The Diary of Ma Yan (2 page)

In China it is customary to list last names first.
Ma
is Ma Yan's family name. It is also a common surname in this area of China, and although many of Ma Yan's friends have the same family name, most are not related to her. Women in China do not change their names when they marry, so while Ma Yan's father and brothers are named Ma Dongji, Ma Yichao, and Ma Yiting, her mother is known by her maiden name, Bai Juhua.

Ma Yan and the people around her frequently refer to one another as
comrade
, a term that became popular during the Chinese Revolution of the 1940s.

The main Chinese currencies Ma Yan refers to are the fen and the yuan. One hundred fen equals one yuan. In American currency, one yuan is worth approximately twelve cents.

Pages from Ma Yan's diary

The diaries of Ma Yan are divided into two parts. The first part runs from September 2 to December 28, 2000; the second from July 3 to December 13, 2001. The breaks are due to lost notebooks. The sections of this book that explain details of Ma Yan's daily life were written by Pierre Haski.

Ma Yan started school at age eight, one year after most other pupils. Until then she had helped her mother with domestic chores and in the fields. Her first four school years were spent at the elementary school in Zhangjiashu. For her fifth year she went to middle school in Yuwang, a market town twelve and a half miles away from her home. At the time the diary starts, she's living at the Yuwang school during the week and traveling home for the weekends. Her brother Ma Yichao is in the same class as Ma Yan.

When she wrote her first entry, Ma Yan was thirteen and in her last year of elementary school. Her diary stops when she is in the first year of middle school and fourteen years old.

Saturday, September 2 (2000)
It's not very gray

Just like every morning, I wash my face then brush my teeth. Soon the bell rings, marking the beginning of classes. A teacher arrives. He's wearing a blue jacket and black trousers and he has black leather shoes. He explains what he expects of us. I think he's our Chinese teacher.

A second teacher comes in. He tells us never to take things that belong to others and to think very carefully about what we say. Then he starts the lesson and gives us exercises to do. We do the work he's asked of us until class is over.

We go off to eat. Bai Xiaohua, in class three of the fifth year, brings in a pail full of water. We wash our faces and hands and then clean the dormitory. Bai Xiaohua sprinkles water on the floor. Yang Haiyan shakes out the beds. Ma Yuehua and I sweep the floor. Ma Juan has gone out—I don't know where—instead of helping us. Having done the cleaning, we sit down to rest for a bit, until the bell rings again.

Sunday, September 3
A fine day

This morning while I was busy working in class, my father and mother came to visit. They came to Yuwang for the fair. Before going back to it, they said to me, “You must work hard in order to get into the high school for girls.” Then they went.

Monday, September 4
Light rain

This afternoon a teacher showed us some gymnastics. If we can't do them, we have to get out of line and sing or dance. Then we have to start again, until we've managed to get through all the exercises. A few comrades, both boys and girls, finally managed it all, and the teacher congratulated them: “Those who've succeeded can go back to class.”

Finally we all got through and went back to our classrooms.

Tuesday, September 5
Fine weather

This afternoon the music teacher, a twenty-year-old woman with a braid over three feet long, taught us the “Song of the Long March.” She is our only woman teacher. First she sings with us a few times, then she lets us sing in chorus. Then she chooses one of us to sing alone, and another to dance in accompaniment. Everyone gets a turn, row by row. We've only reached the third row when the bell rings.

Wednesday, September 6
A gray day

This afternoon our Chinese teacher gave us an exercise to copy into our notebook. Two boys fought over a pencil,
*
as often happens. Before we even realized what had happened, the teacher had smacked them. I couldn't help but be secretly pleased: these two are the nastiest boys in class.

Thursday, September 7
Fine weather

This morning we had Chinese. The teacher wrote a few questions on the blackboard and asked us to answer them. It's a matter of summarizing a text. He explained to us that if we don't know all the words, we can look them up in a dictionary.

I borrowed one from a friend because my father couldn't buy one for me. I was so busy consulting it that I forgot to write down the rest of the questions, which were then erased.

I asked my cousin, Ma Shiping, to lend me her notebook so that I could copy them out, but she refused. She thinks this is a test, and she doesn't want me to come in first.

It's a little thing, but it makes me realize that I can count on no one.

Friday, September 8
A fair day

This morning during class, our Chinese teacher taught us that in life a man has to act according to two principles: his values and his dignity. This will ensure the respect of others.

At the end of class he warned us to be careful on the road on our way home. Those who have money can get a lift on a tractor for one yuan. The rest of us have to walk. But we mustn't dawdle.

Ma Yan and her parents in front of their house

Ma Yan's family is large. In addition to her paternal grandparents, the village of Zhangjiashu contains the families of her father's four brothers, whom Ma Yan designates according to their chronological age: “first uncle, second uncle,” and so on.

Ma Shiping is her mother's cousin and is two years older than Ma Yan. Their stormy relationship is due to mutual admiration and jealousy. Despite her strong personality and good grades, Ma Shiping had to leave school at the end of the year and devote herself to domestic and farm work until she was married.

Ma Yan's father and mother are quite different from each other. Very tall, with a bowl haircut and taciturn, inhibited manner, Ma Dongji comes from a very poor family. Bai Juhua, Ma Yan's mother, comes from a more well-off family who lives twenty-two miles away. She is chatty and impulsive, with a ready smile and long hair hidden under the white scarf that identifies her as a Chinese Muslim.

Ma Dongji and Bai Juhua have three children; Ma Yan, thirteen in the year 2000, is the eldest. Her two brothers are Ma Yichao and Ma Yiting, ages eleven and nine in 2000.

Saturday, September 9
A fine day

This morning while we were watching a soap opera, my little brothers, who were playing outside, started to shout, “Our grandmother has arrived!”

My mother beamed. I went to join my brothers outside. We skipped rope and kicked a sandbag around. My grandmother and my mother stayed in the house alone. I don't know what they were talking about, but they laughed in a strange way.

Sunday, September 10
It's windy

This morning my grandmother and my parents went to the fair in Yuwang while I was still asleep. My little brothers turned everything upside down, and I was furious. But there's nothing to be done.

Monday, September 11
A fine day

This afternoon my cousin Ma Shiping came to fetch my brother Ma Yichao and me for the walk back to school.

Before letting us go, Mother stopped us to say, “You need to work hard. Even if I have to wear myself out, I'll pay for your studies, but on the condition that your grades are good.”

My mother's words tug at my heart. I understand that every
thing she does is for us. I understand that we're her only hope. Nothing else counts but us.

I have to study hard to make a contribution to my country and my people one day. That's my goal. That's my hope.

Tuesday, September 12
Lovely weather

This afternoon I went out with a couple of classmates to run some errands. They're rich. They're always chomping away at one goodie or another. I watch them, but I can't afford to buy anything. Even chewing gum costs more than ten fen. That's far more than I can manage.

I suddenly realize why Mother hasn't gotten medical help before.
*
It's so that we can keep going to school. School costs tens of yuan all at once. Where does this money come from? It comes from the sweat and hard labor of my parents. Father and Mother are ready to sacrifice everything so that we can go to school. I must work really hard in order to go to a university later. Then I'll get a good job, and Mother and Father will at last have a happy life.

Wednesday, September 13
A lovely day

Today after school my brother Ma Yichao and I went to find our mother. She was at the doctor's on Yuwang's main street. I wanted to leave straight after seeing her in order to get back to school and work. I just needed to stop and buy some shampoo. But Mother wouldn't let us go. She promised that when she was finished with the doctor, she would buy us something to eat.

All three of us went to the market. Mother bought us some food for dinner, but nothing for herself, so we had to eat it alone. I could clearly see that she was hungry and thirsty.

If she's depriving herself like this, it's so that we can live and work.

Thursday, September 14
Good weather

During math class this morning the teacher asked me to distribute the exercise books and to collect the workbooks. There were thirty-seven in all. None can be overlooked.

I don't want to be head of math.
*
But I can't refuse. I can't disappoint the teacher. I have to carry on doing everything I'm asked so that I can do well.

Friday, September 15
Good weather

At eleven in the morning, after the last class of the day, we left school and went home for the weekend. The classes stop at the end of the morning to give us time to get back to our villages. There are seven of us, boys and girls. Two friends, Ma Yuehua and Ma Juan, take a tractor that costs one yuan. The rest of us, including my brother and my cousin, walk.

I'm always afraid on this road. The ravines on either side are very deep, the mountains dangerously steep. Sometimes thieves stop us and demand money.

Ma Yan's home