The Diary of Bink Cummings: Vol 4 (MC Chronicles #4) (7 page)

Big’s hair slides through my fingers as he nods. “I’m sure we can work something out.”

Unable to contain myself, the words just slip out. “Why are you all buddy-buddy with Gunz all of a sudden? I thought you liked Runner. Now, Runner’s an asshole, so you’re what? Becoming best friends with Gunz? I’m confused here.” Not only am I confused, but I'm also too damn nosy and a little hurt, if I had to be honest. She’s talking to Gunz about what to do after Jonesy goes into an assisted living? What am I? Chopped liver? I’m here for her, too.

Blushing something fierce, Beth drops her head, playing with her damn hands in her lap. Gunz roughly clears his throat. “We’ve come to an understanding,” he replies for her.

A what? He's vague again.

“A what? You have a what, exactly?” There goes that hand on my knee, squeezing it again. Big wants me to shut up. Well, I’m not shutting up this time. Beth is my sister, and I take care of my sisters. I don’t care if I just gave birth, or that I’ve been through a lot in the past months. That doesn’t matter. She’s my sister and I’m here for her no matter what.

“I think someone needs their diaper changed.” Gunz ignores my words, and Big stands up, moving to take our daughter from his arms.

“I’ll be back in a few, and then we’re going to bed, Sugar Tits,” Big says on his way down the hall.

Guess I better talk fast.

“So, fill me in,” I look to Gunz, who appears a little sheepish. If anyone will give me answers, it’s him. Beth is busy over here acting too awkward to respond.

Gunz drops onto the couch with a sigh. Dragging his cut off the arm, he sets it on his lap. “When Runner pulled his shit, I got pissed. I feel bad about what he’s been doin’ to Beth. It’s twisted shit. So we discussed it and decided that we’d become friends.” He holds up his hands to stop me interrupting. He knows me way too well, because I’ve got a thousand questions. “Now, don’t worry; we’re not fucking. And she was gonna tell you, but I told her to wait until you gave birth.” Glad to know they were eventually going to enlighten me. That does make me feel a lot better. My nerves drop from a boil to a simmer.

He keeps on. “After the fucking in the clubhouse incident.”

“Which one?”

“The one where you almost broke his nose and Big had to manhandle you out of the room.”

See, I told ya I saw red.

I gesture with my hand for him to carry on.

Before speaking, Gunz kicks his booted foot onto his knee. “After that incident, I told Beth to stick with me. Tried to explain to her not all of the brothers are that big of assholes. What makes matters worse is that he’s been textin’ her continuously. I’m bettin’ he’ll get drunk enough tonight and send more.”

Oh, hell no.

“What kinda texts has he been sending?” Keeping my tone smooth, I swap my gaze between Beth and Gunz. Face ashen, she squirms in her seat, her breath coming out in short spurts. Yep, I’m gonna murder that fucker. I can’t believe he’s been doing this to her!

“They haven’t been very nice,” Gunz replies through a clenched jaw, his shoulders tense, nostrils flaring. If he’s that pissed about it, they’ve gotta be bad.

“Does Big know?”

Gunz nods. “Yeah, I showed him. But you two have had enough to deal with between your relationship and havin’ my grandbaby.” A ghost of a grin crosses his features. “Beth and I didn’t wanna get ya worked up over nothin’ I can’t handle. And today is not the day, Baby Doll. You just had Leech, and you need to settle into motherhood, just as Big needs to settle into bein’ a dad. You’ve both been through too fucking much. You just need to worry about yourselves and let me take care of this. I’ve got your girl.” His eyes flick over to Beth, who looks like she’s about to pass out. “I’m not gonna let him fuck with her. She’s glued to mine or your hip at all of our functions. So when we go up to the party in a bit, I’ve got her covered.”

My word vomit keeps on coming. “Not if you’re plannin’ on gettin’ laid, she’s not.” It’s true. How is he gonna watch her when he’s balls deep in slutty pussy?

Gunz frowns at me. “I’m not gettin’ laid,” he grumbles.

“Does Niki know that?” God, I can’t shut up.

“If I don’t want her pussy, I don’t use it. She knows that.” He sounds so sure, but I’m not convinced. They fuck at nearly every party. I don’t see her taking too kindly to being ignored.

“Are you sure she knows that? Because I’m willing to bet, she doesn’t.”

Gunz points to his face. It’s stern. “Does it look like I give a damn what she knows or likes? I fuck her. She’s a fantastic lay. But Runner bein’ a complete dickhead takes precedence over my own cock.” To cement his statement, he grabs said cock over his jeans.

Jesus, he doesn’t have to get all pissy with me.

“Lose the attitude, gramps. She’s just lookin’ out for her sister.” Big re-enters the room, a fresh, wide-eyed baby in his arms. Those lips of hers are now sucking on his pinky finger and he’s floating in daddy heaven.

Gunz nods, knowing Big is right. His apologetic eyes meet mine. “Sorry, Baby Doll. This Runner situation has me wired as hell.”

I can understand that. I’m not even dealing with it and it’s got me wired, too. “I get it. But Beth…” I glance at her, and she finally looks up to meet my gaze. She’s hesitant. “…if you need me for anything, ever, I’m here. If Runner fucks with you, he’s fucking with me, and I’ll break his nose this time.”

She offers me a timid smile. “I know. I just feel bad. I didn’t know dating him would do this. He’s not a kind person.”

“No,” I nod my agreement before slicing my eyes to Gunz, “but he is.”

“Alright. That’s enough gettin’ my old lady worked up tonight, on a night I can’t fuck her to calm down.” Big winks at me, then bows his head toward Harley. “I think she needs to eat, babe.”

Finally, that’s my cue to be a mommy again
.

Unfolding my legs, then pushing myself to stand, I try to ignore the ache that seems to consume my entire body. Beth moves my way and gives me a tight hug. Gunz kisses me goodnight before kissing Harley, too. Then I follow my family to our upstairs bedroom as the rest of my family sees themselves out. I’ll be getting to the bottom of this Runner disaster later. Like Gunz said, tonight is not the night.

Removing my clothes then crawling into bed isn’t without discomfort, but I fight through it until I’m on my side and Big lays Harley next to me. Gripping my breast, I feed my nipple into her mouth and, without hesitation, she latches on like she’s an expert. Sweet, round eyes encircled in long black lashes look up at me as she drinks. I run my free hand over her head, savoring in the texture of her soft pillowy hair—hair that I helped create. I still can’t believe she’s mine. That I’m a mom…

Stretching out on his side, Big props himself so his front is flush with Harley, arm holding up his head. Glancing up from our little bundle, I catch him staring at me.

“What?” I mumble, feeling a bit weird, my cheeks heating on their own accord.

“You’re beautiful.” He leans forward, brushing his lips against mine with a grumble of satisfaction. A rush of goosebumps break free, descending my frame. I suppress a shiver.

“Big,” I breathe.

Heavy laden breaths fan across my lips and cheeks. “You can’t talk like that, Sugar Tits. Your lips are already makin’ me hard,” he rasps, his voice like gravel.

Damn, he’s delicious.

“Then maybe you shouldn’t compliment your woman,” I half-tease on a throaty whisper.

His lips brush mine again. “I’m gonna compliment what I see fit. And you feedin’ our daughter is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

Shit. Why does he have to get all sweet sometimes? Those emotions I wanna keep at bay are startin’ to rise when I don’t want them to. My nose burns with the itch to cry.
Not now.

“Big, please stop,” I plead.

“No,” he continues to speak to my lips. “What do you want me to stop? Stop tellin’ ya how fuckin’ sexy you are? Not gonna happen. Stop tellin’ ya how much my dick wants you twenty-four fuckin’ seven? Nope. Think again. Stop tellin’ ya that this was one of the best days of my life? Keep dreamin’, Sugar Tits. I’m gonna tell ya what I want, because I’m proud of you. ‘Cause I’m proud of havin’ a daughter with ya. And mostly ‘cause I’m a sick motherfucker who gets pleasure outta tellin’ ya how hard my cock is right now because you’re naked in bed with me. Do you realize I’ve dreamt about this? That I’ve wished like hell I’d deserve you. Now, I’ve got ya naked in my bed, and our little Leech suckin’ on that tit. I—.” He clears his throat a few times. “I’m the luckiest bastard that’s ever lived. And I can’t stop tellin’ ya that. Ya got me?” His voice cracks.

My emotional dam breaks, and my throat clogs as my heart expands from his words.

“I got ya.”

Unable to bear another second without his lips covering mine, I lean the last few inches and press my mouth to his. On contact, he groans erotically, before teasing the seam of my lips with his tongue, seeking entrance. Powerless to make him wait, I accept him inside and our tongues clash with abandon. Hot and heavy, we battle and groan to each other’s mouths like we’re starved and the only thing that can quench our thirst is each other. Possessively, his hand cups the back of my neck, holding me in place as his tongue plunders my mouth in toe curling ecstasy. I moan as he sucks on my tongue, then moves to nibble my bottom lip. A haze of need consumes my every cell as the mounting urge to ride him burns deep.

A tiny whine breaks through my mental fog and I jerk away from Big with a gasp. Not liking that I pulled away, he expels an unhappy grunt as he tries to tug my mouth to his once more.

“Big, our daughter,” I pant, attempting to convince him to stop. It works.

Simultaneously looking down, our daughter stares up at us as content as can be. My lips throb from his touch. I brush my fingers across them with a smile, then lift my gaze to his. The ice-blue of his eyes are gleaming as he stares at me with a predatory grin. Both of our chests heave for oxygen.

He’s the first to speak. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t help myself.”

I keep trying to catch my breath. “It’s okay … I love it when you kiss me like that.”

The grin grows to reach his eyes. “I love you so fuckin’ much.”

“I know, and I love you, too.”

Dropping his head, Big kisses Lee—Harley’s forehead. “And I love you, too, little one. I just wish your mama wasn’t so sexy sometimes. It fucks with Daddy’s head.”

A chuckle bubbles out of me, and I shake my head at how adorable Big is.

Lifting Harley, he moves her lips back to my nipple and helps her latch on. Then he comes back to my lips to peck them one more time. “I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with the two of you. Now let’s get you some more rest.”

That sounds good to me. Only six more weeks and I can fulfill that hunger for Big. Until then, I’m gonna sleep and take care of my daughter as much as possible. I’m the luckiest bitch in the world. Now, let’s see if I can get some shuteye. Why don’t ya join me? You could probably use a nap, too.

Peace.

My baby peacefully asleep in my arms, I continue to rock her, unable to pry myself away. I’ve only been a mom for a short time, but it’s been life changing. I don’t know what I’d do without my little babes.

Pretzel lifts his head off the floor, ears perking just before the sounds of footsteps near. In warning, he growls lowly in his throat.

“It’s just me, Bud,” Big calls right outside the door, and Pretzel ceases the noise.

Since Harley was introduced to our pups, we have been quick to realize his over-protection of me has rubbed off on her. Now he sleeps wherever she is. Goes wherever she goes. And if she cries, he whines along with her, those mismatched eyes pleading with me to make her better. It’s cute in its own way, and a pain in the ass in another. I guess I’m just happy he likes her as much as he does. I was kinda worried about jealousy. Thankfully, there hasn’t been any.

Slowly, Big cracks open the door, swinging it wide. There’s a vase in his hand; a couple bright pink roses poke through the white baby’s breath.

“What are those?” I tip my head toward them.

It’s not like we don’t already have a house full of fragrant flowers. Let’s just say that when the Sacred Sinner’s national Prez has a baby, it’s customary to send congratulations. A simple card, email, or phone call would have sufficed for respect purposes. However, we’ve suddenly been flooded with so much more. Delivery after delivery of flowers—so many that we’ve had to give them away to my Sacred Sisters. The gifts and cards are also just as abundant. So much beer and baby biker shit, it’s wild. Not that I’m ungrateful for the outpouring of love. I’m not. I’m just overwhelmed by it. It definitely hits ya straight in the heart. Deb and Jez have been busy organizing it for me. Pixie would help, too, but with her tat shop, she doesn’t have the time. Beth and Jo do their fair share, as well. I dunno what I’d do without them incredible bitches.

Dressed for business in his cut, jeans, black t-shirt and bandana around his head, Big steps further into the room until his hand caresses the back of our daughter’s sleeping head and he bends down to give me a quick kiss. “How’s my girls doin?” He takes a step away, sets the flowers on her dresser, and then leans against her changing table, his arms folded over his chest.

Out of habit, I continue to stroke Harley’s onesie-clad back. “We’re good. You were only gone for half an hour. You know you should get back to work. We will be fine.”

Big grumbles at my suggestion, his lip curling in disgust. “I don’t wanna work with you two here … and those flowers are from me.” He flips his hand in the direction of them before re-crossing his arms.

“You didn’t have to do that.” I flash him a genuine smile.

“Yeah, I did. A man’s supposed to give his woman a gift when she gives birth. I didn’t have time ‘til now.” He looks uncomfortable as his eyes swap with uncertainty from the flowers back to me.

Taking a closer look at the blooms, so he knows I’m actually paying attention to his gesture, I notice there are three roses inside a gray fairy vase. On the outside, there’s an engraving that I can’t read from this angle. They’re so breathtakingly beautiful that I do a girly dance on the inside. Fuck, he’s perfect most of the time. Um … okay, let’s be real, maybe fifty-fifty.

Meeting his gaze, I mutter, “They’re beautiful, Big.” And he offers me a megawatt grin that makes my dancing insides turn to mush. My heart thumps hard beneath my ribs.

Standing tall, he puffs out his chest proudly. “I’m glad you like ‘em, babe.”

“I do. But you really didn’t have to get me anything.”

Noncommittally, he shrugs. “I wasn’t sure what to get. Then I stopped at the florist and they said roses are Leech’s birth flower. And since pink’s your favorite color, and they’re three of us, I told ‘em to give ya three.”

I can’t believe he put that much thought into this. He really is sweet.

“Thank you,” is all I can seem to force out without going all weeping chick on him.

I thought, after Harley was born, I’d stop feeling so many emotions all the time. That I’d stop crying when I shouldn’t be. Nope. If anything, the shit’s just gotten worse. Yesterday, she made a face when she was pooping and I cried. Like, seriously lost it. Big called my midwife, and she said this is entirely normal. Thank God. For a second, I swear I’d been inhabited by aliens. She promised it should slowly get better. I gotta say, sooner, rather than later, would be preferred.

I take a deep breath.

“Don’t cry again, Sugar Tits.” He looks thoughtful.

Awe fuck! He tells me not to cry so now I’m gonna cry. Here it comes. These stupid waterworks. Tears start their descent down my cheeks and I don’t even try to stop them. My bottom lip trembles. Big wipes the wetness away as it falls, and I cling to Harley for comfort as more emotions plow through. Stupid. Fucking. Chick-mones.

“I gave Beth a job,” he says, returning to his spot, trying to distract me. I know why he’s doing it, but it seems to help nonetheless.

Using the back of my hand, I wipe more tears away, then rub them on my pajama pants. “When does she start?” I blubber.

“I dunno yet.”

How does he not know? When you hire someone, don’t you give them a start date? I know Beth had talked about applying for a job there. But the last I heard, Jonesy is still living at home, which means she’s helping take care of him. And I thought that I was…

“Where does that leave me? What kinda job did you give her? I was gonna run the office there. They need someone in the office to do phones and finances.” The brothers aren’t cut out for that. Gunz has been picking up the slack when he can, but their books are like the dump—a never ending mess of shit. It needs a total overhaul.

Big looks down at his booted feet.

This doesn’t sound good. My tears instantly dry up.

He bites his bottom lip. “I’m givin’ her your job.”

What?!

“What?” I whisper scream.

“You’re a mom. You need to be home with our daughter.” He lifts his head, determined gaze clashing with my raging one. Reflexively, my jaw clenches. “If you wanna work from home, I’m down with that. But I gave her your job, ‘cause you don’t need to be hangin’ ‘round there when ya should be home with our girl.”

Uhh!

Another round of harsh whispering imparts my lips. “I can’t believe you made this choice without consulting me.” He’s lucky that’s all I say when all that I want to do is ream him up one side and down the other.

Now he’s looking a bit squeamish. Do you see him? Shoulders hunched, a scolded look on his face. Good, he should feel sorry. He shouldn’t have done this. Why would he? It’s not like I can’t take care of our daughter and work from there. Jesus, what’s his problem? This isn’t the 1950s. I don’t have to be a good little housewife. Fuck, I’m not even
a wife
for Christ sake.

“I’m not goin’ back to work until after the fourth of July party,” he comments.

Okay, now I’m definitely out of the loop here. Since when are we having a party in less than two weeks? And why is he ignoring what I just said? I swear this man can be so damn frustrating. All I wanna do is knock him upside the head.

“What party?” I ask, trying to be a grownup and not throw a temper tantrum.

“The multi-club party for Harley’s birth and the fourth of July.”

“A what?” I can’t be hearing this. First, he brings me flowers, and now he’s throwing all of this at me. Those flowers don’t seem so sweet anymore. I’ll bet ya they were to butter me up.

“A party. All of the sisters have been helpin’ prepare for it. We’ve got all of our chapters comin’, and our support clubs.”

“Which support clubs?” If he says what I think he’s gonna say, he’s forgiven.

A flicker of anticipation sparks deep within.

Suddenly, Big’s not looking so admonished anymore. Damn, my voice must have given my excitement away.
Way to screw yourself, Bink.

“The Corrupt Chaos and the Crimson Outlaws will both be there.”

Hell ya! He’s forgiven.

“Whisky? Bonez?” There’s no way I can hide my enthusiasm anymore. Sure, a party this close to giving birth isn’t ideal, but I miss my other Sacred Sisters. I love it when we can get together. And seeing Gunz’s brother again is always a nice surprise.

“Yes; she’ll be there. Along with Smoke’s new old lady that we haven’t met, yet. Although, Gunz said she seems meek but sweet.”

Can I get another hell yes?!

“That sounds
great
to me.”

I’m all out smiling now, and my rocking increases as my hand rubs Harley’s back. I can barely contain myself.

Perceptively, Big grins. “
Great,
Sugar Tits. That means you get to attend the party. Not plan or help with it, in any way. You can call Whisky and talk about it. But you’re not to try and take Deb’s reigns. I almost didn’t tell ya ‘cause of that look you’re giving me right now.”

I don’t know what kinda look he’s talking about. Okay, maybe I do. It’s one of pure determination. A hundred different planning concepts are flying through my head at once; from food, to set up, to sleeping arrangements, to club whores. It’s nonstop. I can’t help it. I’ve been doing this for so long, it’s like a second nature to me. Not that I don’t trust Deb. I do. She’s capable, and a damn good old lady. However, I’m a huge control freak and like to be in charge. Guess that’s something Big and I both have in common.

For the sake of not arguing, I let it go—for now. Honestly, I’ll just talk to Deb and she’ll let me help. There’s no use in getting Big all pissed off when I’m gonna get my way, anyhow. “Okay, so what about the job stuff? We’re having a party for the fourth and I get to see my sisters. Now, you’ve given Beth my job. Care to elaborate on what else I’m supposed to do with my time other than be a mom?” My eyes cast down on our sleeping princess, hugging her a little tighter. “As much as I love our daughter, I need more to challenge me.” I lift my gaze to meet his so he knows I mean business.

“What about that book stuff?” he suggests.

“Book stuff?” I think I know what he’s referring to, although I can’t be sure.

“I’ve heard Jez, Pixie, and the other sisters talk to ya about writing a book or two. Why don’t ya do that? I’m sure ya could. Plus, ya get to stay at home with our girl.”

Hum … I don’t know. Not sure if I could write a book. Maybe one day.

Yeah, the sisters have tried to persuade me to write a book about a hundred different times. I’ve always enjoyed writing. And let’s be honest: most people dream of writing a book in their lifetime. It’s just that most of us don’t have the time or the talent to do it. Now that I’ll have the time, I’m not so sure about the talent. Guess that’ll just be another thing I need to seriously contemplate.

Holding his stare, I tuck an errant strand of my hair behind my ear before responding. “I’ll think about it.” I feel that’s a just answer, and the best he’s gonna get right now.

Delivering a stiff nod of acquiesce, Big stops leaning against the table and takes Harley from my grasp. Cradling her in his arms, he then lays her sleeping form in her crib, which we rarely use at this point. For a second, I want to fight with him about taking her from me, but I don’t. I know she can’t be held all the time. If only I could convince Gunz of that then we’d be good to go. Fat chance, though. He’s over here daily to get his grandpa fill. Beth’s even tagged along with him a time or two. I guess they’ve really been taking this friendship, no being alone on the compound, seriously. Since Harley’s been born, I haven’t had much time to talk to her about it. And when I do, she’s vague. I don’t think Beth wants to worry me any more than I already am. That’s who she is, which I respect, even if it irks me sometimes. At least they’re getting along, so that’s all that matters to me.

Okay, that’s enough about them. Between Beth and Jo, I’m tapped out with men drama. Let’s just say Deke and Jo are friends with benefits. However, neither of them seem to communicate very well with each other, which makes them sound worse than Big and I when they finally butt heads. Two days after Harley was born, Deke was over and Jo stopped by. They barely said two words to one another. It was all heated stares and angst. For a moment, I almost called them on their bullshit, until Big intervened and ordered Deke to run some cockamamie errand for him that he couldn’t refuse. At least Jez, Pix, Candy Cane, Deb, and Dixie are in quasi-normal relationships, if you’d consider dating a biker
normal
. That’s for you to decide.