, one day all tha
blood get cleaned righ' off."
He grabbed my wet hands and wrapped them in
the soft towel, drying them with gentle pats. His eyes met mine and those deep
brown ones stared right through my icy green. "Lotta things get washed
away, jus' gotta give it time." The soft towel and light rubbing over my
skin was hypnotising where my scrubbing had been harsh. "One day even tha
bad stuff be gone, swept away. Ya jus' gotta allow it an' not hold on ta all
tha' pain inside."
He finished his drying and threw the towel
over a nearby railing."Course Ya know wha' else helps righ'?.. "
I waited with pretend baited breath,
already knowing what was coming.
".. That's righ'
girlie...whiskey."
I followed Sam into the kitchen, the smell
of slow cooked ribs distracting enough to clear my thoughts. Carver had already
dished up the food and it sat waiting, placed on the table. He pulled a chair
out and pushed it in when I sat, a small hidden smile gracing my lips. It was a
small show of courtesy, a throwback to older times when men were gentlemen and
women were ladies. I couldn't help the tug in my chest at the action though, I
couldn't remember another time I had been treated so attentively and it did
speak to the female within, the one I wished I'd been.
His gravelly voice shook my attention away
from the steaming plate in front of me, piled high with meat and potatoes, a
sure fire way to feed me up.
"You're with Duncan tomorrow, fight
techniques. I walk into the same smell of your blood again, I'll kill them all.
You understand, cherry?"
"It's fighting Carver, what exactly do
you expect?"
His face darkened and his voice deepened
further still, his breathing increasing and expanding his chest until my eyes
were drawn to it. "I expect you to come back in the same condition I left
you in."
I stared at the stupid man, It was all to
help me, why couldn't he see that?
"I'm not in the same condition, I'm
better."
His black eyes softened from the invading
harshness and his fisted hand straightened where it lay on the table. "I
know Arya just, never like that again...Okay?"
I sighed at him. His mask coming away and
allowing me little glimpses of the man beneath. A helpless expression disguised
within, vulnerable and exposed. This Captain of guards and leader of men
shouldn't feel helpless, I couldn't let this strong wolf feel that way it
didn't seem right.
"Okay, I'll be more careful."
I looked back at my food and started in on
the mountain before me. My appetite gleeful at the never ending supply I now
received. I caught Sam’s shocked expression from the corner of my eye and
decided my best option was to ignore it, it'd only encourage the old man.
In the evening that followed I became once
again comfortable with these people in my life. I had decided that Carver was
mine. Wholly mine. My wolf had become weirdly possessive over these people. Sam
was also mine, that old, annoying man who'd worked his way into my very soul
and who'd impacted the animal within.
The dogs laying under the table while the
three of us sipped at brand new tumblers of whiskey, were mine. I had
discovered an acquisitiveness about my personality that was new. Like a child
with shiny toys I was claiming these people and I was not sharing. And however
it turned out they would be mine to cherish or mine to punish.
In the morning I was yet again taken to the
gym and left outside with soft kisses to my head. Yet another thing I was allowing
and I found, now that I'd claimed this man, it wasn't as hard to just let it
happen.
Duncan was sitting on the bench, red hair
slicked back, a darker image than he'd previously been. His brawn strained at
the t-shirt he wore. He was larger than Lane, on par with Charlie, perhaps even
large enough to compete with Carver. "Alright lass? Ready for me
then?" His chuckle echoed in the room.
I stared at him for a moment, my face
twitching unconsciously. I sighed deeply, "Will you tell that guard that I
apologise. I shouldn't have done that."
Duncan grinned, a wide smile that stretched
his worn and rugged face into a caricature of the rough Scotsman."Ah not
ta worry lass, if the man can't take a few scratches from you he donae deserve
ta be here."
I nodded at him and sat on the bench half a
foot away from him. He unnerved me slightly, maybe because I'd seen him
naturally touch many people without thought, I didn't want an innocent tap to
turn out badly. "What are we doing today?"
He grinned wider still and I couldn't
imagine that was a good thing for me right now. "Techniques, includes some
martial arts, knife throwing even a little swordplay."
I rolled my eyes at his suggestive wink,
the martial art part sounded interesting though."What kind of fighting do
you use then?"
"We use a lot of kick boxing, some
Muay Thai and grappling thrown in for good measure, helps if you end up on the
floor."
I hummed in response, if nothing else I'd
learn a few new tricks to my advantage.
"Come on we'll start stretching, more
flexible you are the better."
I joined him on the mat, facing the red
head and realising just how much mass he had on me. My Wolf rumbled within,
glaring at him through golden eyes, a little warning to stay his distance.
Duncan shook his head at me and laughed,
"Donae take much does it?"
I shrugged, I knew we both had a hair
trigger, I hope he realised that too. I started following his lead and copied
every stretch he contorted himself into. It was rather amusing to see the
shapes such a large man managed to make with his body. I found myself sweating
within minutes, the work my muscles were put under showing the strain. He
started talking some, all while twisting into more elaborate positions,
especially when I'd squeaked a little at the pressure my legs were enduring.
"You have a good talk with Lane
yesterday right?"
I panted out in the affirmative and he
continued, maybe to get my mind off the current stretch.
"He tell you what happened ta
him?"
I nodded frantically again, too invested in
making sure I didn't keel over.
"Good, he needs ta let it out some,
maybe you'll be good for him ta talk ta sometimes."
His worried expression made me pause for a
moment. "You two are close then?"
He smiled at memories I couldn't see and
nodded, "like family, known each other a long time."
I peered at him, a man still deep within
his own memories."You were here when Carver found him?"
Duncan nodded again, the first truly sad
smile I'd ever seen from him cross his face. "Talked ta him when he didn't
want anyone near, helped him learn ta fight, found those damn empaths for
him."
I turned shocked eyes his way,"You
found them?"
His eyes cleared of deep thought and he met
mine, "Every one. Have some connections back home, don't regret a thing
about it."
His face was completely calm and open, he
truly did not regret any of the empaths he'd turned over to Lane, feeding his
habit with these people. I don't begrudge him this though, I've never heard of
a nice empath, one with morals and values.
"It's a good thing he's getting that
Pack, that Alpha was an arrogant Son of a bitch. Stupid with it too, easily
controlled by others."
I cocked my head at him, "what like
the governors?"
He smiled, "Yeah something like
that."
He stood from the mat and started throwing
his leg up and around to the side, turning his hip in clockwise motions. I
copied his movements,"I guess most around here aren't too worried that I
killed him then?"
He smirked again, "Not at all lass,
most of us guards had ta deal with him enough ta know he's no great loss. What'd
he do anyway that got you so worked up?"
I shrugged beside him my leg elevation
nowhere near his and I shook my head at my own inadequacy. "He was
arrogant, showed no remorse about the things he'd done. Didn't care that his
secretary was found dead on his land."
Duncan nodded,"Yeah donae surprise me,
he never did know his own faults."
He swapped legs and I followed his stance,
"Should never have allowed humans anywhere near his pack. They too easy ta
Kill, easy ta get information out of. It was a real stupid move on his
part."
I nodded my agreement, caught up in the new
stretch he was showing, throwing my elbows back and fore in a weirdly
satisfying motion. After a few minutes more he seemed content in my slightly
more limber figure and bent at the edge of the mat picking up wraps and boxing
pads. He threw the wraps my way, once again long enough to cover the available
skin on my forearm. He put his hands inside the pads and strapped them down
before lowering his stance enough so I would be able to reach. I think I got a
little frustrated at that, how obvious his grin was at my height.
"Come on then lass, show me what you
got."
I took deep breaths and lined him up in my
sight. In the end very little will count, it'll be either them or me. But I'll
always appreciate this time, the moments that made me stronger. The gifts of
knowledge and training, all working towards something I'd come to precariously
believe in.
My own twisted future.
