Read The Devil's Monologue Online
Authors: Kimberly Fuller
Tags: #hell, #bully, #devil, #afterlife, #3 years later, #h a carter
The Devil's Monologue (3 page)
certain of that. She belonged to me long before that puke was able
to somehow manufacture his balls and lure her into his lunacy.
I had so many plans for us. Perfect plans.
We could have had the perfect life, the perfect house, the perfect
kids! She would have made a great mom...
Perfection away from
Stillwater and all its bullshit. How the hell could she have
picked
him
over
me? You could barely call him a man in comparison to me! How could
she not see that?
Powerful! She must have been blind as well as dumb.
No, I take that back, she wasn't dumb at
all.
She was incredibly brilliant.
Too brilliant in fact.
Maybe that was it. Was I thought to be too
stupid for her?
What? Not nerd enough for you, Jo Jo?!
I know I wasn't the
smartest guy in school, like
him
, but I wasn't really a complete
moron. I thought she knew that. How could she not know
that?
Somehow, I thought that
night would make her see. I thought she would see what she was
missing after all and realize we were right for each other.
We
belonged
together! Did she not feel how nicely we fit?
maggot afterwards and caused all this shit to happen. She's the
reason for all of this.
Stupid Bitch...
Not anymore! I'm better. I'm better. I'm better!” I scream at
myself, pounding my fists uselessly against the sides of my
head.
“You are not like this!! Be better. Be
better. Be better!!”
I strike myself again and again, clubbing
and thumping my hard head, hoping to feel some kind of physical
pain. Any kind of pain but the deep resentment I constantly feel
inside. I have never had to feel as worthless in my whole life as I
have been made to the last 3 years.
I think it's been that long? Hasn't
it?
No.
Yes! I think.
Oh, God, I'm going crazy again! Lock me up
in one of those little padded rooms and make me swallow the key. I
might as well be in the looney bin. Can't be much different than
Hell, right? Except maybe the elevator music is a little
better.
Shameful tears escape down my hardened
cheeks despite my best efforts to force them back. I was never much
of a crier when I was living, nor was I allowed to be. Crying was
for the candy asses I beat up and threatened. Boys cry. Men don't
cry.
Me? Cry? Ha! The Old Man certainly wouldn't
see of it.
I take in a deep remorseful breath and
shove my memories as far away from me as possible. I know they
won't be gone long, but any moments without ones like that, I hold
dear. It's funny. All along I had thought I'd reign in Hell instead
of rot in it. There's still time though. There's still a lot of
fucking time. Yeah, like forever...
If only they all could see me now, right? I
wonder what they'd think of the one time king of high school
football, decaying in his own personal Hell. The alpha dog being
nothing more than a cowering pup next to much larger monsters. Poor
“Mr. Popular” feels lonely. What a freak show.
I decide not to care. Not today. No one
cares in Hell anyway. They don't give two shits about hurt feelings
and sadness, all they care about is vengeance for the awful life
you lived. I let the waterworks flow freely down my cheeks today. I
can almost feel the warmth and wetness as they creep down my face.
I am so relieved just to spill the suffocating hurt that swells
inside me. It's only an imaginary relief, but one in which I
welcome greatly.
The cracked metallic mirror that stands
before me reflects quite clearly the evil monstrosity that dwells
inside my heart, even through the tear filled vision I see his
wicked grin glimmering back at me.
He has no horns or scales this time. There
are no pointy teeth or jagged claws. There is simply a cold heart
and a desolate soul that stares eagerly back at my crying form,
laughing at my weakness. I know he is biding his time to devour
what's left of my pitiful excuse for humanity as I simply continue
to cry.
I'm so sorry, Jo. I am so
damned sorry...
up!”
I flagged Big John down in the hall before
math. This kid had to be my best efforts at passing Mrs. McGrew's
class, and I needed to make sure he was on board. Math was a
useless piece of dung in my book. Isn't that why we hire
accountants? Unfortunately, I needed this crap class to keep
playing football, and Mrs. McCrotch was a total cockblock when it
came to having a little “help”. She wasn't like most of the other
teachers I dealt with. Bitch needed to learn her role.
Johnny was kind of new to
how things worked around here though, but I could tell he was ready
for the real deal. He had better be. Being one of my main men
wasn't an easy job, but it had its perks. Besides, anything had to
be better than living in Losertown with
him.
I was still overwhelmed with
the idea that Big John was now my bitch instead of
his.
Suck on that,
Carter,
I laughed to myself as I
approached his old friend.
up to him. He was probably the only kid in school that was able to
do that. I must say, I'm sure glad this cat and mouse game we had
played for so many years was finally over. It was getting rather
difficult distinguishing who was the cat and who was the mouse. To
be honest, not that I'd ever tell anyone this, but I was beginning
to actually fear this monstrosity. Nearly pissed myself last year
in study hall when he came after me. I was just having a little
fun, but back then, fun to Johnny didn't include picking on Carter.
But that was then.
He peered at me with his mistrustful eyes,
nervous as a whore in church as I handed him my homework sheet. He
looked over his shoulder and down the empty hallway at least a
dozen times before slowly and shakily taking my paper. His eyes
never disowning their uncertainty.
“This isn't a drug deal
for Christ sakes. What are you so scared of, Johnny?” I asked,
annoyed at his cowardly behavior.
Did this
kid not know who the hell I was?
the slight stutter in his voice, gripping the paper tighter in his
mammoth sized hands as he glared back at me. His gaze growing hard
as a brief power struggle erupted between us. Tension was still
thick in this new relationship, making things more than a little
uneasy. Years of being on opposites sides of the playground weren't
going to be erased overnight.
Luckily, John gave in first, obviously not
used to being the bully. Yet. He stormed through the door in quiet
aggravation, not looking back. I was beginning to feel quite
optimistic about our little arrangement despite Big John's
hesitation. I kept convincing myself that he'd fall in line, just
like the rest of them. He may be a big guy, be he wasn't top dog
material. No mutiny on the bounty here.
“Have that back to me by
fourth period!” I bellowed after him, a triumphant smirk creeping
across my face.
It feels good to be the
king,
I thought, smiling.
danced and sidled down the hallway. I do think Big John is going to
work out just fine with me. Oh yes, just fine. I couldn't help but
smile.
I whistled out loud while bounding, chest
out, head held high, full on peacock style down the sleek hallway.
Triumph often left me in a dancing mood. As I sauntered, Carrie
Jacobs popped out from the chemistry lab. My smile grew even wider
as I grabbed her around the waist, spinning her around to dance
with me.
Her expression quickly grew from surprise
to slight terror as she realized it was me. I may be the king, but
bad boys aren't exactly liked by everyone. Reputations sometimes
proceed themselves in the most inconvenient ways. However, I was
more than versed when it came to playing that game.
“Oh, Sweetie, don't be shy! It's just
little 'ol me,” I laughed, drowning her in my best fake southern
charm, giving her a slight wink while I squeezed tighter. She
smiled hesitantly, her cheeks now flush. I kept smiling, eye
contact locked and loaded. A few seconds passed before she gave in
and began twirling with me. Pretending to be the knight in shining
armor was often more work than it was worth, but I decided to take
my chances.
“You like poetry?”
She nodded innocently, batting her
eyelashes, only too eager to fall under my spell.
“How's this one? Roses are red, violets are
blue. I've seen a lot of girls, but none as pretty as you,” I
spewed out the words while forcing back the urge to bust up
laughing. I still can't believe how easy girls eat this shit
up!
We pranced around as she giggled and
blushed. All it would take now was a smooth move and a coy smile. I
leaned down and whispered softly in her ear, making her cheeks
flame wildly. A giddy smirk now spread across her face as she
nodded in agreement.
Too easy,
I laughed to myself.
planning to lure into my web. Some were just ignorant, thinking
fairy tales were real, and walked in willingly. But in the end, all
girls were easy to get with the right moves, and a lot of
influence. All but Jo.
What the hell was wrong with her? Why
didn't she like me? Everything I tried, she denied. I poured out my
best just for her, and she drop kicked my bleeding heart right into
the maggot filled dumpster in the hollow of my broken soul and
walked away smiling.
At first, I had thought
maybe it was because of the previous entourage of girls I had
surrounded myself with. Joanna wasn't the type of girl to encroach
on anyone's territory, but I wish she would have seen that I
couldn't care less about the others. They weren't my end goal. But
her, she was going to be
mine
. Mine since the day we met in
Miss Gem's 2
nd
grade class. Her family had just moved to town. A
bit shy and quiet, but the prettiest girl I had ever seen. I knew,
even back then, I would marry that girl some day.
Things do change, don't
they? I almost couldn't stomach the fact that she was with
him.
He ruined the whole
damn thing the day I found out about them. My own flesh and blood,
how
could
she?
She didn't know about Carter and I, but she knew how I felt. She
knew I was only holding out just for her, but she betrayed
me.
absolutely priceless. He looked like he was about to vomit right
there on the squeaky clean floor in front of me. Wouldn't be the
first time I'd seen it happen. I snickered to myself in
memory.
I swear to God, you little
shit, if you throw up on my boots this time I will smear your face
in it,
I cussed him out in my
head.
he hadn't known sooner. I know his mom is not exactly the talkative
type when it came to dirty little secrets, unlike my father, and of
course they made over exaggerated efforts to hate each other in
public so they wouldn't be suspected behind closed doors. However,
contrary to popular belief, our parents certainly were getting
quite cozy again and far less discreet than before. I keep finding
the Old Man's little “notes” left absentmindedly around the house.
He doesn't even try to hide them from Mom anymore. Not like she'd
notice anyway. I wondered how Einstein here didn't notice either.
Maybe he's not as smart as he thinks he is.
I soaked up his pain like a gummy bear in
vodka. It was absolutely delicious. Call me a monster, but I
enjoyed watching this little weasel suffer. Oh, his face! His
ignorant little face, so cartoonish in his anguish. Almost made me
laugh out loud.
I wondered just what he thought was going
to come of his little “confession” anyway. What did he expect to
happen? That we would suddenly become best buddies and meet up for
lunch? That I would drop to my feet and beg for forgiveness for
treating him like the dirt he was? Ha! This kid was more of a
fucking joke than I thought.
I leaned in closer, ready to bring down the
reality hammer on this little nerd dream, “Harvey, you're a piece
of shit. I don't know what you thought was going to happen, but
you're wrong no matter what it is. I hate you. I hate your whore of
a mother. So does my father.”
There was no way in hell I
was telling him that my father's little love notes were filled with
plans to leave Mom and I after graduation, or that he sneaks out to
the garage and talks to that
whore
all the damn time on the phone. He even rented a
frickin cabin on the lake somewhere up north under a fake name. No,
Harvey was never going to find out the truth. At least not from
me.
moments, satisfied with myself and about to leave him in his own
disgusting pity, until a devious and half-crazy smile spread across
his face. I wrote it off at first, shock can do strange things to a
person's psyche, but his goofy grin kept growing.
