The Doctor She Always Dreamed Of (14 page)

She opened the door and stood in the hallway, waiting, completely unprepared for the sight of him walking toward her, his gait in no way feminine, carrying his briefcase. He wore a flowy, multicolored dress that fell to a few inches above his ankles, which were covered in thick navy blue tights that disappeared into his sneakers.

“I know,” he said, looking down. “The sneakers don't match.” He said it like he'd really wanted to match, and she fell a little bit more in love with him. “But I have size thirteen feet. That's a men's thirteen. We tried dozens of pairs of women's shoes and couldn't find any suitable ones that fit, except for a pair of bright red heels, if you can believe that. But no way am I wearing heels.”

She ran to hug him. “We?”

“I made Krissy come to Goodwill to help me put an outfit together.” He hugged her back. “It was the least she could do.”

“She
did
ask if I wanted her to come right home.” Kira wasn't ready to release him yet, so she didn't. “But I knew she had plans to meet up with some friends she hasn't seen in a while. Why should we both have to sit around the condo?”

“You're too nice.” He gave her a squeeze. “How's your mom?”

“Resting.” She stepped back to get a good look at his face. Foundation covered any hint of razor stubble. Black liner and purple shadow highlighted his eyes, blush brightened his cheekbones, and a red lipstick colored his lips. “I like you better as a man, but you make an okay looking woman.” Not drag queen pretty, but passable. Her gaze dropped to his breasts.

“I know.” He nodded proudly as he caressed his womanly form. “They look real, right?”

She couldn't help but laugh.

“What?” he asked, obviously offended.

“So big?”

“Krissy and I decided I was a big guy so I needed a big rack.” He adjusted his rack. “You should see the size of the bra I've got on. I could launch watermelons with it.” He twisted. “It looks cool, but it's not all that comfortable. I don't know how you women do it.”

She poked one of his boobs. “What have you got in there?”

“Socks,” he said, itching his head through a black page boy wig then fussing with his synthetic bangs. “The lady at Goodwill is going to have one very unhappy customer at her register first thing tomorrow morning if I find anything crawling on my scalp when I take this wig off later.”

Kira covered her mouth to keep from howling in laughter.

“Yeah, very funny. I did all this for you.” He motioned up and down in front of himself. “You should see the contraption we had to rig up to keep the tights from falling down around my ankles. The crotch is hanging down by my knees.”

Kira couldn't hold it in any longer. She laughed out loud. It felt especially good after all the stress and worry of the past few hours. She wanted to tell him how much she appreciated him and loved him. But admitting that would be a huge mistake. So she settled for a sincere, “Thank you.” It wasn't enough.
It'll have to do
.

“You're welcome.” He looked down at her. “You going to let me in?”

That's when Kira realized she was blocking the door. “I don't know.” She glanced over her shoulder. “I just got her quieted down.”

“Let me in,” he said, his voice calm, his big warm hand cupping her cheek. “Let me examine her.”

“But what if...” she recognized that he was a man. “She might...” hurt him or hurt herself.

“It's going to be fine,” he said, so sure of himself. “At least let me try.”

She wanted him to try, really, but...

He placed his hand on her arm and applied a gentle pressure. “You're going to need to move.”

“Wait. Let me get something.” Kira ran to her room, unlocked the cabinet where she kept Mom's meds, and grabbed an injectable sedative and a syringe, just in case. Then she returned to the door. “Okay.” She held up her hand.

“You're not going to need that.”

“Let's hope you're right.” Better to be prepared than unprepared.

Derrick followed her into the living room. Lord help her, he was taller than any woman Kira had ever met.
Please don't let Mom notice
.

When they reached Mom's recliner, Kira said, “Mom, the doctor's here to see you.”

Mom turned her head slowly, blinking, as if trying to focus.

Please don't focus too hard
.

“Mrs. Peniglatt,” Derrick said. His voice came out deep.

Mom's eyes went wide and wary as she shifted in her chair, moving away from him.

Kira clutched the syringe.

Derrick cleared his throat. The next attempt came out higher, like a woman with a head cold accompanied by a sore throat. “I'm De...Debbie Limone. Dr. Debbie Limone. Kira said you weren't feeling well.”

Mom glanced at Kira nervously.

“It's okay,” Kira told her. “I'll be right here the whole time.”

With that reassurance, Mom relaxed a little bit. And Derrick got to work. He took his time and explained what he was about to do before he did it. So kind and gentle. Mom watched his every move, staring at his face, his eyes in particular, concentrating longer and harder than she had in years. Derrick spoke softly in his strange new voice, the sound almost mesmerizing Mom. She didn't fight or argue. Just kept staring.

Before Kira knew it, Derrick was packing up. “It was very nice meeting you, Mrs. Peniglatt,” he said.

Mom turned her attention back to the television.

“We can talk in the kitchen.” Kira walked that way. Derrick walked beside her, a big, cocky smile on his face. “What?” she asked.

“Your mom totally bought it.” He'd lowered his voice back to normal.

“Shh.” Kira pushed him into the kitchen then peeked around the corner. Thank goodness Mom hadn't heard. When she turned around Derrick was there, pulling her into a hug.

“And how are you?” he asked as he dropped a kiss on the top of her head.

She cuddled into his embrace, loving the feel of his strong arms wrapped around her, trying to ignore the feel of his ‘big rack' pressing up against her chest. “I'm fine.” Now. “Thank you for coming.”

“I promised I would,” he said, lifting her chin, looking into her eyes. “I'll always be here for you if you need me. No matter what.”

The honesty in his eyes and the sincerity in his tone gave Kira a sense of security she hadn't felt in over a decade.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

O
N
M
ONDAY
MORNING
, Derrick busied himself at his desk, waiting for Kira, looking forward to her arrival as much as he was dreading it.

On exam, her mother's lungs had been clear, her abdomen soft with good bowel sounds, and her ears, nose, and throat within normal limits. She was urinating and moving her bowels regularly without complaint. His initial thought was she'd picked up a virus of some sort that would run its course and in a few days she'd be back to her usual self.

That'd gotten Kira nervous about what types of germs she and Krissy were bringing home as a result of working in a doctor's office. At which time Derrick took the opportunity to remind her she had three different aides caring for her mother. Any one of them could have unknowingly exposed her mother to a virus.

On Friday, her mom still running a temperature, Kira had taken the day off.

Fine. No problem.

On Saturday, Krissy had pulled him aside to see if he and Kira were fighting. Apparently she'd been especially quiet and withdrawn on Friday night.

Not a good sign.

While writing a note to remind himself to call Mr. Simmons about his liver function tests, Derrick felt someone watching him. He looked up to see Kira standing in his doorway.

“Morning.” She gave him a small smile that didn't reach her tired eyes. She held a business-sized white envelope in her hands. A resignation letter, he had no doubt. “Do you have a few minutes?”

Don't do this
.

He wanted to say, “No, now get to work,” then avoid her all day, all week if necessary, just so he wouldn't have to hear what she was about to say. But eventually she'd track him down. So he said, “Sure,” motioning to the chairs in front of his desk. The desk where he'd made frenzied love to her not too long ago. “Sit.”

“I'd rather stand.” She reached out to hand him the envelope.

He didn't take it.

She set it down in front of him. “I'm giving notice.”

“God, Kira.” He stood. “Don't do this.”

“I can't be so far away from my mother.”

“The aide called. You rushed home. Everything worked out fine.”

“But what if it was something more serious?” She looked up at him. “I paced that platform for twenty minutes waiting for the train, worrying myself sick. What if she flew into a rage and hurt herself or heaven forbid the aide? What if she needed emergency care and the aide had to call an ambulance and it took me an hour to get to her? What then?”

“You can't be with her twenty-four hours a day,” he pointed out. “Even if you were working in the city it would take you time to get to her.”

“Yes, but I'd be a taxi or subway ride away. I wouldn't have to beg for a ride then wait for the train and sit there all stressed out while it made stop after stop, each one delaying my arrival to the city where I'd then have to grab a cab or catch the subway to get home. Have you ever tried to catch a cab outside of Grand Central Station? Good luck.”

“So that's it, then. Your mind is made up.”

She wouldn't look at him. “I'll stay until I've hired and trained my replacement.”

He didn't want a replacement. He wanted her. “What will you do for a job?”

She walked over to his bookcase and pushed in a medical journal that didn't line up with the rest. “WCHC offered me my job back.” She glanced over. “With a raise.”

He plopped down into his chair, realizing he would never be able to pay her what she's worth...and he wasn't enough to make her stay.

“It's too good an offer to pass up,” she said, staring at the row of journals.

“Of course it is.” He didn't care, but asked anyway, “What happened?”

“Your mother's inadequate home health care plan alerted me to a bigger problem within the company. I was only able to do a preliminary investigation before my boss fired me, but I'd forwarded what I had to the board of directors. They investigated further. The results of that investigation led them to terminate the CEO and offer me my job back.”

“With a raise.” Lucky Kira. He should be happy for her, but he couldn't get past the misery of losing her. Because no doubt in his mind, today, when she left his office, it'd be for the last time. And not only would she leave her office manager's job behind. She'd also be leaving him.

“With a raise,” she repeated quietly.

“What about us?”

“I told you we had no future, Derrick,” she answered. “This is for the best.”

“No it's not.”

She still wouldn't look at him. “Better to end things now, before it gets any harder.”

“It can't possibly get any harder.” He stood again. “I'm in love with you.” He walked toward her. “I love you, Kira.” He took her hands in his, bringing them up to his mouth for a kiss. “We can figure out a way to make this work.”
Fight for us, damn it
.

“We can't.” She shook her head. “I have a responsibility to take care of my mother. She will always come first in my life.”

“What life?” he raged. “You have no life. You go from work to home and home to work. You can't be happy.”

“I'm not
un
happy,” she said calmly.

“And that's good enough for you? To live a life that's not unhappy as opposed to one that's happy? One that includes a man who loves you? A man who understands your responsibility to your mother, who accepts it and wants to help? We can find a way—”

“No.”

Damn it. Derrick wanted to shake her. “You won't even try?”

“Don't you get it?” She threw up her hands. “I
have
tried. Not recently, but early on.”

“None of those men were me,” he told her.

“I know you think you're different.” Her eyes softened. “In many ways, you are. But over time you'll want to see more of me. You'll start to resent all the time I spend with my mother, time you can't be a part of. We'll fight. And just when I allow myself to believe it will work, just when I allow myself to fall in love and dream of a future with you, you'll leave.”

“No I won't.”

“You will!” Tears filled her eyes. “Like every man in my life before you has, and I can't go through that again.” She shook her head. “I won't. It's too...hard. We end now. Today.”

“If you need to go back to work in the city, fine. I understand. But why do we have to end? I can visit as Debbie. We can get your mom used to me. Then gradually I'll transition into Derrick. Step by step. Lose the boobs one week the skirt the next. The wig.”

She shook her head, blotting her eyes with a tissue she'd taken from his desk. “For a normal person, sure, great idea, but my mother's memory is impaired. She won't remember. Each time you come to visit will be like the first time she's met you. It won't work.”

How could she be sure if she wouldn't even try? Damn frustrating woman. And that made him mad. He strode to his desk, picked up her resignation letter and ripped it down the middle. “Fine. If you're worried about being so far from your mom, if you're so certain I'm like every other man before me that you won't even give me a chance to prove you wrong, then leave today. There's no need for you to stay.” He couldn't bear the thought of seeing her every day and not being able to taste her or touch her, of knowing she didn't care for him as much as he cared for her, knowing her presence had an end date and there was nothing he could do to make her stay.

“But—”

“You have a great job waiting for you. Go,” he said, louder than he'd intended. “I managed to get by without you when I started my practice, I can do it again now.” Of course it'd be easier now after all the hard work she'd done to get things organized and running smoothly.

“I'm sorry,” she said again.

And he lost it. “Not sorry enough to try anything that might give us a chance.” He loved her and hated her at the same time.

“You don't understand.” She sounded weary. “I
have
tried. And I don't have it in me to try again. My heart...” she clutched her hand to her chest, “my heart can't handle another failed attempt.”

He didn't want to hear anymore. “Get out.” He pointed to the door.

She just stood there.

“Fine. You're fired. Your services are no longer needed. I'll send your final check home with your sister. Goodbye. Have a nice life.” Since she wouldn't leave his office, he did.

As mad as he was, he didn't want Kira walking to the train station in rush hour traffic. So he asked Sara to drive her and Bonnie to cover the desk while she did.

* * *

Kira returned to her job at WCHC on Wednesday. Although she'd been thrilled to see Connie and most of the members of her staff again, by the following Wednesday she missed working at the family practice something fierce. She missed riding the train with Krissy, missed Sara and Bonnie, missed the patients. But most of all, she missed Derrick.

“For the record, I think you're an idiot,” Krissy said, from across their kitchen table. “Derrick is a great guy. He's crazy about you and you dumped him like yesterday's trash.”

Kira could have argued, but she didn't have the energy. “How is he?”

“Grumpy.” Kira pushed away her plate and sat back in her chair. “Same as you.”

“It was for the best.” Maybe if she said it enough times she'd believe it.

Krissy shot her a knowing look. “Thinking that help you sleep better at night?”

Despite feeling a bone deep exhaustion, all the time, Kira couldn't sleep. Somehow Krissy knew.

“Damn it, Kira.” Krissy crumpled up her napkin and threw it onto the table. “You're the smartest, strongest, most resourceful person I know. If anyone could find a way for you and Derrick to be together, you can. Yet you won't.” Krissy studied her with narrowed eyes, as if trying to see deep into her mind. “Why?”

Because she loved Derrick, because the longer their relationship lasted the more that love would grow...the more it would hurt when he left, like all the men in her life always did. But she wouldn't share that fear with Krissy. Instead she said, “For starters, how about he lives and works up in Westchester County and Mom and I live here?”

“So you move.” Krissy made it sound like it was no big deal. “What's keeping you here?”

“Martha, Ingrid, and Tippy.” The three aides who covered the shifts working with Mom.

“You're nice to them and you talk to them but you're always so busy planning, managing and scheduling you don't really listen, do you?” Krissy crossed her arms over her chest.

Feeling parched, Kira reached for her glass and took a sip of iced tea. “What are you talking about?”

“Tippy. She's been here the longest. She loves you like a daughter and for some reason she loves Mom, too.”

“So?”

“Her son went into the Navy.”

“I know that.”

“She's lonely in her apartment without him. Says she's thinking of moving upstate to be with her sister. Get out of the city, fresh air, yada, yada, yada.”

“Oh, my God.” Kira's brain went into overdrive. “What will I do without Tippy?”

“See?” Krissy slapped her palm on the table. “That's your problem. Right away you're so worried about your precious schedule of coverage that you're missing out on a potential opportunity.”

“And what might that be?”

“Now hear me out.” She held up both hands. “What if you decide to move up to Westchester?”

“I can't—”

Krissy held up a finger. “I said to hear me out, now listen. I could tell how much you loved managing Derrick's office. You were damn good at it, too. What if you moved up there? What if you asked Tippy to move in with you as a live-in caregiver? That would get her out of her apartment filled with memories of her son. She wouldn't be lonely. She'd be in the country.”

“Someplace with a fenced-in yard.” Kira warmed to the idea. “Where Mom could get outside and maybe have a garden.”

“That's right,” Krissy said, nodding dreamily, as if lost in a memory. “I remember Mom saying one day she wanted to move to the country so she could have a big beautiful garden.”

If only. Kira shook her head. “This is silly.” To hope. To allow herself to dream of something she could never have. “So many things would have to happen for me to be able to pull that off. Even if I could, Derrick probably hates me anyway.” Her heart twitched uncomfortably at the thought.

“He doesn't hate you,” Krissy said.

How could she be so sure?

“All I'm suggesting,” she went on. “Is rather than flat out saying no, it will never work, give you and Derrick and a future together some more thought. And you, uh,” she stood and carried her dishes to the sink, “may want to figure it out sooner rather than later.”

“Why?” Kira stacked Mom's plate and utensils onto her own plate.

“Because...I'm leaving.”

Kira shot out of her chair. “You're what? When?” Kira had gotten used to having her around. “Why?” When they were finally starting to get along?

“First time's a charm,” Krissy said, holding her arms out at her sides. “I'm pregnant.”

Kira knew she should be happy for her sister but she just...couldn't...

“Don't look so sad,” Krissy said. “This is a good thing.” If it was so good, why did her smile look forced? “My friend Zac scored us two primo assignments on Oahu. Hawaii, baby.” She made that hang loose sign with both hands and wiggled them. “I am going to have some fun in the sun while I can still rock my bikini.”

“Krissy—”

“Three months with an option for three more.” She slid the tips of her fingers into the front pockets of her tight jeans. “Then I'll come back to New York. I'll find a nice steady job that keeps me in one place, just like you want. I'll get my very own apartment where I will finally settle down as I prepare for motherhood.”