The Disneyland Book of Secrets 2014: One Local's Unauthorized, Rapturous and Indispensable Guide to the Happiest Places on Earth (92 page)

Ride vehicles, unlike those in the other man
sions, have two rows of seats and are not hooded like
Doom Buggies
.  The ride system works via trackless (not
Omnimover
) technology.
Danny Elfman
scored this mystical adventure.
Mystic Manor
opened in 2013 and is a most unusual version of the
Haunted Mansion
in that it isn’t the home of ghosts so much as it’s the home of archeological objects (Scarabs!  A Tiki statue!  A jade Monkey King!) that come to life due to a magical music box.

Disneyland
’s
Haunted Mansion
is the original and for some Guests the best
Haunted Mansion
of all. It’s set back from the
Esplanade
along the
Rivers of America
, separated from passers-by by a tall fence of wrought iron bars that terminate in sharp, unfriendly arrow points.

Guests queue
along the swooping front walkway of the handsome house and grounds, and pass a white hearse with a harness that floats as if it contains an invisible, ghostly horse.  Listen closely; from time to time, you’ll hear a phantom whinny!

If the line is light, you’ll be allowed right onto the front porch and into the
Foyer
.  On crowded days, the queue is diverted past the southern
Pet Cemetery
with its imaginative statuary and silly epitaphs.  There are gravestones and memorials for pet fish, squirrels, dogs, and even an amphibian friend. 
Old Flybait
, the frog?  According to his tombstone, he croaked on August 9, 1869, 100 years before the mansion opened.  (A second, secluded pet cemetery north of the mansion is generally overlooked by and off-limits to Guests.)

Note that on crowded days the queue is double-columned.  When the
FastPass
system is in effect, between October and New Year’s Day, one queue is for
FastPass
Guests only.  However, during the rest of the year, when there’s no
FastPass
line,
both
queues are fair game for Guests.  First-time visitors and even veteran park-goers either don’t know or forget that they can stand in either line, and one line remains relatively empty.  You can step into
that
queue and cut your wait time substantially!

Both columns switchback through a series of snaking rails that, in the best
Disneyland
tradition, keep Guests moving so they always feel like they’re getting somewhere.  You’re in the side yard of the mansion, near a hillside cloaked with trees and greenery.

This hill is part of the
berm
that shelters the park from the outside world, and hides the opening of the
Disneyland Railroad
tunnel that trains enter upon departing the nearby
New Orleans Square Train Station
.  (You’re going to be strolling a subterranean tunnel under that very
berm
in a few moments!)

You can pass the time in this part of the queue by reading the creative inscriptions on the
wall of crypts against the
berm
hill.  Under the green tree boughs, with birds singing and a train whistle periodically piercing the air, you can ponder the mortality of
Rustin Peece
,
Theo Later
, and
Ray N. Carnation
.

You’ll notice that the line moves in fits and starts.  That’s because Cast Members load large groups of Guests into each elevator
, ah, that is,
stretching room
, dozens at a time.  Soon you’ll find yourself on the mansion’s side porch, then the front porch.  Many Guests try to peek into the windows, but they’re curtained, blocking the interior from view.  And remember–the house is largely a shell, so there’s not a lot to see anyway.  The mansion’s ground floor contains a dim
Foyer
, the two massive elevators and a Cast Member break room hidden from and off-limits to Guests.

Once your group is waved into the
Foyer
, you’ll have a few moments in that room to look around and let your eyes adjust to the dim light.  If it’s a crowded day, the somber, green-clad Cast Members who direct you will pack as many Guests as possible into the limited space.  Be proactive; when you enter the
Foyer
, move as far into the room as you can.  Hold tight to any little ones in your party, and don’t let go of them at any point until you’re finally in your
Doom Buggy
.  It’s easy to lose track even of grown-up group members in the dimly lit mansion’s crowds.

The
Foyer
is your first clue that however handsome the exterior is, the inside is decaying.  Mirrors are freckled and chipped.  The chandelier and dripping, untrimmed candles flicker faintly.  Note the spider web patterns worked into the décor, especially the wood floor.

The wallpaper is pretty but faded, and its pattern, the more you regard it, is rather disturbing, a busy design that evokes pharaoh
onic headdresses, and sharp-winged insects.  (If you like the wallpaper, you used to be able to order it for your own use at
www.gothicmanor.com
,
but, alas, the site no longer exists). An unseen organ plays a doleful instrumental rendition of
Grim, Grinning Ghosts
, the attraction’s theme song, penned by
Imagineer
X. Atencio
as a unifying element linking the diverse chambers and set pieces.

Most Guests, even frequent park-goers, don’t notice that there are
two
sets of
Foyer
doors that lead Guests to two almost identical
Stretching Rooms
.  Guests who notice both sets of doors usually assume one set is a dummy, or is for Cast Member use.

After a brief wait, the attraction’s chillingly delightful narration begin
s.  Voice actor
Paul Frees
provides just the right tone to unnerve any Guests not yet unnerved.  He sounds suavely amused, as if he’s in on a ghoulish joke that we’re not yet aware of–but soon will be.  He’s like a ghostly cat playing with its food.

As
the
Ghost Host
speaks, one set of doors slides open and Guests are herded into one of the octagonal
Stretching Rooms
.  It looks normal enough on the surface, if in need of a dusting.  Grim family portraits adorn the walls.  After packing everyone in, the attending Cast Member suggests that Guests move toward “the dead center” of the room for the best view.  Keep hold of your children in the press, and be prepared to give their hand a reassuring squeeze if the
Stretching Room
proves scary for them.  If you have toddlers or very small children, you might want to pick them up and hold them during this part of the journey.

Frees
’ narration will resume numerous times throughout the ride; like the music, it unifies the journey and adds texture to the experience.  He’s a gifted voice actor whom millions have also heard in roles as varied as Boris Badenov, the Burgermeister Meisterburger of the Claymation classic “Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town,” and Boo Berry.  It’s
Frees
’ opening monologue in the
Foyer
, written by
X. Atencio
, that establishes the attraction’s darkly funny tone:

When hinges creak in doorless chambers,

and strange and frightening sounds echo through the halls,

whenever candle lights flicker where the air is deathly still,

that is the time when ghosts are present,

practicing their terror with ghoulish delight,

and then as Guests enter the
Stretching Room
(aka the
Portrait Gallery
):

Welcome, foolish mortals, to the Haunted Mansion.

I am your host–your Ghost Host.

Kindly step all the way in, please,

and make room for everyone.

There’s no turning back now.

Our tour begins here, in this gallery,

where you see paintings of some of our guests

as they appeared in their corruptible, mortal state.

A
nd then the
Stretching Room
ceiling seems to stretch up, up, up, revealing hilariously grisly demises for the family members depicted, ranging from dynamite to quicksand to a snapping alligator:

Your cadaverous pallor betrays an aura of foreboding,

almost as though you sense a disquieting metamorphosis.

Is this haunted room actually stretching?

Or is it your imagination, hm
m?

And consider this dismaying observation:

This chamber has no windows, and no doors,

which offers you this chilling challenge:

to find a way out.

Of course, there’s always
my
way.

At that point the room plunges into pitch-black darkness!  There’s thunder, and a flash of lightning draws everyone’s gaze upward where Guests see a grisly skeleton hanging by the neck from a swaying noose high in the mansion’s cupola.  Smart-alecks and genuinely unnerved Guests will shriek and shout at this grim sight, soon joined by the blood-curdling shriek on the narrative soundtrack, and then the room goes dark again.

Is that
really
a skeleton hanging inside the cupola?  Yes … and no.  It’s a skeleton, but a fake one.  A really good, really scary fake.  It becomes visible when the paper-thin, painted scrim masquerading as the ceiling of the
Stretching Room
is backlit.

The gargoyle-clasped lights
flicker to life again, and a door slides open in the wall, the long, sinister-looking corridor beyond it seeming to beckon Guests out of a frying pan and into a fire.  As Guests pour into the
Portrait Corridor
, which is actually the tunnel under the
berm
, lined with windows that give bleary views of perpetually bad weather, and portraits that morph from happy scenes to infernal ones, the
Ghost Host
continues to taunt Guests:

Oh, I didn’t mean to frighten you prematurely.

The real chills come later.

Now, as they say, “look alive,” and we’ll continue our little tour.

And let’s all stay together, please.

Particularly on crowded days, and especially if the other elevator recently emptied into the corridor, or if there’s a delay in loading up ahead, “staying together” won’t be a problem for Guests; everyone get
crushed up against everyone else in the flickering, dim light.

K
eep hold of your small kids or carry them, or they can easily get left behind or swept into another group.  Many Guests are so focused on the effects of this room and the thrill of nearing the boarding area that they’re not thinking of safety or looking where they’re going.

There are several prominent ghosts who have retired here

from creepy old crypts all over the world.

Actually, we have 999 happy haunts here,

but there’s room for a thousand.

Any volunteers?  If you insist on lagging behind,

you may not need to volunteer.

If you have small children (or anyone in your party) who is too scared to continue at this point, there is a “chicken exit” on your left.  It leads to a secret graveyard outside the gallery; bear left and follow the “Return To The Park” signs to return above ground near the exterior crypts.

At the end of the long corridor are the aforementioned busts, a dour and ill-matched couple if ever there was one.  How did
Imagineers
create the effect of the busts turning to watch you?  Like the fire in the
Pirates of the Caribbean
finale, the secret is so ingenious but so simple that once you know it, the effect will probably be spoiled for you forever (and ever).  In today’s online age, there are places you can find out, if you really want to know, but I won’t tell you here.

As you bear right and approach the boarding area, the corridor narrows, subtly forcing Guests to organize into little groups of two or three, the maximum number of occupants for each
Doom Buggy
.  Some Guests halt and form little knots that bottleneck the loading process; hence the
Ghost Host
’s command to “step lively”.  If you can manage it as you hurry along, notice the sublimely huge cobwebs and the ornate candelabra that line the final stretch as you approach your
Doom
…
Buggy
, that is!

If you’re sipping a soda or munching food, there’s a final dark green trash c
ontainer where you can pitch it.  It’s dark and rather cramped in the
Doom Buggies
, so toss your drinks and snacks
before
boarding; you’ll be more comfortable while riding, and won’t spill food or drinks on yourself or your companions when startled!

Guests
step onto a moving walkway; you might be familiar with the conveyer-belt type contraption from airports.  You should, as the
Ghost Host
recommended, “step lively” and climb right into your dead-black
Omnimover
vehicle.  If you need assistance, alert the Cast Member who’s treading the moving walkway backwards and forwards, a seasoned virtuoso.  Guests in wheelchairs or ECVs board from a special queue; speak to the Cast Member on the front porch outside the
Haunted Mansion
if you have special access requirements.  (Usually when the
Omnimovers
briefly slow or stop, that means an elderly or disabled Guest is being loaded or unloaded, so be patient during those delays.)

And now, a carriage approaches to carry you

into the boundless realm of the supernatural.

Take your loved ones by the hand, please,

and kindly watch your step.

Oh, yes, and no flash pictures, please!

We spirits are frightfully sensitive to bright light.

Why the
emphasis on no flash photos?  There’s often someone that doesn’t listen, so you might see for yourself how camera flashes break the spooky mood and destroy some of the effects.  Please
don’t
be one of the flash-happy Guests who spoils the journey!

Once you’re
seated in your
Omnimover
you’re drawn past an eerie, misty landscape toward a
Grand Staircase
, and the
Ghost Host
provides more advice:

Do not pull down on the safety bar, please; I will lower it for you.

And heed this warning:  the spirits will materialize

only if you remain quietly seated at all times.

The safety bar does lower itself automatically, just before your
Doom Buggy
is drawn up the steep staircase.  The safety bar lowers itself with an abrupt snap, so make sure you and your small ones are safely seated, sitting up straight and well back within the funereal hood of your
Doom Buggy
.

Everything up to this point has been delightfully creepy
indeed, and there are plenty more “hot and cold running chills” on tap as you reach the darkness at the top of the stairs, dark as darkness of a deep well.

You’re confronted first by a
clanking suit of armor standing guard over an
Infinite Hallway
in which a lit candelabra floats, casting what appear to be infinite reflections.  There’s a wine-colored easy chair opposite the possessed armor; according to
Steven M. Barrett
’s book
Disneyland’s Hidden Mickeys
, you might be able to discern a scary-looking
Donald Duck
face in the pattern and shadows of this chair.

There was a time when the suit of armor held a real
, live Cast Member who frightened visitors, but it was deemed too scary for too many Guests, some of whom actually attacked the costumed Cast Members!

This isn
’t an unusual reaction for haunted house visitors who find themselves more scared than they expected.  In October of 2008, my siblings and I, being big fans of Halloween, celebrated our sister’s birthday by visiting a haunted house in Pasadena–during the daylight, of course!

Every year a group of set designers and actors set
s up shop in the abandoned cellar of an old commercial building on Colorado Boulevard, near Old Town Pasadena.  They decorate the space with fearsome film and television horror props so that it looks like a dungeon crossed with an evil scientist’s lair, a crypt, a graveyard, and Freddy Krueger’s dream home.

At night, visitors pay to navigate this cellar in the dark, while horrifyingly costumed actors jump out at them from every corner, and even trap them (at least temporarily) in a rigged hall with no egress.

We paid to visit in the daylight, with the working lights on, while one of the genial masterminds behind the haunted house gave us a tour.  It was, of course, not on par with the
Haunted Mansion
, but for an amateur endeavor it was impressively creepy, gory, and terrifying.

When we asked if the costumed actors were ever attacked by frightened visitors who were getting more than they bargained for, our guide immediately answered “Oh, yes.”  It was a common reaction for
terrified visitors to shove, kick, and punch the actors, a hazard of the gig.

From the
Infinite
(or
Endless
)
Hallway
, your
Doom Buggy
coasts into the
Conservatory
.  Traditionally conservatories are either greenhouses or music rooms.  In the
Haunted Mansion
, you get the greenhouse effect: A multitude of window panes beyond which a dark landscape glowers, and a collection of plants that appear to be rotting and moldering before your eyes even as you slip past.  But mainly you get the creepy scene of a coffin lying in state, and withered, greenish hands trying to push it open to the accompaniment of muffled cries of “Let me out!”

This is an image that feeds on some of our deepest fears.  First, there’s the terror of being buried alive, a phobia chillingly presented by American horror genius Edgar Allan Poe in numerous stories including “The Fall of the House of Usher” and “The Cask of Amontillado”
.

Then, of course, there’s our fear of things that
are
dead, and
should
be at rest, coming out of their coffins and graves to get us, the dark side of resurrection mythology, explored endlessly in every media, from serious novels like Bram Stoker’s “Dracula,” published in 1899, to director George Romero’s undying (so to speak) 1968 classic chiller “Night of the Living Dead,” to the darkly comic hit “Zombieland” which was released in October of 2009 and AMC’s critically acclaimed, Golden Globe-nominated, Emmy Award-winning zombie series “The Walking Dead” which debuted in 2010.

Whatever’s happening with that fellow trying to push his way out of the
Haunted Mansion
’s coffin, it’s unsettling for Guests, as is the ink-black raven that appears throughout the journey and makes his sinister debut here.  (Before the introduction of
Frees
’
Ghost Host
narration, the raven was going to narrate Guests’ journeys.)

Still trembling from the
Conservatory
, your next visit is the
Corridor of Doors
(or
Haunted Hallway of Doors
), where the
Ghost Host
observes that the haunts can “hardly contain themselves,” a rather obvious remark, given the disturbing cacophony of moans, groans, snarls, growls, sobs, and pounding fists from behind the doors, and the shuddering, shaking, and stretching contortions of the doors themselves!

For some Guests this is the most frightening part of the tour. 
In a hallway where the portraits depict monsters and skeletons, and the wallpaper literally has eyes, hearing and seeing vicious haunts trying to burst through the heavy doors to attack Guests is one of the most unsettling parts of the journey!

The threat feels imminent and primal. 
Imagineers
found inspiration not only in venues like the Winchester Mystery House that
Ken Anderson
once visited, but in watching scary movies of the era; the
Corridor of Doors
is one place where Guests really feel as if they’ve broken the fourth wall and motored into one of the most terrifying scenes of a horror film.

Note:  Guests who are more enchanted than terrified by the spooky wal
lpaper in this haunted hallway used to be able to order it for their own house at now-defunct
www.gothicmanor.com
.

Similarly, you could order a replica of the next eerie artifact Guests encounter, a clock that rotates counter-clockwise, ticking off thirteen, rather than twelve, hours. It has a demon’s face, and a demon’s tail for the pendulum.  This reassuring sight is further warmed by the shadow of an enormous claw that periodically rakes the clock

Gliding from this scene, shaken Guests enter
one of the mansion’s most popular chambers, the
Séance Room
(or
Séance Circle
).  Here the
Doom Buggies
follow a circular route around the edges of a dark room where a woman’s disembodied head speaks from a crystal ball. Our sinister friend the raven perches on a chair back, and luminescent musical instruments (bell, drum, harp, tambourine, trumpet, and so forth) float high above us and play notes in response to the medium’s sing-song words.

You probably won’t be in the
Séance Room
long enough to hear the medium’s entire incantation (although you might; my
Doom Buggy
always seems to stall in here).  But you’ll certainly hear enough to make the hair on the back of your neck stand on end, particularly when the instruments obey her ghoulish words, seemingly inspired by the witches’ spells in “Macbeth”:

Serpents and spiders, tail of a rat,

call in the spirits wherever they’re at.

Rap on a table, it’s time to respond;

Send us a message from somewhere beyond.

Goblins and ghoulies from last Halloween,

awaken the spirits with your tambourine.

Creepies and crawlies, toads in a pond,

let there be music from regions beyond.

Wizards and witches wherever you dwell,

g
ive us a hint by ringing a bell.

According to the
Ghost Host
, this cheery little ditty is
Madame Leota
’s
attempt to coax the mansion’s spirits into materializing.  The medium is called
Madame Leota
in honor of Cast Member
Leota Thomas
née
Toombs
, whose lovely pale face we see coldly projected in the crystal ball.