The Diary of a Young Girl (36 page)

It’s not sentimental nonsense: it’s based on the story of Father’s life.

Yours, Anne M. Frank

S
ATURDAY
, M
AY
13, 1944

My dearest Kitty
,

Yesterday was Father’s birthday, Father and Mother’s nineteenth wedding anniversary, a day without the cleaning lady … and the sun was shining as it’s never shone before in 1944. Our chestnut tree is in full bloom. It’s covered with leaves and is even more beautiful than last year.

Father received a biography of Linnaeus from Mr. Kleiman, a book on nature from Mr. Kugler,
The Canals of Amsterdam
from Dussel, a huge box from the van Daans (wrapped so beautifully it might have been done by a professional), containing three eggs, a bottle of beer, a jar of yogurt and a green tie. It made our jar of molasses seem rather paltry. My roses smelled wonderful compared to Miep and Bep’s red carnations. He was thoroughly spoiled. Fifty petits fours arrived from Siemons’ Bakery, delicious! Father also treated us to spice cake, the men to beer and the ladies to yogurt. Everything was scrumptious!

Yours, Anne M. Frank

T
UESDAY
, M
AY
16, 1944

My dearest Kitty
,

Just for a change (since we haven’t had one of these in so long) I’ll recount a little discussion between Mr. and Mrs. van D. last night:

Mrs. van D.: “The Germans have had plenty of time to fortify the Atlantic Wall, and they’ll certainly do everything within their power to hold back the British. It’s amazing how strong the Germans are!”

Mr. van D.: “Oh, yes, amazing!”

Mrs. van D.: “It is!”

Mr. van D.: “So strong they’re bound to win the war in the end, is that what you mean?”

Mrs. van D.: “They might. I’m not convinced that they won’t.”

Mr. van D.: “I won’t even answer that.”

Mrs. van D.: “You always wind up answering. You let yourself get carried away, every single time.”

Mr. van D.: “No, I don’t. I always keep my answers to the bare minimum.”

Mrs. van D.: “But you always do have an answer and you always have to be right! Your predictions hardly ever come true, you know!”

Mr. van D.: “So far they have.”

Mrs. van D.: “No they haven’t. You said the invasion was going to start last year, the Finns were supposed to have been out of the war by now, the Italian campaign ought to have been over by last winter, and the Russians should already have captured Lemberg. Oh no, I don’t set much store by your predictions.”

Mr. van D. (leaping to his feet): “Why don’t you shut your trap for a change? I’ll show you who’s right; someday you’ll get tired of needling me. I can’t stand your bellyaching a minute longer. Just wait, one day I’ll make you eat your words!” (End of Act One.)

Actually, I couldn’t help giggling. Mother couldn’t either, and even Peter was biting his lips to keep from laughing. Oh, those stupid grown-ups. They need to learn a few
things first before they start making so many remarks about the younger generation!

Since Friday we’ve been keeping the windows open again at night.

Yours, Anne M. Frank

What Our Annex Family Is Interested In
(A Systematic Survey of Courses and Reading Matter)

Mr. van Daan
. No courses; looks up many things in Knaur’s Encyclopedia and Lexicon; likes to read detective stories, medical books and love stories, exciting or trivial.

Mrs. van Daan
. A correspondence course in English; likes to read biographical novels and occasionally other kinds of novels.

Mr. Frank
. Is learning English (Dickens!) and a bit of Latin; never reads novels, but likes serious, rather dry descriptions of people and places.

Mrs. Frank
. A correspondence course in English; reads everything except detective stories.

Mr. Dussel
. Is learning English, Spanish and Dutch with no noticeable results; reads everything; goes along with the opinion of the majority.

Peter van Daan
. Is learning English, French (correspondence course), shorthand in Dutch, English and German, commercial correspondence in English, woodworking, economics and sometimes math; seldom reads, sometimes geography.

Margot Frank
. Correspondence courses in English, French and Latin, shorthand in English, German and Dutch, trigonometry, solid geometry, mechanics, physics, chemistry, algebra, geometry, English literature, French literature, German literature, Dutch literature, bookkeeping, geography, modern history, biology, economics;
reads everything, preferably on religion and medicine.

Anne Frank
. Shorthand in French, English, German and Dutch, geometry, algebra, history, geography, art history, mythology, biology, Bible history, Dutch literature; likes to read biographies, dull or exciting, and history books (sometimes novels and light reading).

F
RIDAY
, M
AY
19, 1944

Dearest Kitty
,

I felt rotten yesterday. Vomiting (me of all people!), headache, stomachache and anything else you can imagine. I’m feeling better today. I’m famished, but I think I’ll skip the beans we’re having for dinner.

Everything’s going fine between Peter and me. The poor boy has an even greater need for tenderness than I do. He still blushes every evening when he gets his good-night kiss, and then begs for another one. Am I merely a better substitute for Boche? I don’t mind. He’s so happy just knowing somebody loves him.

After my laborious conquest, I’ve distanced myself a little from the situation, but you mustn’t think my love has cooled. Peter’s a sweetheart, but I’ve slammed the door to my inner self; if he ever wants to force the lock again, he’ll have to use a harder crowbar!

Yours, Anne M. Frank

S
ATURDAY
, M
AY
20, 1944

Dearest Kitty
,

Last night when I came down from the attic, I noticed, the moment I entered the room, that the lovely vase of carnations had fallen over. Mother was down on her hands and knees mopping up the water and Margot was fishing my papers off the floor. “What happened?” I
asked with anxious foreboding, and before they could reply, I assessed the damage from across the room. My entire genealogy file, my notebooks, my books, everything was afloat. I nearly cried, and I was so upset I started speaking German. I can’t remember a word, but according to Margot I babbled something about
“unübersehbarer Schaden, schrecklich, entsetzlich, nie zu ersetzen”
²⁷
and much more. Father burst out laughing and Mother and Margot joined in, but I felt like crying because all my work and elaborate notes were lost.

I took a closer look and, luckily, the “incalculable loss” wasn’t as bad as I’d expected. Up in the attic I carefully peeled apart the sheets of paper that were stuck together and then hung them on the clothesline to dry. It was such a funny sight, even I had to laugh. Maria de’ Medici alongside Charles V, William of Orange and Marie Antoinette.

“It’s
Rassenschande
,”
²⁸
Mr. van Daan joked.

After entrusting my papers to Peter’s care, I went back downstairs.

“Which books are ruined?” I asked Margot, who was going through them.

“Algebra,” Margot said.

But as luck would have it, my algebra book wasn’t entirely ruined. I wish it had fallen right in the vase. I’ve never loathed any book as much as that one. Inside the front cover are the names of at least twenty girls who had it before I did. It’s old, yellowed, full of scribbles, crossed-out words and revisions. The next time I’m in a wicked mood, I’m going to tear the darned thing to pieces!

Yours, Anne M. Frank

M
ONDAY
, M
AY
22, 1944

Dearest Kitty
,

On May 20, Father lost his bet and had to give five jars of yogurt to Mrs. van Daan: the invasion still hasn’t begun. I can safely say that all of Amsterdam, all of Holland, in fact the entire western coast of Europe, all the way down to Spain, are talking about the invasion day and night, debating, making bets and … hoping.

The suspense is rising to fever pitch; by no means has everyone we think of as “good” Dutch people kept their faith in the English, not everyone thinks the English bluff is a masterful strategical move. Oh no, people want deeds—great, heroic deeds.

No one can see farther than the end of their nose, no one gives a thought to the fact that the British are fighting for their own country and their own people; everyone thinks it’s England’s duty to save Holland, as quickly as possible. What obligations do the English have toward us? What have the Dutch done to deserve the generous help they so clearly expect? Oh no, the Dutch are very much mistaken. The English, despite their bluff, are certainly no more to blame for the war than all the other countries, large and small, that are now occupied by the Germans. The British are not about to offer their excuses; true, they were sleeping during the years Germany was rearming itself, but all the other countries, especially those bordering on Germany, were asleep too. England and the rest of the world have discovered that burying your head in the sand doesn’t work, and now each of them, especially England, is having to pay a heavy price for its ostrich policy.

No country sacrifices its men without reason, and certainly not in the interests of another, and England is no exception. The invasion, liberation and freedom will
come someday; yet England, not the occupied territories, will choose the moment.

To our great sorrow and dismay, we’ve heard that many people have changed their attitude toward us Jews. We’ve been told that anti-Semitism has cropped up in circles where once it would have been unthinkable. This fact has affected us all very, very deeply. The reason for the hatred is understandable, maybe even human, but that doesn’t make it right. According to the Christians, the Jews are blabbing their secrets to the Germans, denouncing their helpers and causing them to suffer the dreadful fate and punishments that have already been meted out to so many. All of this is true. But as with everything, they should look at the matter from both sides: would Christians act any differently if they were in our place? Could anyone, regardless of whether they’re Jews or Christians, remain silent in the face of German pressure? Everyone knows it’s practically impossible, so why do they ask the impossible of the Jews?

It’s being said in underground circles that the German Jews who immigrated to Holland before the war and have now been sent to Poland shouldn’t be allowed to return here. They were granted the right to asylum in Holland, but once Hitler is gone, they should go back to Germany.

When you hear that, you begin to wonder why we’re fighting this long and difficult war. We’re always being told that we’re fighting for freedom, truth and justice! The war isn’t even over, and already there’s dissension and Jews are regarded as lesser beings. Oh, it’s sad, very sad that the old adage has been confirmed for the umpteenth time: “What one Christian does is his own responsibility, what one Jew does reflects on all Jews.”

To be honest, I can’t understand how the Dutch, a nation of good, honest, upright people, can sit in judgment on us the way they do. On
us
—the most oppressed, unfortunate and pitiable people in all the world.

I have only one hope: that this anti-Semitism is just a passing thing, that the Dutch will show their true colors, that they’ll never waver from what they know in their hearts to be just, for this is unjust!

And if they ever carry out this terrible threat, the meager handful of Jews still left in Holland will have to go. We too will have to shoulder our bundles and move on, away from this beautiful country, which once so kindly took us in and now turns its back on us.

I love Holland. Once I hoped it would become a fatherland to me, since I had lost my own. And I hope so still!

Yours, Anne M. Frank

T
HURSDAY
, M
AY
25, 1944

Dearest Kitty
,

Bep’s engaged! The news isn’t much of a surprise, though none of us are particularly pleased. Bertus may be a nice, steady, athletic young man, but Bep doesn’t love him, and to me that’s enough reason to advise her against marrying him.

Bep’s trying to get ahead in the world, and Bertus is pulling her back; he’s a laborer, without any interests or any desire to make something of himself, and I don’t think that’ll make Bep happy. I can understand Bep’s wanting to put an end to her indecision; four weeks ago she decided to write him off, but then she felt even worse. So she wrote him a letter, and now she’s engaged.

There are several factors involved in this engagement. First, Bep’s sick father, who likes Bertus very
much. Second, she’s the oldest of the Voskuijl girls and her mother teases her about being an old maid. Third, she’s just turned twenty-four, and that matters a great deal to Bep.

Mother said it would have been better if Bep had simply had an affair with Bertus. I don’t know, I feel sorry for Bep and can understand her loneliness. In any case, they can get married only after the war, since Bertus is in hiding, or at any rate has gone underground. Besides, they don’t have a penny to their name and nothing in the way of a hope chest. What a sorry prospect for Bep, for whom we all wish the best. I only hope Bertus improves under her influence, or that Bep finds another man, one who knows how to appreciate her!

Yours, Anne M. Frank

T
HE
S
AME
D
AY

There’s something happening every day. This morning Mr. van Hoeven was arrested. He was hiding two Jews in his house. It’s a heavy blow for us, not only because those poor Jews are once again balancing on the edge of an abyss, but also because it’s terrible for Mr. van Hoeven.

The world’s been turned upside down. The most decent people are being sent to concentration camps, prisons and lonely cells, while the lowest of the low rule over young and old, rich and poor. One gets caught for black marketeering, another for hiding Jews or other unfortunate souls. Unless you’re a Nazi, you don’t know what’s going to happen to you from one day to the next.